• Published 7th Oct 2016
  • 28,388 Views, 854 Comments

Jewel of the Everfree - sxcbeast



A seemingly incapable Rarity survives along with her human companion in the middle of the Everfree Forest.

Comments ( 190 )

There will be sequel?! :heart::pinkiecrazy:

9713555
Yes, I've had the sequel in the works while writing this one. It'll follow Atchmon more closely, but will have moments of being in other ponies perspective. I don't have a clear path laid out, but I do have a few themes and subjects I want to cover with Atchmon.

Bravo. Fantastic. A+. I really love the story and I can't wait for the sequel. But I have to say fuck you to the cutie map if that it thinks the idea of a successful friendship quest is multiple situations of mortal danger, near death/actual death experiences and traumatizing situations with mental scars that might never heal. If it ever makes my butt glow, I ain't going!

Anyways in all seriousness, the main thing I didn't like was that he turned into a pony at the end but chalk that up to personal preference. You actually did it a believable way (for the world it's set in at least) and I didn't mind it in this chapter. Can't wait to see more from you and good luck in the future! :twilightsmile:

9713587
Thank you! :twilightblush: I was really conflicted about the pony part myself. On one hand it was my "This is how a human-turned-pony story should be earned." and on the other "Everyone is going to hate it, it's too out of left field, I didn't build up to it." And on the provervial Third hand "Well it's not like I can't take a bit of inspiration from The Odyssey, and have him turned back into human at times."

Love the story. Can't wait for the sequel. I hope Spike and Atchmon but heads. That has some potential for good drama.

A chapter update for the story conclusion aaaaaaand word of a sequel?!
Who told you it's my birthday today, you sly dog you!:trollestia:
I'm going to wait off reading this till I have the perfect time to do it justice.
Thanks so much for all the work you've done and I can't wait to read more!!!!:heart:
Btw are you considering publishing a hardcover?

9713611
I'll have to do some cleanups and edits, before I deem it "book worthy". I know other artists and authors are okay with printing clop material... but writing it on the internet is one thing, but making it a physical copy... idk...:unsuresweetie:. There's some parts that I don't like any more that I thought were really good at the time. But I think that just comes with experience as you grow and learn.

This story have been a delight to read.
And word of a coming sequel???

Loved it, fantastic work. Really looking forward to more works from you.

A good story from start to finish. My only complain? The human to pony end. I know, personal gripe and all, not saying it is a bad ending, but it irks me something fierce. It probably is stupid that it throws me off the posible sequel, but it is what it is. Still, hope said next story is good, and if it is anything like this one, a lot of people are going to enjoy it. That my personal likes don't align with it doesn't mean I don't want it to succeed, so good luck :3!

9713680
Glad you enjoyed my work. I figured the pony thing might be a problem, it coming out of nowhere like that. But unlike most other stories. I wanted Atchmons transformation to feel "earned". Whereas with others it's already happened, and the protagonist is already in Equestria, and they don't know how or why. Or Twilight and the other Princesses had to turn the Human character into a pony for reasons. That's just my opinion, I just haven't seen many good human-turn-pony stories that wasn't clop-related. As I write this, i remembered a "popular" story that ened much the same way. Except the human character was killed off by a villain that wasn't introduced earlier in the story. He just "appeared". Whereas with my wolves, they've been an ever present force in my story, slowly being worn down to nothing by the power of FRIENDSHIP!

Comment posted by Vergil19 deleted Jun 18th, 2020

9713597
I've got a few ideas planned!

a truly amazing story i wont wast everypony's time with even trying to say how much i love this story.

Stay tuned for the Afterword. But BE WARNED. It will contain spoilers for the sequel. If you care about that sort of thing....

i will be watching for the sequel take all the time you need sxcbeast after a huge story you need time to re-charge.

I also don't really care for the human to pony thing, but some can make it work for me. I liked this story and your writing. I will be checking out the sequel.

