2: Outside, Looking In
"This totally isn't what it looks like, Dean Cadance," Indigo said, once the group was outside of Sugarcube Corner.
"Well, that's good to know. So, maybe you could tell us what it is," Cadance said.
"Because from where we were standing," Luna said, "none of that looked pretty."
Sunset stepped forward. "You see, Vice Principal Luna, Dean Cadance, Twilight saw some new girls in each of her classes who she wasn't sure about," she said. "And one of them was headed this way when the last bell rang. So, we came here to find out what was going on."
Indigo glared at Sunset. "You forgot the part where, as soon as you got here, you started accusing us of stuff!"
"Well, maybe if you hadn't been acting so weird," Rainbow Dash said, "we might not've had any reason to think you were up to something!"
"Hey!" Lemon said. "What's weird about wanting to wear different clothes every once in while?"
"Forget the clothes!" Applejack shot back. "What's not weird about lying when we asked what school you were from?" The other Canterlot High students made noises of agreement.
"Grrr... darn it!" Indigo shouted. "We were scared, okay?"
Everyone stared, quiet.
"You sure like to yell," Pinkie commented.
"You should see her when she gets mad," Lemon replied.
Indigo exhaled, rolling her eyes. "Look, we know about the stupid pranks and the stupid rivalry. We've known for years. So yeah. Maybe we didn't come marching into your school flying the Crystal colors—especially after doing that last week—because we knew what people might think."
"And it looks like we were right," Sugarcoat added, shooting a harsh look at the Canterlot students.
Sunset blushed, looking down. Twilight crumpled a little, and the rest of their friends found the sky and ground very fascinating. Pinkie coughed.
"Girls?" Fluttershy said, "I... I'm sorry. But I actually... agree with them."
"Yeah. Yeah, so do I," Applejack said, with a sigh. "I mean, when y'all put it like that..."
"Agreed," Sunset said, stepping forward. "They do have a point. And I, of all people, should have realized it." She held out a hand to Indigo. "We're sorry. You're absolutely right. We never gave you a chance to explain yourselves. To be yourselves."
"Give us another chance?" Rarity asked.
Indigo turned to her classmates. Lemon offered a thumbs up while Sugarcoat and Sour just looked relieved. Sunny nodded. Indigo turned back and shook Sunset's hand.
"I guess we can," she said, grinning determinedly.
---
"I do think we're finally getting somewhere," Luna said, as she watched the two groups.
"Looks like it," Cadance agreed. "And we didn't have to lift a finger." In one smooth motion, she clasped Luna's hands. "Hey, Luna. Let's do it. Right here, right now."
Luna blinked, her cheeks pinking. "Uh, do what, exactly, Cadance?"
"Duh. Go to our principals and ask for raises," Cadance said, her smile Cheshire. "Our powers are clearly worth more than our present salaries."
Luna groaned, and freed herself from Cadance's hands. "I'm pretty sure that's not how it works, Cadance," she said, rubbing the bridge of her nose.
Cadance huffed. "Well, not with that attitude."
"You can't leave now, anyway," Indigo said, appearing in front of them. "This whole trip was your deal. Who'll drive us back downtown?"
All of the Canterlot High students turned to face Cadance and Luna. "Vice Principal Luna," Rarity said, "what does Indigo mean by that?"
"Busted," Cadance said, with a mock-dramatic sigh. "I told you we should have just let them fight it out while getting root beer floats. But no."
"Hush, Cadance," Luna said, facing the girls. "This all started when Dean Cadance asked me if she could check on Twilight's acclimation into CHS after certain milestones," Luna said. "A week, a month, a season... I thought it was a good idea. So we set it up."
"But then someone at my school caught wind of things and told her girlfriends," Cadance said, looking directly at Sugarcoat.
Everyone turned to join Cadance's gaze. Sugarcoat played with her hair, looking intently at a fly on a nearby car windshield. "I will confess to no such thing," she said, airily.
"Well, however it happened," Cadance said, with a roll of her eyes, "these five begged me to take them along on this first check up. So I did. Each of them sat in on one of Twilight's classes, and the rest is history."
"We were trying to be, y'know, subtle about it all? Hence the disguises." Sour popped the collar of her borrowed jacket, then smoothed it back down. "But I guess, in the end, we just made a mess of things." She shrugged. "Like, an elephant-sized mess."
"In our defense," Sugarcoat said, "with Lemon Zest around, 'subtlety' is always a struggle."
Lemon beamed. "Don't even know the meaning of the word!"
"Oh my gosh, it all makes sense now!" Twilight said. "Every time I saw you out of the corner of my eye, sure, I didn't recognize you, but something always felt off..." She met the eyes of each Crystal Prep student. "...and familiar." She turned to Cadance. "Why all the big fuss over me, though?"
Cadance placed her hands on Twilight's shoulders. "When have I not cared about you, Twilight Sparkle? Until last week, you were the hope of Crystal Prep that none but I and Abacus knew about." She smiled and closed her eyes. "I suppose, in a way, I miss that."
Twilight blushed, smiling up at Cadance. "Thank you, Dean Cadance."
Cadance nodded, then turned Twilight to face the Crystal Prep students. "But that only covers me," she said. "Even if I knew their reasoning, it wouldn't be mine to give. I took their requests at their word. Trusting one's students is in my job description—especially when I see looks in their eyes I haven't seen since freshman year."
