Discord, being the curious Spirit of Chaos he is, decides to bring in Jesus to explain what exactly Easter means. The answer is more surprising than you'd think.

Yes, a story about Jesus, chill out and roll with it.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 453 )

“What about the eggs? The jellybeans? The candy in said eggs from before? The coloring of those eggs? And even the asinine hiding of those eggs?” Discord pulled at his ears, his mismatched eyes goggling Jesus with an even crazier look than usual.

Don't forget the news report of the girl putting overdose pills in the easter eggs!
Also, inb4 Skeeter :trollestia:

Please, PLEASE write the poker game!

Also, I love how you humanized Jesus. Yes, he's God, but he was also man. I imagine he would be a fun guy to chat with. And the details about his appearance were a treat. People, Jesus wasn't white OR black. He was middle eastern.

I bet Buddha has the mother of all poker faces

Comment posted by SpitFlame deleted Apr 21st, 2014

Congratulations! That was both sacriligious and informative.
But seriously, it was simple, funny, and lampooned what the holiday has been made to mean instead of lampooning the man behind it. Great stuff as usual.

heck #9 · Apr 21st, 2014 · · ·

Hey Scotty...

“We go to the same poker game every Saturday night.”
“Whoa, for real?”
“Indeed. We have Thor, Hades, Buddha, and even Ra as the typical regulars,” Jesus replied, a frown appearing on his tanned features. “Though Discord’s stingy on the snacks, and I know for a fact he cheats. Always has an ace up his sleeve, that one.”

funny enough, this is how i imagine most of the gods spending their time. Even the "forgotten ones" (i.e. Norse, Greek/Roman, etc) would be screwing around like this, because it wouldn't be too out of character for them. I bet jesus is a lax guy, just annoyed by the fanatics.

I imagined this with Family guy's Jesus but more tanned

Welp, time for Poker Night 3 starring Jesus, Thor, Discord, Twilight Sparkle, Buddha, Hades, and Ra. Guest starring Quetzalcoatl as the dealer.

4265933 Well, considering that it was Discord who made this happen, I'd say, shut up and go somewhere else.

Wanderer D

So... I guess the eggs didn't have anything to do with the Egyptian tradition? Tsk. Discord should have asked Ra and Ishtar for more info.

4265933 it only insulting if you take it as such
i think the author is just haveing a little fun
i believe in jesus but me and my brothers still crack jokes now and then we even get my mom to laugh some times and she hardcore with her faith
just chill not everything is an attack at you


If Jesus was Middle Eastern then how was he American? :rainbowhuh:

I'm so sorry


I like this. A very casual and educated bit with Jesus as a character without the dogma or preaching. It's pretty nice, though I was hoping for a mentioning about Passover.

Well I sense flame wars in a not so distant future... I mean I'm Christian and I love jokes about Christianity as long as they are tasteful, but I'm sure someone on this site is going to get butt hurt and someone else is going to go full bigot and there'll be a silly little war started because of it...

4265933 It's a joke. I recently came upon a thread upon a forum insulting fandoms, but then after I acted in the defense of fandoms it was explained to be a joke. While it is insulting, take a step back from being involved personally and try to appreciate it for the light hearted humor it is.


The same way He saved the dinosaurs in the Ark and made every single thing in the known universe billions of years old but kept Earth at 10,000 years. :trollestia:


4266051 Obviously everyone talks aramic in Equestria. :ajsmug:

I find this story extremely arrogant, distasteful, and downright evil.

How dare you say the Beetles are overrated! You will burn for this!
Other than that, you didn't do anything too offensive, and this day is about FORGIVENESS, TOLERATION, AND KINDNESS (*directed towards people who are going to start things*), so I'll just let it go. At least Discord and Twilight were amusing. Anywhores, happy Easter Bobino!

On a side note, who else thinks if Bob didn't do this and it was someone else, they would get even more attacks?