9713712
Yeah. I prolly should have hinted towards it with the water sprite in the previous chapter. But I wanted it to be a surprise.

Loved reading it for the most part. Despite first coming here to read about some forest banging, I was intrigued with how it was set up and wanted to see where it was going. A key point in this story even gave me an idea for a Christmas clop story.

I didn’t mind the ending either, though, I’m one of those weirdos that enjoys reading human turned pony stories, so take it with a grain of salt.

And you hinted at it well without downright telling the reader what was going to happen. I didn’t see it at the water sprite but I can now in hindsight. What tipped me off to what was to come was when they were having their conversation about what they were going to do when they got back to civilization; although, I was surprised that Atchman actually died before being remade. Most stories I read have the MC wounded or less, so bravo for being different with this, intentional or accidental.

Well I must say I quite enjoyed this story, now I need to find my author poking stick so I can bother you for the sequel!

This was a awesome journey

And thus, this journey has come to an end.

Nice to see this finally come to a conclusion, and I enjoyed it the entire way through. That said, I feel like having him turn into a pony was a massive cop-out. Him trying to fit in, his relationship with Rarity, the culture conflict. It, as you yourself admit, came completely out of left field. Honestly I feel like the entire section with the wolves was totally unnecessary, since my suspension of disbelief was pretty much shattered by the end. When they popped up to attack again I just rolled my eyes and skipped ahead, because it was ridiculous. I feel like this story just had a huge issue with not knowing when to come down. They finally admit their feelings to each other and it's immediately downhill for the entire rest of the story, and it was just irritating. I wish you'd focused on their relationship more instead of constantly throwing more conflict balls their way.

I was a bit excited to hear about a sequel, but honestly I'm not sure how it can help considering the last second species shift basically ruined most of the interesting aspects. Still, I'll keep on. Congratulations on finally finishing the story!

Also that bit with her talking to the nature spirit was also something completely out of left field. In fact, should this even have romance as a tag? It takes forever to finally finally get anywhere only to be dropped almost immediately after. After thinking on it a bit, the entire ending feels like it was rushed, and having him turn into a pony felt like the biggest deus ex machina imaginable. Also, Sweetblue had a point talking about how utterly callous Twilight and Starlight were being.

I'm okay with species changes as long as its for unicorn or pegasus, earth pony seems to be to a downgrade in what humans could already do.

I LOVE this story!!!! 10/10 and a sequel?! Yaaaaassssss
I'm so excited for that!!!!!
Thinking I'll reread this now :pinkiehappy:

9713813
The nature spirit was a part of the Native American theme I had going on. If you've seen the willow tree from Pocahontas. I wanted to bring it closer to the actual mythology, so that I could squeeze in a Lord of the rings reference with rarity. Then went a step further by twisting it to be an MLP spirit, since we know those exist in the pony world. I had one line of dialog, but scrapped it because I wanted to keep the transformation secret. It went something like Water sprite "don't worry about your mate, Harmony will take good care of him."

9713807
I feel like that's been done enough times. He'll still struggle to fit in. Atchmon will have to "unlearn all that he has learned" in order to "survive" socially with the ponies. I have themes about him not being fully satisfied or happy about his new body. Subjects like "if only I were born this way then things would be better". And like I said in a previous comment. It's not like there isn't a way to bring back his human body occasionally. If he butts heads with a lord of chaos.

Eh, good enough I guess.

9713926

I guess so. And his personality is still the same, so I can see the interest there. From what Rarity says in the story it doesn't sound like stallions in this version of Equestria are that great. Apparently pretty selfish when it comes to relationships and intimacy (Rarity was fully expecting him to only want to satisfy himself, which is apparently by far the norm there), so him acting as his usual self while in the body of a pony will be throwing a lot of them off (as they will be expecting him to act how stallions there normally act).

Just my interpretation, at least.

