• Member Since 14th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen Dec 19th, 2017

Fairyhaven13


I am a huge brony, and a huge nerd. I have too many ideas for stories in my head, and wanted to post them here. However, I'm also a HUGE procrastinator, so if I don't update enough, please yell at me.

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Source

“I'm afraid I know exactly who I'm messing with, Flim Skim. And I know exactly why. And I know you don't know the same about me. Therefore, I am at the advantage... aside from the obvious hostage, of course.”

A mysterious horse appears in the dead of night, and brings a catastrophe on the Flim Flam Brothers that neither of them could have ever been prepared for: he kidnaps Flam, and leaves Flim with only a set of strange instructions in order to get his brother back. He must search all over Equestria to find certain things written on a scroll, and he must find the most reliable pony he knows to lead him to the Mordant Phooka.

Unfortunately, when he finds her, she doesn't know if she's willing to help him out. Just how is she supposed to trust him after all he's done? How does she know it's not another scam, or some way to get back at her for messing up the twins' schemes before?

When the only other pony in Equestria who Flim trusts most besides his brother is Applejack, how is she supposed to trust him back?

Edit: The amazingly talented C-Puff has generously and amazingly drawn an amazing cover picture for my story (did I mention it and the artist are both amazing?) Please give the amazing C-Puff a huge round of brohoofs! (and also tell them they're amazing. And go see C-Puff on deviantart!)

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 163 )

....Hm. Clever.

Also,

When the only other pony in Equestria who Flim trusts most besides his brother his Applejack, how is she supposed to trust him back?

IS Applejack.

Well, it looks very promising :ajsmug: It was really well-written and I loved your portrayal of Flim and Flam. It also makes sense that Flim would think of Applejack. He probably doesn't know too many honest and dependable ponies... Oh, and the villain is fantastic! Manipulative, intelligent. And he seems to know their weaknesses and isn't afraid to use them against the characters. I can't wait for the next chapter! :pinkiehappy:

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Oh, thank you for pointing that out! I'll get that fixed right away. And I'm glad you like it so far!

4545196

Yaaay, I'm so glad you like it so much! I literally just did a happy dance around the kitchen. XD Well, my motivation has definitely been inspired (or inspiration has definitely been motivated, however you want to say it) by the fact that I already have two comments, so I'll try to get the next chapter out as soon as possible. ^^

WOAH! It was good. Flim Flam Brothers are very interesting characters and I feel that fandom would really make something great about them, but unfortunately there's not much stories or fan arts with them. That's why I'm really happy to see this story. It looks very promising and I wonder what Flim is going to do to gain Applejack's trust. The villain is great and I say it as someone, who usually dislikes OC characters and tends to avoid the fan fics with them. Can't wait to read more :heart:

4608634

Thank you!!! :rainbowkiss: I work really hard to make sure my characters aren't Mary Sue's or Gary Stue's. All of them used to be that way, so now I try really hard to kind of make up for that by making them more in-depth and complicated and stuff.... it makes me really, really happy to hear that you like the story so much, and you don't think my OC is silly like I was afraid of. Like, really, really, really happy. :heart::pinkiehappy:


4648105

Thanks! I'm glad you think so! Reviews make me happy. ^^ This site so far is much nicer about that than Fanfiction.net

So far so good :pinkiehappy: Great chapter and no, you're not going too fast or too slow, though I can't wait to see how Flim will convince Applejack to help him! Especially considering how suspicious she was in this chapter (almost to the point of being agressive). I liked her portrayal in this chapter, you showed her aversion without villainizing her too much. She has good reasons to not trust Flim Flam Brothers, after all.

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Thank you! Yeah, I tried to make Applejack still a "good guy," since she's a major part of the plotline and it wouldn't exactly be good for the readers to hate her right now. Although my beta reader keeps going on about how much he feels sorry for Flim. It seems like all fangirls love to put the characters they cherish through hard times... :scootangel:

It seems like all fangirls love to put the characters they cherish through hard times...