Twilight looked over at her former classmates. Indigo wrung her beanie in her hands. Lemon looked crestfallen. The rest simply refused to meet Twilight's gaze.
"If you want to know why they're here," Cadance said, "you'll have to ask them. While remembering why they came here, in disguise, in the first place."
Twilight looked the Crystal Prep girls over again. Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward. She smiled invitingly.
"Girls, I... I'm not mad. I promise," Twilight said. "I'm a little flattered, actually." She chuckled, adjusting her glasses.
With a sigh, she schooled her features into seriousness. "But I hope you understand? Seeing you all go out of your way for me like this... I'm having trouble wrapping my brain around it, and that's saying something."
"Well, that makes us feel a little better," Sour said. "We've kind of been struggling with this, too."
Sunset raised her eyebrows curiously. "Struggling with what?"
All of the Crystal Prep students opened their mouths to speak, but Sugarcoat held up a hand, cutting them off. "I'll..." She hesitated, looking straight at Twilight, then took a deep breath. "...Girls? Let me? I think I've got this."
"Go for it. We got your back," Indigo said. All five nodded.
Sugarcoat smiled her thanks, and adjusted her own glasses. "You should understand. We first came to CHS bored out of our skulls by the entire concept of the Friendship Games."
"That's putting it mildly," Indigo said, rolling her wrist. "I mean, Cinch told us over and over again that we 'always won,' and that her 'reputation' was on the line, and yadda yadda."
"Exactly," Sugarcoat said. "We got all the speeches—all of them. She got us so hyped we came out the other end apathetic. We came to your school ready to completely trounce all of you in the name of Crystal Prep without even trying." Sugarcoat fixed the assembled Canterlot High students and faculty with a competitive gaze. "And believe us, had it been a normal day, that's exactly what we would have done. Another crushing defeat for you, another no-hassle footnote in Crystal Prep's history of excellence."
"Of course, none of us planned on all that, y'know, magical craziness," Lemon said, complete with jazz hands. "And when it did happen? We all kind of... well... " Lemon trailed off, lost for words.
"You saved our lives," Rarity said, with a small smile.
"And then you... talked to us," Rainbow said. "Like we were normal people, for once."
"I know I'm the newbie to this whole 'bitter inter-school rivalry' thing," Sunset said, "but last I checked, that's not exactly how one treats 'footnotes.'"
"Well, yeah!" Indigo threw up her arms. "All of reality was breaking!" With a sigh, Indigo dropped her arms back to her sides. She shrugged. "Suddenly, all that 'rivalry' stuff felt... really small, you know? We were just glad everyone was alright." One by one, the other Crystal Prep students nodded, smiling at their "rivals."
"And when we started talking, it dawned on... well, some of us," Indigo continued, "that getting to know you guys, even for just a little bit, was way more fun than ever playing against you."
"You guys really know how to throw a party," Lemon said, sharing grins with Pinkie. "With all the perfect food, and dance music, and everything!"
"And some of you really know how to kick butt—and look good while doing it," Indigo said, with a wink to Rainbow, then Rarity. Leaning over to Rarity, she added, "Don't think I didn't notice you holding on to, like, two of our students while rocking that awesome dress."
"Oh-hohohohoho, stop," Rarity said, waving a hand. "Unless you absolutely can't, then by all means, please." Rarity fluttered her eyelashes at Indigo. "Do go on."
"So yeah," Sour said, as Indigo grinned at Rarity. "It was fun all around. But then we had to go back to our school. And it was... well..."
"It was cold," Sunny cut in, making nearly everyone jump.
"Oh, hey," Sour said, "look who finally decided to join us!"
"Cold all around us," Sunny went on, her voice soft and pained. She clutched at her chest, sweeping her other hand out dramatically. "After basking in the warmth of Canterlot High, now we finally saw, finally felt, what pervaded the halls of Crystal Prep. The students, the teachers, even the staff were like the ice drifts of the North to us."
Sunny cupped her hand, as if cradling a delicate gem. "Just like real crystals," she said, softly. "Shine brighter than everyone, stand apart from everyone... and do nothing but look pretty." She bowed her head, crunching the imaginary crystal she once held.
Everyone stared at Sunny in stunned silence.
"Wooo! Bravo! Author! Co-author! Encore! Discord!" Pinkie cheered, clapping excitedly.
Sunny inclined her head to Pinkie with a gracious smile.
"You'll, uh, have to excuse Sunny here," Sour said, coughing into her hand. "Queen of our drama class. She gets like this sometimes. All savvy with similes and manic with metaphors."
"I rather liked it, actually," Rarity said, sincerely.
Sunny's smile brightened. "Thank you."
"Regardless of how the Drama Queen put it, she's right," Sugarcoat said. "We finally saw how everyone looked out for only themselves. Constantly pushing each other away, constantly trying to top one another in some freaky pursuit of personal perfection."
"Even our sports teams do it," Indigo said, rolling her eyes. "Some players are just totally convinced they know better than the coach, and it takes forever for us to get in sync. You'd never know we were supposed to be a team some days."
"Coming here was like visiting a greenhouse for the first time," Sunny said, clasping her hands together with a lover's sigh. "Once you've been in one, you truly notice it when you go back in the freezer."
Indigo shivered in agreement. "Yeah, I think that nails it," she said. "And once we understood how that felt? Suddenly, we were just, like, 'boom. Wow.'" She looked at Twilight. "'That's why Twilight asked to transfer.'
