The Perils of Plenty
I dedicate this chapter to theredhawk, who I don't think I've ever spoken to before.
Yesterday they added this story to their 'Dead Fics' library folder.
So, since I was stuck at work covering one of my old shifts, which used to give me plenty of time to write, I finished the last scene in the chapter entirely for spite. 
This one's published with minimal pre-reading. Any part that's horribly manged isn't Pale Horse's fault. The perfectly correct parts can be blamed on his work months and months ago. Cover your eyes!
When last we left off, Cloudy got smacked around for kissing Twi like an idiot, went into exile at the Weather Conference, and snogged on Luna. It's practically the Mary Sue fic I was always secretly dying to write! Now, the glorious continuance, for the one of two of you that remember this story.
I returned home as a conquering hero, just like the pegasi of old. I’d defeated the three trials of Fillyfooleria, saved the princess from an evening with lesser mares and tamed the weather (bureaucracy) itself. There would songs sung about me in later times.
Well, limericks, maybe.
They seem to have botched the scheduling of my glorious triumph. Because the only pony to be found when I landed at home was a really angry looking Blossomforth.
Maybe Pinkie was planning on throwing a surprise-parade and she was there to lull me into a false sense of security. I landed, immediately throwing a foreleg over Blossom’s shoulders. “Aww, you’ve been waiting around for me? I knew you loved me best.” I gave her cheek a nuzzle custom-designed to set her fuming.
I didn’t get the reaction I wanted. Instead I got a newspaper shoved into my face. It was a change from the norm, at least.
“Save it. Tell me what this is this supposed to be,” she demanded. “The Boss sent you to Cloudsdale to be a representative of Ponyville, and this is what we find out.”
I peeled the newspaper off my muzzle and went about investigating. The Cloudsdale Tribune wasn't exactly Equestria’s finest paper. At least they had excellent taste with cover pictures. Namely, said cover was yours truly, in all her disappointingly black and white glory. Really, what’s the point in being a hot blonde if you can’t flaunt it a little?
I could probably have done without looking like a bruised and battered fugitive from a weather factory explosion; my mane was all a mess and feathers were askew.
Luna plays a little rough. She’s a shockingly feisty thing.
But hay, at least I was leaning on Luna, and she was clearly more than happy to be leaning right back. You’d pretty much have to be blind to miss that adorably unprincesslike smile on her face. I have to admit, I felt like I could fly without spreading my wings, seeing that.
“Well, I know I found out something. Nothing travels faster than the news. Don’t worry, I aced the Weather Conference. Highest budget increase in decades.” I rolled up the paper carefully and tucked it into my saddlebags. “It was so easy that I had lots of time to spare charming the cute little blue hoofshoes off a certain pretty pony princess.”
Blossom looked positively aghast. She had her mouth opened slackly and everything. “Y-you can’t just have sex with royalty. That’s got to be treason or defaming the crown or something.”
Wow, Blossom actually used the word ‘sex’. Without stammering or anything. She really must have been thrown for a loop. I raised a brow with maximum corny suggestiveness. “It’s not defaming it the way I do it.”
I tapped a hoof against my chin after raising it thoughtfully. “And really, to do anything but what I did would probably have been treason. When they pin you down and say stuff like ‘Thy Princess did not bid thee to leave’, I’m pretty sure you just have to lay back and do it for Equestria.”
“She didn’t!” Blossom shook her head, ears pinning. “Princesses don’t act like that.”
“Oh, she did.” I stepped closer to Blossom, lowering my muzzle into my best imitation of menace. “Search your feelings. You know it to be true. Even Princesses are helpless before the power of my good side. That’s the left side. Where I get that little dimple when I smile.”
Her voice took on a note of desperation. She took a step back from me. “It’s impossible!”
I straightened up, bobbing my head in a nod. “Well, you’re sort of right. She did say that. Truthfully, and just between you and me, we didn’t go all the way or anything. Luna hasn’t yet had the bang that she’ll compare all other ones unfavorably to for all eternity. We just hung out, and made out, and played around. Do you have any idea how good a kisser she is? Older mares, Blossom. There are benefits. And in this case, none of the drawbacks!”
“You’re going to be impossible to live with for the next few weeks, aren’t you?” she asked, with a resigned sigh. Even her wings drooped.
I threw a foreleg back over Blossom and gave her a squeeze. “Completely.” I was hoping to get at least a little more denial out of her, or maybe some bargaining or anger, but seemingly she skipped right to acceptance. She always was big on efficiency and I was always big on things being easy, so I couldn't complain.
“Do you think this whatever-it-is you have with Luna will last?” she asked.
“Dunno.” One could hope, however. No Regrets was more important than No Romance. And I’d regret turning down the chance to go out with Luna for the rest of my life. And she’d regret not banging Cloud Kicker for the rest of her far longer life, if she knew it or not. I couldn’t be responsible for an eternity of woe and emptiness. “I really have no idea what a princess wants or needs. I don’t really know her all that well yet. I’m just muddling my way through this one. But as with anything else, I’ll enjoy it while it lasts.”
She chewed on her lip for a moment, but eventually nodded. Yeesh, I’m dating somepony. It’s not like I killed Blossom’s dog. I didn’t get why she was so antsy about it. “I guess,” she finally said, before shaking her head. “You should probably go see the Boss. She’s not exactly the sort of pony to read a newspaper, but somepony’ll tell her eventually.”
“What would I do without you, Blossom? We’re the perfect duo. You’ve got the brains, morals, fancy degree, and the adorable freckles, and the nice legs and the…” I trailed off. “What point was I making? Oh! Right, and I’ve got the looks and sheer charisma. We can’t be beat.” I grinned and gave Blossom another nuzzle on her cheek, she squirmed away and rubbed at it, but she was trying not to smile, and failing pretty hard. Business as usual. Success! One mopey pony on my agenda was enough. “So, where is she? It’s too late for her to still be sleeping.”
Blossom rolled her eyes. “She’s in her new office, of course.”
+++++
“No Pinkie, I don’t think that a ‘Banged a Princess’ party would be exactly appropriate. Thanks though.”
“Aww,” the pink pony under my wing slumped a little bit in dejection. “But I bet it’d be fun. It seemed like Princess Luna could use more friends.”
I nudged the paper I’d stolen from Blossom with a hoof. It was sitting on the table I was sharing with Pinkie while I nibbled my way through my early lunch. The wing around her wasn’t particularly intimate, but with Pinks if you didn’t give her affection, you got her affection. And Pinkie didn’t know her own strength. Besides, I still had those bruises from Luna.
“Luna and I have had enough publicity with our relationship, I figure.” Which totally sounded like a rational reason. To be perfectly honest, I didn’t really mind the newspapers, or the rumors. Half the fun of nabbing a princess is everypony knowing. Shining Armor clearly just doesn’t know how to make the most out of the good things in life. “Besides, early days. Might not work out.”
Pinkie didn’t tend to stay down long from disappointments. Usually she’d forget about them before the sentence was finished. This time, she folded her ears back. They got half-lost in the fuzz of her mane. “Yeah. I guess there’s always rocky bits sometimes, huh?”
