• Member Since 15th Jun, 2015
  • offline last seen Sunday

Krieg cormac

Ambition...Greed...Faith...total war


One thousand years ago, during Celestia's war with Nightmare Moon, her greatest general Atticus scipio equestria's first human was turned to stone in the last battle. His battles and feats became stuff of legends. How he changed the equestrian army. How he led his outnumbered legion to victory. To the griffons he is the God of war. Now he is back. How will he adapt to this more peaceful Equestria and will his skills ever be needed again.

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 198 )

very neat, grammar needs to be improved, you have a like due to the subject of history that the main character is from

Oh, this looks very cool. We shall come back to this later.

I (the brother half of this account) love the total war series, and I played Rome Total War a ton. (Rome One, not the piece of excrement called Rome Two) I liked to play as the Brutii. Green Rome all the way. Never really tried to play as the Scipii though.

Love Rome one
Brutiiare cool. I recently finished a Brutii campaign
Sorry typo

Looking forward to Total War Warhammer. Might have to build a computer to contain its pure awesomeness.
Assuming they don't screw the pooch like they did with Rome 2.

I like the Roman concept you have going here, I sincerely hope that your grammar is going to improve throughout your writing. I also know a good bit about not only Legion Ranks, but Legion tactics as well. So feel free to ask an question you may have, and I will do my best to answer. I hope you can take this story much farther.

love the story so far cant wait for the next chapter to come out

Thanks. The next one might come out next week cause I'll be busy this week

His battles and and feats became stuff of legends

you might want to correct that in the description, but good start:twilightsmile:

...ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeeeeaaaaahhh!
i like this allready!

Yeah, fighting scenes are fun to think about but a pain to write. In our opinion you are doing good. A nice chapter full of action.

We can't really advice you too well about Roman rank and tactics but we believe you are doing alright. At least some of the terms are familiar to us.

Thanks. P.s the brother or the sister

I wonder how celestia and cadence will react
Also nice story

Thanks. You should see how he will react to Luna

Was kinda hoping for some romance between Celestia and Scipio. Guess it would be awkward now.

I was going to do it, but I don't know how to make it romance without it being cheesy

just dont put as much cheese like nachos need...

6217504 Read a lot of Celestia x Human stories and get ideas. My advice, write it anyway. Even if it's cheesy people will tell you how to improve.

Celestia has a secret crush that he is oblivious to

That would be interesting. Develop it overtime until it turns into a relationship.

keep it coming but take ur time i am really liking this story so far

You have my interest:rainbowderp:

1000 thousand! really?

Comment posted by Krieg cormac deleted Jul 20th, 2015

6225860In the description it should be one thousand or only 1000 not 1000 thousand.

Just one question does this story have a happy ending?
if not please tell before I start crying AGAIN
I love the story though if it has a happy ending. I know it sounds cheesy but that's just me:pinkiehappy:

Maybe. But what the ending I am thinking of is not sad at all.

6229230 OH good I love happy endings.:pinkiehappy:
boy it sounds weird when i say that

6229513 no it does not sound weird

I hope the reason this chapter was rushed, filled with grammatical errors, and sloppy was because you just wanted to get started on the following chapter. Which had better be long and well written to make up for this one.

Just went back over your last two chapter. Please get an editor. I'm pretty sure there is a group on fimfiction you can submit your stories to, and they will edit it.

I just made the thread.

I can't wait for more:pinkiehappy:
I am getting shivers up my back:pinkiecrazy:
KEEP UP with your AWESOME writing skills :twilightsmile:
P.S remember Applejack is a country pony so maybe if you chose to use her could you just add a small bit of country talk into her dialog. No offence but she sounds different without that kind of speech. :twilightsmile:
P.S.S I really can't wait for MORE. IT'S so AWESOME:rainbowkiss:

More please! I beg of thee!

Not bad bud, like you said it was a little rushed but still pretty good. The picture in the middle of the chapter was a nice touch.:twilightsmile:

Thanks I just wanted to get started on the next chapter.

You might want to get an editor

Please get an editor. While not as bad as the last chapter, there were still several mistakes. Still enjoyable though, so I can't wait for the next chapter.

Please don't beat up Luna

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