"So, we wanted to see you off." Indigo shoved her hands in her pockets and shrugged. "But when we got to your lab back at Crystal Prep, you were already long gone. Not that any of us blamed you."
Twilight shook her head. "Are you kidding? Principal Cinch fast-tracked me to CHS so quick, I thought someone had a gun to her head. I had to clean out my lab and locker over the weekend!" She leaned forward, smiling. "It wasn't your fault—"
"Please, Twilight," Indigo said, closing her eyes and holding her hands up. "Please. Don't." Placing her hands on Twilight's shoulders, she gazed intently at her former classmate.
"I'm good at reading people," she said, softly. "It's how I get 'em pumped, and keep 'em there. That thing you turned into? You attacking us? All that pain you were in, and reality-breaking stuff? All of that happened because of us. We made you miserable."
"And we drove you away," Sugarcoat added.
"We've been about a good a set of friends as a pack of rabid rottweilers," Sour said.
"And we are so sorry for that. I mean, it's not like we hated you," Lemon said. "You always seemed nice, you always tried to be friendly, it's just..."
"'Friendly' doesn't cut it in an environment where personal connections run counter to personal goals," Twilight said, almost sounding like she was quoting something. "It's okay, I can relate. That school taught everyone the same philosophy." Twilight sighed. "Including me."
"Which is why this is the first of several trips I have planned to foster inter-school relations," Cadance announced, placing one hand on Twilight's shoulder, and the other on Indigo's. "We could learn a lot from other alma maters, and vice versa."
"Wait, are you kidding me?" Indigo asked, squinting at the Dean.
"I kid you not," Cadance said, smiling broadly.
"Oh, man! This. Is. Awesome. I totally love this idea!" Indigo said, rubbing her hands together. She paused, looking back up at Cadance. "Wait, does Principal Cinch know about it?"
"Not yet," Cadance admitted. She stepped back, then looked at Luna. The two shared a confident nod. "But it'll be fine. Abacus always gripes about losing her best students. I mean, I've tried to tell her why it happens, time and time again, but after last week, I think she finally gets it. Or she gets it enough that I don't expect her to read me the riot act for too long once I tell her the plan."
"Cool." Indigo turned back to Twilight. "So that's the whole story. After everything we put you through? We just wanted to see if you were alright. And it looks like you are."
Reaching a hand out, she curled one of Twilight's biceps. "But you still got a ways to go in gym class if you wanna stand a chance. Might even have to trade some of that lab time for practice." Indigo released Twilight, who blushed in response. "And I bet Rainbow here would love to help you."
"Duh!" Rainbow said, stepping forward to clap Twilight on the back. "Don't worry—you're no better or worse at sports than any other Sparkle I know. I can totally get you up to speed."
"I saw the nerds approach you at lunch," Sunny said, getting close to Twilight, expression earnest and excited. "It looked like you hit it off pretty well. So, I don't have much to add. But. If you're going to pick an official table, you might want to do so now while you're new. It will be your home for a while." She winked conspiratorially.
"Music is totally one of the best arts to experiment in," Lemon said, appearing just behind Twilight and almost making her jump. "Just like you're always doing with science!" Lemon smiled tenderly. "So, embrace it, you know? It's freeing!"
"I saw you dominate in math," Sour said, stepping up to Twilight's free side. "You made everyone look bad. I loved it!" She grinned savagely, then noticed everyone staring at her. Coughing, she turned her smile a little sweeter. "Heh heh. Buuut maybe you could, I dunno... help others out? Everyone at your school seems to eat that kind of thing up."
Twilight giggled. "I think I can manage that."
"Good." Sour looked over her shoulder, to Sugarcoat. "All right, eight-eyes. We all know you've got parting words for your rival-in-geekery. Now's the time!"
Sugarcoat faced away from the group surrounding Twilight. She shifted from foot to foot, staring into space.
"Sugarcoat?" Indigo said, walking over to her. She tapped Sugarcoat on the shoulder. "Yo. Earth to Sugarcoat. You were talking my ear off about Twilight earlier today. Like, more than usual. So what's with the silence now? She's right there."
"I know, Indigo, I just..." Sugarcoat took a deep breath, and walked over to Twilight. Once she stood in front of her, she looked directly into her eyes.
"I... had been looking forward to graduation day with you," Sugarcoat said. "Standing side-by-side as Crystal Prep's best and brightest. You would have made an excellent salutatorian."
"I think you mean valedictorian," Twilight said, with a laugh. "I still have the report cards and commendation letters to prove it."
"As do I," Sugarcoat responded with a small, challenging grin. "So, no," she said. "I meant 'salutatorian'." The grin grew wider. "I'm not in the habit of telling lies."
Twilight returned the expression with an added wink. "It's possible to not lie and still be wrong."
Sugarcoat traded her grin for a confused look. "What are you talking about?" she said, as Twilight stepped in close. Sugarcoat took a half-step back. "...T-Twilight? W-why are you—"
She stopped talking entirely when Twilight whispered in her ear. And the longer Twilight whispered, the wider Sugarcoat's eyes became. Finally, Twilight stepped back, smiling with satisfaction.
Sugarcoat's mouth dropped open. Snapping it closed, she shut her eyes, darted forward, and wrapped Twilight tightly in her arms, sniffling.
"Twilight, I'm so sorry. I... I never knew, I..."
Twilight hugged Sugarcoat back just as tightly. "It's okay, Sugarcoat. I wouldn't have believed it myself either if I hadn't been there."