Alarm bells went off in my head. Pinkie didn’t do morose. Ever. Admittedly, things fell rather swiftly into place when I saw her looking at the corner table. The corner table currently occupied by a dozing Dash. Pinkie had set a little pink cupcake on a plate by her nose. Probably hiding the drool puddle.
“Trouble in paradise?” I asked. I’m not really sure if I wanted to stick my nose into it, but hay, they were my friends. Dash more than Pinkie, sure, but we happiness-inducing ponies have to stick together.
Pinkie blinked, straightening her ears and shaking her head. A bit of her usual brightness had returned by the edge of the shake. “Oh! No, Dashie’s the bestest fillyfriend a pony could ask for. I was just being a bit too much of a thinkie Pinkie.” At first, I thought I would have to prod her for more, but Pinkie doesn’t really have a ‘clammed up’ mode. “Didja ever have a somepony that didn’t like to… play?”
I fought down the urge to tease her by misinterpreting that to mean Battle Clouds. Serious face, Cloudy. “Well, I’ve known ponies who were much harder to get into the mood.” I gave a sly grin in Dash’s direction. “Really? The world’s fastest pegasus is slow to seal the deal?”
“Shhhhushhhhh,” Pinkie hissed, prodding a hoof at my side.
I couldn’t manage to wipe the smug look off my face, but I gave Pinkie a little squeeze against me, and bent my head a little closer. “So what’s the issue? Does she get nervous?”
Pinkie shook her head again, whipping me with stray mane puffs. I fought back the urge to sneeze. “Nope! Dashie doesn’t do nervous. She’s the bravest pony I know. And she’s okay with kissing and cuddling and stuff. She just… thinks all the wacky, wild and wet stuff is really… ick.”
Huh. I guess you never could tell with some ponies. I always figured she’d probably be a tiger in the bedroom and a bit of a dead fish for the lovey-dovey stuff. But friendships would get a bit boring if they couldn’t surprise you from time to time.
I considered things for a moment. Pinkie, unable to sit still, puffed a little more powdered sugar onto my cinnamon roll from a shaker she’d put on the table earlier.
“All right, well, maybe you should try to come at it from a more roundabout way. Up the intimacy in stages to show her it isn’t so bad. The Boss works out a lot. I bet she gets all sorts of sore and tense. Give her a massage. The good kind, with warm oils. I have a few bottles that are good for the coat. I can spare some.” And I could play innocent and tease Rainbow about her apparent good grooming the next day.
Pinkie seemed less than sold. “Proooobably shouldn’t. The last time I tried to give somepony a massage, I kinda dislocated Noteworthy’s shoulder. A little.”
I winced. Yeah, remember that ‘doesn’t know her strength’ thing? It was pretty plausible. I could just picture something involving a lot of pounding and things best left in a wrestling ring. Thankfully, it was also fixable. “Well, no problems there, Pinks. Just stop by my place, I’ll run you through the basics. I might not be Bon Bon, but I can still manage to get ponies nice and melty.”
“Bon Bon,” Pinkie hissed, narrowing her eyes. Just like she did whenever Bon Bon was mentioned. Apparently the rival confectioner was her official arch-nemesis. Which was hard to take seriously when Pinkie still gave her presents for her birthday, and conspired with Lyra on anniversaries—real and imagined. But with the Official Dramatic Nemesis pause out of the way, she got back to business. “Dunno if Dashie’d be okay with that. She’s not a sharey pony. Or even a sherry-pony, like Green Grape.”
“S’fine, I’ll keep my hooves east of the border. But I think this really is the best way. It’s close, intimate and feels amazing, while not getting into all the fun parts that she might be squicked out by.” I gave Pinkie a grin. “Can’t fail. She’ll be colourful putty in your hooves. The perfect mindset for a little loving exploration.”
Pinkie still seemed unsure. I wagered it was more about Dash than my brilliant idea. Well, no issue there. I gave her a pat on the shoulder. “Here, I’ll go inform her and everything.” I gathered my things and quietly tip-hoofed to Dash’s table.
I slapped the newspaper I’d stolen from Blossom in front of Rainbow. I avoided the little plate with the pink cupcake. It was just too cute and Tough-Mare-Image-Ruining to risk destroying.
She jerked up, looking around in bleary confusion. Since I was such a good friend, I launched into rapid fire talk she had no way of possibly comprehending for a while.
“I got us the water replenishment gig, a fifteen percent increase in our budget, ostensibly due to the need for a reserve fund in case of further disasters. I picked up the Co-Ruler of all Equestria and the Moon Embodied as a fillyfriend. Also, I’ll be teaching Pinkie some cool deep massages to help with your muscle aches.” I turned my head around toward my saddlebag and fished out a signed photo of a mare and stallion posing together and slapped it down on top of the newspaper. “Oh, and I ran into some of the Wonderbolts at the weather conference, and got them to sign something for you. ‘For our favorite weatherpony, Rainbow Dash. Signed, Soarin’ and Spitfire’. Aww, isn’t that nice? I even convinced them to come watch the tornado. That’ll look awesome for you. Anyway, gotta go unpack, see you later today!”
With that, while Dash blinked numbly, I spun around and strutted my way out of Sugarcube corner, tossing a wave and a grin to Pinkie.
I was a dozen hooves away from the door when I heard Dash call out, after the sound of a chair being dragged across the floor. “What? What the hay? Cloud?”
Somehow the massage thing never came up after that. But hey, if she whinged and whined about it later, I can honestly say I did tell her.
+++++
“Are you sure I can have these?” Spike asked, while leafing through a stack of old comics. “They’re probably worth something.”
I had my rear hooves propped up on the library’s central stump-table as I leafed through a copy of The Canterlot Times. It was a far more reputable paper, and yours truly was still plastered on the cover. Thankfully with a better picture. This one of Luna nuzzling at my neck as we walked along one of the streets outside the weather conference. We made a pretty cute couple, if I can be immodest. Which I can be.
I waved my hoof half-heartedly. “Well, didn’t say you could keep. But you can borrow. It’s not really worth much. I saw you reading a Power Ponies comic when I was here the other day. I thought you might be interested in them before they were a team. It’s mostly Radiance stuff there.”
“Why her?” he asked, while clawing open the first issue. He was very careful with it. That respect for fine literature probably had something to do with a certain librarian. “Who’s the mare with the grey coat?”
“I had a huge filly crush on her. And that was her before the accident fused her with the glamor from her Guardsmare armor. But just read, you’ll see. You don’t want me to spoil it, do you?” When Spike muttered the negative and sunk into the comic zone, I want back to my newspaper. Since I’d already read the one about me, and the commentaries and opinion bits—twice—I just caught up on the old hometown news. Disappearances in the old gem caves again. This time of year, it was probably flooding. Or maybe Lyra got kidnapped again.
The door opened when I was halfway through the article, to admit a certain vision of literary-minded lavender loveliness. She was levitating several bags and a small stack of books.
“SPIII—Oh! Cloud Kicker.” She trotted over, thankfully seeming friendly enough. One never knew what a few days of alone-time would do to haphazardly patched feelings. Seemingly she was still okay with me. “I’ve been hearing the oddest things about you.”
I folded the paper and nudged it across the table toward her with a hoof. I figured she’d be the sort to best learn of something in print. She took the hint and got to reading, setting her supplies and books down.
