Prologue part 1 (edited)
One thousand years ago, a human appeared in Equestria. His name was Atticus Scipio. He quickly befriended the local ponies and later the princesses, but several years later the youngest sister became Nightmare Moon and started a civil war. He joined the side of the elder sister and started his own army similar to the one where he came from. He led countless victories against the armies of the Nightmare. Finally, he pushed Nightmare Moon back to her dark fortress called the Dark Moon.
"Fire the onagers," an artillery officer shouts out as several onagers focus fire at a single place on the fortress wall.
Meanwhile, in the command tent…
"How will we take the city, General Scipio?" a cohort unicorn tribune asked Equestria’s first human and first non-Equestrian General.
"We will have the legionnaires in turtle formation near the wall, and as the walls fall, they will charge in simultaneously," he said.
"How will the wall fall?" a centurion asked.
"Simple. I already sent the order for a group of onagers to concentrate fire at several locations to break the wall," General Scipio stated plainly.
"What? When did you give the command?" another one asks.
"Just a couple minutes before this meeting started," Scipio replied. "Now you will lead your men toward the wall."
"You can't do that!" a young junior captain with golden armor said loudly.
Scipio turned his head toward the young officer and walked up to him. Scipio was easily taller than most ponies, even taller than the princess herself.
"And what can you do to stop me? Who do you think I am?" Scipio asked. "Who are you?"
"I am Captain Silver Sword," he said nervously, "of the Solar Guard," he added, thinking it would help his case.
"I hate the Solar Guard," Scipio said. "They fight worse than my diamond dog auxiliary infantry, and what is a Solar Guard captain doing in the command tent of the legions?" he added, picking him up by the collar.
"He is here because I am here, General," a soothing motherly voice sounded behind him before the solar captain could answer. "And I am aware that you hate my guard." Scipio turned around to see Princess Celestia, the older sister, dressed in armor that was a mix between the solar guard and the legionaries lorica segmentata.
"Ah, Princess Celestia. What are you doing here?" Scipio asked as he dropped the captain to the ground.
"What, can't a Princess come and see her favorite General every once in a while?" she questioned. "Especially if he is attacking my sister’s fortress?" she adds.
"No, but you didn't answer my question," Scipio stated.
"I think we should speak in private," was the only thing the princess said to him.
"Fine. Dismissed," Scipio shouted. All the officers present saluted and walked outside of the tent.
"Now we can talk," Celestia said.
"Now what do you need, Tia?" Scipio asked.
"I want you to subdue my sister, not kill her," she said.
"Ah, so you knew that I would kill her," Scipio stated.
"No. I know that you will, but the reason I am here is so that I can try to convince my sister to return to the light," Celestia said firmly.
"And if she doesn't?" Scipio asked.
"I will use the Elements of Harmony on her," Celestia told him.
"I don't think that is a good idea, but if you say so. Now if you will excuse me, I have a siege to lead," Scipio replied.
Several hours later, the walls finally have fallen for being shot at by the equestrian onagers.
"Charge!!" hundreds of centurions shouted at the same time.
"Attack!!" others shouted as well.
Meanwhile half and hour later...
"Princess, I do not suggest that you move into the city," Scipio told Princess Celestia.
"Don't worry, I'll be fine," she replied.
"Fine," Scipio said, giving up." Praetorians, on me!" he shouted as two centuries of Praetorians formed behind him. "One century follow me and the other protects the Princess."
So they started moving in the city, the legionaries killing all who would oppose them. Dead bodies littered the ground, though they were mostly the Thestral Nightmare Guard. Soon, they were almost near the castle.
"Look alive, men. Don't let your guard down," Scipio shouted as he and the princess advanced toward the keep with their guards.
"So this is one of your basic tactics, Scipio," Princess Celestia asked.
"Yes," Scipio replied. "Not much to work with in a siege, but in an open field my tactics will do wonders."
"Hmmm. Impressive, I knew it was a good idea to let you train your own army," Celestia continued.
"Yes. I know." Came the reply.
"Sir," a voice sounds out. Scipio sees an auxiliary griffon messenger coming with a letter. "The forward cohorts are in the keep. The rest are taking the rest of the capital."
"Good. Come in Princess, we got to go to the keep," Scipio said. Turing to the messenger, he said. "Tell the forward cohorts to hold their advance for me and the Princess to get there."
Several minutes later, they arrived at the keep.
"Praetorians, protect the princess," Scipio ordered the guards. So they went in and saw the dead bodies of changelings, the nightmare guard, and of the legionaries. Some were missing body parts.