Haha, you're right :pinkiehappy: AJ is my favorite character and I love fan fics, in which she's in pain. I'm not sure how it works, but I feel it only if a character is very close to my heart.

This is som great shit. :coolphoto:
Can't wait for more. :pinkiehappy:
Like, fav and :heart:

Loved it :pinkiehappy: Can't wait for more AJ x Flim interactions!

4651492

I think it either has something to do with the development of the characters... or we're both just crazy. :pinkiecrazy:

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Thank you for your kind comments! We're still in the intro chapters, so it only gets more intense from here! :rainbowdetermined2:

IM YELLING AT YOU TO UPDATE!

4817344

THANK YOU FOR THE YELLING!!! I was actually going to work on the chapter right now, but thanks for actually listening!!! It helps to have people willing to help me stay accountable. :twilightsmile:

When are you going to do each chapter? Every week?

4817344 I BACK THIS FELLA UP. NEW UPDATE!

*really hopes that you'll update soon*

I love both this story and the pairing itself. I wonder who this mysterious pony who stole Flam away is. I hope you update soon.

Will you continue this story? :raritydespair:

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Oh, my gosh, I am SO sorry about the long wait! Half the time I forgot, the other half I procrastinated, then I started my next semester of college and I totally screwed my priorities on this story. I am putting it much higher on my list now! Thank you for your continuous asking about it, and I really, really hope you can forgive me for putting it off so long. I'll get to working on it right now- I have the chapter half done, but I gotta finish it. I'm sooooo sorry!:fluttercry:

4989182 Don't fret none. College can be tiresome and I myself have some stories that haven't updated in a while. :ajsleepy:

Just do your best and that's all I ask for.

4989203

Phew. I'm glad you're not mad. I know I hate it myself when other stories don't update for a long time, so I hate to do it to other people.

Ah, finally! What a glorious day this is! Don't worry, I procrastinate, but I can't even use collage as an excuse. You are forgiven. And thanked

Lovely chapter. The emotions and reactions were spot on. Keep up the good work. (Honestly glad that the Apples didn't just jump at the first chance to help Flim. It's believable, since he has swindled them. Twice. :ajbemused:)

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Thank you for your enthusiasm! And for not being mad. That's a huge relief; I wouldn't want to ruin any potential friendships on this website with my first story just because of my bad habit. :twilightblush: I can't say I'll be updating once a week now, that'd be a promise just waiting to be broken, but I'll try for at least every other week. The fifth season sneak-peak helped my inspiration a bit, and hopefully the off-shoot Bronycon I'm going to in October will also pump up my pony-juices. :pinkiesmile: Also, I know the chapter's kind of short; I'll try to ease into bigger chapters as the story gets on. I was in a rush to get this one out last night.

4991259 Pfft.. Take your time. This story's off to a good start. :ajsmug:

Ooooh <3 I can't even describe how happy I was when I saw that you posted a new chapter! :heart: Characters' reactions are very believable and I wonder how Flim will convince Applejack to help him. It's gonna be good! :pinkiehappy: And I just loved Apple Bloom in this chapter! She is really spot on, good that she didn't have time to collect the other Crusaders, situations seems to be chaotic enough without them XD

On the other side of the door was a small blue table with a picture of the Apple foals' late parents, Granny Smith's late foals.

Umm, unless you're implying something disturbing about the Apple family, both of AJ's parents can't be Granny Smith's foal...

Otherwise intrigued by the story though.

4994813

No, no, I just meant that one was Granny Smith's child, and the other her child-in-law, so I just shortened it and took out the in-law part. Oopsie. I didn't mean to be confusing. Do you think I should fix that? Also, thank you for your intrigue! :twilightsmile:


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Thank you so much! I'm glad you're so into the story so far! I definitely try to keep the characters in-character; my worst pet-peeve, aside from grammar, is OOCness or unbelievability. The whole story hinges on that. Even if the plot's lame, if it's at least believable, it's okay.

No, no, I just meant that one was Granny Smith's child, and the other her child-in-law, so I just shortened it and took out the in-law part. Oopsie. I didn't mean to be confusing.

