Following the events of the "Friendship Games," Sunset comes to a hard decision to return to Equestria and face her former mentor after so many years.
*Special thanks to SuperPinkBrony12 for collaborating and editing.
Chapters (14)
- Member Since 22nd Aug, 2013
- offline last seen Dec 3rd, 2023
twilightsparkle3562
I am a brony from Massachusetts with Autism who enjoys MLP, Disney and writing!
twilightsparkle3562
Joined 22nd Aug, 2013 ·
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More!!!!!!!!!
This sounds really good so far. I can't wait to read more.
This sounds promising, but I find it odd that Twilight wouldn't have at least attempted to write to Princess Celestia about her adventures through the mirror in "Rainbow Rocks" and "Friendship Games", and how Sunset Shimmer is doing. As well as informing Celestia and Luna that Sunset Shimmer has changed, and that the portal can be opened or closed at any time.
Sunset's reaction:
Unless this chapter takes place immediately after the first movie, there is no way Celestia wouldn't know that Twilight has reopened the portal, nor not here about what Sunset has been doing from Twilight.
"Enemies"?
I was rather under the impression that Twilight and Sunset were now friends, not enemies.
7002417 It's fixed now.
7002422 Okay.
Just doin' my bit to help out my fellow authors.
I feel like the bit about Sunset's parents being so demanding is perhaps a bit too excusing of Sunset Shimmer's prereformation behavior. But otherwise, you have me legtimately intrigued for the next chapter.
I'm intrigued,
CONTINUE!!!
Once again, I have to ask why Twilight hasn't told Celestia or Luna about the events of "Rainbw Rocks" or "Friendship Games", and the struggles Sunset Shimmer went through. I dobut Luna would continue to see Sunset Shimmer as a threat if she knew what she had done, not to mention Luna herself has struggled with forgiving yourself.
Also, where exactly is Starlight Glimmer during all of this? Is she asleep or out in town somewhere? I would be very intrigued to see her interactions with Sunset Shimmer, the two have a lot in common. In fact, many people speculate Starlight Glimmer was created specifically because of the success of Sunset Shimmer's reformation.
You did a nice job with the chapter!
7004005 Everything will be revealed in due time. Please, be patient.
UPDATE FASTER!
yay moar
MY REQUEST HAS BEEN GRANTED!!!!
7004245 dont complain the storry hasn't been out that long so in my opinion they are doing an outstanding job at writing this story.
7004005
Twilight has but the fans don't need to know that because it is assumed she would tell Celestia about sunset's defeat redemption and victory over darkness.
I think Luna has trust issues.
7004591 Oi OI.
I'm not complaining about the story. I'm complaining about the speed! I LOVE IT!
7004882 I see that but it has only been out for 2 days and there is already 3 chapters
7005160 Huh. Must be thinking of another story. Glad I read this one though. It's good!
Hope to be MOMLESTIA.
7004878
I see her that way myself.
That she exactly fits the profile of someone she herself would be suspicious of is probably why she alternates between prickly standoffishness and despairing self-loathing.
2 things
1. i cant see luna of all ponies acting this way considering her own past mistakes (something she punished her self over with endless nightmares) even thoe she does not know sunset i can not belive for a second she would hold any ill will to her at all
2. this 1 is a nitpick and has no effect on my enjoyment of the story but i fully belive that if sunset ever goes back to equstira she will have wings having become a alicorn on her own
Sounds to me like Sunset Shimmer quickly moves from feeling remorse about her actions, to playing the "My father pressured me into becoming nasty and a she-demon" card. But that does not excuse her behavior. She could've easily told Princess Celestia, and as the princess' faithful student I'm sure Celestia would've looked into the matter. Plus, after fleeing through the mirror, Sunset Shimmer should've delighted in the fact that she was free from her father's influence, but it's obvious when she arrived she was bent on conquering it.
Also, Princess Luna seemed to suddenly flip-flop from being way too untrusting of Sunset Shimmer, to giving her the benefit of the doubt just from hearing Sunset's own words.
This story started off so promising, but I'm really starting to worry about the direction it's going in. I hope it will improve, because I don't want to give up on it.
So...yeah. It's not a bad idea but the story feels rushed. really rushed. Not even so much in what's happening as much as in the writing. Nothing really gets fleshed out and because of that we really don't get to feel anything for what they're going through.
