It is just part of a problem with many stories in general, but to me it was really grinding how two of the most talented magic casters in Equestria just stand there with their horns in their rumps while Atchmon is dying in dramatic fashion. It is needed for what you got in mind i am certain but it just really messed with my immersion. No attempts to help are made and they just push to leave without checking life signs or other basic details. Just something which bothered me there.
I couldn't help but imagine the Tree resurrected Atchmon but was annoyed that it had to do it at all in order for it's plan for Rarity to succeed. I refuse to give sun butt any credit. Also I have mixed feelings on Atchmon changing but makes sense if your not going for a possibility of crossbreeding.
"This way, the entrance is over here." Rarity panted tiredly as she lead them through the thickets.
The pair came upon a old wooden door with rusted iron hinges and a circular medieval handle. Atchmon rushed forward to pull it open, but jarred his body when the door wouldn't budge. Atchmon pulled with all his strength on the circular handle, but the door refused grant them access.
Rarity felt her hind-end being lifted of the ground and into the air. She quickly realized what was happening and called out to Atchmon, who was unaffected by the magic.
"Maybe she's stuck in the castle?" Starlight Glimmer suggested, causing hers and Twilight's eyes to widen in worry. Their sunken eyes bellied all that they had feared.
------------------------------------------------------ Well that was definitely a turn. That was one crazy Wolf.
Thick tears fell from Rarity's eyes as her lips and body trembled in silent grief. She stroked his face, he looked so at peace, as if he were just sleeping. She leaned over and planted a gentle kiss upon his forehead as her tears fell from her face to land on his cheeks, then roll off, where it fell onto the Tree of Harmony's roots.
Waaait a sec
She leaned over and planted a gentle kiss upon his forehead as her tears fell from her face to land on his cheeks, then roll off, where it fell onto the Tree of Harmony's roots.
Ha, take dat, major character death tag Btw, Is that a pseudo Tangled reference?
9713805 Sorry. Never got around to replying to this. But I know the amount of text can't show it, but from the moment they see Atchmon, to the moment he dies; it's only about a minute to a minute and a half. Meant to be like there wasn't even any time for them to do anything anyway.
Loved the story, glad I came back to read it, but not the ending. I like to keep the H in my HiE. Still going in my favorites and still getting a like. But I doubt I'll be reading the sequel.
Well, at least he turned into a pony and invalidated the H in "HiE" at the end of the story, and not elsewhere in the story. TF in any form is definitely a massive "break" when it comes to "make or break" for me. Especially given how the human's differences from ponies and the rest of intelligent creatures on Equus is one of the most important parts of the genre. Without it, it's just another social experiment because the human now lacks all human traits other than mind/thoughts. After all, ponies have constant reminders that there's already plenty of varying cultures in Equestria that essentially "numb" the potential for culture shock based purely on action and thinking. So the only major thing left to shock them regularly would be differences of a physiological nature that they can't quite grasp the nature of without having those differences and alien needs pointed out to them.
Came back to reread one this ending because its one of the best endings ever. The dude basically gets reborn physically as a pony because his old body gave out on him after taking to much damage.
Damn, a real shame about the end. I know I'm late to the party, but forced conversion is just really off-putting for me. I guess I'll just imagine that the story ended there, and won't go on with the sequel.
Well written story, no hate on that front, just can't get in board with the ending.
10986213 No worries. Glad you enjoyed it for the most part. Yeah, that must be a common thing, and I wasn't aware of it.
I wasn't trying nor planning to purely cater to the HiE crowd, but this is more of a culmination of all my experience with storytelling and entertainment. And I know the next step Atchmon will have to change.
I've had the same attitude with the end of anime shows like Bleach and Naruto. The final Tesuga strike, and the end of Shippuden were satisfying enough for me to walk away.
"I'm so- Sorry for not keepin' my promise..." he sputtered.
Don't you dare...
The flower opened itself, unveiling what lay inside, which was not the human from before, but a bay coated stallion , sleeping peacefully in the middle of the white rose. His chestnut flank rose and fell with each gentle breath.
While I wasn't expecting the pony transformation I'm not really put off by it like a lot of other people seem to be from what I'm reading here, mainly because even though they're technically not human anymore, they're human in mind, so it's still counts in my opinion as HiE cuz you still have the human experiencing Equestria in some form and I found that, at least in the ones I've read, it happened more often than not. I would have liked to see how everypony would have reacted to human Atchmon in the sequel. But I'll settle for story of having him adjust to being a pony, I tend to like those stories also,if that's what you're going for.
Fucking god damnit! You fucking ruined it right at the very end. I despise HiE that turn the human into a pony. Destroys the entire premise. I wish there was a flair or warning so I could avoid stories like this and wasting my time. I can't describe my disappointment.
Ever since I saw the "Harmony has plans for him" phrase from the tree, I saw this coming.
