I am just a simple person that has been wanting to write on his own accord for some time now. Just know that most of my story's are going to be involving a pony of some sorts and a human. So yeah...
You have quite the case of chronic fatigue and you're a heavy sleeper. This isn't helped by the fact that your childhood friend is perhaps the most energetic woman you've ever met. Making it worse? You has feelings for her and vice versa.
Derpy isn't perfect, nopony is after all. Yet she still can't hide the feeling that she isn't loved. Calvin, a human who has stayed with the kind mare for a year now has always been there for Derpy when she needed it.
So I woke up this morning to find out I'm some Lovecraftian Eldritch Horror, Elder God thing. That however is not the issue. The problem is being said Eldritch Horror in a bright colorful land of magic and talking ponies.
James has been in the world of Equestria for about two years now. Most ponies have come to know him and even be friends with the human, but one lone princess is a little hesitant.
This story have a good concept and idea. So sad that many people just can't look pass the grammar and spell to see how beautiful it is and give dislike to this...
6645727 Well thank you, I really do appreciate it. There are so many ideas in my head but I just dont have the gut to really write them. I guess I really do need to find some other editor...
I have to agree with you on this. This story really does have a great concept...maybe a little sad for me, bu still. It's a shame that the grammar kind of puts it off for some people, including me, but that's how life goes. On the plus side, you did a great job with this overall...though I am annoyed wit how you made Celestia sound more like Luna. If you can fix that, then it would be a lot more bearable.
Anyways, I hope you find an editor soon. I would offer myself to help, but...well, I'm kind of busy with my own writing as it is. That and editing and writing on my phone is rather...annoying.
6698663 Hey, so I took some more time on the story. If you have time could you do a quick read of it to see how it looks now? Or anyone reading this comment could take the time and tell me what they think of it now.
Well, you did improve it a little for Celestia, but she still sounds too much like Luna. My advise, just restart her speach. I mean, make her talk normally. Go through everything that she says and modernize it. If you're still having problems with doig that, then I would be more then happy to assist you.
This story has don't what no other story has done, made me actually cry. It speaks to me so much and is written beautifully. You've earned a fave and a follow for this. Keep up the good work. Stan
The premise of the story is actually pretty similar to what happened to me and my brothers. Like the character, AKA me, my brothers and I were abandoned by our mother at a young age and she left our dad with nothing. Years later after a bunch of crazy DCS shit and foster care as well as terrible living conditions and starvation our Dad later passed, then guess who came out of nowhere to attempt to take custody? But things are much better now, depression eventually led me to the Brony fandom and now I'm a fellow member of the herd.
Not bad but there's too many spelling errors, overall I give 6.75/10
6629350 completely agree, this needs edited badly.
6629359 I know what is needed, spell check and a grammar checker
6629350 Thats why I needed the editor, but she just took to long. If she never responds I may never get back into writing. So we will see.
6635114 if the person doesn't respond get a new editor
6635203 Maybe, but then I would want to continue to write, and right now I just dont feel up too it.
6639591 I know that feel dude, and so do my other 30 or so friends
This story have a good concept and idea. So sad that many people just can't look pass the grammar and spell to see how beautiful it is and give dislike to this...
6645727 Well thank you, I really do appreciate it. There are so many ideas in my head but I just dont have the gut to really write them. I guess I really do need to find some other editor...
6645727
I have to agree with you on this. This story really does have a great concept...maybe a little sad for me, bu still. It's a shame that the grammar kind of puts it off for some people, including me, but that's how life goes. On the plus side, you did a great job with this overall...though I am annoyed wit how you made Celestia sound more like Luna. If you can fix that, then it would be a lot more bearable.
Anyways, I hope you find an editor soon. I would offer myself to help, but...well, I'm kind of busy with my own writing as it is. That and editing and writing on my phone is rather...annoying.
Best of luck to you
6698663 Hey, so I took some more time on the story. If you have time could you do a quick read of it to see how it looks now? Or anyone reading this comment could take the time and tell me what they think of it now.
6629350 Do you mind looking at it now?
6723529 Sure, I love to check the progress of writers, even if I don't know 'em personally
6723523
Well, you did improve it a little for Celestia, but she still sounds too much like Luna. My advise, just restart her speach. I mean, make her talk normally. Go through everything that she says and modernize it. If you're still having problems with doig that, then I would be more then happy to assist you.
6723928 Honestly I completely forgot about her, I just spent a hour or so on the grammar and spelling.
6724220
Ah, well I suggest fixing her if you can.
This story has don't what no other story has done, made me actually cry. It speaks to me so much and is written beautifully. You've earned a fave and a follow for this. Keep up the good work.
Stan
The premise of the story is actually pretty similar to what happened to me and my brothers. Like the character, AKA me, my brothers and I were abandoned by our mother at a young age and she left our dad with nothing. Years later after a bunch of crazy DCS shit and foster care as well as terrible living conditions and starvation our Dad later passed, then guess who came out of nowhere to attempt to take custody? But things are much better now, depression eventually led me to the Brony fandom and now I'm a fellow member of the herd.