9714110
And that will be one of the more interesting aspect of the sequel. We wait.

9714110
Yeah, stallions in my version of RGRE will have the choice to a bit more picky about their mates. Since they are out numbered 4 to 1. That gives them more power in relationships. Much like how women are in our world (as far as having the power to pick and choose). And Yeah, Atchmon's personality is going to be the same, more or less. We really don't get to see much with just Rarity being his only interaction.
9714161
In my canon (which I'm deriving from the episode Magical Mystery Cure) One of Celestia's duties is to usher souls into the Afterlife, if we take what we've seen with her interaction with Twilight in that setting literally. I want to touch upon that a little bit in the sequel.

A sequel, huh? I'll be following you then - less chance to lose your next great work when it comes out, kind sir.:moustache:

9713807
The wolves were another Native American thing altogether. Especially White Fang. His story is the one about how in every man there's two wolves. A dark one and a white one, forever battling in men's hearts. And the one who wins is the one you feed. (Or something to that degree). I took that and made it a bit more literal. With the White wolf feeding the darkness in himself, which resulted in him losing his pack, his support from those who believed in him and finally his life. He didn't embrace friendship the way Atchmon did (remember they were friends for a short while). But I had the whole Disney "kill the parent" thing going on with him as well. So it's kind of tragic that. Altho Whites quest was noble, he went through with it in all the wrong ways.

Just happened across this story today, at the conclusion. A shame that, but the talk of a sequel is promising.

Thank you so much for writing this story, I enjoyed every chapters except for one.

Holy hell that story was a journey!

You kidding guy!?


Only a complete moron wouldn't want to see a sequel.

9714186
I have some jokes wrote in the sequel of Atchmon being an accidental racist. Like: "man that really makes me feel like a real horse's ass..."
Random Donkey: "Hey!"
Atchmon "oh come on, I didn't mean anything by that".

This is such a beautiful story.. I'm both glad to be able to read the journey's end, and sad to know that I won't be reading any new chapters in this wonderful tale.


9714738
Wait, so does that mean that there's a sequel in the making? YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!! :pinkiehappy: :yay:

9714862
Yep, I've been writing it off and on during the time I've been writing this one. It's nowhere near complete, as I don't have a clear direction, but I pretty much had the same thing going on with Jewel of the Everfree, so I'm confident I can make the sequel just as good!

9714882
I can't wait to read it, I bet it'll turn out just as amazing! Really eager to see how Atchmon reacts to life as a pony, his life with Rarity, their life as a couple, etc.

9714897
People are really disappointed in how they aren't "clicking" together like how most other authors write. Real relationships don't 'just happen'. And I really don't like the guys in stories being this 'perfect gentleman'. So it's actually a very basic 'opposites attract' type of situation with A & R. She's doesn't know yet that she's attracted to him, simply because he doesn't act like a perfect gentleman around her. And thus she doesn't have to 'put on airs' around him either. She doesn't realize yet just how much of 'herself' she is able to act around him.
Rarity, at heart, is a small town gal. And so is Atchmon. So as the Country song goes : "You can take the girl out of the Honky Tonk, but you can't take the honky-tonk out of the girl".
Atchmon never feels himself 'worthy' of affection, because he doesn't feels he's done anything to deserve it. Plus, it doesn't coincide with what his self-image and expectation of himself was supposed to be like. But that's for the sequel, there's not much opportunity to show that side of him with just Rarity around to interact with.

9714924
Hey, I totally understand whatcha mean. Sometimes, I do enjoy a good romance where the characters click almost immediately, whether they realize it or not, and stuff. It's not the most realistic thing, but then again neither is humans in a land of talking colorful wonderful ponehs.

On the other hoof, this story does everything pretty much exactly right. The characters don't just immediately fall in love. They can barely stand each other at first, just trying to survive. one giving the other a reason to not just get rid of them or kill them- at least to start. You see them living together, surviving together, leaning on each other as they try to keep a grasp on sanity.

