Rarity looked her human over. For the longest time she believed him to be the epitome of strength and endurance, but now, seeing him like this... She could finally see just how weak and emaciated he truly was.
I need to ask, is this still about how Mares need to protect their stallions and how much stronger ponies are than humans?, or do I mistaken this with another story?
I get it that they maybe aren't as strong as Earth ponies, but I think sometimes the humans could actually display some skill in the stories.
After a few sentences I got the idea, that maybe this was meant more as a metaphor for how she idolized him and now is realizing that he is only a pony/human too.
Hhhhmmm I think him patting (patted) her shoulder is a little bit disrespectful even if he doesn't means to do it, but petting/ to carres her is kind of alright. I mean the one think I remember is probably something you do with horses or animals that have a thicker hide, while simply being caressed/ getting pet can be nice and if she likes it it should be okay?
Any attempt to cheer Atchmon up proved to be futile. He would always turn away from her; never leaving the comfort of his bed. He slept most of the days away. Sometimes with Rarity by his side, but mostly without.
I think I have somehow missed the explanation or it has to do with the last chapter, but what happened? Did he lost his way home and tries to find it again? Or is he in a fever dream?
"I'm going to try and get some help. I'm going through with my plan; I believe following the river upstream and moving northwest will be my best chance of making it back to pony civilization." Rarity spoke with confidence in her voice, but in her heart there was nothing but doubt. "I know I should probably wait for the rain to pass... but you said so yourself it could last for weeks."
.......I hoped they would share a deep bond like love before they both leave the forest and hoped for Atchmon to probe himself before leaving the forest, because there is probably another row of descriptions about how they outmatch him once they reach ponyville.
Soooo....if I understood that right, the wolf was his friend when he was little and understood the situation good enouhg to see that they tried to kill his friend right?
I'm not sure, but maybe he should also have been able to understand that he would have died if he didn't killed his mother when she attacked him?
Rarity turned to lend her assistance, while struggling to keep herself from falling back in. The mare reached out to Atchmon with a hoof, a moment later Rarity saw the water explode as a wet matted fur and gnashing teeth pulled Atchmon away; and in a flash of foamy water he was gone!
I nearly missed that, but maybe that was his moment of fame.
Two outcomes would be interessting, either him befriending him again or waring his hide as his new clothes when meeting Rarity the next time, marking him as the great warrior.
I know I say it everytime and maybe you already tried to make him look good, but I see so many stories in which they want the human to be useless, that I want a clear and big sign as to why the human could get the upper hand again in a way. The human doesn't even need to have magic, I just want him to look good and I hope the others will accept him as the equal to Rarity and not ignoring it and treating him like they would treat a stallion forever.
I hope you know what I meant here. There are so many versions and I already saw a few stories that even without my explanation to how I see it, where pretty close to how/why a human could be able to be that awesome if he fights alongside or against ponies
9039404 If you read the last chapter, she sees he's weak because of the condition he's in when she believed him to be an invincible warrior. It's only her realising he still can be hurt in the Everfree. Also, ponies pat each other on the shoulder in the Mlp universe, while Atchmon thinks petting Rarity is like treating her like a pet instead of a sapient being.
It feels like you skimmed through half the story, because a big event here is that the portal tree was destroyed. That's why he's depressed. Also, the ponies don't "outmatch" him as we see earlier in the story Atchmon has skills related to hunting, which helps him survive in the Everfree; something no other pony could do while this deep in. Rarity had to learn how to survive from him.
The wolf didn't think the others were trying to kill the human. Since the white wolf basically grew up in the human's care, he thought every wolf was like him and was trained like him.
Also, befriending who again? The white wolf retreated with the rest of the pack, the one that attacked Atchmon in the river was a random elder wolf, so I doubt he's going to befriend him when they're killing each other.
Finally, this isn't major RGRE. Stallions and mares have equal opportunities last time I checked, with no discrimination. Atchmon is already looking good as he's survived in the Everfree for a long time and continuously fights off beasts. The only thing I can really imagine happening is him being a little lost in a new town as he was forced into isolation.
a few months ago I had read the last chapter yes, but like I said, that was a few months ago.
while Atchmon thinks petting Rarity is like treating her like a pet instead of a sapient being.