"But I... but we... look, just... join the debate team, okay?" Sugarcoat broke the hug, but kept her arms wrapped around Twilight's neck. "If only to give your history teacher a break."
Twilight kept her own loose embrace, looking into Sugarcoat's eyes. "I'll consider it. And if I do join, every time I attend... I'll think of you."
"That's all I ask," Sugarcoat murmured, sliding her hands down the length of Twilight's arms. She let go and stepped away, looking forlorn enough that Sour and Sunny gave her supportive hand-squeezes. "Goodbye, Twilight. Show your new school the Crystal spirit—but don't forget to find your own, too."
"I will, Sugarcoat. Thank you. Wow, I..." Twilight looked around at her smiling, former classmates, and sniffled. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm going to miss you all."
"We'll miss you, too," Indigo said as she, Lemon, Sour and Sunny all joined in hugging Twilight. "Even if we didn't know what we had until it was gone."
---
Once everyone separated—while rubbing at their eyes and sniffling occasionally—Sunset stepped forward. She rested a hand on Indigo's shoulder.
"Wow, I'm impressed," she said. "Looks like not all of Crystal Prep is cold and prickly."
"Maybe your friendship magic worked on us too, huh?" Indigo said. She smiled at her Crystal Prep friends. "And maybe it just took a little longer for us to notice."
"Could be," Rainbow said. "Once you feel it, there's no gettin' rid of it."
"I'll say," Indigo agreed. "I know we've only got a few months left at CPA, but maybe the girls and I could work with Dean Cadance on making it a place people might actually want to attend. Well, for reasons besides the whole 'status and rep' thing, anyway."
"Great. Five down, just a few hundred more to go," Cadance said, shaking her head with a little laugh.
"A few hundred you don't have to take on alone," Indigo said, planting her hands on her hips.
"Yeah!" Lemon said, hopping up and down. "I'm gonna friend the snot out of Crystal Prep!"
"The rest of us'll help, too," Sour said, with a teasing look at Lemon. "And we'll even do it without the snot." Lemon stuck out her tongue.
"To let the sun shine in those cold and crystal halls would be an honor," Sunny said, bowing to Cadance.
"I'm in," Sugarcoat said.
Cadance laughed again. "Thank you. All of you. I really appreciate it."
"Well, it's been real," Indigo said, facing the Canterlot High students again. "But we should roll." Turning away, she grinned up at Cadance. "Where's the ride, Dean Lady?"
"Wait!" Twilight shouted, before Cadance could reply. Everyone turned to her.
"This... this doesn't feel right," Twilight said. "We just spent all this time realizing that it really is possible for us to be friends. I don't want all of you walking out of my life again! Not after all that!"
The Crystal Prep students hesitated. "Are you... saying you still want us around?" Sugarcoat asked, while looking directly at Twilight.
"More than anything!" Twilight clasped her hands to her chest. "It's not like you can just pop over here every day, right? I'd love to make the most of things while you're here. Get to know you all over again. And I think the others would too." She looked at her Canterlot High friends, who all nodded in agreement.
The Crystal Prep students looked at the assembled Canterlot High girls, who smiled—then looked to Dean Cadance, who did the same.
"Don't look at me," Cadance said. "This isn't my call—I just have to make sure you're back at the school by evening. But something tells me if you're really looking for pointers on how to make your school a brighter place through friendship, you're looking at the perfect mentors."
Sunset stepped up to join Twilight at her side. "And we'd be glad to start right now." she said. "That is, if you are too."
"Girls?" Indigo said. "Huddle. Now."
After a flurry of heated whispers, and occasional stolen glances at the Canterlot students, the Crystal Prep huddle broke apart. "Okay," Indigo said. "We talked it over and…" She smiled wide. "We're cool to stick around."
Twilight and Sunset exchanged a quick smile, as the rest of the Canterlot High students brightened.
"The whole 'trying again' thing hadn't actually crossed our minds," Indigo continued, "but... it'd be nice to be hang out and not be on our guard, for once."
"Done and done," Applejack said. She looked to Pinkie. "Hey, Pinkie! You got one o' them 'New Friendship Party' cakes lying around in there?"
Pinkie gasped. "Of course! What do you take me for? Though, uh..." Pinkie counted people with her finger. "...ohhhhh gosh there's six of them and eight of us we're going to need the mega-sized version lemme run inside right now and check—" Pinkie ran into Sugarcube Corner at top speed.
"Looks like your field trip's ending with a cake party," Sunset said.
Indigo watched Pinkie run around, pulling extra tables and chairs to the back booth, and gesturing wildly in the direction of the Corner's proprietors. Relishing the warm feeling in her chest, she chuckled. "Yeah, doesn't look like we have a choice. Free eats always works for us, though. Right, girls?"
The other Crystal Prep students smiled. Lemon Zest licked her lips.
Pinkie poked her head out the entrance. "Cake's here, you guys!" She pointed to Carrot Cake hauling a massive confectionary to one of the booths. "And he's bringing the cake!"
Dean Cadance sighed mock-dramatically. "Twelve hungry girls. Why do I get the feeling this trip's about to go way over budget?"
"Don't worry about it, Cadance," Luna said. "This one's on me."
Cadance wrapped an arm around Luna. "Now that is the best gesture of friendship you could ever show me."
Their mouths watering in anticipation, the two faculty members followed their students inside.
