- Member Since 30th Sep, 2011
- offline last seen April 16th
Cosmonaut
Writer/Artist who's been active since the inception of the fandom.
Cosmonaut
Joined 30th Sep, 2011 ·
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- Best Stories Ever411 stories ·121 members
- Ponies in Heat564 stories ·1,143 members
Exhibitionism / Voyeurism499 stories ·665 members
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Dashie in a school uniform?
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/199/693/disgusted-mother-of-god.png?1321272571
change someones preference with magic
WHAT THE FUCK
that isnt right at all..........
you cant just do that its so horrible to do that to someone its disgusting
806069
I second this comment.
That.....that ending is horrible, and you should feel bad for writing it.
Seriously, that's just plain....wrong. on a fundamental level.
806069
806083
Of course it's wrong. That character is a terrible pony. Regardless it's JUST a story.
806093
Yeah. Than again, I ALSO believe in the karmic boomerang.
Sequel? Vengeance? Maybe?
806093 that would kinda make all prejudice unicorns turn all gay ponies straight
this deserve dash's vengeance against these ponies
806069
806083
This is fiction. Fiction is ABOUT bad things happening, and why they happen, and how people deal with them.
I can see where the very firmly tongue in cheek comedy is supposed to lie, not to mention the little hints at continuity with some of your other stories (like why Dash can't get pregnant).
But I have to say that this was pretty bunk. The writing itself was good, but the story basically combined too many concepts that I just find stupid, insulting, or completely unbelievable. And if you're going to use the sex as a plot point rather than as clop, I have no idea why you made it as explicit as you did.
As far as clop is concerned, I WAS hoping for the nurse to "clinically" help Dash out with her heat, but I guess medical fetish still doesn't exist in the fandom.
806149
There's such a thing as going too far. Especially since the bad guys get off scot free. Retribution, my friend.
Woh...that's rough. I like the premise, an dope you continue...maybe give some follow up or something. I'm glad somepony did this...somepony with a shred of talent is much better than somepony writing a 50,000 word book on it. Those neigh-sayers can whine about it being horrible, but you handled it pretty well...all things considered...thumbed up
dat pic...
806093 I demand you fix it with a sequel! Umm, that is, if you don't mind? Please?
Well I suppose this explains everything
This story, I like it, ANOTHER!
google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://cdn.chud.com/3/3b/3b937d75_anuthuh.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.chud.com/community/t/131085/now-this-is-a-thor-trailer/50&usg=__uk5kQKhYeDzJwrNUX7ZfY-Hs8nk=&h=525&w=510&sz=156&hl=en&start=0&sig2=vf9WYJk_mcc7jPEdyov6rQ&zoom=1&tbnid=aZ6xRJAQ-t-zFM:&tbnh=133&tbnw=129&ei=hwPoT_rbBoii9QTbj4XKAQ&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=408&sig=118247091467006314116&page=1&ndsp=3&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:56&tx=51&ty=50
Eh, have to say I just didn't like this. I wouldn't really call it a clopfic since there was no focus on the sex scene, it just kinda happened. As for the rest of the story, it felt like a standard teen rebellion setting where high school sucks and all the grown-ups are incompetent and hate the students. The basic set might have been usable for something like a tragedy fic where we're actually looking at this as a traumatic event it Rainbow's past and the effects it has on her later, but with the way it is, it's more like leading in with the expectation of a clopfic, but trying to switch to a rape/psychological trauma tragedy right at the end. Like, are we supposed to be excited by the thought of Rainbow in a short skirt bent over and getting railed in the nurse's office, or are we supposed to feel like she's getting taken advantage of by a brainless, testosterone-fueled jock because the school faculty can't be arsed to do their jobs right?
It's not bad really, it just felt indecisive in it's own purpose, and so didn't come out as titillating or traumatic, but rather as that awkward feeling in between.
:slowclap:
That was good.