I'm happy this happened. You managed to keep this entire thing so down to earth, even the more sexual aspects were refreshingly humble, completely lacking the exaggerated prowess typical in HiE. This was the only way this story could get a good ending, and I personally appreciate that you went for it.
Nice job, I loved the story it was like... really really good. But that ending..... im sorry but that ending was terrible. It was like an olympic diver doing a reverse 31/2 somersault into a pit of lava.
Ah, but that was quite a spectacular splash he made! Discord: "No, Kevin Lee. That wasn't splash. That was all his bodily fluids instantly becoming superheated steam just before impact. " Spike: "Yeah, he didn't even come close to impacting any lava, either." Oh, um...okay.... Still... spectacular poof, then! Spike & Discord: "That, we can agree on."
i forgot all about this story after i read it years ago, but now that i've finished it again i can remember that i disliked this ending, but my new opinion is that it's good. sure it sucks that he lost his human body, but atleast he won't have an excuse to put off his relationship with rarity because of the whole 'different species' part. i'm kinda disappointed we won't see the results of everypony seeing him as a human, but at least we can get to see the towns reaction of a pristine looking stallion returning with an absolutely fucked up Rarity. imagine the... oh wait, i don't need to imagine it, theres a sequel that i didn't read way back when.
great story btw, on my way to read the sequel now.
Well the ending was garbage but I loved the story. After all I read it for a human, not a freaking pony. Especially him being reborn as an earth pony, why not a pegasus to match his wing tattoos?!
11655769 I dont understand the hate. You just read a story with 99.999% human. Characters gotta change/evolve to keep things interesting. I took that to a more literal meaning.
The alternative is very predictable and not very entertaining at all.
It was mentioned earlier about Chrysalis still being on the loose in the Everfree. I thought maybe White Fang was somehow connected with her or that she’d show up and throw another wrench into the machine.
Was definitely not expecting that ending event though. Well played.
At least now I know not to waste my time with the sequel. Wish I knew about this ending so I didn’t waste my time reading this one. What an absolute disappointment.
Not a unexpected out come
It is just part of a problem with many stories in general, but to me it was really grinding how two of the most talented magic casters in Equestria just stand there with their horns in their rumps while Atchmon is dying in dramatic fashion. It is needed for what you got in mind i am certain but it just really messed with my immersion. No attempts to help are made and they just push to leave without checking life signs or other basic details. Just something which bothered me there.
9713792
... Sadly...
I couldn't help but imagine the Tree resurrected Atchmon but was annoyed that it had to do it at all in order for it's plan for Rarity to succeed. I refuse to give sun butt any credit. Also I have mixed feelings on Atchmon changing but makes sense if your not going for a possibility of crossbreeding.
9713805
It is specieism or xenophobia, am afraid.
See the change of attitude when Atchmon got deus-ex-machinated by the Tree? That clues me in.
That being said, thank you kindly mister writer for writing this work and giving it a conclusion -- it was quite a ride!
Well at least he didn't die...
reminds me of the first ending of the battle angel alita manga.
I'm sorry, personal tastes, I cant enjoy this story anymore.
(It would've been a humorous display had they not been in mortal danger.
"C'mon Rarity faster." Atchmon pressed.
"Patience is a virtue." Rarity sang while pouring all her concentration on melting the ice.
The wolves had gained their footing, and charged after them, one in particular seemed to get the hang of it much quicker than the others.
"Not right now it isn't." Atchmon countered.
The wolves were already halfway across the frozen lake, Rarity could tell they'd be on them in moments.)
That's from the movie The Mummy 1999
Just like "The Mare Who Once Lived on the Moon", this is going on my list of good stories who fall flat on their face at the end.
Ruined...I'm gonna just imagine that he just died honestly better then this ending
A fun journey, thanks for this
------------------------------------------------------
Well that was definitely a turn. That was one crazy Wolf.
Poor White. He didn't deserve such an ignoble end at the hands of a monster.
Nice job, I loved the story it was like... really really good. But that ending..... im sorry but that ending was terrible.
It was like an olympic diver doing a reverse 31/2 somersault into a pit of lava.
And there goes the show folks another great story that has to turn the human into a pony
Fuck yeah!
NOOOOOOOOOOOO
Waaait a sec
Ha, take dat, major character death tag
Btw, Is that a pseudo Tangled reference?
Lol I personally liked this ending and in sorry others didn't. But hey if they think they can do better.
Maybe they should write there own stories instead of ragging on someone else's hard work
10410910
Thank you! Glad someone finally said they liked it! lol.
9713805
Sorry. Never got around to replying to this. But I know the amount of text can't show it, but from the moment they see Atchmon, to the moment he dies; it's only about a minute to a minute and a half. Meant to be like there wasn't even any time for them to do anything anyway.