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DragonShadow
The Shadowbolts Will Return.
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6643715
I read a couple of them, but long after I formulated my Shadowbolt treatments and started planning/writing stories. So, very much a monkeys-typewriters scenario here.
This is an excellent story. The characters are well fleshed out, and the motivation of the Dean and VP seems reasonable. What did Twilight say to Sugarcoat? At first, I thought it was that Twilight's grades were so high that Sugarcoat could never catch up, but after Sugarcoat felt sorry for her, I just didn't know.
Well, at least you gave Sunny Flare some lines here, as well as some background as a literal drama queen. Rarity would be proud, was proud
I'm not quite certain what to take about Sugarcoat's and Twilight's line. Sugarcoat seems devastated for Twilight for some reason, even though Twilight apparently just confirmed she would have been valedictorian at CPS. The way I'm reading that line it doesn't sound like Sugarcoat is sad that she had lower grades than Twilight and would have only been salutatorian.
That was appropriately adorable on so many levels. Each of the Shadowbolts built on the character they had in the movie, even those who had minimal character to begin with, and their reasons for wanting to check up on Twilight were very sweet. I especially liked the little interaction between Sugarcoat and Twilight; I would definitely believe they had a brilliant little nerd-rivalry going on, perhaps not necessarily at each other's throats but a simple show of grudging respect centered around a "can you top this" in their grades. And for two rather intelligent girls in high school (or guys, for that matter), that is a very believable dynamic.
Hats off to ya, Book. You already have your revenge for my fic, because now I'm struggling not to dust off that SugarLight idea I had after I finally gave in and watched the movie. You monster.
This was fantastic! I love what you did with... well, everyone! Indigo Zap got some interesting and unexpected accents to her character, Sour Sweet did quite well, Lemon Zest was a hoot, Sunny Flare was glorious, and the Twicoat. Dear God, the Twicoat. I'm not sure what Twilight said to Sugarcoat at the end there, but if I didn't have a dedicated ship for human Twilight, that would've clinched it for me.
I'm not entirely sure how I helped, but I'm glad I could be of assistance. Thank you for this, Bookish. I look forward to seeing what else you have in store for these girls.
There was a lot I really, really liked about this, and pretty much all of it stems from the characterization you gave/expanded on for the Shadowbolts.
Indigo Zap's leadership, energy, and passion were all spot on. Sour Sweet got to be her psycho-self without it coming off as over-the-top and was actually quite fitting. The tender moment between Sugarcoat and Twilight towards the end there was quite d'aww-ful (and the unanimous support Sugar was given from the rest of the Shadowbolts after ending the hug was very sweet). I even joked that you captured Sunny Flare's character and existence perfectly in the first chapter and was then pleasantly surprised by her poetic lines in the second chapter (the surprised-that-she's-actually-talking bit was funny, too).
And Lemon Zest. I don't even know where to start on Lemon Zest.
I think this pretty much sums it up.
This was a great character piece to follow the events of Friendship Games. And, while ZOMG will be riddled with SugarLight thoughts after reading this, I think I'll be content with scheming over IndigoLight.
Very nice story. Added to my faves.
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Simply hearing people being inspired to think about the Shadowbolts again (or anything about FG in a positive light, for that matter) is the best compliment I can receive.
Thank you all. orig10.deviantart.net/c26f/f/2015/261/4/8/indigo_zap__wink__plz_by_rainbowyoshi305-d9a35qj.png
(P.S. I know exactly what Twilight whispered. :3 When the time is right.)
6643926 I WAS TRYING NOT TO BRAIN THAT IDEA!!!
Hype intensifies.
Man, this was great. I'd love to read more of these girls.
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Why are we all whispering?
I'm right there with you, Pink.
This is a beautiful story. Lots of stories do a good job fleshing out the Shadowbolts, but they don't bother to explain why they're hanging out with the Mane 6 when they're supposedly an entire bus ride away. You managed to do just that in a way that wasn't only believable, but very touching. I especially loved Sunny Flare's melodrama.
Actually, funny story. I've been brainstorming a sequel to my story Reformation Buddies where the Dazzlings meet the Shadowbolts, but I wasn't sure how to make them meeting believable. If you don't mind, I might just end up using a few of the ideas you presented here for that. And much like with episodes of the show, any story that inspires my writing definitely earns brownie points in my book. So yeah, this tale's kinda great.
Was I the only one shipping Cadance and Luna in this? C'mon!
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Patience, hon.
Let them discover the layers with each reread.
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The distance factor, I think, makes lots of Shadowbolt scenarios all the more fun. Downtown's probably not prohibitively far, but probably not a hopskipjump either. Meaning visits between students of the two schools tend to be special.
Re: ideas n' stuff: Be my guest (Sour's premade for Aria hijinx, far as I'm concerned), and point to me when you've got something going! Thanks, and I'm glad you liked this.
I'm of two minds on this story.
First, I'm gonna say this. I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT TO DEATH AND THEN RESURRECTION. It makes me all happy and gleeful and I enjoy seeing the Shadowbolts get fleshed out because dang it, fleshing out is good for any character.
...but dang it, I had something like this in mind for some of my own stuff. I even planned on including the line "don't know what you've got until it's gone". How are you in my head?
Granted, I had other ideas, more stuff with Crystal Prep Background Characters that thankfully, no one's managed to somehow put out before me, but still...I'm not sure if I should be happy or terrified that I'm thinking similar thoughts to what you're thinking. Especially considering it seems to be happening so much lately.
