This story is very good. Keep up the good work. I really want to read more.

7710555 Thanks, glad you're enjoying it! Let me know any other thoughts or feelings you have!

7710815 Thanks for the comment! Hope you enjoy the rest of the chapters I have up. Let me know how you feel about it!

7711449 I have an excuse for it planned, wasnt sure myself if people would think its funny or not, though the reason won't be revealed until way on down the line. Don't have any other banter written up yet, just kind of make it up as I go along. Don't forget Rarity is thinking and speaking to herself most of the time. So she has a kind of inner-inner voice we don't get to hear.

You'll find out how he got there soon! More details planned in a later chapter!

I always loved the idea of super anti-magic unicorn racist AJ. Plus her suggestion back in the season 5 finale where she asks if they should 'send Starlight on her way' suggest she was leaning towards a harsher punishment for her crimes. Which to me says she may not like Starlight at all, or as much, compared to the others. I guess I didn't do a good job showing how against magic and the spell AJ is.
I love AJ but her down to earth nature and absolute level headedNess gets real boring real quick. I don't know if it's a common idea but I've alway liked thinking some pairings of the Mane cast are closer friends than others. Maybe borderline shipping, or shipping entirely either way. In this case AJ and Rarity are closer friends compared to the others.

"Because I just had to check out that damn portal! I just had to go through it, and I just had to stay in a 'brand new world' for a few days!" He exclaimed, extending his arms waving them around at his surroundings! "I just had to be the first man here! The first one to explore it! Only to be trapped here, fighting every day to stay alive! So that one day, maybe, I can go back home, and start a new life!"

I remember long way back, when the fandom was starting and sites like this sprung up for people converse or share stories. One of the most common topics was how we wished we could go there, oh how that's changed. As more of us matured and the series revealed more of the world, we realized something, the odds of our survival alone there is slim, even among civilization we cannot expect nor guarantee a prosperous and happy life.

Humans who are lucky to live happily, are most often blessed by their author's benevolence to receive the convenience of rocky or smooth starts with the world's denezins to then shack up with a main character. Sometimes, they're in the Everfree for a day, week till they stumble upon the exit or a character with little to no lasting trauma.

Here you went and ran your MC's face through the belt sander of life and readied to suicide. He's tasted nothing but the waves of dirt and blood this world could throw to drown him in but now a chance to taste its sweetness presents itself through helping Rarity home.

She did say that she'd return with something to surprise them, what's better than an alien? And I'm eyeing that romance tag and rating with interest.

Liked and fav'd

7712177 I'm just happy so many are enjoying my story! I was a failure in english classes.
Truthfully, I'm just another brony with a story in mind. One that I felt would be interesting enough to pick up the metaphorical pen, and really try to write.
I think my abhorrent consumption of media and entertainment is helping me through this. And Knowing about themes/tropes commonly used, like the 5 stages of grief which I tried to follow in chapter 2 Apex Predators as an example.

Humans who are lucky to live happily, are most often blessed by their author's benevolence to receive the convenience of rocky or smooth starts with the world's denizens to then shack up with a main character. Sometimes, they're in the Everfree for a day, week till they stumble upon the exit or a character with little to no lasting trauma.

Many fics do the same old song and dance, though many are still entertaining despite it. Few try to go beyond that, and those that do usually go way overboard with the themes of drama/blood/death/pain/suicide. I feel the 'rant' in Learning Curve is one such example, I think I could have toned it down a bit, make it a bit more subtle, but currently I can't think of how. I have this constant feeling something is just 'off' about it.

Few MCs ever have the choice to go to this world at the start of their adventure. My question is what if some capable person had that choice, and if so what reason would they have to risk so much?

7712676 Nah, you can keep it at that, for a character whose been alone for years and finally met company, yet rude to the point of grating his already frayed nerves from over the years, he's entitled to letting the dam break.

7698486 Decided to take your advice after a few re-reads. I think I was able to take it from angry to more of an 'annoyed' point of view. Mostly unchanged as far as what happens.

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7712177

Here you went and ran your MC's face through the belt sander of life and readied to suicide. He's tasted nothing but the waves of dirt and blood this world could throw to drown him in but now a chance to taste its sweetness presents itself through helping Rarity home.

Don't assume anything just yet. Every character should have their flaws.

7714988 As I said, chance, you've already proven your universe is running on hardcore-mode when Rarity had almost died twice in a span of a day between attacks.

The quality of this story is picking up with each subsequent entry. I hope next chapter doesn't disappoint.

I can not wait till the next chapter. This is my fave human x pony story.