And that, in a way, sorta explains why Rainbow Dash is thought to be a lesbian
I actually enjoyed this. What an ending ha.
Story was good. Do I wanna Spartan kick that magic bitch? Yes. Should you write a sequel to fix it? Hell yes. But even if you don't, it was good writing overall.
After reading this, I had to back track to its main page just to confirm my initial observation that this was a one shot. While I cannot fault either grammatical construct or sentence structure, this feels like the epilogue to something far greater.
How did a member of a government authority become embroiled in this? Is this not the first time something of this nature has happened, or did she owe the principle a favour?
What about the colt? If the events are imprinted in Dash’s subconscious, wouldn’t they be imprinted in his too? What happens when he suddenly remembers that he’s actually a rapist?
Would any privy party to these events get cold feet in the long run?
And what are the effects on using spell usually used to sterilise medical apparatus as a contraceptive!?! That part particularly scared me, the whimsy at which a school nurse did something that I would be dubious to even allow a trained doctor to do. The method has the stink of the brutal forced abortions in the early ninetieth century, performed without the slightest clue as to the long term damage that could be caused. Does she even know the implications?
You can’t say that any of their actions are morally sound by any stretch of the imagination. In one chapter you have the makings for physiological, crime and conspiracy dramas, yet it ends without any closure.
There is so much more you can do with this, but right now it’s not even clop, it’s just rape.
807048 I don't think the point ever WAS that their actions were morally sound. It's very clear that they're covering up the truth and mind-wiping multiple innocents, both things that are considered really bad. They were indubitably immoral.
And while I don't know if you could call it rape, that colt really is a douche bag for taking advantage of her like that. Also, I'm not sure what you mean by calling it rape and not clop. Clop just means pony sex. Rape means nonconsensual sex. There is a technical difference, but rape and clop are basically inseparable. (at least rape is with clop)
This was.... interesting, Cosmonaut. I'm rather disappointed it's a one-shot, because you set up SO MUCH FREAKING plot and now it's done forever. I have to wonder if you did that intentionally to troll or that's just the way it turned out. I'm mostly fine with this ending. It felt rushed but I can't hold that against you since this WOULD feel rushed during the actual situation. I suppose there could have been more build up, but there isn't a whole lot more you can do without adding more chapters as a continuation of this one.
Also the clop scene is so short!
(shut it y'all, I'm a perverted faggot, deal with it)
Also you totally tricked me, I thought this was going to be a creepy teacher/student clop fic, and then that colt came out of nowhere. I mean come on, you even had a part that basically confirmed the teacher had the hots for Dash.
>dat delicious rainbow tail
>dat overly tight school uniform
>not a teacher/student clop fic
Overall, a truly amazing comedy/what-if/troll fic, Cosmonaut. You have my respect.
Well I meant it as a correlation between fantasies, in terms of fan-fiction genres. Though that didn’t exactly come across very well, does it
it opens up so many possible avenues and then shuts them all down just as quickly. To quote one of our other commenter’s;
At least we can agree on the incompleteness of the piece though
806149
While a fairly adequate description of the ‘tragedy’ tag, Bad Horse fails to point out that one of the criteria he mentioned is not fulfilled or even explored by this fic; ‘how they deal with it’. The effected parties simply throw a dust sheet over the matter, leaving the question uncharacteristically sidelined. I dearly hope Cosmo intends to do something more with this concept, there’s so much potential for an awsome author like him to exploit!
Good thing this is completely impossible. If anything, this is a case that the MLP going into heat is complete bullshit. This is like a "well written" troll fic and nothing more. I mean, the idea if she has sex with a colt would trigger memories? Her having sex or going into heat period would do that just the same. It's basic psychology. Not to mention that the idea MLP going into heat is about as asinine as thinking that the Care Bears go into hibernation. I mean, taking freedom and choice away from a sapient creature to force her to procreate? And Dash didn't know about this at all? Like at all? Please, heat just doesn't suddenly happen, it builds. She would've been aware of it way before any of this. Not to mention that anything phallic would also trigger flash backs.
