Yay new chapter
thank you so much

Amazing, good action and very nice story for this chapter.

i can remember being on his side, but right there him waiting and waiting is getting nowhere I think. He can only decite what is more important to him/them, living like that forever or trying their luck.
I really hope they come out there sharing the deepest bond anyone every saw and even when Cadance should look she (if she has to), sense a bond stronger than hers or something like that.
I really want her friends to not reconize her at some points and habits she developed, maybe she even throws the "Mares are better" way of thinking, which seems to be the "man are better thing" we had or still have in real life, well I hope she throws that idea overboard and just tread each other as equal since he isn't the same species and not their type of males.

Now I remember, he can only go back trough the portal, that is his problem I guess.

"Atchmon, heellllp, aaaaaahhhhh!" Rarity screamed as she flew away, watching Atchmon's form run out to meet her, and quickly shrink away.

"RARITY!"

Rarity lost on level 1.

Atchmon cried out and half leaped to get away from his assaulter, causing him to fall forward onto the ground, writhing in pain.

Maybe I'm always forgetting about Atchmons strong moments, but in some stories it lookes way to much like "yay ponies are awesome" and much like "boooh humans can do nothing", that is why I always come back to saying that it looks to me like that when he is loosing or getting the worst wounds and everything.

It often looks like Rarity shows her skilled and Atchmon being easily outmatched lately. I want him to be her equal somehow, at least the normal races can't only be better in everything all the time. You probably don't even want it to look like that, but Atchmon mostly get's only sublte/little achivments and Rarity the more obivous/big ones.

It is still a good chapter, I can admit that much, but I can't stop myself to going back to the "ponies are better" thing once in a while.
I like that this is more or less realistic, but I started to thinkof several reasons why their world could maybe work differently for humans, afterall all the human world and cartoon crossovers are also only a theory/idea.

This is a good chapter.

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Some of the action scenes are from a few of my own experiences. Like the scratches Atchmon got from the cockatrice, are like when I used to help my Great Aunt catch and trim the wings of her chickens, id end up with more than a few scratches. And a dog attack when I was a teenager, is like the younger wolves.

Atchmon mainly takes down animals through stealth and planning, and so far he's been at a disadvantage when Rarity's around. Soon he's going to have to try other things he may have never considered before to survive.

immediately bared it's impressively

its

senses. It's aroma contradicted

she writhed in it's clutches.

Thunderbird fall, it's corpse lost within

its

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Atchmon mainly takes down animals through stealth and planning, and so far he's been at a disadvantage when Rarity's around. Soon he's going to have to try other things he may have never considered before to survive.

That maybe makes sense, if you meant that he has to not only fight for himself but for Rarity too at the moment, that and it's more a team fight I guess even if it looks like Rarity get's the points for winning.

Not sure how you would mean it othewise, the "been at a disadvantage with RArity around" part.
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I will probably say something next time too, but as long as you can shape him into someone that get's a clear win when Rarity can do nothing in a few situations that would maybe show them as equals, then it is good enough for me. I think even one moment would be enough and the rest can continue as that teamfight stuff.

To be honest I have the feelings the fight at the moment are more used to shape their relationship.

Well thank you for the answer, the story was a nice suprise last night even if it made me stay up longer than I wanted.

Another good chapter.

You do realize that at some point Rarity is going to go into heat.

The Monk

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Yes, but not in this story. I do have it planned in the sequel, with a few small twists for the timing. Plus, the way I'm planning on them making it home is going to be pretty short, as far as length of time from point A to B, but enjoyable nonetheless. I think anyway. I will admit I forgot IRL mares go into season much more often than I first thought. Plus, I think there's a fanon acceptance of heat being a once or twice a year thing. And I felt a month or 30 days is a nice round number to keep Rarity in one spot, along with what their friends are doing to help find her.

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I want him to be that way too. A much more independant character compared to other HiE fics.

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YW! Lemme know what you think so far!

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Thank you! Fixed.

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I don't remember every idea that was used in stories about the ponies heat if they have them in the stories, but as long as it doesn't get so strong to them to a point that they would look for the nearest stallion and start to act like sluts I don't mind.