I think that part in the story was Rarity thinking that, otherwise I would have understood it like you did I guess.
Well in that chase it seems to be like I suggested as a possible meaning.
It feels like you skimmed through half the story, because a big event here is that the portal tree was destroyed.
Yeaaah well no I didn't do that, but it happens sometimes that I don't get all the information or the meaning I guess.
Also, the ponies don't "outmatch" him as we see earlier in the story Atchmon has skills related to hunting,
yep earlier in the story. Later in the story it looks like Rarity learned more or less what he learned in his time being in the forest and then he was not exactly special in that regard anymore.
The wolf didn't think the others were trying to kill the human. Since the white wolf basically grew up in the human's care, he thought every wolf was like him and was trained like him.
I think he did think that. As far as I understood he grew up with the human yes, but then he was taken back by his parents and then Atchmon or another human seems to go to where the wolfs lived. Then I understood the human was attacked by the wolfs while the little one tried to talk his parents out of "hunting the human".
Also, befriending who again? The white wolf retreated with the rest of the pack, the one that attacked Atchmon in the river was a random elder wolf, so I doubt he's going to befriend him when they're killing each other.
Well maybe I slip between the sentences a bit and don't notice that I accidently skipped something or something like that, I don't always notice if I read a bit faster till I notice something doesn't add up. That and I tend to skip battle scenes in other stories if they are really boring, but that has nothing to do with this here right now. Anyway that is not a big sin. Honestly I just remember white wolf, white wolf and white wolf, maybe I'm wrong but in that chase it's no suprise I mistook one wolf for another one.
Finally, this isn't major RGRE. Stallions and mares have equal opportunities last time I checked, with no discrimination.
Now I would have to ask which story you had read. I mean I'm not sure what RGRE stands for, but I remember at least that the Mares here seems to think they need to protect their Stallions, which gives me enough reason to think that this is the reverse thing again. You know the whole Mares are better than stallions (man are better like woman) thing everyone get's angry about once in a while.
I think I said something about it, but I believe in one of his comments he already explained already that he tries to not make it look that bad or actually not do it at all. Anyway while I believe him, I also heard something like that a few times and still got something equally bad in other stories. Just to be sure you understood that one right, I was talking about other examples in the last sentence.
Atchmon is already looking good as he's survived in the Everfree for a long time and continuously fights off beasts. The only thing I can really imagine happening is him being a little lost in a new town as he was forced into isolation.
Him looking lost is something I believe I actually wanted to happen later, but also with Rarity having some difficultys to shake of certain habbits after her time in the forest for a while. Maybe Atchmon didn't looked bad so far and I can agree with that, but it wasn't exactly anything big so far. I always got the feeling Rarity was able to do something better than him or had a bigger moment to shine than him.
edit: I could be wrong, but I got the feeling you were a bit rude with your answer here. If you didn't even gave me the downvote for some reason.
9039656 I wasn't trying to be rude and I didn't downvote you. RGRE is Reverse Gender Roles Equestria, the mares are better than stallions thing. When I say "Major RGRE" I'm talking about the stories where stallions are babied their whole lives and are seen as delicate, fragile little flowers that can't do any job as good as a mare can. Also that stallions don't have the intelligence to be scholars and get high paying jobs. Yeah, I think mares have an instinctual need to protect a stallion because of their few numbers compared to mares, not because they think stallions are weaker.
At the start; White is napping and dreaming about his puppyhood; about the time when Atchmon came and took him away. Then Atchmon trained him to be a good dog; but that was short-lived as the Parents came to take White back. Atchmon killing White's mother was supposed to be a reference to every Disney film where the Mom dies, only a little darker. And the "magic" Atchmon used was his bow and arrow. I tried to make the wolves very primitive, but still capable of basic thought.
