- Member Since 2nd Jul, 2015
- offline last seen Oct 26th, 2020
Kaubel
I am just a simple person that has been wanting to write on his own accord for some time now. Just know that most of my story's are going to be involving a pony of some sorts and a human. So yeah...
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6451876
Sweet! I like what you have so far. I'll be tracking it.
Not bad so far, though sentence structure and characterization needs some fleshing out, along with a little more attention to which word you're using. Sometimes, I'm sure it's just typo hiccups, such as 'herd' where you meant 'heard' in one spot. I think that's just a matter of practice and exposure at this point.
Be sure to read and study what other authors you like are doing. Personally, I like to suggest stories like Xenophilia or The Model's Secretary as examples. I also know PussPuss has a couple good ones you should check out. Lyra's Confession and Bon Bon's Acceptance are nicely done too.
Looking forward to seeing where you're going with the story. I am tracking it.
Well done in the story and fixing the slight errors that i could simple over look because its a nice story.
I like. Gotta track.
modernfatheronline.files.wordpress.com/2014/06/coffee-meme.jpg
Made me laugh, and other than that, well done on the story so far
this is cute , im looking forward to more
stayclassy
Please tell that they are not actually reading his mind? because I hate when they do that, also is Celestia going to appear soon?
6455746 The reading mind part, its all in your head. You will know why later on.
6455792
Oh ok thanks, also its interest how Luna isn't using the mating rituals of 1000 years ago…or that is how it work back then and that is why she is acting so forward?
6455799 Cant give to much info now can I?
6455815
nope
nice
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stayclassy
6456399 Truth be told most of the story is completely out of control because of a loss of ideas. I am left sitting there with nothing more and a story that is barley passable. So some things like raritys boutique and twilight visiting is just thrown in there. Next story I'll spend more time coming with a more in depth plan
6456311 Both are habbits that are being broken. I though I fixed those but I guess not. Thank you for pointing out the mistakes.
6456832 You should choose how you want the story to end. Then start thinking about the steps it took to get there. One of the great struggles of writing a story is not knowing where you're going. It gets a lot easier to come up with ideas if you have at least some idea of where you want to go in the first place.
Once you know where it is supposed to end, you'll have a FAR easier time figuring out how to get there.
A promising start. A shame it’s dead though.