Stories about families, friends, the past, the present, the future, the science of magic and the magic of science.
The Conversion Bureau387 stories ·769 members
The Conversion Bureau389 stories ·1,315 members
The Writers' Group56,386 stories ·9,291 members
Dark8,311 stories ·3,762 members
Authors Helping Authors8,590 stories ·2,462 members
Stories on Goodreads28,599 stories ·492 members
The Fad Finders104 stories ·35 members
The lives of ordinary people are sometimes crushed when they unwittingly pay the price for the conflicts of others. Jeffrey is a twoper who has everything going his way, until that fateful day when he and his girlfriend are at the wrong place and at the wrong time. In an instant Jeffrey's future is shattered beyond repair. Then a stranger helps him realize that he still has time to live out one last dream.
Page generated in 0.086 seconds
Total duration
1,039 users online
1,920,402 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
A very moving little tale Dafaddah. Excellent work
The flight sequence at the end felt rather short in proportion to the rest of the story. And what the heck is a twofer?
A good story.
2013099
A twoper is a member of the very fortunate "two percent" that still have a job in the standard TCB universe. Competition is obviously very high, hence his reaction to Sonia's forced ponification: he was forced to choose between his love and his ambitions.
I struggled with the urge to keep that section short to let the reader immagine what they would, or do something longer. Since I don't have a pilot's license myself I wasn't sure I could do it justice. Maybe that's a cop-out. I might give it a try after After I get over this huge cold I've had for the past few days.
2013099
Okay, the cold medicine kicked in and either I provided or just think I did and am too tranked up to know the difference. Hope you like the change.
Another delectable slice of life, though of course some slices taste a little more bittersweet than others.
My one criticism is that some of the dialogue felt stilted in that explaining-to-the-audience kind of way.
2013257 My only issue is that there's not really much of a choice there. If he does convert, then he can emigrate to Equestria, where employment and the opportunity to fulfill his ambitions await. Of course, by that point, he was immune to nanites, so it was kind of a moot point, but still, it's a false dilemma.
...Well, he was in shock. Couldn't really expect him to be thinking all that clearly.
In any case, a most enjoyable tragedy.
2014508
Jeffrey's problem was that he had tied so much of his sense of worth to his identity as a twoper. He had struggled very hard to gain his position and was at a real high point in his life: the objects of his ambitions were all coming within reach. Then it all came crashing down and he reacted like a petulant child. He then worsened his case by isolating himself from the very people that could have supported him. By the time he got his head straight it was literally too late.
This was magnificent, Dafaddah - and I LOVED the reference to Lux's Penny - that was just awesome. This was a brilliant, sad, sweet story. I was happy to get to read it.
Very nice story.
The idea to see everyone leaving and being stuck and left to die... that tugged my heartstrings something aweful.
I could argue that a "nanite allergy" is not actually a problem if you can just kill the immune system with chemo therapy and then go pony, but that's just my totally unromantic engineer mindset speaking. Don't listen to it, just rambling.
2015291
The engineer mindset tries to solve problems, but the devil is always in the end-cases. In this one the problem is the thaumatic poisoning Jeffrey has already experienced which came close to killing him. And he is undergoing conventional treatment for liver cancer which IS killing him. Maybe he'd survive the procedure long enough to successfully ponify, but his doctors here judged that he couldn't (those cold-hearted bastards who let the author put cruel words in their mouths...)
"Jeffrey was carrying his life’s savings in untraceable US cash. Actual cash was rare these days."
Could you explain what US cash is? Because the only thing coming in mind is United States Cash, and that is, pretty much, actual cash to me.
"The jukebox of course was a fake. Even if the black vinyl disks visible under its plastic dome didn’t spin anymore, the box could play two centuries’ worth of popular hits."
So it's fake, but the vinyl discs inside can spin and it can play music? Or am misunderstanding it?
"Patrons paid at the bar to get the metal coins that activated the jukebox."
Sounds better if you just leave out the "at the bar" bit, in my opinion.
"Penny repeated the manoeuvre several times until her wing-mate was able to keep in perfect formation."
Maneuver?
"Get ready now sport. A roll you do with only with your wings, and no cheating!"
Extra "with".
"...played with the abandon of children given infinite space."
Maybe it's because of my limited knowledge of English phrasal vocabulary, but what does that "abandon" mean in this context?
This story should be a movie.
2266340
US cash is rare in the TCB scenario as all transaction are done electronically.
The jukebox mechanical elements are purely for show, as is the need to buy metal coins to feed it. The whole thing is purely electronic and can function without any of that stuff, but without those "user experience" things it isn't a jukebox, it's just a big iPod!
"abandon" in this case means abandoning all pretext and just playing for the sake of playing, without rules or even any effort at order.
Another big 'Merci!' for the edits and the comment. In a few years time I think it might just be possible for fans to start making fan animations long enough for stories like this. Who knows, someone might end up doing it!
I always like recognizing canon characters before they're identified by name (the Flim Flam Brothers). It generally indicates a good description.