• Member Since 20th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen Feb 17th, 2023

Atreyu


Jesus said to them: "Healthy people don't need a doctor; sick people do. I have come not for those who think they are righteous, but for those who know they are sinners and need to repent." ~Luke 5:32

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For Applejack, everyday has turned out to be "just one'a those days".
She finds herself in a despairing rut --when a friend gives her some illuminating advice...
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Cover image: Applejack, Why so serious? by KurosakiSoarin @ DeviantArt
http://th08.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2012/031/8/9/applejack__why_so_serious__by_kurosakisoarin-d4o9nin.png

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 3 )

Not bad, there's not much else to say really, it does get a tad dry though.

5607892 Yeah, reading over this again now after some time, I see what you mean.
I've figure I know what I've done 'wrong' with this story (slow start, not enough dialogue. Choppy chreographical descriptions, getting better at showing rather than telling, but still too many adjectives). So I'll put these lessons to good use in the future ^.^
I'm still pleased with it though, s'not bad. If I dare say so myself.

Comment posted by Atreyu deleted Jun 2nd, 2015
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