7723545 Makes me happy to know people enjoy my story! Hoping to get the next one up in a week!

7658361 Hadn't heard from ya in awhile, hope you didn't hate the last chapter.

7717015 Working all the parts of my brain I haven't used since High school. Amazes me how the story just flows when it does. I'm taking about one day out of the week to go back an improve past chapters. I'm still catching a few things that I've missed.

7723639 My name is VikingOtaku6, and I approve of this message...

7725813 I dunno... Replaying Skyrim has been an awful lot of fun lately. *evil-laugh*

7726367 You fiend!!

I love it the story is really good please don't keep us waiting too long for the next chapter

7726650 I don't want to be one of those writers. I'm gonna get them out no later than 2 weeks!

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Yeah. As you develop as an author, you'll keep making corrections to your old stories. Gotta be careful with that, though; don't want to go full Lucas.

7728620 Definitely don't want that! I'll be more likely to add small details, character movements as one example. Or things that were suppose to be there that I may have forgotten to add. I play out scenes in my mind, so some details are lost because of my inability to write everything that's going on. Plus I want there to be just a tiny bit of omission for the reader to imagine for themselves, but not go full Las Pegasus Flim & Flam route. Starts 0:25.

Sooo this looks interessting. I start reading it later, but I have a question, mostly because I have seen stuff like this done pretty bad.

I want to know if the sex or their relationship is well paced, or if you plan to rush it and maybe even overdo it with the sex.
My problem with that is mostly, that I have seen storys where at some point there was nearly every chapter only three sentences story progress, and the other third was full of sex, which made the story pretty boring fast. (since nothing happened anymore.)

7731319 I want this story to have a deep meaningful relationship between the two MCs. So this isn't a flat out clopfic if that's what you're asking.

This story is a bit more focused towards the adventure, then the romance comes in at a close second. I have the seeds of love planted long before the actual sex takes place, so they shouldn't feel as though they are in-love right out the gate. Though Rarity's personality is that of a hopeless romantic, even in the show.

The sex itself is going to be written in a way I feel is going to be unique compared to the others on this site, yet no less entertaining. I've planned on making it's own chapter so those that wish to skip it, can.

I'd ask to give my story until Chapter 2 Apex Predators at the very least, and maybe Chapter 4 Learning Curve at the most to see if you'll like it, and stick with it.

Though it's your time you're investing, and I would completely understand if you decide not to follow it. I've read many a disappointing fic as well, and I try to write my story to avoid the things I hated most when reading the bad ones.

7731558 hhhhmmmm I think that sounds good so far.

I don't have anything against reading such a chapter, but like you maybe noticed I didn't wanted it to be the main topic of the story.

So yes I think I can give it the chance, after only one chapter I can't say much and I know that some stuff is usually explained in the chapter after whatever happened.

I can live with Raritys character, but I like to think that she maybe has different reactions to it, or her behavior is changing slightly, if she eperience the love for herself. (If he should be her first partner in this story)
You know, even for characters like Pinkie/Rainbow Dash or Vinyl Scratch I don't like to expect them to be cool about everything only because that is their usual personality. I really enjoy storys where Pinkie or Rainbow can be even shy or really worried about their possible relationship...that hey could ruin it and stuff like that.

Though it's your time you're investing, and I would completely understand if you decide not to follow it. I've read many a disappointing fic as well, and I try to write my story to avoid the things I hated most when reading the bad ones.

Like you said I feel the same. I like to think that I get easily dissapointed by such storys, because I take it a bit more serious if it is written than what happens in real live, because in a story it is staying there, and can ruin everything very easily.

Well long story short, I'm suddenly very interessted, I mean more than before and I only wait till I'm really in the modd, then I can really enjoy the story.

7733186 You'll see soon enough! All will be revealed!

I admit there is certain stuff that I'm automaticly skipping

I would recommend not doing that, I place quite a bit of subtlety in my paragraphs, so you wouldn't want to miss anything, but I also understand your reasoning. I always work to make every paragraph worth reading. As I hate unnecessary descriptive bloat, which make me have a 'let's get on with the story' mindset.

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I don't have anything against reading such a chapter, but like you maybe noticed I didn't wanted it to be the main topic of the story.

Sorry, I didn't fully understand your previous question, but rest assured, this story is going to be more focused towards adventure, character interaction, and dialogue. Not just sex, as I've only got the one love scene planned. I am working on something more that can help ease the MCs into being intimate. Gotta blend those lines separating them!