In the meantime, I began to set up a game of Chess. It probably took me ten times as long to do it as it would have for her, as a cheaty unicorn, but it gave me something to do while she read.
At length, she set the paper silently down and studied me. Somewhere along the way she noticed the board and sat down opposite me without a word. She spun it slowly around so she was on the white side, and moved her Princess’ pawn forward.
“Ahh, the Trotenovski gambit,” I murmured, sagely. “Bold.”
“I’ve moved one piece, Cloud Kicker,” she pointed out, calling the bluff of me pretending I had any idea what I was talking about. “And there was no such pony. So,” She paused for dramatic effect. “Luna.”
“Luna,” I agreed, moving my own chosen piece forward.
We exchanged a few moves. The silence was punctuated only by the soft whisper of turning comic pages behind me.
At length, and without looking up, Twilight spoke. “That was…fast.”
“Fast, considering I confessed to liking you just a few days ago?” I ventured.
She looked up from the board. She didn’t need to say a thing.
“I still like you. You haven’t become any less interesting, admirable or attractive the last few days.” I took one of her pawns with one of my lancers. “But I’m not totally featherbrained. I do have to respect that you’re not interested.”
Spike made some a strangled gagging sound, scooped up some of the comics and fled the room. I smirked a little and kept my focus nominally on the board, pretending I hadn’t noticed. Twilight was caught somewhere between a blush that made her want to avert her gaze, and a dirty look aimed at her dragon servant-familiar-assistant-little-brother-thing. As one can see, I had the dynamics of that weird relationship down pat.
She took out her embarrassment on my poor pieces. We exchanged a few turns, wherein she effortlessly disassembled my position at the center of the board. That was a sting to the old ego. Apparently it was good for hers, though. Because somewhere along the way she worked up the courage to speak, even if she still didn’t look up at me.
“Am I? Uninterested, that is.”
The response made me knock over the magus I’d been reaching for. That I kept my wings from shooting up in shock is a testament to dozens of generations of Kicker stoicism roaring through my veins at an unemotional, average pace.
It wasn’t really that I was so surprised that she gave in to my feminine wiles. Nopony could be expected to hold out against my charms. I just never expected her to actually admit it, even indirectly. It just seemed utterly out of character for her.
Which, of course, led to one natural conclusion. “Spent some time with Rarity, huh?”
“I spoke with all of them about it.” I winced when she said that. “Except Dash. I didn’t want you getting in any sort of trouble with your boss. I wouldn’t want you to talk to the Princess about me.”
Oh thank all that is good and holy in the world. Though I guess it was obvious, given that Rainbow wasn’t freaking out when I spoke to her a little while ago. “So, what was the consensus? Oh, and, um, depending on if that’s a broad all-Princess thing, it might be a bit late for that.”
It was Twilight’s turn to look freaked out. “Please tell me you’re talking about Luna.”
Her stressing out would probably have been less worrisome if she couldn’t casually turn me into a red paste with a proverbial flick of the horn. Luckily, being myself, I was more focused on admiring the adorability of her looking all frazzled, with her mouth open a bit in shock. “Yeah. Me and Luna drank a toast to your excellence. And talked about your brother and such. Casual conversation, not secret-spilling. Common acquaintances are good smalltalk fodder. You know how it is when you first meet someone.”
“Not particularly,” she admitted. “My broad dating experience includes such highlights as you kissing me. And throwing you out for kissing me.” Ouch. “But… my friends were pretty nice when talking about you.”
I finally righted my fallen magus piece. Having something to do made it easier to ignore the fact that I was feeling like a pony who was getting the scoop about how a meeting with her fillyfriend’s parents went. That was bad. Not so much the feeling as the why. I really cared what Twilight thought of me. I really didn’t need feelings like that when I just scored the greatest catch in all of pony history since Shadow Kicker banged Princess Celestia into centuries of gooily satisfied chastity. “Any specifics?” I found myself asking.
“I’m not sure I should be saying anything. It doesn’t seem like the sort of thing you talk about.”
I gave her my best charming—not wheedling at all—grin. “We’re both ponies that believe in being direct, right? No dancing around and keeping secrets.”
She nodded her head in agreement, though she spent a moment in quiet consideration. “Rarity thinks you’d be good for me. I mean, as in beneficial for my progress as a pony. She thinks that I should get out into the ‘dating scene’. And gave me several magazines about the dating habits of ‘ponies of breeding’. It was…” She searched for a word. “...illuminating.”
“Surprised about the sort of things that ‘don’t count’?” I asked. Hey, I grew up in Canterlot. I knew the sorts of things ponies got up to there. They might arrange marriages, which was absurd, but I’ll give them points for being realistic about things after that. I knew a lot of married ponies who dated more than they did as fillies and colts. “Didn’t your parents talk to you about that sort of thing. I mean, word is that the Sparkles aren’t exa—”
Oh, I managed to shut my mouth, if a bit too late. That didn’t stop the scowl I got from across the table. “Aren’t exactly what?”
Nope. I learned my lesson. There was no answering that in ways that wouldn’t make things worse. I extended a hoof in a calming gesture. “Doesn’t matter. All I’m saying is that your parents are big-shots around Canterlot. They’d probably understand these things. They probably dated before marriage too. Politics can be a piranha tank. You don’t go in unprepared. So… practice is quietly encouraged. And so is doing what it takes to keep yourself sane when you don’t pick out a mate yourself.”
Taking on a more education tone helped a bit, I think. My frantic flailing pressed the right mental buttons to make Twilight less furious. “My parents love one another. They don’t do… that,” she vehemently stated.
“You know best. I’m sure you’re right.” No I wasn’t. I’d heard the rumors about a certain DJ. But it could be saved that for another night when I wasn’t already mired in some terrifying emotional morass. “But I bet you have a very… textbook understanding, right? Unicorns nobility marry for life, and the marriages are arranged. ‘Purity’ is the ideal, blah blah blah. It hasn’t really been like that for a long time. I imagine being around Celestia long enough tends to have a horseapple-erasing influence.”
That last off-hoofed comment seemed to actually carry the most weight. The worst of Twilight’s dubiousness vanished—it was understandable that it lingered, it’s not as if I’m unbiased about sex—and a bit of tension left her shoulders. “Yeah. It really does.”
I grinned. “So, Rarity says we should bang until you’re properly educated. I’m always in awe of her wisdom, these days. Who else?”
“She did not say that.” Darn, she looked barely half as scandalized as Blossom would have. I guess she was getting used to me a lot faster. In fact, she seemed positively smug, punctuating her words by taking one of my lancers off the board with a jump of her own. “In fact, I’ll have you know that Applejack said I could do much better. She wields Element of Honesty you know.”
Oh, the filly had claws, did she? That was pretty hot.
“That, you’re not supposed to say, by the by.” I studied the board, despite that being an incredibly depressing activity. You had to start using colourful words like ‘obliterated’ to talk about my current position. “I could be the spiteful type. And mess with the weather to ruin her crops or somesuch.”
The corners of Twilight’s lips edged doward. She probably wasn’t used to this kind of social fencing. “You aren’t, though. You and I are the direct types, you said. And you’re right. When there was something wrong, you came and spoke to me. It’s what I would have done.”
“True,” I conceded. “But if she should complain that somehow an overripe tomato landed on her out of the blue, you can probably call the case preemptively solved. Did she say why?”