The relationship takes time to form, but it's real. You can see everything that lead up to them deciding that they love each other, the hardships and trials that they've gone through, the moments that they've shared together, the times they've fought, the ways that they have changed. And when they fall in love, it doesn't blind them to the other's form physical forms but more allows them to look past it, to see not a pony or a human, not a species barrier, but a male and a female, mates who can love one another.

It definitely makes it easier on rarity that he's a pony now, I bet (in terms of social stuff at the very least.). Although they're going to have to rediscover a lot of things together.. And Atchmon is going to have to get used to some big adjustments.

To be honest, I can kind of relate on some things in this story, with their relationship. I never really felt like I was worth anyone's time or care for a relationship (I had some serious anger issues as a kid among other things, so while I'm not a criminal or anything, I also just don't really see myself as all that great. It's almost probably definitely an irrational thinking, but it's just something I tend to think about myself.). I wish my relationships were half as successful though. Three relationships I've been in, and three relationships I'm no longer in. (If you're at all curious, I'll add a basic rundown in spoilers so people who don't want to read/know don't have to :raritywink: but yeah).


First girlfriend was someone I knew for a few years, but I moved away and long distance didn't work out.

Second girlfriend? I knew her a few months, we didn't have all that much in common, and she admitted at some point during the relationship that when she first met me, her first thoughts were on how she could use me. I didn't actually break up with her for that, she broke up with me a bit later in a handwritten note saying that she now sees me more like a little brother than a love interest.
Kind of interesting side note, she later married a guy we used to ride the bus with, nice guy though I didn't talk to him often. I moved away before that happened though.

Final relationship went a bit better in some ways, but I ended up breaking up with her because of some trust issues- I.E. she lied to me frequently, but had trouble trusting me even though I never lied to her. The most I personally did that could've been suspicious was to not let her have the passwords to my phone and laptop, which had sensitive work information. I had several people ask me if she was stalking me, and this one time when she asked what I was up to, which was cooking at home, I washed my hands, sent a message that told her that I was cooking and that I wouldn't really be able to message her for a bit, she didn't believe me and dropped in for a surprise visit less than 5 minutes later to find me.... SURPRISE! Cooking, exactly like I said, slicing up a ham and not wanting to touch the phone with ham juice/grease on my hand, :pinkiecrazy:. I liked her personality and I tried to make things work, but a month or two later I ended up breaking up with her because I couldn't really deal with having everything be questioned or scrutinized constantly, plus I really couldn't give her attention as often as she wanted because of work.. Felt bad about it though.

so yeah, not the best luck in my love life, lol. To be fair, the first relationship was in middle school, and the second was in highschool, and those relationships pretty much never work out.

Alright, if you read all of this then congrats! Super duper sorry for writing all of this, but sometimes I just start talking (or typing) and then I just ramble on and on and on and I just can't stop myself from blurting pretty much everything out (personal or not) because I tend to be a pretty open pony so I don't always have the same reservations for saying stuff as some people do.. So, I'm sorry if I'm annoying anyone :twilightblush:

If you didn't read it all, then same as the above minus the congrats :derpytongue2:

Almost absolutely perfect, the romance... amazing, the action...great, the cliffhangers and suspense phenomenal.

9715042
Well I'm glad you got so much out of my story. :pinkiesmile: And sorry none of those relationships worked out for you. So far I usually attract women who already have 1 or more kids, and I just can't when it comes to other peoples kids. A coworker once kept texting me a lot, but I just didn't like the idea of being her 'savior' when she was having a rough go of it.

Stay tuned for the Afterword. But BE WARNED. It will contain spoilers for the sequel. If you care about that sort of thing....

Sequel!? There's going to be a sequel! YES! I LOVE this story and to hear there is going to be a sequel has just made my day!

No conflict with the changing? He's suddenly ok with it? Bruh. Nice fic overall.

I have enjoyed this story so much and I cannot wait for the sequel to show up.

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