I read somewhere that Jesus invented the cheeseburger, then punched Kim Jong IL in the face when he tried to steal the credit.


I heard that Jesus invented baseball on the same day he wrote the US Constitution... in His own blood.

4265933 Well ya know, Jesus isn't like Allah, it ain't a sin to give him a fake personality... and it's RainbowBob, he's never been actively malicious about anything... from my knowledge.

4266051 Jesus was obviously black

Ask Huey Freeman


“Wait, so you were dead?” Twilight asked, her answer coming from Jesus’ nod. “Then are you a… zombie?”

Jesus raised his hand, examining it and taking a whiff. “Well, seeing how I don’t smell like dead flesh and have no intent on eating brains, no, I’m not a zombie.”

Twilight peered at Jesus’ hand, or more specifically, his hole, which was centered right in the middle of his palm and gave her a clear view of Jesus’ face looking back at her from the other side.

“Then what about those holes you have in your palms?” Twilight asked.

Discord appeared with his head popping up from underneath the table, holding up both of Jesus’ feet with him. “And don’t forget his feet!” Sniffing, Discord gagged and pushed Jesus; feet away. “Actually, do forget about them. Sheesh, Jesus, ever heard about athlete’s foot? Put some powder on that ranky stuff.”

Too funny :rainbowlaugh: I usually shy away from fics due to unavoidable flame wars, but you've succeeded in bringing this concept to a wonderful level, Bob. Keep it up :moustache:

Well done. I love that Jesus has a sense of humor. As for speech, he is the son of God. Language isn't going to be a challenge for him.

Right, because making fun of Christians is worse than Christians making fun of everyone else.


Religion is an insult to humanity; period.

4266443 finally somebody on this rock that agrees with me.

We have Thor, Hades, Buddha, and even Ra as the typical regulars

Why not Apep?
Because Apep destroys universes. And carries mad aces.
~Dash The Stampede

Lol, loved it! Good job, Bobby!

I wish they'd invite me sometime... :fluttercry:

They would if you stopped breaking the table every time you lose. You killing other gods doesn't help either.

Reminds me a little bit of Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, Jesus Josh was a bit of a wise cracker in that one, too.

Though, he loved coffee and the rabbits where just because he wanted them around whenever bad stuff happened to him.

Also, he studied martial arts with Shaolin monks, amongst other things. One of the few books I've read twice, and the only book I read and picked up again almost immediately, starting from the beginning.

4265933 I'm a Christian and have been all my life.

I found this hilarious, not insulting.



Nice story, I think it was fun to read and not insulting at all to me. God must have humor when he has to put up with humanity. I also liked the tone of the whole thing. Jesus doesn't say anything that opposes what he is convinced of but neither forces he the ponies to do anything they don't want to.


I think it's in revelations, actually.

4266898 oh... thanks for clearing that for me:pinkiehappy:

4266443 4266457
It's not the belief system that's the problem, it's the people who believe in said systems. The people are the ones who commit genocide and terrorism in their desire to get closer to their deity. The PEOPLE are the problem.



You're half right. It's a mixture of the people and beliefs that are the problem. Take away the belief system and there wouldn't be any problems.

Discord slammed a few bits on the table, then saluted to the pair. “Well folks, I’ll be off! I need to find the Easter Bunny and hope that Santa Claus didn’t get him hooked on meth again! Peace out!”

Can we get Exodia?
4266497 dear lord.

4266141 Well that's obviously a lie. Really, a Jew inventing cheeseburgers?

That was a great read:pinkiehappy:,
And you did a fascinating job at getting the true meaning of Easter out! Bravo Mr Bob, Bravo:moustache::moustache::moustache:

It's people like you who give Christians a bad name.


Whoa, whoa. Let's not get offensive here... :trixieshiftright:

Besides, even though ham is in the word hamburger, it's cow, not pork. :twilightblush:


:ajbemused: Aren't you guys just a bundle of sunshine...

That's uncalled for.

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