Twilight took a moment to decide what to say. She probably realized her faux-pas in talking about her friends badmouthing me versus properly praising my many virtues. “She said you didn’t stay with any particular pony too long. And that you’d break my heart.”
We were quickly upgrading from overripe tomato to unripe pumpkin. Still, there’s a certain truth to it. But only when viewed at from the perspective of an increasingly lame and unattractive apple farmer. “That’s… complicated. But it isn’t like that. I don’t love ponies and break up with them, stomping their hearts. I make sure ponies know what they’re getting into. I don’t look for long-term relationships. It’s just… fun, not romantic really. The closest I’ve ever come to anything like that is with Lyra and Flut—”
I stopped myself, but not soon enough. I was really, really off my game. This is why I avoid dopey-eyed romance. It makes ponies, myself obviously entirely included, act like complete idiots. Twilight’s head shot up. Her eyes bore into mine. I considered trying to finish my sentence with Fluteytoot, the mare from the music shop or something… but that really wasn’t going to work.
“Fluttershy?” Twilight asked. Her tone of voice most certainly hinted that she wouldn’t brook any horseapples. What with the fact that you could probably have cut glass with it.
I nodded. Why was I feeling guilty? It isn’t as if I was doing anything wrong.
The silenced stretched once again as Twilight mulled that over in her head. Judging by her ears gradually lowering, it wasn’t a flattering train of thought.
“It wasn’t some one-night fling. That sort of thing would just hurt her. And I’d never do that.” There was a bit more heat in my voice than I’d have liked. I took a little breath to try to banish that defensiveness. I was supposed to be the cool, savvy one here. “We were each other’s first love.”
That was clearly not what she was expecting. She blinked numbly.
“We were just fillies. All the way back at Flight Camp.”
I had intended to continue, but Twilight cut in, “Fluttershy was the first one with a special somepony?!”
“Yup. After Dash’s first rainb—”
“Fluttershy.”
I gave up. Laughing, I nodded my head. “Yes. Little butter-yellow, afraid-of-ponies Fluttershy, probably has the lot of your friends beat, there. Are you going to get hitched to someone just because you feel like you feel Eepy beat you?”
“I’m severely tempted.” Twilight signed and pressed the edge of a hoof between her eyes. “I don’t think I’ve felt so socially useless since Magic Kindergarten.”
I rose up onto my hooves and pushed the board casually aside. “Well, I guess there’s no choice then. You’ve convinced me. I’m going to have to take you right here on this table. To save your social life, and thus your friendship with the other Element Bearers. For Equestria.”
I felt magic seize my tail and tug me back into a sitting position. I relented and went along with it, grinning.
“Strangely, I feel better about it. I think I can live with it.” She jabbed a hoof in my direction with playful accusation. “That better not be how it was with Fluttershy. Especially not since she spoke so well of you.”
I won’t lie, a giddy, warm sort of feeling spread from my chest when I heard that. I think I might have been blushing like an idiot. Either I was having a heart attack or somepony put something in the water to make me a total sap. Twilight, Luna and now getting dopey about Fluttershy? I’d say I was getting sentimental in my old age, but I’m pretty sure I’m totally at my prime. If I wasn’t, then it’s probably good I’m getting involved with Luna, since no mortal pony could withstand my skills.
I shook my head. “Nope. It was all very cute. Lots of blushing and kissing, followed by more blushing. Neither of us particularly knew what the heck we were doing. Though, I guess she did sort make the same squeaking sound you did whe—” I jumped when a flying pawn bounced off the end of my muzzle.
“I hate it when you do that,” Twilight groused.
I shook my head, after rubbing the little sting out of my nose. “Now that’s a lie. My brand of charm is really growing on you. I can tell.”
“Like a particularly invasive fungus, maybe. So what, pray, is giving you that idea?
I put on my very best factual tone. “Well, for one, you’re very much getting into the spirit of things. For two, you’re not frowning, or folding your ears. And for three, I really want you to have fun around me and I’m willing to resort to self-delusion to believe you are.”
The corner of Twilight’s lips curled up, just a little. I’m relatively certain it wasn’t the self-delusion. “You’re really nothing like any of my friends.”
“Of course not, I’m more attractive,” I said, matter-of-factly.
“More modest too,” the little purple vision pointed out.
“Of course,” I agreed, with a nod. “You’re the Boss’ friend. Compared to her, I’m downright meek.”
“Well, that hardly makes you different. Compared to Rainbow, most everypony in Equestria is modest.” Twilight perfectly recentered the board between us with her magic. Her spells lined up the casualties in straight lines down either side. My line of defeated pieces was depressingly longer than hers. As if reminded by the mention of Rainbow, she moved her lancer to threaten my Princess.
“Well, I guess the real difference is that you don’t want to date any of your friends, so far as I’ve seen,” I ventured. I managed to infuse it with proper teasing, but honestly, I was mostly just curious what her reaction would be. “That would colour any view.”
“Well, I couldn’t date you, even if I wanted to. You’re taken. It’s not like I could measure up to a Princess.”
I admit, she caught me off guard with that. I’d expected evasions.
“You’d be surprised.” I pretended to study the board for a moment. Just to give myself a second to think. “Luna’s a hay of a lot more fun than I thought she’d be. And I think we can both admit she’s beautiful. But…” I shrugged. “...I really like you. You’re brilliant, and the right sort of sassy. And adorkability seems to hit every single one of my buttons. You kind of suck at Schism, and I like to win. Also, you’re less intimidating, which, let me tell you, is a case for how terrifyingly intense Luna is. So, I guess… I don’t know.”
She was kind enough not to point a hoof at my depleted side of the chessboard, as her counter to my Schism claims. Maybe she had better things to worry about. “Well, then… now what? Even if you wanted to, it’s not like you could snub a Princess. And Luna is just so fragile. She became Nightmare Moon when she didn’t think ponies were—”
Yeah, I could see where this was going. I picked up one of her pawns between two of my primaries and tossed it at her. It bounced off her nose and landed on the table with a clatter. It stopped that line of through quite abruptly.
She rubbed at her nose.
“Luna plied me with drink, had me fight her guards, then hunted me down to claim me as spoils of war for the crown. Which, fun as it was, does not point toward Luna being a delicate flower, when it comes to relationship stuff.” I made a sweeping motion with one of my wings. “So let’s just brush the end-of-the-world scenarios off the table for now. Through the cruel miracles of fate and peer pressure, your herd of friends have convinced you that dating might be sort of fun or illuminating, right?”
Twilight watched me for a moment, doubtless wrestling with denials. Maybe my talk about directness was still lingering with her, because she eventually nodded her head.
“And you’re worried that it makes you… flighty? Or vacuous, or unloyal to your family or something? Or that I’m like that too, and will just drop you?”
Another nod of her head. No surprise there. I was just summarizing, for the most part, for her benefit.
“Well, Rarity is probably better than I am at convincing you about high society. But as for the the rest…” I got up from my spot, and trotted my way around the stump. I parked myself next to Twilight and stretched out my wings. My primaries touched against her side, and under her chin. She didn’t shy away from the contact. Wow. Her friends really must have done a number on her. “All I can say is that I’m not in the business of hurting ponies. Especially not ones that I care for.”