Either way, I'm gonna go sit in a corner, cry, and stick this story in my "Resources" folder for when I get around to writing my story, so that I can cite yours within it. If only to cover my bases.
You know, I have been in pretty dire need of a pick me up lately.
As usual, you deliver.
6643990
Such scandal!
Was somewhat liking it till the Sugarcoat/Twilight bit, showing them as more than friends.:\
Overall, not a bad story, though as said, the Sugarcoat/Twilight bit REALLY killed it for me.
Admittedly, I do like the concepts of Lemon Zest having a short attention span and Sunny being in drama. Despite that though, I still prefer the characterizations of this fic on them: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/296435/lets-go-shadowbolts than what's here... CURRENTLY. Can't deny that this fic has potential though. I do like most of the direction you're going with this, and I can see great possibilities with it.
6644583
Thanks!
And, uh... I sure hope you don't think she's moving things too fast the next time a girl hugs you.
It might not end too well!
I liked this story, but the fact that we get no clues as to what Twilight said to Sugarcoat made me disappointed. I feel like everything would have been tied up in a neat little bow if we at least had a hint for those in the comments to figure out. But overall, quite a grand tale of discovery. (Sunny's not the only one here with a sense of drama)
6644598 No prob.^_^
And *sigh* I'd appreciate that joke if I ever actually had the luck of that happening. Haven't felt any true love in my life for years, not even from parents. Though, thanks for at least the attempt at humor there, even despite the bad memories it brings up.:\
6644610
(*hug*)
6644642 Thanks. *hugs* I just hope this one thing I've been working on for so long finishes soon. If things go well, my path in life may finally improve for the better, cause as it stands now... without this project's success, let's just say that I see no good future for me in the long term.:\ Not with how things are going.
Ok what did Twilight say to Sugarcoat that both made her real really sorry for Twilight and also prove she would be valedictoian? That whole scene there confused me
6643978 Nope. I saw it a mile away.
Friendship just bustin' out all over. I think what I like is that while they have similarities with each of the CHS Humane Five, they aren't exact parallels, something that drives me quietly mad.
Best line in the fic. In fact, I really like what you've done with Dean Cadance in general.
Can I just say I LOVE the way you write things? You definitely uphold the "Delight" half of your name.
6644669
6644679
Also, Cadance was my favorite character to write in this. She also happened completely by accident.
6644669
Preach, sis. It threw everyone off, myself included. I hit my head against the wall for weeks trying to make it work that way.
Then I stepped back and instead started looking at Crystal Prep as a roundabout way to have the (Not-Quite-)H6 I always wanted but that five years of characterization and marketing refused to give me.
Once that happened I threw out the "parallel" nonsense entirely, and everything else slotted into place. (And then my editor added all the good lines.)
In short, they're they're own people who might have interests that cross with the Mains, but don't have to be them or be mirrors of them or anything like that in the slightest. Keep that in mind and there's all sorts of fun that opens up.
...and then the movie throws in LunaxCadance for free.
6644199
I can relate. I hate it when people steal ideas out of my head.
All you can do at that point is keep doing that bit you were already doing where your own spin on 'em!
Let me know when you've got something!
I'm not exactly sure what's going on with Twilight and Sugarcoat there, but the teary mutual respect thing feels really weird when the entirety of their screen time together involved Sugarcoat ripping into her. The movie didn't exactly give you a lot to work with, but that bit comes sailing straight out of left field, beans the audience on the head, and doesn't look back.
Following on from the above, this bugs me in a more general sense. They didn't know what they had? I don't know what they had. Twilight has no chemistry with these people, and she's completely dismissive of the idea of being around other students when Cadance brings it up in the film. It's obviously meant to parallel where pony Twilight was when the series started, but when Amending Fences came around to address the fallout from that, we got enough of a glimpse behind the curtain to say that, yeah, there was something there that could have been pursued, even if Twilight and her classmates weren't especially close. The Shadowbolts and Twilight don't have that grounding, and the emotions on display here don't hold up without it.
Based on the blog post and your comments, it seems like you're trying to set up a bunch of ideas to play with down the line, but it's not helping develop this story. The crux of the plot is "The Shadowbolts, having discovered the concept of empathy, attempt to make peace with Twilight and accidentally connect with her in the process," and then there's another eight characters hanging around who don't add anything to that, however fun their lines are. Paring the cast down to just the six CPA girls and spending more time on developing the Shadowbolts' characters and Twilight's relationships with them, or just emphasizing the lack thereof more, would do a lot to bring the fic into focus.
I hate to come off so harshly, but this just didn't work for me.
Huh. I kinda left Friendship Games without strong feelings about the Shadowbolts. I mean, sure, I really like Indigo's design (being a palette swap and humanization of one of my favorite character designs in MLP), and I enjoyed the irony of Sugarcoat's name, but within the context of the movie, only Sour Sweet even really stuck out for me. Even then, she was kinda funny for a bit and then I more or less became apathetic towards her too.
Friendship Games kinda did what The Cutie Map did when introducing new characters, dumping a bunch on us while giving brief spotlights and not much more. It's kinda why I feel similarly about the "Town" ponies.
...but we're getting off topic. Why does any of this even matter, though?
