Contains spoilers for "Friendship games"
A few weeks have passed since the friendship games. After the students of Crystal Prep Academy had experienced magic going loose, things have slowly been returning to normal at their own school - meaning everybody minded their own business and tried their best to survive Principal Cinch's harsh education. Eager to reverse any damage caused to her school's reputation she has become even more strict, forcing additional lessons and homework onto her students.
Despite having had some cheerful and warm moments at Canterlot High, most students of Crystal Prep have returned to their selfish and smug attitude, seeing their fellow classmates as little more than rivals. However, a certain group of students seems to have enough of the repulsive behaviour of the other students, and seeks for friendship. Will these five able be able to cast their differences aside, or is even the magic of friendship not enough to warm up the hearts at Crystal Prep Academy?
I'm surprised that they haven't left for CHS since this is an attempt for retribution for the games.
Not bad for a first story, if I do say so myself.
I love the characterization
I second what 6605776 said; this story probably has the best overall group dynamic for the Shadowbolts that I've seen so far. Some people do two or three of them well, but you've made all five distinctive despite the limited screentime they received.
s6.postimg.org/5pzpmopep/Pirate_Approved2.jpg
Okay, it looks like Cinchie has gone over Psychosis Falls without a barrel! The students are all already pushed to the edge but heaven forbid that her reputation should suffer! So, she's going to push them even harder!
I figure the minute the number of breakdowns or even suicides amongst the staff (let alone the students) from overwork start piling up, she'll be loaded onto a comfy van going to the Laughing Academy in a do-up-the-back sleeveless shirt. Until then, the poor students at Crystal Prep are going to be suffering the torments of the damned!
I'll explain Sunny. You remember when Cinch started raving about the 'magic' at CHS infecting her students? Well, she was right. You've caught the Magic of Friendship from the Wondercolts. I'm told it happens; it is contagious, after all! Ask Sunset Shimmer or Twilight Sparkle if you don't believe me!
Just don't invite the others around to join your music practice. I've got a horrible feeling that, if you all really get into making Harmony together... well, you may gain some new anatomical features... as well as unusual special abilities.
6605541 Wouldn't that look good on Cinch's resume?
Unfortunately, these guys are most likely at this school because of their parent's wishes. Twilight might have the fantastic grades to go to any college from any school, but it'll be a hard sell for the rest of them...
Nice fic; faved and waiting for the next installment.
6607487 Eww, they got the friendship all over them...
6605776 6605940 Thanks! The movie actually gave a pretty good impression of how their characters are like. The toughest was to clearly distinct Lemon and Indigo, and not to make Sugarcoat too brainy.
6607712 True, but that doesn't mean that Cinch has to be a complete bitch for that. She's taking her frustrations out on them just because she lost. And also Dean Cadence just stood there while Cinch made the announcement, she didn't do anything to stop her at all.
consider alting to "Would you lend me a pen, please?"
"an announcement from myself" might sound a bit more proper
)
(just a few suggestions, if you wish to use them
6607739 Thank you for the suggestions, I've changed it right away. English isn't my native language, so I'm always happy if people point out flaws in my formulations :)
Aside from; doors, the; times; was some conversation; announcement from the principle (or) principle's announcement
)
(again- suggestions. It's really good, keep it up
6607734 Unfortunately, sometimes the job of second in command means never disagreeing with your boss publicly. Cadence may also feel that if she resigns in protest (or gets fired) things will get worse for the students.
6607752 most welcome.
HAVE SOME MORE GRAMMAR NAZI!
was drenched
flows better if you switch it around: "She handed out the plate through the counter"
Might still work, however expelled most likely would work a bit better
'cause they're freaks and don't know how to react to proper social interaction
Zapabetes!
6607917 Thanks again for the corrections :)
But I'm keeping "spaghetti were" since it's actually plural. Nobody uses it that way, but I'll still stick with it ;)
6607932 I'd love to see Sour Sweet get drunk; she's probably turn into Maud...
I'm starting to wonder if the Shadowbolts are start going to either (a) get bullied or (b) treated like plague-carriers... you know, no-one daring to come closer than three feet to the 'weird girls'. It becomes easy to know where they are because, even in a tightly-packed corridor there would the three feet of empty space around them!
She didn't even prepare the teachers for this change?
