• Member Since 8th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday


Somewhere in the USA. Probably older than you. And something about MLP:FIM makes me want to write stories. Unfortunately, being gainfully employed cuts into my writing time.


Flying like a hummingbird, talking a mile a minute.... Where does Zipporwhill get her energy? The Cutie Mark Crusaders are on the case!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 26 )

This was several kinds of awesome, not least because I have a soft spot for the idea of a one-sided Scootaloo/Zipporwhill rivalry. Also, the idea of caffeine as a magical catalyst is more than slightly terrifying. Imagine Twilight cramming for finals week... :twilightoops:

In any case, a most enjoyable read. Thank you for it, and I'm glad I could help with naming the Calamity.

I left it open to the imagination what exactly a group of caffeinated Crusaders would do to Ponyville. But feel free to post your own ideas in the comments.

Whelp...here's a fave and a like....for some reason though, this reminds me of that Twitch kid from South Park...^^' not a complaint, I loved that episode. But yeah...The CMC on caffeine is...o.o' scary but cute.

Nice story.

Well, I guess that's as good an explanation as any. :rainbowlaugh:

Well, that explains a lot.


Rarity: Is that a... dragon?
Twilight: No. That's a pterrasarris, a creature from the pre-Unification era. It's extinct.
Applejack: It don't... look that extinct.
Twilight: We'll worry about that later. Fluttershy, are you okay to handle that?
Fluttershy: Um, I'll give it a try...
Twilight: Perfect. Pterrasarren are the least of our worries at the moment. Now... Rarity, Applejack -
Discord: Ah ha ha ha! These fillies are a delight! I haven't seen such a display of unbridled mayhem since... well, me, actually.
Twilight: Discord! Did -
Discord: No, it wasn't me, coffee, about twelve cups each, Saddle Arabican Supremo, an unstable time vortex, yes you probably could but it would hurt, a filly named Zippoorwhill, about the size of Manehattan, no, you still need three more keys, she'll be here in ten seconds, and no I can't. Anything else? That's extremely rude, Applejack. Goodbye!
Applejack: Huh... whuh? Ah didn' even-
Twilight: Coffee. That explains a lot.
Rarity: My sister has been drinking coffee?
Twilight: Quite a lot, by the sound of it.
Pinkie: Whee! This is terrible, isn't it? I just saw a whole street on fire! And I don't even mean the houses but the street! It's so pretty!
Twilight: Pinkie! Great. Now we just need Rainbow Dash. Where is she?
Pinkie: Oh, she's in space!
Twilight: ...space?
Pinkie: It's the enormous black void that surrounds Equestria! Or at least, the planet that Equestria is on which may or may not also be Equestria. You see, thousands of years ago -
Twilight: Pinkie, why is Rainbow Dash in space?
Pinkie: She's trying to get Scootaloo back down! Scootaloo said something about needing to borrow the moon for a school project.
Twilight: Great. Just great. Okay, everypony just hope that time vortex doesn't destabilise.
Applejack: Whut happens then?
Twilight: The universe ends. Don't worry about that now, there's nothing we can do without Rainbow Dash here. We should concentrate on stopping the Crusaders.
Apple Bloom: Hi!
Applejack: Apple Bloom! Y'are in real trouble, ya know that?
Apple Bloom: Ah'm sorry, Applejack! Ah sorta can't listen to you! Every tree is talkin' to me at once, an' you ain't a tree. Although ya got a grass stain on ya knee. Hah! Ah'm rhymin' like Zecora! Ah wonder if she knows 'bout coffee? She ain't never mentioned it before. Maybe they don't have it in Zebrica!
Twilight: Actually, Zebrica is one of the largest exporters of -
Apple Bloom: Ponies who ain't trees, stop talkin'! Now Ah need ta plant a new orchard here, an' this street is all in th' way. Y'all might wanna clear out.
Applejack: Apple Bloom, you are grounded, missy!
Apple Bloom: Hah hah! Grounded! Ah get it! Cuz Ah'm an earth pony!
Applejack: That ain't whut Ah -
Apple Bloom: Here goes! *stomp*

3997612 Ah, yes, the classic Underpants Gnomes episode!

Step 1: Drink lots of coffee.
Step 2: ???
Step 3: Cutie Marks!

Ahh, very nice. That was a very fun story.

So, Zipporwhill for best pegasus filly? Sorry, Scoots, you should have tried harder at not looking sad.


Ponies who ain't trees, stop talkin'!

And then Fluttershy took over the negotiations. :yay:

3997881 This is genius. :pinkiehappy:


Thank you! ^.^ Although Discord's bit is a total rip-off from homage to Eakin's Hard Reset. XD

I wonder if coffee does exist in Equestria...and if Pinkie is banned from drinking it...:pinkiehappy:

3998593 In my headcanon, there's no coffee shop in Ponyville, until this one opens. Coffee exists, but because it requires trade to get to Equestria, it's something that ponies in the big city drink. Ponyville, originally an isolated earth pony settlement, developed a taste for herbal teas brewed from local plants.

I also believe that, even if there's no coffee for sale in Ponyville, Pinkie Pie is still banned from consuming it.

And I recognize you from various webcomic forums!

3997994 Sorry, Scootaloo is still best pegasus filly. How can you say no to this face? :scootangel:

3998785 rhjunior? Kevin and Kell? There may be more, but it's been a while since I've visited any.


I still hang around those. Hope to see you there. :twilightsmile:

To be on the same blacklist as Pinkie Pie. Man, that's saying something.
:pinkiehappy: :scootangel::applecry::unsuresweetie:

*grins* Very cute, bravo.

Ah this was great.

The CMC are now historical figures.
I wonder how everypony will take that when Cheerlee has to teach it.


Author Interviewer

This wasn't nearly as funny as I thought it was going to be. :/ I was also kind of miffed that the "secret" is revealed halfway in. I've read other stories about the Crusaders or other ponies on coffee before.

5441868 It is a bit more slice of life than comedy. I'm not sure why I didn't tag it as such, since most of my stories have a slice of life element.

If you want something that's really funny, I recommend hawthornbunny's comment above. It's a type of humor I've never put into one of my stories. Maybe in a future Scootaloo fic....

Author Interviewer

Okay, that was fun. :D

I knew it! Somehow I just knew it!

*sips my 10th espresso.

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