I mean I'm sure if that happens to Rarity Atchmon would be near, but I would prefer it if the world in your story doesn't has them as a easy to get piece of meat when they are in heat if you know what I mean. In stories they usually act like there is no problem with it, but I always have to think about a Mare letting herself being taken by maybe someone she hates only because she is in heat and stuff like that. The social problems and everything that would normally have as possibe consequenses.

I will admit I forgot IRL mares go into season much more often than I first thought. Plus, I think there's a fanon acceptance of heat being a once or twice a year thing.

well only because that happens in real life, it doesn't have to mean it has to happen with the ponies to, so do what you want and only make it happen a few times or whatever. They don't have to take everything like some kind of golden rule even if some do that.
I mean they all often try to defend their point of view, but in the end everything is kind of only theory since it are cartoon characters in the end.

Oh I'm kind of excited now, I image them having a fight or an really emotional moment where they both don't talk with each other for a long time, or where they have to think about what they want from each other. Then after maybe Atchmon comes back to have that talk, he kind of notice Rarity having a hard time with her heat, trying to fight against the urge which can maybe only statisfied by her chosen lover.
I know what I said about the heat, but I like to think that maybe it's only that worse for them if they have a special person and then their instinct is making it worse for them if they share a deep enough bond with their special somepony. I hope you know how I mean it.

I always have those big comments, but I actually feel pretty content with this story and this is one of the stories where I don't really fear any bad suprise, you know when you think you like a story but then it suddenly comes back with something that bites you in the ass. (Not sure if I use that saying right).

edit: I think I forgot to reply to my own part of your comment. Well it is of course nice to be reminded that we share an opinion in that matter.

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Thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. Keep up the amazing work.

Dramatic.

Hope rarity remembered her surgeon's knot, otherwise those stitches are gonna tear out the moment Atchmon starts moving.

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as long as it doesn't get so strong to them to a point that they would look for the nearest stallion and start to act like sluts I don't mind.

But that's what estrus does.

...And if it doesn't, it's kinda pointless.

Granted, most writers on this site take it way too far, having it make ponies do things that IRL horses would never do. Sapience gives you the ability to fight your instincts, but only to such a point.

Imagine all the crazy shit you've done when you were aroused. I mean really, extremely horny. Now imagine if you were twice as aroused, and it was a constant ache that only went away briefly after you had sex, and it stayed with you for a week.

Really, humans are lucky that we don't have to deal with estrus.

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I'm planning on it being a thing of annoyance wrather than the outright uncontrollable urge most seem to write. There's only one work that did something similar but didnt focus 9n it. And you just had to figure out what was really going on. I want to add things from the mare perspective I haven't seen anyone else do, but also from the stallion's as well. It'll be a theme of temptation and indulgence.

People seem to like my semi intimate 1st person approach to Rarity's and Atchmon's thoughts and feelings.

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But that's what estrus does.

maybe in the real world and not everyone seems to like it like that in the stories, I noticed that I'm not alone with that thought. I don't exactly compare real life horses with cartoon horses to much.

Sapience gives you the ability to fight your instincts, but only to such a point.

well I was never someone that only thought with my male equipment and I'm no someone for one night stands only.

I just think if they can think enough and care about enough stuff, then it could get pretty akward if they let themself get fucked by everyone.

I guess you could say that the more adventures ponies maybe still do it what I would want to call the old ways in this story.
( I make it short since I accidently deletted a part of the comment when I wanted to copy it.)

I deleeted a bit of my comment accidently so I make it short, since many authors use magic and whatever as an explanation for everything, why can'T they just have found a herb that helps them with their heat?
In this story you could just say Rarity can't get them in the forest.

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Well I always viewed the ponies a bit more like humans in a different body, since they got a working uhhmmm well they are not animals anymore.

I deleeted a bit of my comment accidently so I make it short, since many authors use magic and whatever as an explanation for everything, why can'T they just have found a herb that helps them with their heat?
In this story you could just say Rarity can't get them in the forest.

