• Member Since 27th Jul, 2020
  • offline last seen 8 minutes ago

Darravan


E

Cozy Glow has a problem, it's her conscience it's been bugging her for a while and it's about time she got rid of it. With this last hurtle out of the way all she has to do is take over Equestria. yeah so what if she's split herself in two not her problem anymore, right? Well this new Cozy doesn't know why but now she's on her own in a world that hates and despises her.

Tirek and Chrysalis are waiting so there's no time to deal with her unwanted twin, time to have in her words "to much fun".

Meanwhile Twilight deals with her responsibilities of ruling Equestria and Starlight and Trixie set out on a world wide Magic tour. Unbeknownst to them a part of Cozy Glow remains free in a new body and has yet to sort out her lot in life.

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 14 )

My goal is to use this story as a test run for more stories in the future and I would love you're feedback whether it's good or bad

10354161
You have failed miserably on one thing right off the bat. Not so much the story. But that you commented this instead of putting this in the Author's Notes.

10354161
This is only a test run?:rainbowhuh: Well, if that is true, than I can't wait for more.:pinkiehappy:

This has a good concept but is very flawed in pacing and writing.

Patriarch means the head male of a family or house, so that was used wrong.

Overall many spelling, grammar, and formatting mistakes.

You should have a new scene for the prologue where Cozy Glow is talking to her nicer self all alone (with some brief interuptions from the others).

The pink text should also include the quotation marks.

If you got an editor and fixed up a few more scenes this could be really, really good.

Alright thanks for you're input it really helps. I hope to get better as the story progresses.

Aside from your occasional grammar error, this is quite well-written thus far

Good chapter, the only part that confused me was when Cozy G. Remembered what happened, I was thinking the route of the story would go Cozy G. Not knowing anything about her previous life, and the repertoire of memories slowly grows over time. But, that is your call to make, and would be harder to write.

Edit: also, I’m dubbing the good cozy Cozy G. whilst the regular Cozy is just Cozy or Cozy Glow.

Comment posted by Darravan deleted August 1st

"Why are we doing this we could have been on the other side of Equestria by now" it whispered, the though of her running to the edges of Equestria to start a new life not really striking Cozy's fancy.

"Yeah cause it's not like Grogar wouldn't teleport us back the instant he knew we were gone."

"Why so we can lose again, I bet Twilight would forgive you if you'd just go to her and apologize".

"Sure cause they seemed real interested in forgiving and forgetting the last time I was there! I am sure throwing someone in a pit that's been used to house prisoners for 1,000 years without guards or parole boards is totally how they offer forgiveness!":pinkiecrazy:

This looks interesting. I'd better keep a eye on it.

10362752
Yeah I can totally see you're point, in my mind Grogar didn't really use that crystal ball of his all that much and the other Cozy was thinking Grogar really wouldn't care if she left just like with Sombra. As for if Twilight would forgive her the Cozy in her head was trying to make the best of a bad situation and this seemed like her only option, which to her would turn out better than the world domination plan the original Cozy went with. I like how you speak from a place of logic though that's a real good way at looking at things.:twilightsmile: Thanks for you're feedback.

10382485
Happy to deliver it clearly and politely, whenever giving feedback, I notice I upset the other person on average. I’m definitely going to be keeping up with this story.

10382485
Oh wait, you replied to the wrong person xD, good to know I didn’t have a point xD

10382545
Oh sorry my bad, I'm really glad you like it! truth be told I really didn't expect such a positive feedback from so many people.:raritystarry: I would have had another chapter out by now but my house kind of... flooded, so yeah I've had to do a lot of repairs but now I'm back for more adventure with Cozy.

Comment posted by Darravan deleted 8 hours ago
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