• Member Since 9th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen July 7th

dungeonguy88


I admit to being a geek. Wanted an outlet to try writing, as it seems to clear my thoughts.

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Starlight Glimmer has worked hard to bring about her vision of perfection. Molding ponies to fit where they were supposed to and making them happier for it. Pity no one told her that when they made the Great and Powerful Trixie, they broke the mold.

Twilight Sparkle and her friends were not the first ponies to stumble upon Starlight Glimmer's utopia. They weren't the first ponies to rock the foundations of her perfect society, when they rejected Starlight's vision. Yes, they might have been the ones to shatter her vision, but the cracks were formed well before then...

...By the most annoying, abrasive, infuriating, stubborn, arrogant hero the world has ever seen.

When the Great and Powerful Trixie rolls into town she's gonna put on an unforgettable show. Whether you like it or not.

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 168 )

Woot! Excellent start of a story :twilightsmile:

5858785 Thank you. I was a bit concerned, as I invested less thought and prep into this story than I usually do. But, this idea was too good to not get on right away.

I can tell this is going to be an amazing story.

5858990 I hope so. It may prove to be one of my smaller stories, but I don't want that to be indicative of a drop in quality. Hopefully, everything will go swimmingly. But, in the event that you spot a mistake or see something that seems stupid or confusing, by all means, tell me.

Having folks around to tell me when I'm screwing up is always a big help.:rainbowdetermined2:

5859031 Hey, I'm sure this will be great. I'm not exactly the best author out there so I'm probably not the one who will catch errors all that easily.

Looks good. I think that Starlight Glimmer can be a very good foil character for Trixie the same way that she is for Twilight Sparkle. :trixieshiftleft:

I mean, both of them seem to be envy prone mares that want to feel superior to others but while Trixie uses the in your face approach in the hammiest way possible in order to do this Starligh Glimmet makes hipocritical schemes in a more quite and subdued manner to accomplish the same thing. I think there can be interesting character interaction between these two, especially if its in a comedic way.:rainbowlaugh:

5859093 I'm glad you agree. I ended up spilling a whole lot of my thoughts on the issue, after seeing the episode and then this picture regarding the idea of whether Starlight is more of a counterpart to Twilight, than say Trixie or Sunset. And after thinking about it, well...I've got a long blog post that details the parallels I see between Starlight and Trixie.

And, yeah, the humor is going to pick up, as Trixie steadily drives Starlight crazy. Both by simply annoying her, and undermining her ideology with the townsfolk. It should be a fun ride.:trixieshiftright:

5859076 Doesn't mean you won't catch something I've missed.:twilightsmile:

Plus, it might help for when you want to review your own works. I've often found that reading the works by other writers helps me get a fresher look at my own stuff. Both for editing and spotting weaknesses in my writing.

Trixie shall dazzle... Or more than likely be thrown out

Hmmm. An envious jerk who wants ponies to know she's the best versus another envious jerk who wants that to be her own little secret....even from herself. Seems like I should see how this goes.

I honestly was hoping the stage to knock starlight backwards.

I have to ask… is the title a deliberate Snow Crash reference?

Trixie and Starlight are going to get along like a house on fire. :pinkiehappy:

You've made a good depiction of Trixie so far. It's easy for a writer to either shill or mock her, depending on how they think of her, but you've managed to stick to the middle field, showing both her abrasive personality and her well-meaning intentions. I definitely agree with that interpretation. And while canon Twilight sadly rarely show much concern on-screen for most ponies besides her personal friends, I find it absolutely in character that she'd reach out to Trixie in this way.

As for Starlight... you can just hear the grinding of her teeth as she tries to wrap her conformist mind around the concept of the most non-conformist pony in the world.

Excellent. :trollestia:

5859926 I did want to strike a balance with Trixie. It's all been important to me, that I show both a character's positive and negative qualities in fair measure. So, in this case, Trixie is trying to be a somewhat better Trixie after the events with the Alicorn Amulet...but she does still think that Trixie is a pretty awesome pony and she hasn't really changed her goals.

And, as much as I enjoy Trixie, the episode 'Magic Duel' seemed to handle her whole situation rather poorly. Twilight reaching out and following up on Trixie, seems both in-character and a good place to start addressing things. Twilight's not really can have a role otherwise, other than to occasionally pipe up in Trixie's thoughts.