White had a rough time growing up; he was teased and avoided by other puppies because he was different. And he was different due to the training he went through with Atchmon. Then now, White went from Beta to pack Alpha after challenging his own father. He did that because Atchmon had ruined his life. Atchmon had killed many of his pack; even though his father the Alpha made it so hunting or looting from Atchmon was a right of passage. The Alpha saw Atchmon as a being who could cull the weak from the Pack. Whereas White just saw Atchmon as a monster who killed his mother and many of his friends. White absolutely hates him. And he hates Rarity because she's prey, but Atchmon doesn't do anything to her. I'll leave it up to you guys whether or not White went so far as to kill his own father so he could exact revenge on Atchmon for killing his mother.
I know it seems like Atchmon is getting the short end of the stick, but there's reasons for that. His moment to shine is coming, don't you worry.
The part where Rarity was commenting between how weak he looked, but was still a good looking guy was my attempt at giving Rarity a bit of Florence Nightingale Effect- a trope where Nurses fall in love with their patients. In the next chapter we'll see how much Rarity has learned from Atchmon.
Yeah, I think mares have an instinctual need to protect a stallion because of their few numbers compared to mares, not because they think stallions are weaker.
Alright, but that was what it looked liked for me for a while.
Okay then I believe you and apologize myself if i should have sounded rude myself. I shouldn't be to suprised about the downvotes, because if there are the right people you just get downvotes for every reason.
9040123 Well thank you again, I know you tell me this probably every second time, I have a feeling you did at least, but it's usually quite a while ago which is why I never truly remember the details. To search for a single comment can be a nuisance too.
I know it seems like Atchmon is getting the short end of the stick, but there's reasons for that. His moment to shine is coming, don't you worry.
The part where Rarity was commenting between how weak he looked, but was still a good looking guy was my attempt at giving Rarity a bit of Florence Nightingale Effect- a trope where Nurses fall in love with their patients. In the next chapter we'll see how much Rarity has learned from Atchmon.
I think I saw that somwhere, which is why I think I understand it.
Its so lovely to see another chapter of this every time. I got caught up 2 or 3 chapters ago and I was scared I was going to have to wait 6 months to a year between chapters. Keep up the hard work!
9043315 I know! I went through the Bad Company chapter; which is where the majority of that problem lies, and started playing the delete game. Went from 360 exclamation points to around 150. I hope it feels like the story is improving with each chapter. I still look back and find better ways to edit some sentences. I usually always imagine Rarity flourishing her words at the end of a sentence, which is where I should probably trust more in the italicized rather than the Exclamation point.
9044065 Nothing really new. Combined the three parts into one, corrected some errors I spotted when dealing with excess Exclamation marks. Shouldn't feel like anything's changed. Was excited to get it done that I forgot to copy+paste back onto an existing chapter so the update wouldn't show.
9053090 Pretty much drama. I think I imagined her being there for 10 days and she basically rounded up, because I thought that might be something she would say.
I keep specific numbers and locations kind of obscure to help convey being lost in the wood would feel like.
You're very welcome, though I feel a bit bad because naturally the chapter immediately after the one I'd stopped on had them actually start back. I'm glad to see things are moving forward, and I definitely plan on sticking around to the end!
Not bad. Not bad at all. The story and everything has been excellent. Exceptaybr the delay on chapters. But I have waited longer before and the ones posted have been practically immaculate.
You have even been paying attention to semi colons but I was ingrossed in the story deep enough I didn't even notice the slight change in flow.
9064241 Thank you for your input! I've been getting a lot of paragraphs written on future chapters and especially the sequel. If I can quit second guessing myself, I could have this next one out by the end of the week.
9075491 Lol, okay. I wanted to capture that aspect of the show. How our favorite mares can be a bit too trusting right from the start. I hoped Atchmon's action with removing the twine was enough to prove to Rarity that he wasn't out to harm her. Plus, Rarity kinda assumed he was as unintelligent as the Diamond Dogs who captured her.
9110998 Thank you. I literally am about to cry. You have no clue how beautiful that sentence is to me. I wish more writers said something like that. And knowing you, I know it's true. I just want to say - I love you.
