• Member Since 14th Jul, 2014
  • offline last seen Jan 3rd, 2023

Cora Zone Unicorn


I am a 24 year old brony from FL. I write stories featuring Fluttershy (BEST PONY!!!), and a few about my favorite ships, 90% being Flimjack. I also have an MLP audio series on my YouTube channel.

E

Different take on during and after the events of "Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3"

Rainbow Dash writes in the journal the real reason why she wants to become a Wonderbolt so badly...

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 13 )

Pretty obvious :P

I didn't even see that.

And Rainbow Blaze never bothered to tell his daughter about the history of the Wonderbolts, why exactly? Seriously, if her immediate family is part of this legacy, then Rainbow Dash shouldn't have had that much trouble studying for her exam to get into the Wonderbolt Reserves. :rainbowhuh:

Unless this is brought up somehow, this story feels rather, lacking. I mean, yeah, the cover art clearly shows similar characters, and I could see myself buying it if it was explained properly. The thing is that it's not. Not really. :unsuresweetie:

Also, perspective switches are a big no-no. You can't have Dashie telling the story at the beginning only to switch to an omniscient third-person narrator in the middle. Either have RD tell us the whole thing, or keep it third-person. :duck:

Huh, I never noticed that before...

I didn't even notice :P

Hmm... this is interesting.

*one read-through later*

Okay, first things first. Your story was pretty alright. Not bad, but not great. Basic grammar is more than sufficient, concept is cute and great, and your writing style is pretty cool. I see what you are going for, but I think there may be a few problems with it. First of all, I believe it may be better to have this story written as an average conversation that Rainbow Dash and some other pony might be having. A journal is composed of many pages of a person's (or pony's, as I should say) private thoughts. So, I don't think it's really necessary for Rainbow to write in her own journal. Besides...

Well, actually, it all began

... this kind of quote should not be in a diary or journal.

But other than that little nitpick there, your story is pretty cool. Have a like and follow from me, I look forward to what else you have planned. :twilightsmile:

I love this story its amazing

Big issue, WHat the fuck happened to her DAD?

Interesting Concept.

Thus actually brings some light on the true possible reason for Rainbow Dash to like the Wonderbolts.

Login or register to comment