• Member Since 11th Dec, 2014
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Arian Blaze


Friendship is butt stuff and lots of shaky toys xD

E

Parents and children argue, it's a natural occurrence. Although, for Spike and Twilight Sparkle, enough is enough. Neither dragon nor pony can stand it any longer. Spike leaves and says he'll never come back . . . What will happen to the Princess of Friendship?


I'd like to thank Lopito-Loopsona, Fracturedheart and the lovely VitalSpark for editing and proofreading this for me. Thanks, guys, it really means a lot. :rainbowkiss:

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 54 )

Sho much fluff.:rainbowkiss::pinkiesad2: SOMEBODY CANONIZE THIS!!!:flutterrage:

Right in the feels.

It's a very beautiful little story. Well done!

6914916 Awwh, thank you, Vital! :rainbowkiss:

6914965 Great story just.....heart-wrenching.

6914990 Yes. Ht me right in the feels. I always saw Twilight and Spike's relationship more of mother-and-son than brother-and-sister.

6914997 I'm just hoping that one day the show will make it canon that Twilight is Spike's mother. She hatched him out of his egg for crying out loud!!! Plus I'm pretty sure that she was the first pony that Spike ever saw, so he must have imprinted onto her.

6915002 Oh my Celestia, I would love that to be canon!

6915036 I doubt it'll happen, but a man can dream.

6915038 A girl can too. :derpytongue2:

6914680 Yesh, they should! :flutterrage::rainbowkiss:

6914851 The link you sent me doesn't seem to work on my phone or laptop...

6915434 Odd, it works fine on my laptop. FWIW, it's a link to "My Best Girl" from Mame.

6915468 I'll have a listen to it later.

I like it. I always thought that a mother doesn't have to be bonded to her children by blood. If she raised them like how she would if they were her flesh and blood, then I think it would be the case that she would be their mother. It's a bit of a complicated case, obviously, with the species difference and the fact that they aren't related by blood, but I think that this story handled it quite well.

I didn't spot any obvious errors or typos so I believe that the people who you sent to proofread it too did a great job on that.

I felt a few tears coming on but it didn't roll down my face. I do like it, though. Great work!

I... I really, really, wanted to like this. Well actually let me rephrase. I really wanted to love this story, but I can't bring myself to.

The beginning argument didn't make sense Spike even addressed that her getting on his case had no real backing. Though I suppose that may have been the intention, an argument between mother and child with the parent having nothing but frustration to make their argument. Aside from that the parts where Spike left seemed way too short and simple, and without a realistic amount of time for Spike to cool down.
It just seemed a little skimmed over. Leaving not much showing in this and too much telling.
Also the interaction between Spike and Twilight post-fight felt, for lack of a better word, forced. You made it seem in the story that similar fights had happened before, just having not ended as explosive, yet Spike seemed to have some weird sort of epiphany and called Twilight mom for no reason other than that's what the story was about.

To sum it up, you didn't give enough detail it background for there to really an emotional root to be taken and build off into a realistic climax. It just seemed flat. Like I knew what was going to be said from the first paragraph.

Now understand that I'm not trying to be a dick here or say that anything I'm saying is unbreakable fact, because it's not, it's just my opinion. And I still like this story, I like it but I don't love it. And after I had read all the comments I really wanted to love it because this theme isn't gone about often and when it is it's always done in a weird out of character way.

I agree with 6917077, there's potential here that isn't realized. My suggestion would be to take a hard look at the dialogue, because both twilight and spike don't sound like they do in the show, and that helps break the immersion.

6917114 Wait wait wait. Someone agrees with me? I'm not a complete asshole? YAY!:yay:

I really wish this relationship would be explored in the show more. I don't like having to turn to fanfics to get an interpretation of what their relationship is like. Regardless, I liked this story, as I myself have always seen Twilight as being something of a surrogate mother to Spike, which, again, is something that I would like to see explored in the show itself. But, anyway, have a like and a favorite. Hope that makes your day. :pinkiehappy:

6917141 Agreed.


Wait. I know you. :rainbowdetermined2:

6917173 You do? Really?

6917114 The show? Are all stories suppose to sound like the show?

6917179 Yeah you wrote that story that was all :raritydespair:, but then got all:raritywink:, but then you decided to be all:trollestia: and :duck:. And then she died.

6917189 The characters are supposed to sound something like they do in the show.

Imagine a fic with this convo.

:fluttershyouch: Hey Rarity, what's happening
:raritywink: not much, I'm just hanging out, like I do

Applejack walks into the spa and orders a hooficure.

:ajsmug: Hey girls, is anything going on this evening?

The whole point of fan fiction using canon characters is to tell a story about the ponies we know, and if you change their speech patterns and reactions then you change who they are as characters.

6917189 I noticed that especially in Spike's speech at the end. He sounded way more mature and articulate then he should.

6918072 Yeah, because that's how I want him; I always pictured Spike being more mature than what he looks. My intentions were to do it my own way. Writing a story from your favourite show doesn't have to be copied to every last word. All stories can be as different as writer makes them.

How I wrote Twilight and Spike, is how I see them. I write them this way because it my way of letting out my feelings. Everything I wrote here is just something that has happened to me, but these words are coming out of another characters mouth. I apologise if the characters weren't what you expected, I was only hoping to give them both a little dash of me.

6918113
And that's how it should be, as I said in my blog a few weeks ago

Anything goes!

6919261 Yay! Somepony agrees with me! :pinkiehappy:

Great story!!! Keep up the good work(s)!!!

Aww... such a sad story, but I'm glad it ended with something uplifting. :yay:

This was a very enjoyable story! Well done! I did think it was a little short and perhaps rushed because of this but it got the message across and let's face it, this is bound to happen between these two! Twilight can be so bossy :twilightangry2:. Keep up the good work! :pinkiehappy:

This SAS a god story and heartbreaking bur i im glad that It become a happy story

7053184 OMG I HATE THE AUTO SPELLING MECHANIC SO MUCH (sorry for the speling mistek its supsde say was insted of SAS)

7053184 Awwh, I'm glad you like it.

Daww or so true . Just wish we got more mommy and spike time

Say it with me now... D'AWWWW!

Damn! Such feels!

Comment posted by Silence Keeper deleted May 26th, 2016

Loved this story. It made me tear up (manly brony tears of course) :twilightsmile:

7273038 Glad you enjoyed it. :rainbowkiss:

Well... Congrats, you made me cry harder then I intended. I can see this happening in the show(minus the mid swearing). How I didn't catch this before is beyond me. This deserve a like and favourite. Wish I write this good( ^ω^)

8752983
It doesn't go as cleanly in season 8 sadly.

This was a rather interesting read. Truth be told, I didn't expect much at first. But, I found the more I read, the better the story got. You truly have a gift for writing! :pinkiehappy: Keep up the good work!

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