It's up to you. Honestly I think just 'a picture of the Apple foals' late parents' gets the point across. I know the phrasing can get a little dicey since I don't think it's ever been established which of AJ's parents was Granny Smith's offspring. (I could be wrong though)

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Okay, I'll do that, then. Sorry, sometimes I get carried away with trying to sound artistic and just end up sounding confusing. :twilightblush:

.....Well crap. It seems great minds think alike :pinkiehappy:

I drew this about a week ago, not knowing of this story.

I'll have to read this when I have time. :raritystarry:

Comment posted by Captain pretzel deleted Oct 1st, 2014
Comment posted by Captain pretzel deleted Oct 1st, 2014

I really love this so far. you portrayal of all the characters is as if it's the real thing. I also love the "bad guy," it seems you've put a lot of effort into their personality. I can't wait for the next chapter, and hope you can post it soon! keep up the brilliant work! :twilightsmile:

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Thank you! :twilightblush: I did my best; I hate the idea of making a Mary Sue or Gary Stew, and I'm very paranoid about it, so I always try to develop my characters as much as possible... to the point where I sometimes overdevelop them, but those are different characters I have in mind... their backstories are so convoluted and complicated, it's not even funny anymore.
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I looked at the picture; it's really, really cute! Yeah, that sums up Flim's face right after Flam got ponynapped- all vulnerable and scared, with his jerkiness temporarily wiped off his muzzle. I think that's one of the best ways to go about a reform story, is to first get the character that needs to be reformed vulnerable. Then again, I might be overthinking it again. But, I love your picture! :pinkiehappy: I Favorited it. It's adorable!

5125307 (also, I WILL try to get the next chappie up soon- I'll start working on it tomorrow. My college schedule's been so full, I barely have time to read any fics, let alone write them, or even play some of my favorite online games... sniffle.... :applecry: #collegeprobs...)

Hey, hey! I sat down and read the first chapter at last! :pinkiehappy: and I am SO HAPPY I did! This first chapter was everything I was hoping for when I first drew my picture without even knowing this existed! I'm so incredibly happy I found this! :raritycry:

I'm not that great at giving really good comments so please forgive me if any of this sounds rather vapid or anything :twilightsheepish:

I really love how you've managed to, in a single chapter, kept Flim and Flam perfectly in character, and with one swift move thrown them into a situation that immediately develops it into something we haven't seen from them before. It instantly sucked me in and makes me want to see more of Flim's emotional roller coaster with the situation he's been thrown into. (of the two twins, I have a slight affinity for Flim.) I like that you've already introduced exactly how close a pair of twins can be. Brothers and siblings can be very close, a twin relationship is something completely its own, and I think you've set that up wonderfully here.

I had a stall at a convention this weekend and although I've been exhausted from all the work and dealing with customers all day, I found myself thinking back to this story when I had a moment to spare. I think that bodes very well. I'm excited to read the rest. :pinkiesmile:

I notice you update slowly, but I read in later comments you say you've been studying and/or working for a while, so that's completely understandable. I do hope you can find both the time and motivation to update this soon since, like I've said multiple times now, I'm just so happy this story exists 8'D

This makes me want to draw. I'll see if I myself can find time to do so. :twilightblush:

Please keep going!

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Thank you soooooo much! It makes me both unbelievably glad and unbelievably ashamed that people like a story so much that I made and procrastinate so shamefully on. I know I need to get off my butt and update; in between actually being busy with school, I play video games and read fanfictions; it's not that I don't have motivation, persay, but that I have more motivation to do other things... (slaps forehead repeatedly) MUST. UPDATE. THIS. WEEK. GAAAAH.:facehoof::applecry: (continues slapping)

Alrighty! Next chapter comment goooooo!

I'm not entirely sure I have much to say here, but I'm going to comment on each one of these things so here I go;
I really like how you've incorporated the farm life as a whole and not just as 'they grow apples'. What I mean is, I like hearing about other things that need tending to on the farm as well. It gives the setting a little more texture and helps break away from just boxing Applejack and her family as 'those ponies who grow apples'.

