Give & Take
The dirty steel blade gleamed menacingly in the cold, snowy moonlight. Rarity stood frozen, wide-eyed, still stunned as her hands slowly faded from their initial position covering her mouth and heart. Rarity glanced down at the kitchen knife in the teenage assailant’s hand and noticed something about the girl: she was trembling.
“From the sleeting snow or in apprehension?” Rarity considered.
“Are you deaf!?” The teenager demanded impatiently as she nervously brandished the knife, her breath visible from the cold night air “I said: give me your money! ”
Rarity’s vacant, enchanted stare remained unbroken as she slowly continued to lower her hands.
She was astonished to find that she was not quivering or cowering before her assailant. She was not concerned for her own safety.
She instead found herself being rapidly overtaken by compassionate concern for the trembling mugger.
She reached into the pocket of her exquisite black wool parka and calmly surrendered her lavish clutch to her assailant.
The assailant promptly snatched the bag. She turned to flee with her prize, when the woman behind her called out to her “--Wait! You forgot something...”
The would-be robber turned and looked at her would-be victim, they hesitantly brought the knife back forward, eyes darting wildly at Rarity, the bag, the knife.
“If you’re going to be robbing people all night, you might as well take my coat to keep you warm” Rarity stated as she cautiously approached the hesitant soul and wrapped the thick wool parka over the girl’s shoulders. The teen was left stupefied.
She scrunched her face as she angled away and turned her head to face Rarity, “Why are you doing this?” she asked suspiciously.
Rarity kept her hands compassionately upon the girl’s shoulders “If you’re willing to risk your freedom for a few dollars, than I guess you must really need the money.”
Rarity gently slapped the girl’s shoulders in conclusion, before she began slowly sauntering away, “I mean” she looked back over her shoulders to the teen “all I wanted to do was get dinner and if you really wanted to join me that badly” she teased sarcastically, “Well...” she turned back to face the teen and shrugged her shoulders “...then you’re more than welcome to.”
***
“Hiya, Rarity!” called a face from the kitchen, through the steel serving window.
Rarity waved back with a cheerful smile to the dishwasher, as she took a booth seat with the still nonplussed teenager who sat across from her.
“You know the dishwasher?” she raised an eyebrow with distanced intrigue.
Rarity brightly batted her wrist, “Oh, that’s Angelo. He’s been working here for a long time” she dismissed.
A tall, slender, cleanly-dressed man with a lingering Italian accent stood at the head of their booth, his arms extended in welcome “Rárity! It’s good to see you again” he clasped his hands together.
“I hope you've been taking care of yourself!” he frowned, shaking a finger at his friend in playful concern.
“Oh, Daniél” Rarity covered her mouth with a hand as she giggled, “Oh, stop it you!” she flapped a hand at him. Her response only caused him to chortle even more.
As the slender man turned to summon a waiter over to their booth, the teenager noted his name tag:
Daniél
Restaurant Manager
The teen couldn't help raising an eyebrow when the waiter also, upon noticing whom he had been called to serve, bloomed in greeting to Rarity.
He hosed her with flattery and scribbled an order on his notepad; all before Rarity even had an opening to reply to his greetings.
Rarity was still leaning over the corner of the booth, with an arm still extended fleetingly after the waiter, when he had disappeared to the kitchen in a whirlwind.
Shaking her head with a chuckle, she slowly returned to face the, now bewildered, teenager.
“Manuél” Rarity blushed, gesturing over her shoulder, embarrassed by the attention she was receiving.
“You know everybody here” the teen interrogated coolly, “You own this place?”
“No, I just come here a lot” Rarity shrugged.
The teen lifted her head and unfolded her arms, her face twisted in confusion “But, you’re even nice to the dishwasher!” she pressed, extending a hand to the kitchen window.
“Darling, didn't your mother ever teach you: Love your neighbour as yourself?” Rarity replied endearingly.
The teenager sunk back into her seat, “uh...yeah” she replied quietly. “It’s just...” the teen wrapped her arms around herself, still in Rarity’s jacket, and rubbed them despondently, “I just didn't think people actually behaved that way” she concluded, downcast, unable to look Rarity in her compassion-filled eyes.
Rarity looked away; noticing the teen’s discomfort.
She tried to shift the conversation, “...So, what do you want out of life?” she asked, in what she hoped was casually. She didn't want to give-up on the youth.
The teenager simply looked up at her. Her weathered face hung like a softly swinging noose. Her frown pulled the rest of her face down with it, her eyebrows caved in towards her nose indignantly --and yet, her eyes, were wells that quivered hopelessly.
She turned away glumly.