I drew my wings back and refolded them. “But for now, since neither of us knows what the hay to do, why not just… go about things as we have been, for a while? It’d be sensible, right? It’ll give you time to get to know me. And for me to know you. Like for you, all my closest relationships have been with ponies I can call my friends.” Except for the one where we never spoke again. But then again, apparently Eepy vouched for me. There was that warm feeling again. “Let’s just see where the bits fall with Luna. She’ll probably come to her senses in short order, and go out with you instead, to make all the Sparkles into royalty to complete the set.”
An adorably rosy blush crept along the base of Twilight’s muzzle. “I think dating royalty would be a bit more than I could take. I don’t think ‘Princess Twilight Sparkle’ is in my future. But as for all the rest. Yeah… it makes sense.”
Perhaps I noted a bit of disappointment in that. Hay, I shared it in spades. Words can’t properly describe the sort of delicious things I wanted to do to the town librarian. At least not ones that could be used in polite company. But I also didn’t like being exiled by angry princesses of the night.
Then again, it’s probably way more easy for me to work up the courage to mention dating than it was for her.
I leaned forward and gave her a nuzzle. It was about as bold as I dared to be. I even survived it. “Not ideal, I know. For either of us. But look at all the trouble hurrying got me into last time. I think it’s best if we go into things with open eyes.”
And intact limbs.
I begged off of the game soon after that. Twilight wore her heart firmly on her sleeve. And I won’t flatter myself by thinking she liked me enough to be crushed. But things clearly didn’t go quite as she’d spent my absence envisioning.
She was even nice enough to call the massacre of my chess pieces a draw.
I can’t believe life had me in a situation where I was whining about having too many amazing mares at once. It was probably Celestia’s retribution for making Twilight cry, at the party. It had her infamously devious hoofprints all over it.
+++++
I opened my front door, in the middle of a loud series of knocks. My mane was still damp from a shower, and I was leaving little hoofprints of water in my wake. But my rushing was worth it, because I was rewarded with a vision of purple wearing an adorably awkward smile.
“Twilight! I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon. Come in.”
I took a step to the side, and after a moment of hesitation, she took me up on my offer, walking inside, and carrying with her the pleasant scent of paper and that subtle, floral perfume she favored. I was enamored enough with the idea of stupidly watching her walk by that I almost missed my second guest skulking in as if the door would bite her.
“E-Eepy?” I stammered. “What are you doing here?”
Fluttershy made a little squeaking sound and opened her mouth to respond. Shockingly enough the words died in her mouth, and she looked over to Twilight with a ‘help me’ expression.
Talk about the blind leading the blind.
Twilight did swing into action, at least, to save her friend. “We were talking, Fluttershy and I, about what we—that is, you and I—spoke about at the library.” She frowned, after probably going over that sentence in her head. “You know what I mean. And… well…”
Maybe Twi starting to flounder spurred Eepy into action, because suddenly she was at my side, speaking even while looking at me from under her mane. “And we wanted to make our case.”
“Case?” I asked.
“I can’t compete with a princess,” Twilight walked toward me. My protest died upon seeing that enticingly eye-catching, tail-swaying walk. That was new. “But it isn’t just me.”
A yellow hoof reached under my chin, to pull my muzzle away from that vision of flirty purple, toward Eepy. She oh-so-boldly placed a kiss against the corner of my lips. “It’s both of us.”
I could feel Twilight tentatively nuzzling at the side of my neck. Good thing I was on the ground, of I would have quite promptly dropped out of the air, thanks to my wings shooting up. Her voice was something beyond my wildest dreams. Warm, honeyed and compelling enough to sell me on buying land in Tartarus. “Friends should share everything.”
Practically shaking, I turned my head back, toward the little unicorn. She looked back at me with a half-lidded expression that mixed innocent hope with seductive desire. Buck me. I knew there was some reason I shouldn’t be doing it. But I couldn’t think of it right then. I leaned in to kiss Twilight.
“Ah! We think we’ve had this dream before!”
I jumped, my wings fluttering to awkwardly carry me a few hooves back. “L-Luna! This isn’t what it looks like!”
Luna’s smirk was replaced by a thoughtful expression, she raised a shod hoof to tap it daintily against her lips. “‘Tis not? So thou wert not to be ravished by Twilight Sparkle and fair Fluttershy?”
I opened my mouth to proclaim my innocence. As the shock faded, a strange unease came over me. I promptly shut up and focused on the source of that feeling. Something had changed. Something wasn’t right.
Luna reached forward, tapping me on the tip of the nose and pushing me back. “Awaken. We await thee.”
I felt a falling sensation, like the floor giving way under me.
+++++
I woke with a start, to the sound of a gentle tapping against the glass of my window. I didn’t even have time to hope that it was all just a dream. Or at least a normal dream. The glimmering of swirling stars filling the edges of my window were sort of telling.
It said a lot about my situation that I was I considered pretending I wasn’t home or still asleep or having some kind of near-fatal heart attack. Anything that would keep me from having to face my new fillyfriend after she’d seen my saucy dreams about other mares.
“I am only knocking to be polite,” came the slightly muffled voice from outside my window. “Darkness is no barrier to my sight, so I can see thou art there. I cannot be held for trespassing and I have power over space and time undreamed of by thy mortal kin.”
Well, the heart-attack one was still on the table. Heck, it might even be more believable after that.
With a sigh I hauled myself out of bed like a mare walking to the gallows. I slumped over in the direction of my window and pushed it up. Well, at least after I got dumped, I’d have a great rebound prospect. Though if my name was slandered enough, I guess Rarity might start changing her tune. Her egging Twilight on so effectively would be turned to dark, nefarious, Cloudy-denying ends.
And really, Cloudy’s end being denied is basically what started this whole mess.
And to make matters even worse? My fatalistic sulk was really hard to continue with a big, bright, navy blue smile grinning me right in the face.
Said smiling face darted in to kiss the tip of my nose. “I have never seen such a guilty look in all my days. And those have been many.”
Somehow, I was beginning to think that maybe she wasn’t mad. And she’d dropped the royal ‘We’, no less. I think that might have been a good sign.
“Shall I regale thee, I wonder, with tales of what I’ve seen? Or how many times I’ve witnessed ponies dreaming of my sister in far more compromising situations than that? Or myself? Or, for those of more ambitious mind, both?”
Her horn lit my room as it began to glow. The world was washed in a coat of silver-blue paint as it wrapped around me. She was less delicate than Twilight. I could feel her magic squeezing down on me from all sides. It wasn’t unpleasant, but nor was it especially nice. She pulled me through the window and set me down on my lawn, chatting all the while. “I have seen taboos that would shock you to your core. I have seen such things in the imaginings of ponykind that would twist your stomach, or your heart.”
I opened my mouth to protest—or apologize, really. She reached out and bumped her hoof against the tip of my muzzle, where she kissed it before. It shut me up, which I assume was the intent. “Shall I now be scandalized by you dreaming of a pleasant encounter with two admirable and beautiful mares? I think not. My regret is only in my greed, and my wish to feast and cavort with thee myself, rather than play voyeur.”