Fantastic chapter, Im literally sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the next. I just want them to make it back and be happy
welp he's dead
This is going to be a interesting wait
I need to ask, is this still about how Mares need to protect their stallions and how much stronger ponies are than humans?, or do I mistaken this with another story?
I get it that they maybe aren't as strong as Earth ponies, but I think sometimes the humans could actually display some skill in the stories.
After a few sentences I got the idea, that maybe this was meant more as a metaphor for how she idolized him and now is realizing that he is only a pony/human too.
Hhhhmmm I think him patting (patted) her shoulder is a little bit disrespectful even if he doesn't means to do it, but petting/ to carres her is kind of alright. I mean the one think I remember is probably something you do with horses or animals that have a thicker hide, while simply being caressed/ getting pet can be nice and if she likes it it should be okay?
I think I have somehow missed the explanation or it has to do with the last chapter, but what happened? Did he lost his way home and tries to find it again? Or is he in a fever dream?
.......I hoped they would share a deep bond like love before they both leave the forest and hoped for Atchmon to probe himself before leaving the forest, because there is probably another row of descriptions about how they outmatch him once they reach ponyville.
Soooo....if I understood that right, the wolf was his friend when he was little and understood the situation good enouhg to see that they tried to kill his friend right?
I'm not sure, but maybe he should also have been able to understand that he would have died if he didn't killed his mother when she attacked him?
I nearly missed that, but maybe that was his moment of fame.
Two outcomes would be interessting, either him befriending him again or waring his hide as his new clothes when meeting Rarity the next time, marking him as the great warrior.
I know I say it everytime and maybe you already tried to make him look good, but I see so many stories in which they want the human to be useless, that I want a clear and big sign as to why the human could get the upper hand again in a way.
The human doesn't even need to have magic, I just want him to look good and I hope the others will accept him as the equal to Rarity and not ignoring it and treating him like they would treat a stallion forever.
I hope you know what I meant here. There are so many versions and I already saw a few stories that even without my explanation to how I see it, where pretty close to how/why a human could be able to be that awesome if he fights alongside or against ponies
9039404
If you read the last chapter, she sees he's weak because of the condition he's in when she believed him to be an invincible warrior. It's only her realising he still can be hurt in the Everfree. Also, ponies pat each other on the shoulder in the Mlp universe, while Atchmon thinks petting Rarity is like treating her like a pet instead of a sapient being.
It feels like you skimmed through half the story, because a big event here is that the portal tree was destroyed. That's why he's depressed. Also, the ponies don't "outmatch" him as we see earlier in the story Atchmon has skills related to hunting, which helps him survive in the Everfree; something no other pony could do while this deep in. Rarity had to learn how to survive from him.
The wolf didn't think the others were trying to kill the human. Since the white wolf basically grew up in the human's care, he thought every wolf was like him and was trained like him.
Also, befriending who again? The white wolf retreated with the rest of the pack, the one that attacked Atchmon in the river was a random elder wolf, so I doubt he's going to befriend him when they're killing each other.
Finally, this isn't major RGRE. Stallions and mares have equal opportunities last time I checked, with no discrimination. Atchmon is already looking good as he's survived in the Everfree for a long time and continuously fights off beasts. The only thing I can really imagine happening is him being a little lost in a new town as he was forced into isolation.
Great update.
Well worth the wait.
The Monk
9039495
a few months ago I had read the last chapter yes, but like I said, that was a few months ago.
I think that part in the story was Rarity thinking that, otherwise I would have understood it like you did I guess.
Well in that chase it seems to be like I suggested as a possible meaning.
Yeaaah well no I didn't do that, but it happens sometimes that I don't get all the information or the meaning I guess.
yep earlier in the story. Later in the story it looks like Rarity learned more or less what he learned in his time being in the forest and then he was not exactly special in that regard anymore.
I think he did think that. As far as I understood he grew up with the human yes, but then he was taken back by his parents and then Atchmon or another human seems to go to where the wolfs lived. Then I understood the human was attacked by the wolfs while the little one tried to talk his parents out of "hunting the human".