I also wanted to compliment you on how you're using Big Mac so far. Personally, I feel the show, especially in season 4, seems to have confused the idea of a character who doesn't say much, and a character who talks all the friggen time but only ever says 1 word. There's a world of difference, and I think you've hit it here much more successfully than the show has in the last season. They have him speak ALL THE TIME. Something that actually doesn't fit his personality based on past seasons. I much prefer the idea of him saying more than just his fan approved catchphrase, but only doing so when he actually has a reason to speak up. Still waters run deep, after all.

I also like Apple Bloom here. She's excitable and enthusiastic, but she's not annoying or intrusive with her comments and interaction, something I think that, if I were to write her, I would find troubling to try and stay away from. (I already have problems writing Pinkie without making her seem pointless and annoying.) Same goes for Granny Smith.

Also, just personal preference here, but I enjoyed the mental image of Flim having removed his hat when the family opens their door again. It speaks to the more traditional values of how young men (or in this case, stallions) 'should' behave. And, seeing as I always keep the movie 'The Music Man' in mind regarding the twins, this is a nice character moment in my opinion.

Once again, I hope to read more soon. :pinkiehappy: I actually hardly ever read fanfics, simply because I use my time for a million other things and I can have trouble focusing. But I am reading this one. :heart:

Please continue.

Last chapter comment for now! Here we go! :rainbowdetermined2:

I love Applejack's behaviour and 'body language' in this chapter. It feels perfectly in character for her, especially regarding how little she trusts the Flim Flam twins. Because I like them, I tend to cut them a lot of slack, but I have spoken to other fans who absolutely detest the twins simply because of the nonsense they put Applejack and her family through. Twice. For Applejack to behave hostile and distrustful makes perfect sense in this situation, and although it would be easy to fall into the trap of writing her as being too cold or uncaring, I think this is just the right amount of aggression to show from her. Especially since it feels like her distrust and anger comes more from protecting her family and home and less from something like hurt pride or simple dislike. I also like Apple Bloom's reactions to all this. She's very young and, therefore, naive. But she is also easier to trust Flim and quicker to notice he really does seem upset and unhappy about something. Usually this might get her in trouble, but in this case it's for the best. I think you've used her position in the situation very well to help move things forward and not let the characters simply stonewall each other.

I'm rather annoyed with myself for not having noticed the word 'Phooka' earlier. For some reason the word didn't click with what we've read in the first chapter until now for me. I have brought shame to my people. :ajsleepy: But this does raise some interesting questions considering the folklore behind why Phookas will do certain things, both helpful and harmful. I'll have to wait and see how this turns out in the long run. One things for sure, it doesn't seem to hint at an easy or straightforward resolution to Flim's situation.

Once again, please continue. I'm waiting for the next part quite eagerly :pinkiehappy: I don't like being a bother so I dunno if I could really try and nag you if you start procrastinating, but I'll do my best to try and nudge you to keep moving in other ways if I can. :pinkiesmile: I am very enthusiastic about this story and would hate for it to stall. (but don't burn yourself out either. If the story isn't coming, don't force it. But if it is, please keep going.)

I wonder if in the future you might want to combine chapters like this one and the last one into one. However that's personal preference and might slow you down. So work at the pace you're most comfortable with. Just a thought, that's all.

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Thanks so much for your comments, compliments, and advice! :twilightsmile: I'll try to make the chappies longer; it would have made more sense to combine the last two, but since this isn't pre-written and I'm going based off of an outline, I hadn't written the latest chapter out at the time the first one was. I'm pretty much writing until I run out of steam, checking the word count, and posting it if I think it's long enough... which maaay not be the best system... I'm really glad you like it so far! I'm always afraid if I post something like this then people will think it's dumb, so it really helps my motivation hearing others like it so much. :pinkiehappy:

5135038 I'm not really a super practiced writer so take any advice with a grain of salt :twilightblush: I actually work the same way on fics and have been doing so for a while now. It seems to work well for me :pinkiesmile: I make a rough outline which I then will narrow down into smaller outlines as I write. Then I just write the chapter in one sitting, go over it for typos and then upload. Of course this means sometimes my chapters are 2000 words and sometimes they're like 7000. :twilightoops: I tend to just end chapters wherever 'feels' like the right moment. So again, I can't really give like practical advice since it seems we work in a similar way then.

