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When evil cultists are out kidnapping innocent ponies to summon their dark god, it's up to Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle to stop them! Armed with guns, sharp pointy things, magic up the wazoo, and plenty of ammo, the two are ready to kick some flank and chew bubblegum!

And guess who just ran out of bubblegum?

Collaboration with the great and quite handsome alexmagnet, who you all should go check out and stuff.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 93 )

... Yes. That'll be all. :twilightsmile:

Bob is rolling with the hot stories... at night. :twilightsmile:

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Oh god you guys are gonna make it a thing...

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Yes. Yes we are.

What coke induced nightmare made you come up with this?:rainbowlaugh:

Reads description, instantly think of this movie:

You ain't seen Bad Boys II?!

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That's what I thought of too.:derpytongue2: Great movie.

I have...no words...

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*Stares at your profile picture*
Unikitty and Hotfuzz... Will you be my new best friend?

I am forgiving the few firearm related errors because this is just too insane and funny to give a damn. :rainbowlaugh:

Bravo good authors, bravo. :moustache:

God, I WISH this was a pony rendition of Hot Fuzz! That movie was fucking awesome!

How the hell do you do it Bob? Just... damn. :rainbowwild:

Countless succummed to the salesponies’ schemes

Can't tell if typo or sexcellent phrasing.:trollestia:
~Dash The Stampede

Greatest. story. ever.

“What are you?” she whispered.
Tirek grinned, grabbing Celestia by the neck and pulling her close. His snake-like tongue tickled her ear as he whispered back to her, “I’m a timeshare salesman.”

Also this line was awesome.

A gold dragon to anyone who gets the reference near the end.

Damn, that was a good, quick read. Fast pacing, seamless dialogue and comedy straight to the dome. The characters' actions are unlike the show, but are unique and entertaining in a way that makes you put aside the show's canon for the sake of ass-kicking. 10/10, faved and liked.:yay:

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Well I'm going to say Spongebob?

This story is what happens when you are bored and have an extremely overactive imagination with a love of action movie cliches and a hatred of real estate agents. This all equals pure and unequaled awesomeness.:twilightsmile::trollestia::moustache::pinkiehappy:

my submission for this fics fics theme song, also someone needs to make a pmv of this song.

The Lusty Canterlotian Maid reminds me of The Lusty Argonian... not sure if reference.

“So… about an hour?” Twilight shrugged. “All right, but don’t be surprised if Big Daddy Poppin’ isn’t too pleased about being woken up like this.”

“It’s a gun, Twilight. It doesn’t have feelings.”

Twilight frowned, pouting big, adorable puppy eyes to her mentor. “Daddy does.”

“No, he—just go get him!”

Twilight held up her hooves. “Alright, alright. I’m going.”

Celestia rolled her eyes as she watched Twilight walk away. As soon as the door had shut again, she made a kissy face at her AK-47. “You know I didn’t mean that, Julius,” she said. “I know you care.” Snuggling her gun like you would a teddy bear, she strolled back to the throne and awaited Twilight’s return.

I'm dying, halp. Can't stop laughing.

... I suppose I can't judge. I did name my Dragunov "Big Sexy" after Molestia.

“Tremorous Celestial Sundering Shredding Light of Cyclonic Butchery ©!”

That final attacked almost killed me!:rainbowlaugh:
I need to breathe...

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Tremorous Celestial Sundering Shredding Light of Cyclonic Butchery ©

This? Well from the name alone, here, but the description of the attack doesn't fit.

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Nailed it. Bob wanted to make the attack really over the top though, so that's why it doesn't look like Malik's attack.

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I was gonna write "The Lusty Pony Maid", but it wouldn't have worked as well. It is an Elder Scrolls reference though.

Now, see, this is the kind of Celestia arse-kicking 150% pure WIN I've been wanting to see since day one!

I just found my new pc background!

Oh my god... IT'S A ZOMBIE!!!

ready to kick some flank and chew bubblegum!
And guess who just ran out of bubblegum?

i like this because it just leaves me to just laugh at the silliness of the butt kicking :rainbowlaugh:

It got a little convoluted with Celestia and Tireks banter but this was definitely an excellent written word.

This is either going to be really hilarious, really stupid, or somehow both.

:trollestia:

"YOU ONLY HAVE 110 LIKES?!?! WHAT THE HELL!!! DID THEY EVEN READ THIS STORY- OR JUST APPROVE IT BECAUSE OF THE LEVEL OF BADASSERY?! ALL THIS IS NEEDING NOW ARE SOME EXPLOSIONS!!!"
timbryanrodenberger.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/mr-torgue.jpg
"OH YEAH!!! EXPLOSIONS!!!" *Air Guitar Solo*
(I am not sorry for this. This is just what I thought when I saw this story. Congrats- least likes on a featured story.... I'm wondering if this is a record or something.)

ok I normally don't say this but....da'FAQ I just read?

This is best story. Has pony princesses with MOAR DAKKA and evil timeshare horrors from beyond the investment market. Nuff' said.

RainbowBob you delicious motherfucker you:rainbowwild:

WE CAME WE SAW WE KICK SOME SALEMANS ASS

:pinkiecrazy: my mind fritzed out as i read about Tirek's suit

Not bad, but It kinda overstayed it's welcome.

This was hilarious! :rainbowlaugh: I would definitely read more if you wrote it! :rainbowdetermined2:

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