Well, I guess it'd be harder to get me to care about, say, a story featuring Sunny Flare, vs a story featuring Rainbow Dash. Seeing as you wrote it though, I gave it a shot. I was not disappointed. It was a feelsy little thing that was a pretty good read overall, though what ticks me off is that I can't even tell if half of them are in character because they got so little screentime in the first place!
Sure, Sugarcoat and Sour Sweet had quite a few lines, but the others? Indigo and Sunny had maybe two to three lines each, and Lemon maybe had one.
...anyway, I'll bite. You got me to care about the Shadowbolt's feelings... a bit.
6644783
Hey, sometimes audiences need some tough love.
Thank you for your honesty. I promise you that you won't be last to have similar sentiments, and I don't entirely disagree with you, either. It was the first thing my editor and I talked about when I submitted the original draft for this, to the point where I did originally to "pare down" this story to give it "focus", and I had a violent, nauseous reaction. No lie or exaggeration.
I decided to take that as a sign. Darlings I can kill; this was on another scale entirely. And thus, if I wasn't going to go to work and pare this down, then I'd go the other way, having fun and going all out, using fanfic's "what if" motto to its fullest.
Which is what this is, really. Shameless character and dialogue porn. An ambitious character proof-of-concept smorgasbord that barely holds together at the seams, but, as you said, is still fun, and which I've long since made my peace with.
That said, there are vagaries in this story that are entirely intentional in order to get people to think about what the Shadowbolts could be given what little the movie gave us. Side effects may include some readers being driven absolutely nuts by not having all the holes filled in. tl;dr: I decided to have some damn fun for once.
And with my Shadowbolt line, I will continue to do so. You'll get your Amending Fences analogues, and I'll continue to play character Tetris with everything else. I promise.
I will, however, also say that I disagree with you that the emotions presented here (including Sugarcoat's) don't line up with the movie, for two reasons, neither of which have to do with me.
1) As a famous line puts it: "the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence." Or, more to the point, proof of absence. The fact that Twilight was never shown outright chemistry in the movie (or rather, it was usually one-way; see below) does not mean that it never could have existed. It was also in the cards at one point.
2) While Twilight is dismissive of studying with other students post high school (and enjoys studying alone), she has no problem attempting to reach out to others on the bus, nor does she show aversion to the other Crystal Prep students via dialogue or mannerisms--it's them that do so to her, and it's why coming to CHS, where people are nice to her for once, is such a revelation to her. She allows herself to be peer-pressured (by people who really don't deserve her thoughts given how they treated her!) into unleashing the magic in the movie's final act, meaning that she cared what other people thought and could be influenced by outside forces to far greater degrees of magnitude than her S1 unicorn counterpart. Pilot Unicorn Twilight wanted to be left alone--Friendship Games Twilight wasn't really given a choice, and just sort of rolled with it. Dismissive to the idea of being around other students, she absolutely wasn't. She was boxed in.
Anyway, thanks again! I can't make everyone happy all the time, sadly. Wish I could. I hope we both have better luck with each other in the next story or three.
6643865
You're shipping SciTwi with someone? I'm genuinely surprised. The only shipping I can remember you doing was hints of Twixie in that Phyrexian invasion story and it's been so long since I read it that I don't know if it was ever actually there or if I just imagined it. Mostly I remember Trixie's last name being Hobbitses because that was hilarious.
Lemon Zest was great, Sugarcoat was fun, and Sour Sweet still needs to consider psychiatric help but she was still entertaining to read. Good characterization on all of them, I just like those three in particular. I did find that there was maybe a bit too much of everyone just kind of sitting around complimenting each other, but then again I'm the type of person that uses insults to indicate friendship (actual quote about me--"I knew you considered him a friend when you started calling him a fuckup [during a game of Magic]"). So some of that might just be that my idea of friendship is more hostile than yours. Despite that, I'm still looking forward to seeing where you go from here and what kind of shenanigans these girls get up to.
Well, as long as we're in agreement. None of the ideas are bad, but as you seem to have plans to visit all of them individually anyway, it's odd that they're all sharing space here and now.
I wondered if this might come up. See, I can't stand that cut ending either. It doesn't make any sense in context, and while you can certainly imagine whatever you want to fill in the gap such that it's a plausible resolution, it's still not supported by the story as presented. It was a bad idea and I'm glad they went in a different direction. God knows the film catches enough flak already.
Yeah, I shouldn't have worded it like that, since they do come at the situation from the opposite angle this time. But the result's the same; she actually sings about how isolated she is. The girl who says "Hi" on the bus and nearly gets her head taken off for it is not going to be the one to suddenly turn around and miss the poor dears when she gets the chance to leave them behind. Willing to give them another chance? Sure, she's a bighearted girl. More than that? Reaaaaally gonna need some support for that.
Suffice it to say that yes, the hole does drive me nuts. Fanfiction exists pretty much exclusively to tug at loose threads and fill holes, and seeing a story stare straight at one and not do anything about it is throwing me for a loop.
6644977
You're probably thinking of the part where Twilight goes back to CPA and they form a sort of "Shadow M6". I don't agree with that either, as much as I don't agree with the fandom that 98% of the deleted scenes "were so cool and should have been left in."
However, this would be a problem if the above were referenced in my story, which is not. The only element of that ending referenced in my story (and the only part I feel was a misstep to leave out of the movie) is the part where the CPA students and the CHS students begin to make up before leaving, with Indigo voicing as much. This bit is completely supported by the movie's final cut:
- The Bolts all stand together alongside the Colts and against Cinch after the final battle.