This wouldn't work even if the students were capable of handling all the work. Nobody is ready, and changing the curriculum mid-year is just silly.
But then...Cinch.
What I'd say in Sour Sweet's place right now:
"We'd get up to acknowledge you respectfully, Principal Cinch, Ma'am. Unfortunately, all five of us are too busy practising being casualty practice dummies. Hey, girls? All limbs still attached? Nothing dissolving as we speak?" ((Faint groans)) "That's good. Ma'am? Now might be a good time to call the paramedics. Dean Cadence, Ma'am? Tell Suri Polimare to start running and never stop because, the very moment that she does and looks over her shoulder, she'll see me reaching for her throat."
Girls, this is where you be honest and pass the buck. Explain to Cinch that this was a younger student's doing, as exemplified in HER OWN new rules.
Dun, dun, dunnn!
Hope that this doesn't come out the wrong way, but it's good to see a story that isn't afraid to go the cliche route at times. So many writers are so caught up in trying to come up with something new and different they forget that the tried and true can still be fun.
Great fic. Faved and followed eagerly.
I can't resist:
"Cinch made it awkward."
Omg Sour Sweet is there! She is my fave Crystal Prep character!!!
6610910 Thanks :) And don't worry, I know what you mean. I was actually aiming for something classic and simple. I do enjoy surprises and originality, but that doesn't mean predictable plots can't be enjoyable as well.
6610899 I don't think that's gonna work. It's Cinch we're talking about. Cadence may understand but Cinch, I bet she's out to get those five.
6611089 This would give Cinch an excuse to expel them even though Suri was at fault.
I am loving your story. Great work!
Go Shadowbolts! Hope they come up with something. XD
6611049 Look at the movie Independence Day. It's a great, enjoyable movie that you can predict everything that happens in it. The problem with fanfics is that you have 40 or more people jumping on a concept bandwagon without bothering to make it fun to read. Therefore, we immediately label cliche as bad...
6611212 Very true. Writing is a craft, and cliches are a tool - they are not bad, just badly used.
6611303 Just because you have a hammer, you don't need to use all the hammers all the time?
6611453 Exactly.
That should be "punched someone, or something!"
Mean cliffhanger. Hope it gets sorted out for them.
But, gotta say, I LOVE this fic of yours. These are definitely my new headcanons for the girls. Loving it.:D
6611713 I've changed the sentence slightly. Thank you for the suggestion :)
Cadence: "Now girls, I know it's a major taboo for you to rat on one of your classmates, but we need to know who-"
All five: "Suri."
AHHHH!!!!!! I WANT TO SEE SURI SUFFER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nice chapter!!!!
Does lemon get her headphones back now?
Though the first paragraph has some proofreading errors, it's another great work.^_^
Oh, and if you want to be technical, as a Dean, Cadance is above Cinch in authority. The only reason she hasn't stopped Cinch before is because, through technicality, Cinch never did anything wrong per se other than pushing Twilight to unleash the magic, and even then, she did so due to wanting to even the playing field. Cinch is cruel and harsh, but all the things she does is technically legal, and as much as she dislikes Cinch's harshness, Cinch's work still provides the results set up by the school board and whatnot.
Anyways, still, another great chapter. Eager for more.:D
6614522 I have made some changes to the first paragraph. Hopefully it's better now :)
I have made a bit of research and found there is no clear definition of a dean's position at a high school. Mostly it seems to be the principal is the administrative head of a school while the dean is responsible for matters concerning the student body. For this story I decided not to make it too complicated and have Cinch being above Cadence, since it was portrayed like this in the movie as well.
6614602 Alright then.^_^ I wasn't too sure on it myself. That's just what I heard is all.
You know, I think that, for a moment there, the teacher overseeing detention was regretting not having the male students' coach in there because it really looked like the girls were going to end up trying to tear each other's throats out with their teeth! She probably didn't feel confident that she would be able to break them up before one or more of them were injured.
I'm guessing all those years of being completely emotionally locked up around others has left a lot of pressure in the girls' heads to let out. I foresee one pretty major argument over all their little frustrations, quirks and angst in the immediate future followed by a tearful reconciliation.
What is planning Sour? Whatever it is, is going to be fun.
These five crazies belong together. They were made for each other. I can tell.
You've really captured the essence of these characters! Really awesome!
The more you write this, the more I like it.:D