Rarity gently drummed her fingers on the table as she nodded downcast in understanding. The teen couldn't answer her question – or she just didn't want to. Rarity couldn't be sure, but she had a pretty good idea.
However, she didn't need her eye for detail to pick up that: this would-be thief, was a broken young woman.
***
Soon enough, the bill arrived.
Rarity rubbed her forearm and chuckled half-heartedly at the unconventional situation, as they approached the elephant in the room.
“I guess, you'll have to pay for this bill...” Rarity explained ironically. “I'm a bit...strapped for cash” she smiled with a shrug, holding out her palms.
The teenager avoided eye contact and shifted about uncomfortably in the booth. She didn't know what to do.
“So, if you give me my clutch back, I'll be more than happy to treat you” Rarity reasoned tenderly.
The teenager, without even thinking about it, returned the valuable clutch across the tabletop.
Rarity proceeded to pay for the meals, giving Manuél a small gratuity. She turned back to face the teen once again.
She was hanging her head.
Rarity let out a quiet sigh of sympathy, before she was once again compelled by compassion for the confused and desperate teen.
“Here”, she slid the teen a twenty. Rarity figured, maybe it could help the teen. Rarity didn't know what else to do for her.
The teenager didn't refuse the money, “I don’t...do you—I can't-- how can I...” she stuttered and mumbled awkwardly.
“Don’t mention it” Rarity dismissed politely.
“...Although” Rarity aired, “I think it’s only fair that I ask you for something in return, don’t you?”
The teenager looked up at Rarity, perplexed. Her eyes darted anxiously “...what?” she uttered.
Rarity held out her hands, imploring motherly, “The knife” she asked.
The teen handed it to her.
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The apostrophe police would like to have a word with you.
Yeah, I read the original.
Rare for a criminal , Armed robbery He got 15 years, Truck Hijacking splattered in the street , Shot at returned fire, He ran for his life. . .Sure different around this neck of Los Angeles. . .(year 1990)
Nice story, i liked.
Love your neighbour as yourself?
Scripture in a story: double like
The story was sweet, and something I would see Rarity doing. though you could improve the way it's written.
5611786
ouch. Guess she got the point.
I received a call from 5611247 regarding the need for some Grammar Gestapo action, with backup from the Punctuation Patrol. The use of apostrophe + S in both the title and description is contrary to grammer/punctuation guidelines. Except in very specific cases regarding the contraction of a noun and is, the word directly preceding the apostrophe is stated to have ownership of what follows the S. In the case of "Rarity Get's Mugged," what is actually happening is Get owning a past tense mugging whilst Rarity sits around being superfluous... as usual. Using my powers as grammar judge and jury I sentence you to write about "Rarity's Mugging," or simply put, "Rarity Gets Properly Mugged."
5612482 Oh crapsies! /o0o\
Thanks for the correction! How embarrassing! I guess proof-reading at 1am was not a wise idea
5611884 Thanks ^.^ Do you mean 'improved' as in grammar or execution?
Welp, I'm glad I read this one. Well done, quality-wise especially.
I like the story, but i have one thing to say that bugs me. The point of view it looks like you are trying to write from and the pov it actually seems to be are two different things. The use of pronouns versus nouns give you the initial reaction that we are seeing this from the teen's eyes, but then it gets confusing because we are in Rarity's head with her thoughts. it looked like you were trying to go from Rarity's pov or both at the same time. while this can work, you need to be careful with how you word it, especially when both characters share the same pronouns (gender-wise). Looking back, i think the main thing that started the snowball down the hill was the fact that you never initially stated that the mugger was a girl. This leads to confusion when you start throwing the feminine pronouns at us with the knowledge that we a have 1 girl character and 1 unknown that most people assume is a boy because of society stereotypes (which i just need to briefly say is not sexist. it is just a fact of life that most people will assume a non-named character is male, especially if it is a mugger).
I guess the point of all my rambling is just to say in the future try to define whose pov we are at a little more clearly, because it can be really confusing and hard to figure out otherwise, and with a good story, you should know who we are with almost instantly. I love the idea and descriptive phrases, though!
5613139 Thank you for the feedback, I relish it
I know what you mean too. Originally I was going to write the teenager as a gender neutral character ('they') but, I felt like that might distance them a bit too much. I then went to make them male so as to avoid our little dilemma. But when I realised it would be kinda weird if Rarity offered a guy an exquisite womens designer parka, I decided it was time to do a bit of a re-write to the intro paragraphs.
But, yes. I agree, I struggled to make it clear from the beginning.
I've made some editions. So I hope those help
Pretty cool story.