I managed a weak grin. “Well, if you want, I can try to dream about them again tonight, for you? I totally get it. There’s nothing like seeing an artist working on a masterpiece. But, really Luna, I’m so—”
Magic swirled around my muzzle, clamping it closed. This time, Luna did far better than the librarian. The memory of that zipper made me want to shiver.
“Fie on thine apologies! If thou continuest to offer them, I shall continue to work cruelties upon thy pretty face, like this.” Oh no. Not more kisses and gentle touches. Curse the corrupt and oppressive Equestrian government. “If thou couldst turn aside such pleasant advances, I would question thy fitness to satisfy the Princess of the Night. If it soothes thy conscience, mine own resolve would crumble in the face of such beauties as those in thy dream. So, let us turn to more important things, yes?”
I nodded my head. Admittedly, her assurances did make me feel a bit better.
Luna leaned in to place a little peck of a kiss on the tip of my muzzle, coming away smiling brightly. Her magic faded from around it, wisping away. “Excellent, then! Let the courtship resume forthwith!”
+++++
It was a pleasure just to watch Luna fly. I’m not sure why that’s surprising, since it was a pleasure to watch her walk, sit and stand, too. She didn’t fly like a pegasus, really. It was more like a griffon, all long, stately beats of her soft-looking wings. Her natural slenderness made the play of lean muscle under her dark coat with each wingbeat more than a little distracting too. Sufficed to say I wasn’t flying a half-ponylength behind her in order to give royalty her symbolic precedence.
I’m pretty sure she knew I was checking her out too, but she took it as her natural due. Yum. Confident mares could be so deliciously alluring. So could shy mares, I suppose. And normal mares you could let your mane down around. And those sort of up-tight but secretly sweet and loving mares like that Rarity.
Maybe I just had a thing for mares.
...and stallions.
Not that I wanted to exclude non-ponies. They were pretty great in their own ways. Diamond Dogs excluded.
Sweet Celestia, all those trash-talking ponies were right about me!
In my crushing existential woe, I winged my way overtop Luna, spinning around to fly upside-down. I looked ‘up’ at her. We were going at a leisurely enough pace that my mane hung down to tickle at her ears, making them flick adorably. “So, how’re you going to wine and dine me tonight? I still think I should be the one planning the date in my town.”
“Has there been a coup?” Luna asked, sweetly. “Is not every town mine?”
I quietly pondered the possibility of marrying Luna just so I could get divorced and take half of her property. Would I want the east or west half of Equestria?
“Thou art thinking treasonous thoughts, aren’t thou?”
I blinked. “How did you know?”
“I lived through the era of unicorn succession. It taught me two things; how to smell treason on the wind and that it’s best to live at least two hundred ponylengths above unicorns, in a cloud city.”
We shared a little titter that I think was probably a massive faux-pas. But hey, we both lived in Canterlot. We deserved to be able to poke some fun. I’d make up for it by singing the Fires of Friendship carol extra loud at the next Hearth Warming or something.
“To answer thy question—”
Something caught my attention as Luna spoke. A large rectangle of white cloudstuff, probably set up by some of my coworkers, and illuminated by a few firefly globes hanging from balloons. Some of my friends and playmates were starting a late game of Fly Ball. I subtly changed my flight path, and Luna unconsciously shifted to follow.
Okay, so I wanted to show off. If you were on a date with a perfect immortal princess, wouldn’t you?
Oblivious to my devious machinations, Luna continued, “—our ponies have asked the premiere feasthall in your quaint village to provide a repast to picnic upon. Then, perhaps, we shall go visit the dragons. They will roost in the nearby volcanoes and calderas for a few weeks yet, playing their juvenile games.”
That caught my attention. “Dragon-watching? That’s a new one. I would have thought that was more a fifth-date activity. But it sounds pretty neat.”
“Watching? Nay. Baiting! There are a few I wouldn’t mind checking on. Ones that may have survived my absence that may remember me. But mostly, dragons need the occasional reminder of why they don’t land near or accost pony settlements. Sister has told me it has been many years since the last lesson!” Luna stopped, and so close to being in view of all my potentially dying-of-envy coworkers too! She bit her lip, looking unsure. “Though, I didn’t know such a thing was improper for so early in our courtship. So many of the unspoken rules have changed. What sh—”
I interrupted her by righting myself in the air—with the resulting headrush—and flying down to curl my forelegs around her neck. “I was just kidding, Luna. You’re probably the first pony ever to take her marefriend out to taunt and abuse dragons.” I couldn’t help but grin. I’d wager there was a mad edge to it. It was pretty nuts, after all. “Sounds like one of those stories I’ll be talking about until I’m old and grey. I am very in. Rainbow will be jealous beyond belief.”
That got some lift back in her wings. She practically beamed at me over her shoulder. “Huzzah! Consider it settled then. Mayhap, if fortune smiles, I shall finally have another coat of dragonhide mail ere we’re through. Celestia claims mine old armor was lost in our absence.”
I don’t think she saw the queasy look that I was trying to keep off my face at her fashion plans. She thankfully looked past me instead to the same sight that caught my eye earlier. She pointed a hoof at the cloud court. “But first, I spy some fun. Let us investigate?”
+++++
Would it be immature if I said it was nice to have all my friends bowing down before me? Or maybe a sign of my inevitable descent into supervillainy? I was getting a strange desire to laugh maniacally. A villainous mare with the superpower of being so irresistable that not even the princesses were safe would be pretty cool. And it would mean they couldn’t use those ‘Princess Celestia has to save everyone’ endings they used in the Radiance comics when they wrote themselves into a corner.
“Rise, dear subjects!” Luna wasn’t exactly shouting, but she certainly was projecting that voice pretty admirably. “‘Tis no official visit. Our paramour hath explained some of this game, we wish to play.”
Well, her taking credit for the bowing really ruined my excellent power fantasy. But… well, she was just so innocently eager that it was hard to be mad. I found myself grinning, and not even about her calling me her ‘paramour’.
The others looked shocked at her presence, at first. Sure, those of us who hadn’t seen her on Nightmare Night had heard about it later. Small towns are like that. But no amount of preparation can really cushion the ancient mover of the moon winging down to throw a ball around with you.
I, of course, didn’t hesitate in a similar situation and instead messily made out with the living moon in a public cloudpark. And then on a rooftop on the way back to my hotel. And then behind the convention center the next day. And briefly outside of my house earlier. I did mention Luna was fun to kiss, didn’t I? In any case, all that was why none of my fellow townsfolk would make it as a supervillain, like I would. You need confidence and quick thinking.
But I suppose I should actually pay attention instead of congratulating myself on how amazing I was.
“...with the bee mark. Lend us your scarf. The coats team may have the advantage of numbers. Ten against six, perchance, against us?”
+++++
I pried at Blossom’s foreleg, trying to get her off of Luna. I swear, she was angling to surreptitiously bite her princess. Luckily, I have a size and strength advantage on the geeky little thing. We both went tumbling off of Luna. That left her with only seven or eight ponies hanging onto her limbs and tail and other convenient hoofholds. To be fair, they actually managed to slow her down to the point where her hooves were touching the clouds, as she crossed the end line.
The mass of ponies sloughed off of her, panting, when the referee’s whistle blew.
She emerged from the heap wearing a wide grin. “Another point!” She looked around at the fallen ponies. Her expression became a bit sheepish. “Mayhap twelve against four would be more fair?”