"Keep moving forward," the centurion in charge of the guard shouted. After a couple more minutes of walking, they started to hear voices. Listening closer, Atticus made out that they were pony voices. They turned a corner to see a makeshift base with what remains of six cohorts. A golden unicorn walked up to Atticus Scipio.
"General, I am tribune Golden Sword of the 1st Cohort. We have managed to push the enemy to the heart of the keep."
"Good. Prepare the legionaries. We will attacking in a couple minutes." Scipio ordered.
"But sir, the legionaries are tired." Golden Sword replied.
"Don't worry. I brought two fresh centuries of praetorians," Scipio said confidently. "Now order the attack."
"Very well, sir. Men, prepare to attack!" Golden sword shouts out.
The ponies got in formation to attack.
"Praetorians, follow the legionaries," Scipio orders. "Princess, I suggest that you stay in the back for your safety."
"Very well, general," Celestia said, moving back.
After advancing closer to the throne room, hundreds of changelings and Nightmare Guard appeared.
"Push forward, my legion," General Atticus Scipio shouted to his legionnaires as he advanced with his elite praetorian guard behind them.
"Princess, get down," a praetorian shouts as a magic bolt flew past her head.
"Scipio, this is brutal. Shouldn't you talk with these creatures?" Princess Celestia asked.
"No, they are monsters. Creatures that Nightmare Moon created," Scipio said as he stabbed a changeling coming near them. Green blood covered his sword. Dead bodies littered the floor, mostly from the changelings that Nightmare Moon had created rather than the Equestrian legionnaires.
"We almost got them men, keep pushing forward. We are almost in the throne room,” a centurion shouted out.
The enemy finally broke ranks and started to flee for their lives.
"Hold this position and kill any that will try to retake it,” Scipio commanded the four centurions with him. Turning to his praetorian guards, he said, "You will follow me into the throne room."
"Sir, won't we be outnumbered?" the centurion in charge of them asked.
"Have you ever doubted me before, Centurion Bronze Shield?" Scipio asked.
"No sir," Bronze shield said nervously.
"Good. Now follow me. Princess, stay behind the guards," Scipio orders. Scipio kicked the throne room door open and charged in with several guards and the princess right behind him. In the center of room was Nightmare Moon dressed in dark blue armor similar to her guard.
"Hello my dear sister," Nightmare Moon said.
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very neat, grammar needs to be improved, you have a like due to the subject of history that the main character is from
Oh, this looks very cool. We shall come back to this later.
I (the brother half of this account) love the total war series, and I played Rome Total War a ton. (Rome One, not the piece of excrement called Rome Two) I liked to play as the Brutii. Green Rome all the way. Never really tried to play as the Scipii though.
6202708
Love Rome one
Brutiiare cool. I recently finished a Brutii campaign
Sorry typo
6202719
Looking forward to Total War Warhammer. Might have to build a computer to contain its pure awesomeness.
Assuming they don't screw the pooch like they did with Rome 2.
I like the Roman concept you have going here, I sincerely hope that your grammar is going to improve throughout your writing. I also know a good bit about not only Legion Ranks, but Legion tactics as well. So feel free to ask an question you may have, and I will do my best to answer. I hope you can take this story much farther.
6203609
Could send me a pm about them
love the story so far cant wait for the next chapter to come out
6204128
Thanks. The next one might come out next week cause I'll be busy this week
you might want to correct that in the description, but good start
6207470
Fixed it
...ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeeeeaaaaahhh!
i like this allready!
6211552
Thanks
Yeah, fighting scenes are fun to think about but a pain to write. In our opinion you are doing good. A nice chapter full of action.
We can't really advice you too well about Roman rank and tactics but we believe you are doing alright. At least some of the terms are familiar to us.
6213163
Thanks. P.s the brother or the sister
6213179
This is the brony brother.
And I'm done reading, since clearly no effort went into making this readable.
First chapter is one of the most important to write, and this one is, in my opinion, sub par. The pacing is way too quickly, jumping around from the prologue to the siege to the tent to the end. There was little detail on how things happened. Instead of jump cutting to the keep you could’ve explained the legionnaires marching forward cautiously on guard for any enemies and perhaps coming across remaining defenders.
While this is an interesting concept the execution so far has been meh at best. Still I recommend you hone your skill and re edit this to be more detailed to hook in readers.
Now to read the rest of the story
8812840
not the best writer
Yeaaaaahh sorry