- All the students celebrate together as Celestia declares both schools winners.
- You have the dance party in the gym, where all the students effortlessly party together regardless of what school they're from. Watch that scene again--the second Cinch shows up, everyone separates in lockstep. It's a scary moment.
- During the final scenes of the movie, the CPA and CHS students mingle. Admittedly, there's more of this to go around in the alt-ending, but we still get to see Lemon and Vinyl hit it off in the background in the final cut.
I'm sorry to say, but to suggest that there is no way for the CPA students to actually be, well, nice to characters they were previously cool towards, even to Twilight, is to willingly ignore (or simply just miss) the canon we were given. Which is why I gave them a path to be nice to Twilight to be sure of things.
I... really think the Sugarcoat thing just threw you a bit too hard, dude. Which is fair, I guess, it's a sharp curve from the movie (but not a hole since by the time that scene happens I'd already rendered Sugar vulnerable and empathetic and had her thoroughly explain why), but absolutely everything else in my story is canon-supported, or at the very least has nothing exist to contradict it.
Which is why she didn't. In this story Twilight is instantly wary of the CPA students. Then those students apologize, lay themselves bare and turn over a completely new leaf and go out of their way to check on Twilight's well-being. Only then does Twilight come around to them, because to not receive the olive branch after all of that comes off to me as awfully petty.
The "unfocused" thing I'll give you, but now I'm starting to think we were watching completely different movies. That, or, again, the Sugarcoat thing just knocked you off of your otherwise understandable game.
6645000
Yes.
It was inevitable that this chapter would be exposition-heavy and that left the author with the dilemma of who would do the talking. On balance, Indigo Zap, Crystal Prep's self-proclaimed 'Ms Motivator' was probably the best choice to both be the spokesperson and co-ordinator, although it might have been more interesting to have her as the 'voice' and one of the other girls as the 'brains'.
Overall, this was a lovely little bit of fluffy bonding and character growth. I particularly liked Sunny's monologue about Crystal Prep being cold and how hard it was to go back there after Canterlot High's warmth. Cadance and Luna's byplay was also nicely written.
What's got me wanting more? Twilight's secret conversation with Sugarcoat. I'm not sure if it was shipping, although a lot of readers will interpret it as such. Personally, I think that it was just a truth that no two Crystal Prep students would ever normally admit to each other - an admiration of intelligence and enjoyment of having a worthy peer against whom you can be challenged.
Overall a good piece of work that I enjoyed reading!
6645035
Holy crap, someone got it. I thought I made it obvious, really.
6644901
So you're an anime character? How's that pay? I've heard not well.
I actually enjoyed this, more than I thought I would.
The over arcing theme behind this really struck a cord with me that I was able to relate to on a personal level. For a small bit of exposition to explain; during the times when I was in school, like many I was bullied relentlessly. A few years later after I quit school due to this, I was working when one of said bullies came in. He then recognized me, thanked me for my assistance, and then proceeded to apologize for the way he acted and treated me in school.
This type of situation is very humbling, and can be very heart warming as well, even if it leaves you a little speechless. Twilight coming across this feeling doubt in the beginning until things are explained felt very natural.
6644901
The movie was shipping Sciset. How could I not?
And yes, I know, Phthisis is Magic has been on hiatus for a while. I need to restructure the whole thing. The plot basically metastasized.
6644656
I second this.
6645039 A whisper between two girls in an MLP fanfic.
Yes, we were totally going to take the intellectual interpretation first.
6645098
Works pretty well once you make it past the stage where they can't tell if you're serious or joking. Admittedly hearing me say what happened makes me seem more dickish than actually seeing it, I was laughing and he had just made a mistake well below his skill level.
Ironically I'm actually nicer online in a lot of ways. I give compliments more openly and I'm more likely to call someone out if they're being a dick. Last week I was struggling to find the right way to boost someone's confidence in his writing because he admitted that he was always super nervous uploading new chapters. The tradeoff is that in person I'll usually bow out of an argument because they're kind of tiring, in a way that only other introverts will really understand. On the internet, that "social exhaustion" doesn't happen so I'll argue until I win or someone gets fed up and leaves. lordofmyth actually deleted two of his blog posts because it hadn't occurred to him to just block me.
6644727 Alas, all I've got right now are rough ideas. Once I have anything beyond that, however, I'll let you know. I've never had an objection to a potential proofreader.
This is why I think they should have gone with the alternate ending on the DVD where Twilight stayed at CPH to help foster friendships there.
6645222
Admittedly it is one of the most believable ships.
As much as I would like to see that story resurface, I can understand why it's on hiatus. I'm always telling people who have derailed their stories that they should just take a mulligan if that's what it takes, so I really can't give you a hard time for taking my advice (even if that advice was given to other people on stories I don't think you've read). I was halfway through ironing out an idea for a retelling of Rainbow Rocks inspired by a neat but underwhelming story someone else posted before realizing that I should start with something a bit easier. The idea I had basically runs on characters communicating poorly and refusing to admit (even to themselves) how they really feel about Sunset's efforts to redeem herself.
I hope this story does not just end here. I would love to see more added to it such as Luna and Cadance's plan being put into motion as well as seeing a certain bit..... err Abacus's reaction to being told about said plans. I would also love to see more of the CPA6(?) haning out with Twilight and the gang more at CHS
This story is awesome! Well done.
Also, I think Sugarlight is a cute ship. Or maybe Twicoat. Hmm....