+++++
It was pretty much like some fillyhood fantasy. Me alone, against impossible odds, protecting the Princess from her enemies. I banked hard to the right, cutting off Bright Morning as he barrelled for Luna. I foiled Sassaflash’s flight path too, making her swerve abrupty. I glanced around for more. Bring it on!
My fillyhood fantasies didn’t really include Celestia making all of my heroics utterly pointless.
The rest of the team’s ponies were trying to pen Luna in, to tackle her out of the air. She spun around Blossom, weaved behind Open Skies, and dodged with more grace than is likely ponily possibly. When she sprinted, she left everypony behind. She banked impossibly, at that speed, leaving Flitter looking on in pure confusion. Luckily, when she barrelled forward, nopony was dumb enough to get in her way again. Thunderlane’s coat was dark enough that you couldn’t see the black eye, at least.
I slowed to a hover. Bright Morning sidled up beside me a moment later.
“Think fifteen against one would be any more fair?” I asked, as we both looked on helplessly.
Bright gave me a doubting look.
+++++
I think I understood Blossom’s earlier frustrated near-biting better. I more or less had Luna wrangled. Well, Luna’s left wing, anyway. With both my arms and legs wrapped around it, I managed to keep it from stretching to a flight posture. Of course, all of my limbs were screaming in protest from the effort. It was like wrestling with an airship wing.
The fourteen other ponies all doing their part were suffering with me, at least.
I think I spotted one of her forelegs, clawing at the cloud, trying to inch forward. The depressing thing of it was that she was managing. The whole heap of ponies covering her went forward a hoofspan.
The whistle blew three times. I relaxed my grip and Luna’s wing shot open, propelling me several ponylengths away. I beat my wings to catch myself, spiralling upward in triumph.
“Game!” I called. “We stopped her!” Not exactly far from her goal, but we did it.
“Mortals one, alicorns zero,” I crowed, pointing a hoof at Luna. Maybe I was channelling Dash a bit much, but it was strictly necessary. Our collective egos were hanging on by a thread.
“Actually, we all stopped counting at fifty to zero, in Luna’s favor,” Blossom said petulantly, disengaging herself with the crew that had Luna’s right leg.
It was just as well that she did it then, because Luna shook off the pile, sending ponies flying, much like I had earlier. “Nay. Thy friend is right, freckled one. The wolves have taken the bear. We’re sure our sister would make a fine homoly about it. How those that turn to darkness may win fifty times, but ponykind need only win once. Do imagine it in thy minds. ‘Tis not my strength.”
Luna shook out her wings and took to the air, flying up to nuzzle my neck. “Or perchance it only appeals to be on the other side as our last encounter. To the victor goes the spoils.”
+++++
I woke muzzily to the sound of three precisely timed knocks. My hoof reached out to the other side of my bed, intent on ignoring it and instead cuddling up to Luna again. That broke my rules too, but buck it. Princess. Unfortunately my hoof found only covers. I opened my eyes and sort of bleared my way around the room. No errant starscapes. Darn. I was going to have to go to Canterlot to get some good cuddling in, wasn’t I?
I guess that made it official. I must really like Luna if I was disappointed that she wasn’t still there to snog on, in the mornings. Or maybe tempt further into the dark side of casual, life-changing Kicker-banging. Coy, teasing and untouchable mares seemed to do it for me. But then, so did giving and open and free mares. And mares th—
Actually, I think I explored that train of thought already.
Those three knocks interrupted my groggy ponderings. They were metronome perfect in their spacing. Blossomforth then, probably.
I oozed out of bed, congealing onto all four hooves. A glance at the mirror showed I looked a lot like how I felt. Mussed and messy and without a care in the world for grooming. Ugh. I probably needed to hop in the shower. I still hadn’t after last night. But those resuming knocks would brook no delay.
Showing the lie about my lack of care, I smoothed at my mane with my hooves as I lazily half-hovered through the house. I doubt it made much of a difference, in the time it took to get to the front door. But it’s not as if I hadn’t been seen in a worse state by Bl—
—my mother.
Our eyes met, when I opened the door to that picture of a stern, gold-armored mare. I could see her looking me over. I thought I could pinpoint the moment where the judgement process began. Her nose wrinkled, just a little.
“Mom,” I said, in the tone that instead implied ‘Buck you’ I bet. Who wants to get dragged out of bed to see that look? “To what do I owe this early and unexpected visit?”
She didn’t miss my tone. Her brow quirked up slightly, instantly informing me of her disappointment. I spoke fluent ‘Mom’. And she’d kept in practice with Alula, I’m sure.
“It might be that I read the newspaper, Cloud. Don’t you think that’s something one might wish to discuss with her family?” She looked past me to the entrance of my house. Probably judging the dust content against her squad’s barracks, or something. “Can I come in?”
I fought down the urge to say something that would escalate things further. See? I was waking up and getting wiser by the second. I stepped off to the side a few paces to let her past. Not really to immaturely avoid touching her, but more because I was a bit self-conscious about likely smelling like a gym sock, since more time lip-locked with a princess seemed preferable to grooming.
I followed her into my living room, keeping a few strides away, so as not to tempt fate. I sat down on a cushion and motioned to the opposite one for her. I didn’t offer drinks or any such thing. I wouldn’t want her to stay around longer after the chewing out I was expecting.
Shockingly enough, she managed to seem reasonable, at first. Maybe her finely honed soldier’s senses picked up that I wasn’t in the mood to be batted around. We live in a time of miracles. It could happen. “I know how newspapers can be. Sensationalism and so on. Might I ask what your relationship is to Princess Luna?”
I tilted my head a little bit, one of my ears flicking backward. No jumping to immediate conclusions. Pod ponies might be real. “The Canterlot Times had a pretty good piece, I thought. I could have done without them calling me a ‘black sheep’ of our family. But with regards to Luna and I? It was pretty spot on. We’re dating. And enjoying it.”
Her lips quirked downward. “Quite publically.”
I nodded my head, with no small bit of satisfaction. “Publically. Not that I ravished her and tore her bodice off with my hooves, or something. It’s all pretty innocent and proper so far.” Sort of. “Not that it’s really any of your business.”
“My daughter is courting a ruler of the realm. One with a history of… being temperamental,” Mother said, diplomatically. “It could have an enormous effect on our family. Doesn’t that make it my business, Cloud?”
I wanted to snipe at her, but she wasn’t wrong, exactly. Her career, or Dad’s, would suddenly be under a lot more scrutiny. Heck, all the Kickers’ might be. Who knows what would happen with Alula if things went well, or poorly. I didn’t want my kid sister being hounded by newsponies. So once again, I nodded my head, less smugly this time.
She seemed just as surprised at me being reasonable as I was about her. The nag. “Good. I’m glad you realize that.” She seemed to be at a loss for how to continue for a moment. She probably expected we’d be throwing things by now. “So, what do you intend to do?”
“I intend to do what I was going to do before. Which is to have a romantic outing of dragon-hunting with my new marefriend.”
Mom surely knew about the dragon migration. If she was armored up, it probably meant she and the Machwing Company was being deployed. And I doubt that was a pure coincidence of timing. “Dragon-hunting,” she repeated. “That doesn’t strike you as massively, unbelievably unwise, Cloud?”