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well I was never someone that only thought with my male equipment and I'm no someone for one night stands only.

You don't have to be that kind of person to know that sexual arousal will make you act very differently. If it's strong enough, it can be like drugs or alcohol in subduing your inhibitions. Makes it hard to think straight.

That's not to say that it would turn a mare into a ravenous, sex-crazed beast. It would just make them want sex more. A lot more.

I think estrus would probably be like ovulation for human women. It would just happen less often, and have stronger, longer-lasting effects when it did. About a week of being more open with their advances toward stallions they found attractive.

why can'T they just have found a herb that helps them with their heat?

That's possible, but I'm not sure why they would use it. Estrus would only be a problem if it suddenly started happening, but ponies have always had it. They've had it all while developing their cultures and civilizations. They've had tens of thousands of years to find ways to deal with it.

There are chemicals out there that subdue or even stop sexual arousal in humans, but most people don't use or even know about them. Because arousal is normal. There's no point in getting rid of it.

Ponies would likely feel the same way about estrus, I think.

Maybe they couldn't survive without magic from Equestria. Or maybe they never existed at all, and were actually animals what migrated from his world, then mutated from the magical emissions from Equestria itself!

Perhaps that would explain why so many mythical animals had so many traits from animals back onhisworld. But that doesn't really explain how Rarity's world had normal things like rabbits, and squirrels and the like, unless they're simply immune or resistant.

I appreciate how Atchmon comes up with this theory that the worlds are connected but completley fails to consider the possibility that standard run of the mill evolution could be involved in the differentiation of species over time, lol. Literally going through the whole "if humans came from monkeys why are there still monkeys???" line of logic in his head.

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You don't have to be that kind of person to know that sexual arousal will make you act very differently. If it's strong enough, it can be like drugs or alcohol in subduing your inhibitions. Makes it hard to think straight.

That is maybe true, I just don't like to use something like that as some kind of rule for everyone. I like to think that there are always people who react a bit different and that there are maybe also people who work differently even if they should be the exception.
However I don't think we need to talk much more about that, I can already say that we probably won't convince each other about anything to fast.

edit:

That's not to say that it would turn a mare into a ravenous, sex-crazed beast. It would just make them want sex more. A lot more.

Well I have nothing to say against that, just that most arguments start to sound like thatis exactly what the others want to argue about, if I talk with others, the way you describe it sounds at least more like the way I like to see it.

I think estrus would probably be like ovulation for human women. It would just happen less often, and have stronger, longer-lasting effects when it did. About a week of being more open with their advances toward stallions they found attractive.

I maybe start to understand you a bit better right now. Well yes, I just like to think that they will only do that if they actually like that person or could think of someone like a potential mate, not just thinking of them as a current solution.
There are probably going to be some Mares like in real life that maybe want to do that kind of one night stand stuff and other are more uuhhmmm picky?, I mean that they maybe choose a partner for a more serious relationship.

I just want to avoid to image them as if they would suddenly start to bend over in the middle of the street and wait for the next person to come and take them if you know what I mean. (do you speak german? it would be easier for me to explain it that way I suppose)

Like I said, I make the difference between them being cartoon horses and being able to work in more than one possible way, which sometimes makes it pointless to argue with real life sources, their bodies could just work differently like aliens in some movies or games.

They've had it all while developing their cultures and civilizations. They've had tens of thousands of years to find ways to deal with it.

Isn't that more something like a fan thing?, because they started to compare them with real life horses and made them act more like their uuhmm(whats the word)...simple reallive relatives?

There are chemicals out there that subdue or even stop sexual arousal in humans, but most people don't use or even know about them. Because arousal is normal. There's no point in getting rid of it.

Ponies would likely feel the same way about estrus, I think.

I don't say that it is not normal or to get rid of it, but maybe they want to be able to control it to a certain point, because like you said in some stories they suddenly lose every bit of their intelligents and do stuff that would probably make it pretty difficult to continue like normal. I can't name any specific action because I image several situations in which that would maybe be a bad thing to happen, that is something I take from the real life world and compare it with the situation when I see them acting like mere feral beasts again.
Long story short, I like it when the heat is handled good in a story, but like you said some authors like to overdo it a bit sometimes.

edit: I hope I didn't forgot anything.

