• Member Since 14th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Jul 28th, 2017

Cora Zone Unicorn


I am a 20 year old brony from FL. I write stories featuring Fluttershy (BEST PONY!!!), and a few about my favorite ships, 90% being Flimjack. I also have an MLP audio series on my YouTube channel.

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Flim and Applejack are a young, happily married couple with a beautiful daughter named Apple Cider. Applejack, now with another child on the way, was living a great and peaceful life with her husband and her little girl.

However, with the 25th anniversary of her parents' death drawing near, she begins to start feeling very uneasy. When her husband, Flim, gets a letter from his little sister telling him that she's ill, AJ begins to fear for the worse the moment she's told that he's going on the week the anniversary falls on.

She begs him not to go but he tells her that nothing will happen to him and if anything happens while he's away, he'll come back at once.

What started as a beautiful thing.... can end in tragedy....

Cover art made by Marking

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 33 )

I, well...hm. I don't really know how I felt about this. You really shoved the notion that Flim was going to die, and it wasn't that he did die that puts me off, it is how the entire story went over.

The pacing is like a slow-burning metal song, by comparison you drag the lead up to Flim's departure and everything after is rush rush rush to the (as stated before, already-expected) end.

And Applejack's reaction was frankly awful. The only thing that she has to say is that "history repeated itself?" Was she so distraught over the weeks that she just accepted it the moment she knew her husband was dead? Christ almighty.

However, I don't want to completely rip your story to shreds, as you said you worked hard on it, and in mechanics and conventions it shows. The issue is in storytelling. This concept could have worked better as a multi-chapter or a verrrrry long oneshot.

I give you the like, and tell you to not stop here and keep writing. :twilightsmile:

i know that this would be slightly spoiler-ly, but it needs to be asked: why would a mare that had given birth 2 days prior be well enough to take a trip to manehatten? also, if flim took a taxi to leave, why would he and flam just walk through the everfree on their way back to ponyville? that just doesn't make all that since. i mean, flim leaves in ponyville so he has to know about the reputation of the everfree. not to mention that flam arrives on a taxi. the snipit of text at the end really isn't needed either since it really doesn't do much for the story as a hell. these are just some logical inconsistancies that i found that irk me.

don't get me wrong. the story, in and of itself, is written amazingly and the pacing and flow are right where they need to be for the occasion and situation. it felt like you might have over played the lovey dovey at the beginning, but it fits well in hindsight. also, you don't really need the sex and romance tags since that isn't what the story is about and even though there is a slight section for it, the gore tag isn't needed either. the same would go with the slice of life as well. it's there, but it isn't really a part of the general plot for the story.

don't let what i said keep you down though. it's just part of the life cycle of being a writer. use whatever you might have learned from this story.

5411021 Applejack didn't go to Manehattan. She stayed in Sweet Apple Acres along with Apple Bloom, Twilight and Cider.

5411091
i can understand if i confused you, but i meant applejack's mom not applejack herself

So sad, I cried...:fluttercry:

I have mixed feelings about this

5412192
that's, that's not, that's not a valid reason for anything.

5413338 eh hey, maybe unicorns cast spells on mothers who just gave birth, to walk around? I don't know

Oh my God :fluttercry: Applejack... can't catch a break! :raritydespair:

That's kind of scary seeing that death will occur on the same day every 25 years:fluttershysad:

ok, I never thought I'd say this but... WHY DID YOU KILL FLIM!!!!!

5496850 Believe me, I DIDN'T WANT to

5496858 my sorrow is somewhat subsided...

THIS IS CREEPY!!! WHAT THE FUDGE!

This was sad, but I like it! Good job!

Big downer, especially with the cheery beginning.:applecry:

Love the cover art. Though I remember you asked for cover art in the 'Art For Fanfiction' group, and I made one for you (unless I'm getting ya confused with someone else :raritywink:). Was the lighting on mine too awful? Because I agree the lighting really sucked.

6154363 I believe you're getting me confused with someone else

6154370 Ah, okay! ^_^
Then someone else seriously copied yo story, man. Right down to the kids names and shit. :rainbowderp: I wish I remembered their username.

That's Fucked up

But wot if Flim was not kill?

Okay. I hereby ban you from this, as you have made me cry. No more sad stories. Kay? Kay. :raritycry:

~Dragon

Not sure if I love this. Or it's just really sad.

Flim died. On the 25th anniversary of Applejack's parents' death. While she was pregnant.
And the award for saddest FlimJack story goes to Cora Zone for 'History Repeats'!

Seriously, though, this was sad. :fluttercry:

Good, yet creepy.

MAKE A SEQUEL PLEASE!!!!

Even though I don't like this ship, you still made me bawl my eyes out

OK, I liked most of the story, but that ending was horrible! How can you write something like that!?

In the photo was a little Applejack and Big Mac in the Ponyville hospital, along with a older, but young, stallion with a yellow-green fur coat and light orange mane and tail. The three of them were standing beside a hospital bed, a young mare laying in it. She looked an awful lot like Applejack, down to the freckles on her face. The only differences being her fur coat being red and her mane an tail were the color of dirty blonde.

Ohh my God it's Applejack’s parents and I know that's not their name in your story because this is before season 7 came around but it's pear butter and bright Mac 😢

The little thumps of raindrops hitting the roof and the pitter-patter of rain hitting the ground could be heard all throughout the house.

There's still some many theories about what happened to Bright Mac and pear butter basically like a freak accident or being attacked by Timberwolves by the way we will never know what really happened to them it's just sad that they are gone

Oh my God that was something else and that is pretty sad what happened so it looks like Applejack and flim are expecting to have another kid but apparently the Flim Flam Brothers had to go back home to take care of their sister and Applejack having a bad feeling something is going to happen especially on a day of what happened to her parents but he tried to reassure her that nothing to worry about but later that day it looks like Apple Jack is going to labor and Twilight had to help to get the babies out and it turns out yeah they have twins meanwhile the Flim Flam Brothers are on the way home but unfortunately they both got caught by Timberwolves but unfortunately flim got caught and brutally got killed by the Timberwolves so basically Applejack just lost her husband on a day of her parents death 😢 this was a pretty bitter sweet ending but you did a good job on the story keep up the good work

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