I can live with Rarity's character, but I like to think that she maybe has different reactions to it, or her behavior is changing slightly, if she experience the love for herself. (If he should be her first partner in this story)

I'm blending her character across all the MLP seasons, and what (I think) is considered Fan canon, with a little bit of my own ideals thrown in. It shouldn't feel like I'm totally ripping her character apart and taping together a new one, but make her much more interesting, and admirable, because of the hardships she's going through. She will grow, because she has to!

There doesn't seem to be much growth for her in the show, aside from her career. She's my favorite character, because there's so much more to her than what she reveals to her friends. She's no longer afraid to get 'a little bit dirty', I'm basically taking that and cranking it to 11!

I recently rewatched A Dog and Pony Show, forgetting what a great episode that was! Like I said, give it to at least Chapter 2 before you knock it entirely.

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(I mean if she would have a broken hoof, then she wouldn't be able to run that fast, feeling pain or not.)

Not broken, just sprained, or lightly injured. Enough to hurt, but not nearly enough to stop her. The fear and adrenaline helped her to ignore the pain for a short while.

I think I would enjoy Rarity and him having some peace from to many of the known ponys, sometimes I don't like it if they start adding 3 - 10 characters from another world and try to always display all of them which makes it look a bit chaotic.

I've felt the same way, rarely is it ever done well, and too many times a character who you think would be good to add to the story gets left on the sidelines.

Really glad you are enjoying it! Thanks for the follow! Next chapter will be up within the week! Hope everyone finds it entertaining and worthwhile, that's all I ask for.

Whether it's to say hello, or leaning against each other during brunch with friends. Physicality was an integral part of a pony's life.

uuuhhhhh I think I actually like that idea for now.

I think it would be interessting to see Rarity change a bit, maybe actually starting to eat meat if they shouldn't find much else for a while.
I liked her wild look and it is an interessting thought to have her sudddenly all badass and a little bit wild if they finally find her again, maybe actually scaring her friends when she is going to take her first bit of anger out of the way, till she can just enjoy seeing her friends again.

Of course she could go back to being more normal again, but I would like her to keep part of her wild side.

I need to finish this chapter later.

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Not broken, just sprained, or lightly injured. Enough to hurt, but not nearly enough to stop her. The fear and adrenaline helped her to ignore the pain for a short while.

ahh okay I thought this much would be the chase.

after the last chapter I decide if I keep it in my favourits for the moment.

It was always a mares' job to protect the stallion

ahhh okay your going to do that in your story.
Well since he is a Human and not a normal Pony Stallion that would be forced to follow the rule I have nothing against it.

I'm more or less actually thinking about treating both the same way in the mind of the most beings, I probably wouldn't let either the Stallions or the Mare think that they are better or something like that. However some background Ponys could have their way of thinking like that.
I hope I have written this correctly.

I don't know if could do 10k words consistently, but then again my job got in the way of me focusing on this, so we'll see.

Like I said, if you are going to make this story mostly about them being in the Forest, I would like to have a sequel, hat way you maybe wouldn't need to always write 10.000 words, even if I actually hope for longer chapters.

I think reading about 5.000 words is always fine before it can start to feel like work.

Nice story, I think for now it looks like one of my favourite storys, which is hopefully one that isn't suddenly dying.

7734151

ahhh okay your going to do that in your story.
Well since he is a Human and not a normal Pony Stallion that would be forced to follow the rule I have nothing against it.

I have a reason for it, I believe it will help put things in Rarity's perspective. I know it's an overused idea, my use of it will be (I hope) unique, since I don't plan on following quite the same route with it.

I have read that you don't want to show Twilight and the others much often in this story, which makes me believe that this could be over far sooner than I would like it to end. Mayb you can make around 30 chapters at least, or a sequel?

Oh, god! I was happy just thinking up 12! I'm writing this much like a movie, I currently can't think of how to show the reader a gradual change for Rarity. I've already got a montage planned, but I'm trying my best to avoid it, IF I can. Though I predict I will get around 100k-150k words for the whole story.

I would like to have a sequel.

I've thought of a few things for a Life After sequel, though they're just 3-5 ideas, but then again that's how many I started with on this story.

While your writing would benefit from further editing, the story itself has been engaging thus far, and I look forward to future chapters, especially now that Rarity's made it through what I'm hoping is her lowest point in the story, both externally and morally, thus allowing her to shine as things progress (I realize that character flaws are necessary, but it's never fun to see Best Pony being a jerk).