Monty nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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I'm glad you appreciated it! I'm still on the fence on how much religion I want to play into his character, which was the thing I had in mind when coming up with the Theory. I've hinted a tiny bit at it with the 'divine' comment in Great Outdoors, and when he may, at times, feel differently about what he believes compared to the world around him.

But he also has that strong human need to discover and explore. Which I hope I'll be able to convey a little more, and help realize how tragic his time being stuck in one place has been because of it.

Please forgive the long post.

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I like to think that there are always people who react a bit different and that there are maybe also people who work differently even if they should be the exception.

Oh, I know from personal experience that being aroused effects everyone uniquely. There are a lot of people out there who are affected very little by it. In fact, I'd argue that the people who do change significantly in behavior are the minority.

But it does effect you. Unless you have a defect in your reproductive system.

Getting aroused isn't just when your peepee gets hard or your vagoo gets slick. It starts off with a complex cocktail of hormones being released into your bloodstream. Your disgust reactions are muted, your desire is amplified, your inhibitions get lowered, etc.

Again, this is different with each case, but it's almost guaranteed to happen to some degree.

Well I have nothing to say against that, just that most arguments start to sound like thatis exactly what the others want to argue about

Yeah, well... If you ask me, those people are flat-out wrong.

Like I said earlier, not even real life horses get that crazy when they're in heat, and a creature with sapience has the ability to fight their instincts.

Well yes, I just like to think that they will only do that if they actually like that person or could think of someone like a potential mate, not just thinking of them as a current solution.

I agree. I think only the... *ahem* loosest of mares would go around banging whatever stallion walked in front of them during estrus. Considering estrus is the only time a mare can get pregnant, they'd have to be very casual with their approach to sex to so wantonly go about satisfying their cravings. More likely than not, such mares—and especially the stallions who sleep with them—would probably be seen as irreputable by other ponies.

If sex toys and/or medicines could help relieve the symptoms of estrus, those would probably be the more common ways of "relief".

I just want to avoid to image them as if they would suddenly start to bend over in the middle of the street and wait for the next person to come and take them if you know what I mean.

I know what you mean, and I agree.

That interpretation of estrus is just plain silly, as far as I'm concerned. It can work in a clop or comedy, but if the story is trying to take itself seriously, I don't find it realistic.

do you speak german?

No, unfortunately. If you'd like, we could take this conversation to PMs. We'd be more free to make our stances clear. This reply chain is already getting pretty long, and I don't know if sxcbeast appreciates it taking up his comment section.

Isn't that more something like a fan thing?

Well, kinda. But it's one based on logic, I think. The show obviously doesn't go into detail about how pony sexuality works, but I don't really think it should be too different from how they do it in reality.

because they started to compare them with real life horses and made them act more like their uuhmm(whats the word)...simple reallive relatives?

Well, as much as we humans like to stroke our egos about how different we are from other animals, we're still just apes. We have the mannerisms of apes, the anatomy of apes, and the biology of apes.

In a similar way, when it comes down to it, ponies are just small horses.

I don't say that it is not normal or to get rid of it, but maybe they want to be able to control it to a certain point

Oh, I see. In that case, I'd agree. Even in more realistic scenarios, it can't be too fun to be constantly horny all the time. I mean, some women take drugs to blunten the effects of menstruation, so mares would probably do something similar.

Though, in a culture like the one in this story, where mares are supposed to be the protectors of the family, it could be that the masculine attitude of not complaining about discomfort would be more common in mares. If this is the case, perhaps taking medicine to control estrus would be seen as a sign of weakness or selfishness; especially in a married (or herded) mare. Eh, just food for thought.

because like you said in some stories they suddenly lose every bit of their intelligents and do stuff that would probably make it pretty difficult to continue like normal

In a scenario where the effects of estrus are that strong, I think using any means—magical or medical—to subdue them would absolutely be the normal way of doing things.