Now I'm gonna reread these chapters to hold me over. Because I'm totally all over this story so far.:eeyup:

5135197 Whew. That makes me feel much better. Okay, I'm going to re-watch both FlimFlam Bros episodes this week to get me my mojo back, so I can get that chappie out before Friday. Then on Friday, I'm going to Everfree for the weekend, and I'll get Tommy Oliver's autograph, and that should get some extra mojo for next week, too... I am DETERMINED! I am Author, hear me ROAR!

5135630 May I also recommend watching the movie "The Music Man" if you have not done so already? It's pretty much where Flim and Flam's characters came from. The movie itself has no twins in it, but the main character is a travelling swindler who comes to a town to peddle his bogus products on gulible townsfolk. It's a good movie to watch for reference because, apart from the fact that Flim and Flam's characters were based on the main character, th movie is interesting in that the swindler is actually the hero of the story and we're MEANT to sympathise with him and take his side over the town's. He is untrustworthy, a liar and a get-rich-quick artist, but we want him to succeed in his schemes and we as the audience like him and root for him the entire movie through.

Plus, if nothing else, it has fantastic music in it.

5136078 That sounds really, really good! I'll have to see that next chance I get. That'll definitely give me more ideas for the story, too! Thanks!:raritystarry:

Woof :twilightoops: bad times all around, I'd say.

I really like the emotions here :pinkiehappy: Personally, I like writing fights because they get a lot of underlying feelings of the characters out in the open. I do enjoy Applejack's slow build to true anger and venom in this chapter following from the last one. If she had simply immediately let loose with her insults it would've been too strong from her and made her seem unlikeable. However, because the build to that anger was slower and you let the anger stay pent up in her until Flim eventually took the one step out of line to get her to explode, it felt like a natural escalation, all the way up until Applejack's last statement which, really really was a truly horrible thing to say, but considering how things were built up to that point and you let that be the apex of her insults and didn't have her go beyond that point, it felt harsh, but not unbelievable or unthinkable for her to say. It was cruel, but in terms of the story, it was suppose to be.

I also once again like Apple Bloom here. She is cute which is difficult to do IMO. But more importantly, although what she's saying is the truth, she says it in a way that it still sounds like it's coming from a young filly with very black and white ideals regarding good guys and bad guys. If someone is in trouble, you should help them because you're a good guy. She doesn't let 'what ifs' or 'yes buts' get in the way of this. It feels like a child's logic, which in this case is exactly what was needed to get everyone's heads back on the right way, especially Applejack who has a tendency to be stubborn.

Poor Flim. More than likely he's finally reached the emotional point of being completely rubbed raw by this experience. I'm gonna guess running from the house had not so much to do with fury and his outburst and anger is out of despair, not hate. I'll bet dollars to donuts he's not gonna be very composed when (if?) Applejack catches up with him.

Also, good move hitting on the whole 'family' thing the Apples seem to have such an obsession with. It's something Applejack can understand and relate to, even if in Flim and Flam's case, it's not so much a case of just 'family' as it is 'this is the only living thing in the entire world who cares about me and I about him and they are the only thing I have.' Applejack is obsessively close with her family, but I don't think that level of loneliness and 'two parts of a whole' is something she can really understand. At least not yet. Especially not with the negative mental image she has of Flim and his brother.

Part of me wonders if Flim puts weight on things like "The Element of Honesty just said my brother deserves this"? I'm gonna guess not. With Flim and Flam, I'm willing to believe he puts more importance on Flam than he does on Elements of Harmony or the powers-that-be or any of that metaphysical stuff.

I'm glad you enjoyed the movie :pinkiesmile: and thanks for the kind words :twilightblush:
Now don't put this off for too long! Or I might just explode! You wouldn't do that to a young girl's heart would you? :raritydespair:

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