While it is always best to believe in oneself, a little help from others can be a great blessing.
5613649
Well said, General
Neat story, although I'm kinda bemused to find that it basically just copy/pastes the IRL tale. Also, the writing could be a tad more subtle, but overall it's a heartwarming read.
I was expecting Rarity go kung fu on that girl's ass, but this is nice as well. Makes sense she'd do something like that, generosity and everything.
5611786
Well, you can't be a hero if you won't risk getting stabbed once in a while.
Besides, kung fu.
5614000
I can't express in words how much I enjoyed that comment
So imma give you a watch instead.
I re-read the story and I just have to say, you did a great job with the edit. All the confusion disappeared. I didn't have to re-read sections for clarity this time.
Written a bit wonkily, but I enjoyed it.
Generosity strikes again.
I get the feeling that the business is populated by people Rarity's helped find work in the past, and the mugger's going to end up getting employed there.
I read this and was like "What, hands?".
Then I went back and saw the Human tag.
Cover Picture is misleading.
5620177 It is isn't it. I will say: It wasn't my first choice.
I endeavoured to create a good picture of a human rarity, with the jacket and the falling snow and all. But my ability to draw is limited, and I couldn't find any decent existing pictures of a human rarity. So in the end I just settled for a good vector of her looking worried =)
5620389
There's always the option of not having a picture. Or using something symbolic and not really related.
5621714 Got have something.
What can I say: I've always been a sucker for good covers
I'll take another shot at getting a better cover image.
Very enriching story bro!
Decent story, as I could definitely see where you were going with this, and the plot was clear, interesting, and concise in my opinion. However, there were a lot of style and grammar errors from what I could tell, and the prose did feel a little repetitive at times. I'd recommend looking over some grammar rules and sentence variety tips, as they have all helped me improve bit by bit. I can tell you put a lot of effort into this story, and while it needs some work, you have a lot of potential. I wish you the best of luck in your future writing endeavors.
Oh hey, The Art of Manliness.
5612482 Meanwhile, on behalf of the Semantic Inquisition, I rule that the literary quality of the story demonstrates sufficient adherence to proper linguistic values, and that the various syntax errors, notably a tense issue in the second paragraph, constitute pardonable offenses. I encourage the author to look further into specific doctrines to address these errors, but maintain that he or she remains in good standing.
5632070 Wow
Now, I like to consider myself quite savvy to the art of fany-pantsery when it comes to talking but-- day-um! That was some mighty fine eloquence right there!
...Anyway, for the record: Seven Fates posted that statement prior to the grammatical changes I then did to the initial writing...which, at the time, was patchier than a pirate
Although this "tense issue in the second paragraph" is news to me. Could you point it out so I can rectify the mishap?
5632089 I'm a Semantic Inquisitor. It comes with the territory
"Demanded" is in the past tense, while "brandishing" is in the present-participle tense. I recommend using "brandished" there, as converting the sentence to present-tense would require using "brandishes" anyway.
5632139 How have I missed that so many times
I could actually see this happening. The fact that it already did just makes it better. Good show. Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.
I only wish you had expanded further on the story. Really make it your own. But it's great to have been made aware of that. The good deeds rarely get any attention over the bad ones. I wouldn't be surprised if Rarity put in a good word for her to be at least a dishwasher at the place and work her way up to being a server and eventually get her life straightened out. After all, give a man a fish and he'll be fed for a day, teach him to fish and he'll be fed for life. (short of overfishing and all that jazz, but you get the point!)
Thank-you all so very deeply for taking the time to read my story! I am truly flattered with the volume of welcome reception it has received.
I thank-you all for your kind words, positive ratings, additions to libraries and, of course, the helpful feedback.
I invested a little bit of my heart into this story, so I'm really glad that people are reading and enjoying it.
Thanks again, please keep sharing and enjoying this story and I hope to continue publishing more stories in the future =)
Hey again. Finished reviewing the story for the Goodfic Bin, and there are just a handful of technical things that I'd like you to look at before I accept it, particularly the formatting.
Details are here. I did enjoy this story though, so once things are looked at I'd be happy to let it in.
Here, I have a ribbon for you.
i.imgur.com/GizVyc0.png
Don't tell anyone I gave this to you retroactively. I might have to go around and give everyone their ribbons, and do you know how many of you there are? Like, more than ten.
More than ten!
I like the story. Also:
Do we have some Christianity here? These are some Jesus teachings. “The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.””
Mark 12:31 NIV
Imteresting...
I am completely awestruck.........Thanks for sharing.
ha even thought that girl thought she won, Rarity and her smpathy and smooth talking always pevails in the end