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Okay I have send you one last PM, I don't think I have much more to tell, it sounded like we see it pretty similar in the end despite what we maybe prefer in detail.

well dang this chapter turned side-wise really fast.
a super good chapter i am interested as to how this hole story ark will play out.

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Glad you enjoyed it. I was a little worried I went a little too far with everything.

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just right.
it feels good to me and you picked a really good place for a cliffhanger.

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I originally wanted to have Rarity pick up his bow and used the fishing reel attachment (which would've been piano wire, it being cheaper to buy than actual bow fishing lure, and be a reference to Jaws) then truss up the bird (a la star wars walker style) then Rarity sees bird breaking through its bonds and notices lightning going all around and finally tries to kill it with an arrow with a wire attached towards the the sky, then the lightning comes down to finish it off. Which would've been like that scene in Hunger Games.

Decided against it when I thought of an alternate way after thinking it wouldn't be consistent with Raritys lack of magical strength and I really wanted Atchmon to point out that flaw of hers. After that, from a writing standpoint, I felt the 'firin' mah lazor' was a better choice given that argument scene.

Damm good progression, it was foreshadowed yet still had some damn good drama, I especially like the line about lightning falling as often as rain

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I'm glad you're still with it! I know how hard it can be to get into a new HiE story. Many characters feel devoid of any emotion, or lack personality, or they play too much to one side. Such as being too much of an Asshole or too nice.

I want Atchmon to feel human. He's going to be selfish at times, make mistakes, and say things without thinking first.

I feel Hunter's Prayer was my 'make or break' chapter, to me, it all made sense they wouldn't immediately be together like that. Considering they've only known each other for a month.

This story feels very raw and very real, and i love it.

I couldn't ask for a better compliment. Thank you!

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Glad you liked the drama. I was hoping I'd hit it right with showing a little of Atchmon's 'dark side'.

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aww you may have a plan witch you try to follow ,but, some times your muse demands you go a different way.
and i have helped a few authors enough to know it is best to follow your muse as it is normal right.

This has to be one of the best stories I’ve read in a long time, just liking and putting it in my favourites is not good enough, there needs to be like a super favourites button then I might have a place good enough for this fic.
In short I love it! Please make more

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Thank you! I made a bookshelf I just call 'Legends' and has all my absolute favorites. That's about as close we can get! Next chapter should be out in the next month and it'll be the start of thier journey back to Rarity's home.

This was a surprising find for me, and I have rather enjoyed every moment I have spent reading it.

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Thank you for giving it a chance and sticking with it. My next chapter will have them start their journey, but it might be some time next month before I get it out. We got a 3 week long event coming up and I'm working most of it. But I'll chip away at it when I can. I'm excited to finish this thing!

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Good luck!

I just started reading and am now caught up.
It's good to see that you've read other HiE stories and made your own improvements to the genre. It shows.

I'm really impressed that you've captured Rarity's character and haven't "bent it towards your will." A flaw I've seen other authors make. She still feels "in character" even after all these chapters. Awesome work.

Atchmon's charter is refreshingly unique. He's got his strengths and flaws. His pissy attitude when Rarity was running away got me angry--a testament to how well you evoke emotion in your readers.

I can't wait for more. And thank you for posting.

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Thank you so much for your praise and input! It's refreshing to get feedback from others who've read a few other HiE fics. Lets me know I'm doing right by everyone.

There's times I feel I've made Rarity a bit too submissive, but I remind myself of her situation and realize most of her reactions are fairly appropriate. I'm hoping to show more of her strengths in the next few chapters. My only regret is I can't seem to integrate more of her business knowledge and talent. I have a few things planned but, I think because they're pretty spread out, it doesn't seem like enough.

I'm glad you like Atchmon's character. I can't wait to get to the sequel so I can show more of him, and his take on the world around him. There will be plenty to learn about him in these last few chapters. Expect comedy, adventure, disappointment, and heartbreak.