How is someone who is a "Pushover" Pushing someone and the driving force of crulty? This seems like a poor word choice.
Once again this is going downhill fast and the rushing isn't helping.
Why is Celestia so angry and cold? That really doesn't fit for someone who was supposed to be so super worried. Not to mention she should know acting like that would do nothing but make Sunset not want to stay and in fact leave again.
7009715 This.
I would also add that the characters feeling need to be shown in the dialogue rather than just being outright stated. As is the dialogue feels a bit unatural.
while looking at a picture of Sunset
7001924
7002238
Who knows Twilight being Twi possibly overlooked her report on this in utter excitement of going their.
Evil typo, banish it before it takes hold.
"My father was a pushover!"
Bit concerned with this. pushover implies he was easy to push not the other way around. Maybe "My father was pushy & overbearing!" would be better.
7008995 I've sent you a couple of PM's about maybe collaborating to this story. Check them out when you have a chance.
7009996 I've made the necessary edits you spotted. Let me know if you see any more in my other stories. Trust me, there are quite a few of them.
7009931 The pacing of the story has always been my Achilles heel as a writer and something that I have always been trying to work on.
7009731 I've sent you a PM about recommending an editor and a proofreader. Check it out.
7009943 Given that one of those trips involved a possible threat to Equestria in the sirens, and her friends knew all that, there is no way she wouldn't have contacted Celestia after taht though. So yes she would know about the portal being able to be opened anytime.
Sorry but I'm out. It is an interesting premise but the whole story felt very rushed. The characters aren't really fleshed out so the dialogue and the feelings feel flat and unatural. It just didn't connect to me. But aside from that the story is pleasant to read (from a grammar/technical point of view) and gets an upvote from me.
Missing a full stop between Starlight & Still.
Well that was pathetic, NO the typo attack not the story, that's good but could flow a little quicker.
Could mention 'Levitating Spike & herself into the air,' I know it's obvious but it keeps the readers flow going.
Looks like spellcheck just had to get in on it. Good story keep it up.
and it took until the faith of that alternative world was at stake [ fate ] ??
Well I was wondering when Starlight will be involved. Keep up the good work.
How can starlight fly if she is a unicorn?
7023106 She has magic greater than Twilight.
7023109 o kay thx
2 prolbems
1. sunset flat out admited she would not have hurt spike so why is your story having her say she would have
2. why did spike not speak up in defense of starlight here
Spike could've said to the guards that he's with her and wanted to see the Princesses.
7028924
Exactly my statement here. Since Canterlot and the Crystal Empire are basically Sister States (him being a hero there...), Spike himself is the ONLY known dragon from Canterlot, he's known to have been called to Canterlot by Celestia from time to time, and he's been constantly accepted all through out the palace, It'd be odd to overlook him... Additionally, the guards were only on alert outside of around the palace itself during the Royal Wedding when there was a known threat... Why would they be jack@$$es to a random unicorn just entering the town front gates?
Agree with others what happened to Spike one moment is with Starlight telling her to land by the front gates. Then he's gone till we see him running to inform Twilight what is going on
7029864 She is strong enough to levitate herself that implies a little caution especially as the front gates are the castle's first line of defense
7028924 I included a little bit of that in the chapter. He does try to speak up for Starlight, but he gets pushed out of the way. In the next chapter, I'm going to elaborate more on why the guards are behaving the way they are.
I imagine those guards are going to come to regret manhandling (stallionhoofing?) Princess Twilight's little brother.
I believe proper procedure when dealing with unknown - but possibly important - individuals is to politely take them to a comfortable yet secure waiting room and relaying the news of their arrival to the appropriate individual.
If they are indeed expected and wanted, they can be taken into the palace proper without any lapse in decorum having taken place. If not, they can be kicked out or escorted directly to the dungeon.
If the palace is inexplicably lacking in such rooms, the person's address can be taken down and they can be sent away to be contacted later when/if it's convenient to the person they want to see.
In no cases should the guards be surly and raising their spears to someone who may yet be proven to be powerful and important. That makes them look bad and, more importantly, makes the Princess look bad.
Wow the royal guards are such aholes/dicks i feel like punching them right now