• Member Since 24th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen May 16th, 2022


"Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be."– Clementine Paddleford

Comments ( 194 )

My friend this is best fic I have read all day. I am, how you filthy americans say, all in :)

If I was her, I would've just used Russian roulette. Sure, there's more than a few dicks, but at least some of them make for good conversation.:derpytongue2:

...And.... it's where I found all of my friends...

4542146 oh just wait til i write the 'your backside is whole and ungobbled fic'


with rarity

and the pickup lines...


4542156 sexcellent

4542158 oh she'll enjoy herself. just, how she does might not be what erryone wants/is expecting


My first reaction: wat.
Second reaction: "Oh, Dancer wrote it, cool."
Third reaction: ...wat.

Well, this looks like it's going to be a fun ride. I already love Merry Weather. Eagerly looking forward to more.

4542162 This made me laugh more then the story for some reason

This story did not come with a colour palette. I am disappoint.

God dammit Middy, my sides don't need more surgery.

4542116 Apparently some strange foreign thing. I dunno.

Also this looks like fun, keep it up Dancer n_n

I …

what …

Okay, I have to follow this, if only for the trainwreck factor of this being based on actual dating website contacts. (My sympathies, by the way.) I put Luna's ragequit over/under at 450 received messages and four conversations.

4542629 oh don't be silly

i have over 1000 saved messages in my aff inbox

4542689 christ I don't even remember. they auto-delete tho once you hit storage limit so

This story is great! Can't wait for more!

Oh, you did say "anther pony" instead of another pony, but details, details.

4542710 I never got to help dramatically read bad messages, you know. :fluttercry:

4542730 i knoooooooooooow

we should do another 'read awful shit aloud' livestream again

Princess Luna, bored one evening and prompted by her sister, decides to try to find some adults to be friends with over the Internet. After all, if Celestia can find dates, surely Luna can find friends?
She finds Adultfriendfinder, a veritable treasure trove of ponies to be friends with.
After a fashion.

Luna, you just failed mor than that guy in standing up school. Who failed.

Were you also using the site for non-sexual purposes because of a misinterpretation over something your sister suggested, after being out of touch with society for a thousand years? :raritywink:

Though, if she decides to roll with it and keeps at it just to see how bad it can get :trollestia:, all bets are off.

Heh, loved the banter with Merry Weather.
And on a different note, OMFG your avatar is freaking adorable! :pinkiehappy:

4542785 I was using it for non-sexual purposes, namely, my own amusement.

4543099 Merry Weather was literally a last-second addition. I wrote this chapter today, banged it out in like... idk a half hour? And towards the end I was like 'hmm... ought to have someone for Luna to play off of' but I didn't want to use Celestia again so poof, Merry Weather the unicorn maid was born :D

ps do yellow and orange go well together because idk

Going on my read list for the AFF joke alone. :rainbowlaugh:

Are there any requirements about what kinds of characters we can suggest for Luna to date?

4543615 They don't have to be immortal. If they're from popular television or something like that, there's no guarantee I can use it, since I don't actually do much TV watching aside from Trek, ponies, and like... adventure time. Characters from fanfics (when you get the author's consent, or are the owner of the character) would be fine. (I'll be honest, I really want to do a chapter with Sir Unimpressive, but I doubt the author of The Immortal Game would go for that.)

I might open up for guest chapters later, idk.

This is twenty different kinds of "what the fuck", one of which is the "what the fuck am I reading" kind of what the fuck, another is the "Princess Luna got a dick pic" what the fuck, and the last is "what the fuck, I'm favoriting this just to see where it goes" what the fuck.

> “As a woman who has used dating websites in the past, I think this will be an excellent way for me to blow off steam about the less savory characters one meets.”

⸘What is with these creepy stallions emailing pictures of their genitals‽ ⸘In which universe in all of the multiverse is that a good idea‽

On another note, if a mare does not want to be lonely, I have a simple solution.

0. Look into a mirror.
1. Judge yourself on a scale from 0 to 9 (it is only single-digit numbers and one does not have to worry about positive numbers and negative numbers).
2. Add and subtract ±1 to the number:

One has just established one’s range. ¡Stick to your range!:

The reason mares are lonely is that they want stallions who are 9s. Unless the mare is also a 9, this fails. Unfortunately, these mares torture stallions in the process:

Let us suppose that one is a homely inarticulate stallion. His rating is 3. He would go out with any mare who would go out with him, but in his whole live, he went out on less than 10 dates with less than 5 mares and is still a virgin. His life is so terrible, that he is at high-risk for suicide. The emotional stress could overload him, causing a psychotic break. An infamous example of a virginal homely inarticulate stallion who had a psychotic break is the Unabomber.

Let us suppose that one is a mare with a rating of 2 who is lonely because she targets stallions who are 9s. The range of the hypothetical mare is 1 to 3 which is a homophone for 1 2 3. This hypothetical mare and the hypothetical stallion who is 3 could stop being lonely if the hypothetical mare who is a 2 would accept a date from the hypothetical stallion who is a 3.

Basically, mares should not be lonely if they would have realistic expectations in mates, and in the process, would help lonely stallions too.

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