5859835 Not intentionally, no.

5859507 Could be both. :trixieshiftright:

5859605 It should be a fun ride if nothing else.

5859819 There's still time.:trollestia:

Sorry, if my responses are on the brief side right now. I have to go to work shortly, so I can't take the time I normally would for responding.:twilightblush:

5860103 The main character in Snow Crash is called "Hiro Protagonist".

He carries business cards advertising his services as "last of the freelance hackers and greatest swordfighter in the world."

Ri2

…Burn it, Trixie! Burn it all to the ground!

Prediction: Trixie's cutie mark will be held on by the gravity well her ego creates. :trixieshiftright:

By the end of the week Starlight will go insane

5858942 DESTROY THE PONIFIED MARX DREAMS! DESTROY IT!

While you seem to write Trixie with all glory and care she deserves, might I suggest that you use some more variety in your descriptions? It gets rather tiring to constantly read Trixie instead of anything like "the showmare" or "blue unicorn".

5860119
A hero antagonist is the opposite of a villain protagonist; they are virtuous, doing the right things for the right reasons, but stand in opposition to the central characters of the narrative.

That makes the title pretty inaccurate, since Trixie is the protagonist, and Starlight Glimmer is decidedly a villain.

5862095 Well, the title's a bit of a play on words, in that the hero of the story is Trixie, who will end up antagonizing Starlight a great deal over the course of the story. Both accidentally and intentionally. A hero that happens to be a very antagonistic individual.

On a deeper level, it could be said that Starlight still believed herself to be in the right, even at the end of the 'Cutie Map' episode. In a sense, her deep-seated denial or perhaps even delusions mean she still sees herself as the 'protagonist' of the story. The fact that Trixie is going to be bringing a great deal of conflict and chaos into her little utopia makes Trixie the antagonist, at least in Starlight's mind.

I like my titles and chapter names to work on multiple levels.:twilightsmile:

5861776 That was something I'm planning on addressing with some edits in the next couple of days, after re-reading it. It will take me a bit of time to get to, as it's a busy week at work. But, thank you for mentioning it and reminding me.

5860119 We'll call it a happy accident. :raritywink:

5860418 Well, in my mind, Trixie is something of a low-level determinator. She won't give up, even past the point where she really should. She's willful and headstrong, and not one to bow her head, even when she's beaten. Say what you will about her, but she did at least try to face the Ursa Minor, despite knowing she couldn't possibly do so.

So, if anyone is going to spite Starlight Glimmer's usual methods of 'molding' ponies it will be Trixie.

5860961 A full week would be a bit cruel.:rainbowlaugh:

Hm. The idea seems fun. Why not....
*hops in wagon*

I had been wondering about this exact idea since the episode aired, I am really excited to read this!

5865839 It is a compelling notion, isn't it?:pinkiehappy:

5865930 You know, I hope when they catch Starlight Glimmer some day, her punishment is to serve as the GAPT's assistant. Hopefully it would teach her some kind of life lesson, but mainly it would be funny.

...who would have thought that Manehattan even had a system of catacombs anyway?

I can't speak for anyone else, but I seriously want to read that now! Dropping Trixie into a horror setting would be fantastic.

5867376 I'll see what I can do. I'm always coming with new ideas for stories:raritywink:...Of course, that also means that I end up having more and more to write causing me to fall behind. Curse you my imagination. :fluttershbad:

But, seriously, if I come up with some ideas for it, I'll write it up. One of my longest stories to date "Intermediate Lessons" got kicked off by someone asking me to expand on events mentioned in one of my other stories. So, who knows what I might come up with?:trollestia:

I can't wait to see how this one ends! A great way to begin a story.:twilightsmile:

This looks like it should be a lot of fun.

Count me also interested in the Manehatten catacombs story.

5873113 Glad to have someone else onboard:twilightsmile:. I think, I might do another update on this, before turning back towards my other stories.

5873687 Good enough for me. I'll start devoting brainpower to fleshing out that story in my mind.

Sorry, for taking so long to reply. Between the outage and long work-hours, haven't been able to get on much right now.

Eager to get writing...as soon as I get some rest. I'm a bit exhausted.:ajsleepy:

Worry not though, ideas are coming!:yay:...:ajsleepy:

Ooooooh this is gonna be good!
:rainbowwild:

5918735 Hopefully. Unfortunately, the second chapter has taken longer to write than I would have liked. I blame an unusually busy schedule over the last couple of weeks. Fortunately, I should have the time I need to get chapter two done this week.