Well maybe I slip between the sentences a bit and don't notice that I accidently skipped something or something like that, I don't always notice if I read a bit faster till I notice something doesn't add up. That and I tend to skip battle scenes in other stories if they are really boring, but that has nothing to do with this here right now.
Anyway that is not a big sin.
Honestly I just remember white wolf, white wolf and white wolf, maybe I'm wrong but in that chase it's no suprise I mistook one wolf for another one.
Now I would have to ask which story you had read. I mean I'm not sure what RGRE stands for, but I remember at least that the Mares here seems to think they need to protect their Stallions, which gives me enough reason to think that this is the reverse thing again. You know the whole Mares are better than stallions (man are better like woman) thing everyone get's angry about once in a while.
I think I said something about it, but I believe in one of his comments he already explained already that he tries to not make it look that bad or actually not do it at all. Anyway while I believe him, I also heard something like that a few times and still got something equally bad in other stories. Just to be sure you understood that one right, I was talking about other examples in the last sentence.
Him looking lost is something I believe I actually wanted to happen later, but also with Rarity having some difficultys to shake of certain habbits after her time in the forest for a while. Maybe Atchmon didn't looked bad so far and I can agree with that, but it wasn't exactly anything big so far.
I always got the feeling Rarity was able to do something better than him or had a bigger moment to shine than him.
edit: I could be wrong, but I got the feeling you were a bit rude with your answer here.
If you didn't even gave me the downvote for some reason.
i am not a grammar-nazi so
thanks for the chapter
I were starting to wonder if there would ever be more to this story, glad to see that there is!
9039656
I wasn't trying to be rude and I didn't downvote you. RGRE is Reverse Gender Roles Equestria, the mares are better than stallions thing. When I say "Major RGRE" I'm talking about the stories where stallions are babied their whole lives and are seen as delicate, fragile little flowers that can't do any job as good as a mare can. Also that stallions don't have the intelligence to be scholars and get high paying jobs. Yeah, I think mares have an instinctual need to protect a stallion because of their few numbers compared to mares, not because they think stallions are weaker.
This is a good cliff hanger. I am excited to read the next chapter when it comes out.
9039656
9039495
Seems to be a little confusion over the first part of the Paradise Lost Chapter and over our main Antagonist the White Wolf.
The White wolf is called such because of his Uniqueness to the other wolves. Out of all the other wolves he's the only one who's coat is completely white- that and the fact Atchmon named hime White Fang as a reference to the wolf in the story 'White Fang'. (I would've called him Snowball, because his fur is pretty and white; but that was taken.)
At the start; White is napping and dreaming about his puppyhood; about the time when Atchmon came and took him away. Then Atchmon trained him to be a good dog; but that was short-lived as the Parents came to take White back. Atchmon killing White's mother was supposed to be a reference to every Disney film where the Mom dies, only a little darker. And the "magic" Atchmon used was his bow and arrow. I tried to make the wolves very primitive, but still capable of basic thought.
White had a rough time growing up; he was teased and avoided by other puppies because he was different. And he was different due to the training he went through with Atchmon. Then now, White went from Beta to pack Alpha after challenging his own father. He did that because Atchmon had ruined his life. Atchmon had killed many of his pack; even though his father the Alpha made it so hunting or looting from Atchmon was a right of passage. The Alpha saw Atchmon as a being who could cull the weak from the Pack. Whereas White just saw Atchmon as a monster who killed his mother and many of his friends. White absolutely hates him. And he hates Rarity because she's prey, but Atchmon doesn't do anything to her. I'll leave it up to you guys whether or not White went so far as to kill his own father so he could exact revenge on Atchmon for killing his mother.
I know it seems like Atchmon is getting the short end of the stick, but there's reasons for that. His moment to shine is coming, don't you worry.
The part where Rarity was commenting between how weak he looked, but was still a good looking guy was my attempt at giving Rarity a bit of Florence Nightingale Effect- a trope where Nurses fall in love with their patients. In the next chapter we'll see how much Rarity has learned from Atchmon.
9039884
Alright, but that was what it looked liked for me for a while.
Okay then I believe you and apologize myself if i should have sounded rude myself.