Friend has not written for a long time but you always reaffirm my OPTION that this fic deserves to be among the greats of the HIE (Xenophilia, your human and you, gentleman for seas, Touch the sun, every Pusspuss work ...). You have not only written an enveloping story, but also Atchmon as a character is very credible in his characterization of a person with a lack of self-esteem that conditions his success in life (I have heard of cases of people with obsessive-compulsive disorder who are perfectionists, terrible combination since the victim of such problems are those who are defeatists who refuse to do some very real fear of a failure and therefore do nothing in life and remain in their comfort zone). I am frustrated that Atchmon feels unworthy of Rarity, which is not a writer's error but a good characterization of Atchmon's internal problems as an individual and his relationship with the world.
The characterization of Rarity is surprisingly faithful, I love it. I am more of the Princess Celestia, but this Rarity moves from what I thought was what denotes an attention to the exalted detail. Someday you should consider characterizing the Princess Celestia in some fic and, since we are here, perhaps she is a future character?
the only defect that I can see in the fic are Spike and Swetie Belle, honestly I bored the chapter of them, I do not say that you remove them from the fic but they feel like dead or stuffed, please that they do not have any protagonist ( except Spike, I want to know how he would react to Atchmon).
one more think, please for the love of Celestia... monogamy is heresy!!!! herd sistem is the natural way for Equestria, Rarity please share!!!!
Thank you very much for this wonderful work, totally approved by the Goddess-Empress Celestia, praise her name and unbeaten be her light.
orig12.deviantart.net/ad25/f/2014/356/7/c/there_are_many_like_her__but_this_filly_is_mine_by_berrypawnch-d8aveqx.png

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Friend has not written for a long time but you always reaffirm my OPTION that this fic deserves to be among the greats of the HIE (Xenophilia, your human and you, gentleman for seas, Touch the sun, every Pusspuss work ...).

Thank you so much for the high praise, though I would like to think I'm there among them, I know I'm not. My only disagreement would be Touch the Sun, I didn't care for the human character's cursing, it always felt like the author was just trying to get him to curse for the sake of cursing in every bit of dialog. I want Atchmon's cursing to feel it was used at the appropriate time for maximum effect.

Atchmon as a character is very credible in his characterization of a person with a lack of self-esteem that conditions his success in life (I have heard of cases of people with obsessive-compulsive disorder who are perfectionists, terrible combination since the victim of such problems are those who are defeatists who refuse to do some very real fear of a failure and therefore do nothing in life and remain in their comfort zone).

Pretty much exactly what I was going for with him. The forest itself is a metaphor for the challenges and fears we face. And while Atchmon does try, he gives up at the first sign of trouble. His cave is his comfort zone.

I am frustrated that Atchmon feels unworthy of Rarity,

Wasn't going for unworthiness, but there isn't enough from his perspective to really convey what's really going on. I'm confident I'll clear everything up in 4 chapters. It's going to be the chapter everyone's waiting for.
He does have internal problems, Just like Rarity having set in her mind how she wants her 'happily ever after' to go, Atchmon also has his own ideals to his success once out of the forest. I don't think I conveyed that both believes they can only have one or the other. and not both at once.

only defect that I can see in the fic are Spike and Sweetie Belle, honestly I bored the chapter of them,

Sorry you didn't like the chapter, I wanted them to be like typical teenagers. And to show how everyone's doing. I did feel Spike wasn't the comedy relief like he is in the show, but considering I'm having them aged up in my story, maybe they're a little more matured. They're going to be present, and I have plans to have Atchmon teach Spike what it means to be a 'man', in the same way Spike wants to learn to be a dragon.

Princess Celestia in some fic and, since we are here, perhaps she is a future character?

I do have Princess Celestia planned in the sequel, but she's going to be about as present as she is in the show.

monogamy is heresy!!!!

LOL, I'm confident everyone will like what I've got planned. I want to put a twist on the whole herd system. Compared to other human characters, Atchmon is going to be more strong willed, and stubborn on the subject.

Thank you very much for this wonderful work, totally approved by the Goddess-Empress Celestia, praise her name and unbeaten be her light.

YW! and thank you again!