Oh, and you missed some capitalization here and there.
I thought it was lovely, though a murder or two would be nice. They should do this an episode for season 3. It would be very educational.
806576 Haha, movie references!
Dat end..
I think I may be the only one that liked the ending. I mean it's absolutely terrible, yet it also emphasizes the desperation that the Principal is experiencing in this whole ordeal in a realistic way. He's willing to attempt anything for the sake of success even if it takes cruel and partly sadistic acts to force somebody to forget an incredibly traumatic experience.
When i got to that end i literaly felt like i could do better thats how bad i think it is.
806069>>806078>>806078
ADDED: Please ignore my rant from 3 years ago. It was rude and tangential, and bookplayer's response is right--the story does the horrible thing just as a twist.
You all expressed, in one way or another, the opinion that stories shouldn't have unhappy endings, that wrongs must either be righted, avenged, worked out, or have their burden heroically and deliberately taken up by someone else (eg Carton in Tale of Two Cities). But life isn't like that, and one purpose of literature is to ask questions about unpleasant things.
ADDED: bookplayer's earlier response is right; this story doesn't ask any questions about it.
Admittedly it's mainly a 20th-century thing.
You don't ever see this in medieval literature; you don't see it in Shakespeare.The ancient Greeks would have executed you for writing something like this.This story may have other problems - Aerovenax's comment sounds insightful. Just having something awful happen doesn't make something good literature. But having someone evil do something awful to someone innocent, and get away with it, is one of the things literature does to ask about life.
808535
Those stories you mentioned bring up disturbing ideas, but they're the point of the story, they look at either a chain of events that builds logically toward the evil, or the repercussions of that evil as it effects the characters, or both in some cases.
The build towards the rape was fine, it made sense. The actions taken afterward, particularly the large and problematic idea of changing sexual orientation, were not addressed in any way as a potential danger of the situation, or addressed in terms of how it would affect any character afterwards. Good literature explores pain and trauma, especially pain and trauma that has implications in the readers society. Bad literature uses it for shock value, to prove what a bad person (or pony) this is.
Wow... I... I really want to see a follow up chapter.
I want to see Dashie start to get some memories back...
Maybe due to Twilight's memory spell that she used after Dash was affected by Discord.
A year of weird dreams, and a visit to Twi again to investigate, and suddenly...
Dear Princess Celestia
I just learned the most horrifying crime perpetrated against my friend Rainbow Dash.
You see...
...
...
Hey Shooter, I hear you like bananas!
808622
I'll think about that. It sounds plausible.
808855
I concur with this idea. This right here? This is genius.
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/173/576/Wat8.jpg?1315930535
...
I don't know why this has so many dislikes... after all, it's not like you, Cosmonaut, is making pro-brainwashing propaganda.
808855
I'll agree with this poster right here. Get to work, /co/mrade
808451
Don't be a dick, be constructive.
"I for one thought it was a good story with a strange but cool ending."
That is what's acceptable, it's also what I thought. I liked it.
816456 Just speaking my mind. I hated the story, can't Write myself, and i felt i could have done it beter. nothing more nothing less.
806069 Agreed, I had a total 'WHAT THE FACK' moment when I read that preference bit.
Something else to note: Do they not have abortions in Equestria?
Also, if this was made because of some previous story (like a prequel or something) then its a poorly thought-out mess. If its just a stand alone story, then work on the sequel already.
I liked it but.....No to the end.Plus I seen it coming from a mile away when she flexed herself.
Wow... This is good!! It could have a sequel!
822477 you didnt read all of it...
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/200/420/BRTky.jpg
GREAT story.
but i didn't like the ending.
The writing is good. Its just the story was executed very badly.
829756 hahaha "romantic"
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LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL