You should recieve more atención, this is a good well written story, ill be following, faved and liked

7647718 First time writer, not gonna expect too much out of the gate. But thanks for the high praise! Glad you enjoying it so far!

Keep up the good work.

Will we find out how long he's been in Equestrian? Or is it going to be kept vague?

7653354 I have plans to reveal a more exact number in the next chapter. Atchmon has been there so long that he's just been going through the motions, so an exact date will be kept vague. Ballpark he does know how long based on seasons changing, ect.

7653473 One of the things that really got me in this chapter was when Atchmon commented on how he's gone so long without talking to anyone else. Really adds weight to how lonely he feels, and to what he was planning on doing to himself.

Another question: will chapter lengths vary greatly? Or are you going to go for a target length for each chapter?

7658361 I'll reveal the 'friend' he has been talking to.

I'm going to try for a consistent 5k per chapter. I could see a couple getting into the 10k range. Maybe I should consider 10k average considering my last 2 chapters. I love dialog, but hate unnecessary descriptive bloat. I'll try to make every paragraph worth reading!

And now I wait

7672356 might be next week for the next chapter. These next ones are my toughest to write, trying to balance comedy and emotion with development.

7689659 Details please.

7691433
Well, in that first chapter, everybody acts more like co-workers who've all had far too little sleep than like a group of friends who have known each other for years. They're all practically at each others' throats. Applejack especially, who in the show is the most level-headed and mature of the Mane 6, is an unrepentant asshole.

If anyone is likely to poke fun at her friends, it would be Rainbow Dash; and even then, the most extreme reaction she'd get would be an eyroll. None of the Mane 6 are likely to yell at their friends because of an accident; the least likely of which is AJ.

7693839 I get how you feel. Starlight is still a new characer/ friend kind of like AJ from Winter Wrap Up, yelling at Twilight for using magic on her farm for example, which I lIke that side of AJ in season 1 when they weren't really close friends at first. I figured she would be the most opposed to the spell.

I've been a bit pulled toward Rarijack shipping. I hoped the tender moment before the castle was enough to highlight that and justify AJ's reaction.

Everypony was kind of having a bad day. I was poking some fun t RBD napping habits figuring she'd be a little cranky if she'd missed one.

7694536

like AJ from Winter Wrap Up, yelling at Twilight for using magic on her farm

Applejack didn't yell at Twilight. She berated Twilight; and maybe raised her voice a little. Also, she wasn't mad because Twilight used magic. She was mad because Twilight flouted a generations-old Ponyville tradition set into place by her own family.

I've been a bit pulled toward Rarijack shipping.

I don't think that's a good enough reason to make AJ act so OOC. Especially since the clear one at fault for the accident is Rarity herself, who still went and tripped the map's new functionality despite having learned exactly how it worked.

I was poking some fun t RBD napping habits figuring she'd be a little cranky if she'd missed one.

All the more reason why she should have been the one with the highest temper. She's already naturally the most hot-headed of the group, with minor sleep deprivation besides, and to top it all off, is the former bearer of the Element of Loyalty. If anyone should be yelling at Starlight for tangentially endangering her friends, it's RD.

Not that even she should be doing that, none of them really have a penchant for yelling at people for causing accidents.

7694821 In the end it's not going to matter. They're barely going to make %10 of the story. If that. Some of the mane6 will make a reappearance later on, along with spike and the CMC.

7698192
Mischaracterization is a pretty big deal; even if it's only present for 1% of the narrative. It can make or break a story. I'd suggest you edit it, but it's your story, so do what you want.

7698486 I'm pretty happy with it. Not gonna expect much from my first story ever.

This is pretty interesting so far. Can't wait to see where it goes!

7709260 thanks! should have the next chapter up tonight! So glad my work schedule is over!

That dream sequence, interesting how it reacts to what was happening to her in her sleep, the lurching from being picked up, dropped, then splashed with water and wiped down. Followed by a nightmare, very clever.

So a small cave littered with hash marks and now on a tree, I'm really curious to how exactly did he arrive.
Continuing onward

I like how you desplayed the characters so far, Applejack or everyone else, it feels like a small and good difference from the usual stuff.
Maybe make it an alternate universe story too, then no one should say much about the characters acting odd anymore.

Okay I don't care if it should sound wrong, since I can explain it better after I get the first reaction to my comment.
In a way I nearly would have liked to see Rarity trying to act as an animal afte hearing him, because she was affraid and stuff like that, and I actually felt like Rarity for a bit, not knowing how far I could trust the Human. (I mean he is probably a little bit insane or nearly insane right now, but would he be crazy enough to force her to stay, if she would try to go away?)

Now I like them and can't wait to see what happens next.

I have read that you don't want to show Twilight and the others much often in this story, which makes me believe that this could be over far sooner than I would like it to end. Mayb you can make around 30 chapters at least, or a sequel?

I would love to see more to happen between them after they probably started their relationship. Maybe you could even describe a possible problem they have while adopting a Filly or something else. Actually I would mostly like it to be about how others could look at it.
I mean I don't know if you would care to write about it long enough to make sure that it wouldn't end up to short after they solved a potential adoption problem.

Now I even have to think about them adopting and maybe having a child. If I would trust myself with writing I would do it myself, but I just hope it doesn't end up being to short, maye just let yourself an open end and continue it later if you get an idea.

IF! YOU! EMPHASIZE! EVERYTHING! WITH! EXCLAMATION! MARKS! IT! LOSES! MEANING! ALSO! IMPLIES! EVERYONE! IS! SHOUTING!OR!EXCITED! IF! EVERYTHING! IS! EMPHASIZED! IT! IS! THE! SAME! AS! IF! YOU! EMPHASIZED! NOTHING! Think of the waves on the ocean(Highs and lows) versus a calm pond.

Seriously, it's like you are writing as if Pinkie Pie was narrating. If you were, throw a note in your description, or make it obvious that the story is Pinkie narrating, so those of us who dislike CONSTANT! EXCITEMENT! can avoid this. It is HORRIBLY distracting.

8435737
And people have been PMing me saying I wasn't using it enough! And that they didn't feel the words matched with the punctuation.

those of us who dislike CONSTANT! EXCITEMENT! can avoid this. It is HORRIBLY distracting.

Well I do have this tagged with adventure, thriller, sex...

After reading for a bit, I can see what you're saying. Don't know if I'll find the time to go back and fix it all.

I was discouraged when I read the mane 6 talking together, but yet again I am drawn in by your excellent portrayal of your human. The tension in his exclusion is very well written.

8798160
Seems to be a tough part for most. Not sure how to improve it. Thanks for sticking with it. My next i release chapter will have them start their journy.

The chemistry between the two is pretty thick right off. It should take quite a long time to get to that point.

Way too chummy way too fast. Also, stop cheating in your narration! *This is lazy* Flavortext is also lazy without reason!

May I ask what kind of name is that for the human?

9749675
I'm not entirely sure myself. I just know it was the name of my Great grandfather. I used it mainly just because I liked it and because it's not too different from "Anon".

Edit: Its a more "American" Native American name, from what my mother explained to me.

Five platinum and diamond chandeliers arranged in the pattern you'd find on the five-side of a dice

die

The rest of the décor was disturbing. The walls had crude paintings of a strange symbol with five points layered over each other, and of various other creatures in the Everfree.

Whatever you were linking here doesn't work anymore.

"I swear, I won't hurt you, or make do anythin' you don't wanna do.

Magic was no substitute for good ol' toilet paper.

Even the ponies are suffering from the quarantine

Gotta say
That ending was pretty well done

10217006
A bit of a nonsequitur, but:
As an American who's lived in Europe for a while:
Water isn't really a good substitute either.

It washes off the visible stuff, sure, but you can still FEEL that there's a wet film of... "residue" left over.
Don't get me wrong, TP leaves a residue itself, but it's definitely less and thankfully it's also DRY and doesn't sometimes run a drop or two of butt-wash water down along your taint.
While absolutely better than nothing, the "Poseidon's Kiss Unlocked it's Final Form" machine isn't my favorite.

Also, most bidet mounting stations in the wall aren't exactly plumbed to use hot water, so unless you spend a small fortune on re-plumbing your bathroom wall to fit both hot and cold water lines there: In the winter let's just say you start every morning with a jolt stronger than any coffee I've ever tried.
Even if your bathroom wall didn't have a spot for it and you're paying to plumb a bidet station in from scratch, you're adding quite a bit of work for your plumber, which means a significant cost increase before you even buy a luxury warm-water bidet in the first place.

10644592
Good to know. Thanks for the info!

10644592
You could always go with the Asian bidet (a hose attached to a replacement valve). 5 minute job to install and you can still use tp to dry out.

7658710

Arez I'll reveal the 'friend' he has been talking to.

upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/fb/Wilson_The_Volleyball.jpg
Wilson?