Loved the story, glad I came back to read it, but not the ending. I like to keep the H in my HiE. Still going in my favorites and still getting a like. But I doubt I'll be reading the sequel.
10594461
Glad you liked it overall.
It's my thing to test how dedicated or strict people are on things like that. Since there's not a category for everything.
Well, at least he turned into a pony and invalidated the H in "HiE" at the end of the story, and not elsewhere in the story.
TF in any form is definitely a massive "break" when it comes to "make or break" for me.
Especially given how the human's differences from ponies and the rest of intelligent creatures on Equus is one of the most important parts of the genre. Without it, it's just another social experiment because the human now lacks all human traits other than mind/thoughts.
After all, ponies have constant reminders that there's already plenty of varying cultures in Equestria that essentially "numb" the potential for culture shock based purely on action and thinking.
So the only major thing left to shock them regularly would be differences of a physiological nature that they can't quite grasp the nature of without having those differences and alien needs pointed out to them.
Came back to reread one this ending because its one of the best endings ever. The dude basically gets reborn physically as a pony because his old body gave out on him after taking to much damage.
Damn, a real shame about the end. I know I'm late to the party, but forced conversion is just really off-putting for me. I guess I'll just imagine that the story ended there, and won't go on with the sequel.
Well written story, no hate on that front, just can't get in board with the ending.
10986213
No worries. Glad you enjoyed it for the most part. Yeah, that must be a common thing, and I wasn't aware of it.
I wasn't trying nor planning to purely cater to the HiE crowd, but this is more of a culmination of all my experience with storytelling and entertainment. And I know the next step Atchmon will have to change.
I've had the same attitude with the end of anime shows like Bleach and Naruto. The final Tesuga strike, and the end of Shippuden were satisfying enough for me to walk away.
"I'm so- Sorry for not keepin' my promise..." he sputtered.
Don't you dare...
The flower opened itself, unveiling what lay inside, which was not the human from before, but a bay coated stallion , sleeping peacefully in the middle of the white rose. His chestnut flank rose and fell with each gentle breath.
Oh... well, okay then. Never mind.
While I wasn't expecting the pony transformation I'm not really put off by it like a lot of other people seem to be from what I'm reading here, mainly because even though they're technically not human anymore, they're human in mind, so it's still counts in my opinion as HiE cuz you still have the human experiencing Equestria in some form and I found that, at least in the ones I've read, it happened more often than not.
I would have liked to see how everypony would have reacted to human Atchmon in the sequel. But I'll settle for story of having him adjust to being a pony, I tend to like those stories also,if that's what you're going for.
Fucking god damnit! You fucking ruined it right at the very end. I despise HiE that turn the human into a pony. Destroys the entire premise. I wish there was a flair or warning so I could avoid stories like this and wasting my time. I can't describe my disappointment.
Ever since I saw the "Harmony has plans for him" phrase from the tree, I saw this coming.
I'm happy this happened. You managed to keep this entire thing so down to earth, even the more sexual aspects were refreshingly humble, completely lacking the exaggerated prowess typical in HiE. This was the only way this story could get a good ending, and I personally appreciate that you went for it.
10049522
Ah, but that was quite a spectacular splash he made!
Discord: "No, Kevin Lee. That wasn't splash. That was all his bodily fluids instantly becoming superheated steam just before impact. "
Spike: "Yeah, he didn't even come close to impacting any lava, either."
Oh, um...okay.... Still... spectacular poof, then!
Spike & Discord: "That, we can agree on."
Fun story, sxcbeast. Now, onto the sequel!
i forgot all about this story after i read it years ago, but now that i've finished it again i can remember that i disliked this ending, but my new opinion is that it's good. sure it sucks that he lost his human body, but atleast he won't have an excuse to put off his relationship with rarity because of the whole 'different species' part. i'm kinda disappointed we won't see the results of everypony seeing him as a human, but at least we can get to see the towns reaction of a pristine looking stallion returning with an absolutely fucked up Rarity. imagine the... oh wait, i don't need to imagine it, theres a sequel that i didn't read way back when.
great story btw, on my way to read the sequel now.
Well the ending was garbage but I loved the story. After all I read it for a human, not a freaking pony. Especially him being reborn as an earth pony, why not a pegasus to match his wing tattoos?!
11655769
I dont understand the hate. You just read a story with 99.999% human. Characters gotta change/evolve to keep things interesting. I took that to a more literal meaning.
The alternative is very predictable and not very entertaining at all.
11656587
Sounds like your the problem
It was mentioned earlier about Chrysalis still being on the loose in the Everfree. I thought maybe White Fang was somehow connected with her or that she’d show up and throw another wrench into the machine.
Was definitely not expecting that ending event though. Well played.
At least now I know not to waste my time with the sequel. Wish I knew about this ending so I didn’t waste my time reading this one. What an absolute disappointment.