I shouldn't be to suprised about the downvotes, because if there are the right people you just get downvotes for every reason.
9040123
Well thank you again, I know you tell me this probably every second time, I have a feeling you did at least, but it's usually quite a while ago which is why I never truly remember the details. To search for a single comment can be a nuisance too.
I think I saw that somwhere, which is why I think I understand it.
Well thank you for the explanation.
Whoa, this chapter was intense!
It was way to long between the last chapter and this one. PLEASE don't make us wait that long again. This story is as addictive as smoking oreos.
9042027
I know, I'm sorry! I blame Witcher 3 for being so good.
Its so lovely to see another chapter of this every time. I got caught up 2 or 3 chapters ago and I was scared I was going to have to wait 6 months to a year between chapters. Keep up the hard work!
9043315
I know! I went through the Bad Company chapter; which is where the majority of that problem lies, and started playing the delete game. Went from 360 exclamation points to around 150. I hope it feels like the story is improving with each chapter. I still look back and find better ways to edit some sentences. I usually always imagine Rarity flourishing her words at the end of a sentence, which is where I should probably trust more in the italicized rather than the Exclamation point.
I'm still a learner doin' this for fun.
9044065
Nothing really new. Combined the three parts into one, corrected some errors I spotted when dealing with excess Exclamation marks. Shouldn't feel like anything's changed. Was excited to get it done that I forgot to copy+paste back onto an existing chapter so the update wouldn't show.
why is the new chapter in the middle of the story?
9044076
9044092
Ah. Right. Authors Note at the top wasn't there when I looked through it, so I was confused :p
9044196
I sorry...
I let out a (manly) squee when I saw what I thought was a new chapter. You sir, have broken my heart.
9044326
I know; I srry. But doesn't the story chapters page look so much better without all those nasty 'Parts' next to them?
9044338 I will admit that it does. I am still craving more chapters though. I cannot fault another author for cleaning up their story.
9044716
Yep, just combined three-part chapters into one.
9053090
Pretty much drama. I think I imagined her being there for 10 days and she basically rounded up, because I thought that might be something she would say.
I keep specific numbers and locations kind of obscure to help convey being lost in the wood would feel like.
9053906
You're very welcome, though I feel a bit bad because naturally the chapter immediately after the one I'd stopped on had them actually start back.
I'm glad to see things are moving forward, and I definitely plan on sticking around to the end!
9054391
Glad to hear it! Let me know any other thoughts, feelings, questions, or concerns you might have.
Not bad. Not bad at all. The story and everything has been excellent. Exceptaybr the delay on chapters. But I have waited longer before and the ones posted have been practically immaculate.
You have even been paying attention to semi colons but I was ingrossed in the story deep enough I didn't even notice the slight change in flow.
Bravo.
9064241
Thank you for your input! I've been getting a lot of paragraphs written on future chapters and especially the sequel. If I can quit second guessing myself, I could have this next one out by the end of the week.
9075491
Lol, okay. I wanted to capture that aspect of the show. How our favorite mares can be a bit too trusting right from the start. I hoped Atchmon's action with removing the twine was enough to prove to Rarity that he wasn't out to harm her. Plus, Rarity kinda assumed he was as unintelligent as the Diamond Dogs who captured her.
9105645
4.bp.blogspot.com/-KQMhulHJiCk/U8J_OfJSBgI/AAAAAAAAHOI/70QJZ1u3s1Y/s1600/psiquico.jpg
9106345
Good story! Too bad there's no more chapters after this one 😢
9107274
I know. I'm working hard on the next one.
9110998
Thank you. I literally am about to cry. You have no clue how beautiful that sentence is to me. I wish more writers said something like that. And knowing you, I know it's true. I just want to say - I love you.
No homo tho
BEST CHAPTER. OUTSTANDING.
10500414
Ty! It's definitely my fave.
He'll be dead of fever by that time.
By the looks of it he caught fever with an infection. I wouldn't out it past him tk get the kind of fever that makes you hallucinate.
I know how easy that one is to get.
"Admiral! There be cliffhangers here!!"