That said, for now I can't say I approve of your decision to have Rarity maintain the lie of being a princess, even after becoming ashamed of her behavior and sincerely begging for forgiveness. Now that she trusts him, her sole motive for keeping up the charade is apparently to give Atchmon incentive to help her get home, but telling the truth would be no different in that regard, given that she has connections with multiple princesses, at least one of whom would be willing to reward him for her return. Rarity's certainly no Applejack when it comes to honesty, but she's not one to needlessly maintain a deception either, and it feels out of character for her to go on with it without at least some measure of guilt or rationalizing on her part, especially given her contrite mindset at the end of the chapter.

I'm sure you have the eventual reveal planned out, of course, and it could very well be a great idea that I wouldn't expect. But if the purpose of the reveal is to create tension and friction between the two characters, it's likely just going to feel more and more contrived the longer you put it off.

7741092

While your writing would benefit from further editing,

Thanks for the comment! True, I still find things wrong with my sentence structure, though this sort of thing was my worst subject in school. However I'm learning a lot as I go along. Hopefully it feels as though I'm improving. That was definitely her moral low, though she's still a prissy pony with certain standards, I doubt she'll allow anything she doesn't like without a few words.

That said, for now I can't say I approve of your decision to have Rarity maintain the lie of being a princess,

I've had similar thoughts, though the lie is mostly suppose to be a call back to A Dog a Pony Show, where Rarity manipulates the Diamond Dogs to her benefit. Rarity uses her charm and wits to get what she wants, and I'm hoping to convey that in this story.

Rarity isn't one to give what someone else has to help herself, which is part of her generous spirit. Though at the same time she isn't afraid to use what she can to get what she really wants. Which leads to the question of how far would she go? Would she give what other have to save herself?

I personally don't think so, I think that's why you don't really ever see the main cast asking the Princesses or Discord for help whenever a problem arises. I know this conflicts with Spike sending the letter in Spellward Bound, though I only put it there to have an opportunity to combat the other way they could find her in the Next Chapter: New Friends. Which I should have up within the next day or two.

I'm sure you have the eventual reveal planned out, of course, and it could very well be a great idea that I wouldn't expect. But if the purpose of the reveal is to create tension and friction between the two characters, it's likely just going to feel more and more contrived the longer you put it off.

I do have it planned out, though I never planned on it leading to much tension. More as away to bring out the drama queen in Rarity, and like I said above to get what she wants.

This chapter I liked a lot more than the previous one. This one has some conflict and good old personal development.

I feel like this is an RGRE (reverse gender-role Equestria) story, based on what Rarity said about males behaving like how some of us tend to believe women generally behave. I say that even though I've never read an RGRE story before (to my knowledge).

9552498
It is, but I'm trying to make it more like how 'women' act, is the more accepted way on how things work in society. Boys are still boys, and girls are still girls. But most things we expect 'men' to do, is solely in control of 'women'. It'll make more sense in the sequel.

For this story. I'm making Rarity out to be the more submissive one in the relationship, plus there's other extenuating factors as to why she'd be the more submissive one, considering who she's with and their situation. I got a little dialog to point that out in the next chapter I release. She'll be more 'in charge' once she gets back to Ponyville and familiar territory.

I'm gonna draw some comparisons in the sequel. Like for example calling a Stallion a Stud will be equivalent to calling a woman a Slut.

Rarity continued to find any excuse not stay with the stranger, but instead of finding one big reason, she came up with dozens of smaller petty ones.

"That sounds perfectly fine to me Atchmon, I feel my own tired setting in as well, though..." She trailed, eyeing the bed and biting her lip, while scuffing a hoof at the ground with a pleading look upon her face.

I know the story is years old, but I gotta point out; water moccasins aren't poisonous, just like the vast majority of snakes. They're venomous; they bite things and inject the stuff that makes them die. Poisonous snakes do exist, but they're extremely rare.

must...contain...eeee.

Rarity had always been a fanfilly of those trashy romance novels which upheld the views of patriarchy, unfortunately most of the male protagonists fell in love with another of the same sex. She could only read so many of those, before the thought of two males together did nothing for her.

I agree you can only read so much about that one ship before it gets dreadfully boring

I had no reason to comment this
Jus' had to get it off my chest

I fuckingove this!

Her parents were currently in Zebrica, visiting the city of Roam.

I'm just gonna chalk her thinking that Roam (Rome) is in Zebrica (Africa) instead of Bitaly (Italy) up to her being stressed after a near-death experience.

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I just took it as a Fallout: Equestria reference intentional or not.
Edit: just realized that sxcbeast pfp is Blackjack so it was in fact was completely intentional.
haven't fully finished Project Horizons yet