5918906

Good deal.
As for the delay, well sometimes life just screws with the important stuff.
Like Trixie stories. :trixieshiftleft:

Pfft, this was a brilliant concept from the beginning, and you executed it beautifully. Thank you for that slice of comedy. :pinkiecrazy:

That was an excellent performance and no doubt about it. Exciting, fast-paced and inventive. It's everything a Trixie show should be, in my opinion. You have every right to be proud of this.

After the frog exploded I expected

Your ears and your eyes will be bleeding
please check to see if you're still breathing

Excellent use of lyrics as a component of storytelling, I could easily picture Trixie being that flamboyant.

5937579 I could have been tempted, but Trixie is trying to be a better individual. She didn't really intend for Starlight Glimmer to have such a rough time, but was simply inconsiderate and too focused on her show to notice. Having her rub something like that in, would undermine the idea a bit.

And, naturally, I had to tweak the lyrics a fair bit to link them up with the scene.

And the catchy songs have been such a big part of the show, and the fandom after that, that I wanted to start incorporating these sorts of 'musical numbers' into a few stories. Like I said, at the end of the chapter, I was thinking about this story while driving and that song came on, and I instantly linked it to Trixie. So it seemed like a perfect time to take that shot.

5937626
I think you did a good job with ponifying the lyrics.

You are of course right that the new and improved Trixie wouldn't set out to humiliate or hurt Starlight. But it is my favorite line from the song and having a pyrotechnic amphibian explode in her face may cause bleeding. (I'm not suggesting a change, rather I'm pointing out how you subverted my expectations.)

Seeing how I love seeing Starlight getting ticked off at Trixie even as the showmare is really trying her best, this story is golden. I eagerly await the next installment.

5937705 Yeah, and did sting a bit taking out some of the more golden lines. It's a song with a distinct style to it, which is hard to find.

Maybe imagine an Omake like moment, for those lyrics. Could be worth a good laugh.:pinkiehappy:

In any event, I'm glad to hear that this story continues to be well-received. Every update or new story comes with a degree of anxiety, as I wonder if my biases are blinding me to flaws in my own work. It's a big relief getting positive feedback.:twilightsmile:

Finally got around to watching these episodes so now I can read this.

You definitely write Trixie well, flawed but not a caricature.

6012378 I've kinda been watching the new episodes in fits and bursts, as well, so I get that.

And I'm glad to hear that my portrayal of Trixie is holding up well so far. She can be rather tricky to pin down when writing, particularly when she's trying to improve herself while still being Trixie.

ho this is going to be fun to read:rainbowlaugh:

D48

I have to say the way you write Trixie is amazing. She is a hard character to get right because we have so little to work with on her personality and what we do know makes it easy for her to become a caricature one way or another, but you struck a very nice middle ground here and the result is absolutely wonderful. The way she plays off Starlight is lots of fun and I would very much like to see more of her in the future. The sewer gator story would be one way to do it, and I think it might also be fun to have Celestia drag Chrysalis and possibly Luna to one of her shows so we can either watch Trixie browbeat the grumpy changeling queen or unknowingly blow up her disguised princess. I can also see Luna "adopting" Trixie to annoy Chrysalis under the right circumstances which would also let us see how she gets along with Twilight and especially how she reacts to the wings.

That said, I did notice one little bug in this chapter. You used the phrase “Ladies and gentlecolts!” for the song lyrics when the show uses “Fillies and gentlecolts!” so you should probably change that.

6015637 That does sound better, now that you mention it. I'll implement that tweak shortly, and thanks for pointing it out.

And I always love when commenters give me new ideas for stories.:yay:

6012623
I regularly don't get notifications of replies to my comments. Does this happen to you?
Someone told me that it was a glitch that happens when the reply is made from somewhere other than the chapter the person was viewing when they made the comment.

The fact your statement is one that I didn't get notified of and it's marked chapter two while my comment is marked chapter one seems evidence they may have been correct (I found it by chance, glancing at the comments on the story).

6018802 Yeah, I've run into similar bugs with the notification system, where things will slip through the cracks like that. I think I've run into that specific problem, in fact, where a comment slipped my attention due to this quirk of the system. It's easy to miss when I get a rush of notifications, like right after an update.

6015637

"Mares and gentlestallions" I heard somewhere, works even better I think.

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