Just started reading today and couldn’t stop until I caught up, I really enjoying the story so far and I thank you for the work you’re putting into it.

Though part of me wonders why something like a signal fire or anything to make their position know wasn’t tried, I thought that was the second half of the “stay put and wait for help” survival strategy. Unless I missed something, idk, if RD already searched half the Everfree she’d of had to seen a column of smoke if it was big enough

Anyway, thanks again, keep up the good work

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Thank you! I know I didn't explain that he has a stockpile of firewood nearby, I think there's one or two places I could 'stick' it in to correct that little oversight. Also, he usually always has a fire going anyway. There's not much point in wasting all that time and energy feeding a big fire, if you aren't sure someone will see it.

I may have messed up the timing a little bit on Rainbow Dash. Essentially everything is supposed to line up together on the same day. Hunters prayer takes place a few days before the events of Mistakes Made, and the end of Hunter's Prayer should have enough time passed that Rainbow should be starting her search of the everfree.

In most survival movies/books the protagonist usually always makes a mad rush to build a fire when they see a plane in the sky, or a boat on the horizon. And usually end up missing the opportunity from not being fast enough or caught unprepared.

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Yeah, but it gets better. let me know your other thoughts and feelings!

This has made it into my Favorites list. I also gave this an upvote. By all means please keep the chapters coming. I keep thinking Rarity is going to make a Damsel Boon reference.

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Yeah, I did that because I thought it'd be funny, and I wasn't sure how far the story would go. If I had less than 50 likes I probably wouldn't have went this far with it. But now I'm determined to finish. I think after Apex Predators there's much fewer links then none altogether. I think my 4th or 5th chapter has the last one.

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I'll go back and fix it all eventually. Right now I don't have much motivation to do so. Really just want to get this next chapter out.

Wanted to make sure I read through the whole story thus far before reviewing, so here it goes:

The story itself is unique and strong, but needs extensive editing for spelling and grammar, particularly for incorrect word usage, incorrect tenses, incorrect use of commas, and choppy sentences with incomplete clauses. One of the most glaring issues I've noticed is an overuse of exclamation points, and rather than add to the story by highlighting energetic or eventful sentences, it detracts by becoming too commonplace, as well as being used in the wrong instances. The story has a lot of potential to be amazing, but it's currently very raw and unpolished.

8942968
Thank you for your review! I know I still need a lot of work remembering proper punctuation. In school I always had a problem with it, and I continue to have a very basic understanding of grammar. At least in this way I have a chance to learn it properly by actually doing it, rather than copying what our teacher was doing and not understanding it at all.

8971373 No! Build a small fire out of wet branches to signal with smoke!

i like the story despite its flaws

Really liking this story but I've got to ask, are they going to get back to Ponyville soon? Will the story continue on once they make it out of the Everfree? Will Rarity ever get some of that hot monkey d?
I guess my only qualm about the story is Rarity not bringing up Luna trying to visit her in her dreams. I feel like the sole reason she can't is his dream catcher but I suppose that would have just ended the story just like if Discord snapped his fingers. All in all the angst is killing me slowly.
Pls update xD

9011016
Yes to all. I don't see this playing out longer than 5 more chapters maybe 7 at most. Sorry for not updating. Got addicted to finishing everything in Fallout 4 and now I'm doing the same in The witcher 3. Next chapter is close to finished. Just gotta sit my lazy but down and do it!

EDIT: I forgot to mention; I'm really bad at estimating.

So, I really love the story and it's certainly kept my attention, but I'm starting to notice some issues with certain things. I feel like we're getting to a point where this constant back and forth between friends and hating each other has become ridiculous. I mean, at this point when they started arguing again I just rolled my eyes and started skimming because, sure enough, it was the same process once again, and it's become old. That and the nonstop convoluted terrible stuff happening is leading to some really major audience apathy, at least for me. The story is already over 100,000 words long, but I feel like barely anything has changed. Something will start to change, but then it's right back to the start. They argue, make up, and then mope, and then something bad happens, and then it happens again seemingly nonstop. I just hope something actually changes soon, because I don't think I can stand another 100,000 words of this.