“I make a point of deferring to the judgement of ancient alicorns. I did pay attention as a filly to our family line. We serve the Princess.” I drew myself up in a proper imitation of martial dignity. “We go into fire, and darkness, and unique dates, for the honor of our liege.”
“Can’t you take things seriously for five minutes, Cloud?” Mom snapped. “Luna is known to be… flighty. You shouldn’t encourage her bad habits. She’s going to get a lot of good ponies killed to impress her new plaything. Do you want that on your conscience?”
Now things were starting to fall into their usual patterns. The better mare is the one to walk away in a situation like that, and not rise to the bait.
“Oh, don’t worry. Luna doesn’t like her guards hanging around on our dates. So all the other ponies would be fine. The only one who’d get hurt is your disappointment of a daughter. So no reason to get concerned.” Okay, so maybe I wasn’t the better mare. My mother always brings out the worst in me.
Mother stopped dead. For a second I thought I might have actually scored a point, and she’d reassure me that she cared. She rose up, all cold menace. Her well-oiled wingblades barely made a whisper when her wings flared at her sides in anger. “I would say I couldn’t believe it. But I’m not even surprised. You’re going to take a Princess of Equestria out into danger, alone, with nopony around to help her?”
Heat rushed to my face. My own wings shot out in a similar display. I rose up, standing practically nose to nose with the wretched nag. I should have known she wouldn’t care. And now she wanted to start a fight? Well, I was more than willing to give her a buck in the nose if she wanted it to go that way. I sure as hay wasn’t feeling like backing down. If not even a bucking Princess of Equestria was enough to vouch for me with my own mother what would be?
“You should be careful who you tell about things like that, Cloud,” Mom said, her eyes narrowing, and voice low. Her bladed wings bristled, not that I was worried about that. She was a bitch, but not the sort that would resort to hurting me quite like that. “You never know if somepony has ears listening for just a chance like that.”
I must have been really ready to believe my nag of a mother was a monster. Because I swear, at that moment, I saw her royal-guard-blue eyes flash a malignant, venomous green.
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6194187
Yus.
Misclicks when trying to correct gdocs import errors. Good times!
Uh oh....
Well, that said, I'm not really thinking that attacking the Princess who cheerfully is going out to pick a fight with dragons for kicks is the sort of pony you want to attack with your swarm. Especially when you won't be able to Hax off the power of love or whatever...
And especially recalling what Luna actually did when she eventually turned up in the main Winningverse...
And this is why the changelings will always lose. They can never resist dramatic irony.
6194395
It is a racial flaw. They were always destined to be villains. As such, gloating, maniacal laughter and ominous sneering are all programmed in at the genetic level.
6194371
Spoiler alert:
Romantic necking on the dragon-date leads to a surprise punctured jugular. Changeling infiltrator Luna allows for a far quicker, deeper attack. The Elements and Twilight are entirely unprepared. Luna takes care of Celestia entirely by surprise. Shining isn't needed anymore. No love wave.
Bad End.
Credits roll.
♫ My Little Pony!♫
I've had people do that with my fics. I consider it a rather annoying and passive-aggressive way to get an author to continue a fic.
That said, I also believe authors should be honest with their readers. A year is a long time to go without an update, and probably deserves a switch to the 'hiatus' tag, unless there are mitigating circumstances.
6194963
T'was just me playing around.
That isn't really why. I just had a day conducive to my old writing groove.
...Uh oh.
6194977
That doesn't mean you need to switch it to "hiatus" now, unless that's your future intent :)
Super excited to see this updated... I guess I didn't need to go to sleep right this minute...
*Puts on my editor's goggles*
I'd only call it a Mary Sue fic if said properties of the character made the story boring. If it's interesting, you can make a character as "overpowered" as you like.
I'd say this is the wrong word choice. The triumph already happened, Cloud banged Luna. It's the welcome committee that's lacking here.
Sentence fragment. At least, the latter two sentences should be merged.
Not sure about this word choice
?
Might need another adverb to get the meaning across. "solemnly" perhaps?
I personally find that it would be better to have this kind of comment immediately after Blossom's reaction (i.e. right before "I threw a foreleg back over...").
I was a bit confused as to what the "it" referred to. Took me a moment to realize she was referring to Cloud's hypothetical relationship with Luna.
Maybe rephrase to "think that'll go anywhere?" or something?
Lasting implies an already existant presence of something.
Actually, it was never really clear just what the situation between the two was seen as. Whenever a newspaper is brought up, we typically get the heading (i.e. "Luna in relationship with weathermare?")
I dunno, might just be me being slow on the uptake.
Chronologically, Shining and Cadance aren't married, and judging by Twilight's complete surprise, not even she knew they were in a relationship.
Except, you kind of destroyed her crotch area in your childhood, that might have something to do with her reluctance of contact there?
Oh you just couldn't resist could you?
If this is about the Flight Camp incident, Twilight doesn't know the details. All Cloud did was mentioned she dated Fluttershy first, and presumably things didn't work out. The fallout was not mentioned in story.
thee
Given Luna's language pattern, the use of thou and you should be consistent.
Her use of "thou" implies very close relationship, which seems fitting here.
thine
continuest
Something about that particular statement doesn't seem right to me...
mine
one comma too many
one "is" too many
A bit of an evolution of language issue again. Of course, how familiar Luna is with modern language does depend on your interpretation of her.
Oh pony magic and how having your wings blocked doesn't affect your flying ability at all.
mine
Deus Ex Machina, huh? Poor them.
Huh? Where'd she come from?
Anyway, good to see this update, I was wondering when you'd continue.
Now, I will confess I am curious as to where this story will go, now that we've established the love dodecahedron between Cloud, Twilight, Luna, Blossomforth and possibly Fluttershy. Also interesting to see a slightly different interpretation of Twilight than Ponibius's, and how that changes the dynamic between the two.
I see we're going to be seeing the changelings very early.
Wow, been a while for this one! And it was a good one. :)
Do you mean to have the story display "On Hiatus" status, though?
We are starting to drift towards the Grimdark waters of the Life and Times. I can spot Dead Mom's Point on the horizon.
Please change heading, captain?
Oooh, that end-of-chapter cliffhanger...
Weirdly, this story was in the feed but didn't show up in my unread chapters list, and since that's where I usually look for story updates I almost missed it.
I can't believe you sat on those glorious scenes with Luna for so long. I mean, I really like seeing Cloudy and Twilight, but jeez Luna is over the top in everything.
Hm, I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand it is great to see this come back and the interactions with Twilight and especially Luna are great, but on the other hand it is looking like you are going to bring in the changeling stuff soon which is very worrying because that was the point where the original got painfully stupid. Oh well, I'll just have to hope you either don't go anywhere with that hint at the end or throw out the stupid stuff Chen did there and do something good because this is an AU anyways.
6195239
I'm super-susceptible to peer pressure!
But mostly I'm unsure if I'll continue. It's back to my usual writing-free grind. I admit, I enjoyed it, but I'm rusty as sin. Plus, I'm not sure if there's any interest after so long an (unmarked) hiatus.
We'll see! Until then, you had a fine point, and it still stands until otherwise proven. If I publish another chapter, or I'm on track to, I'll change it back.
6195787
Nyah. I shouldn't provide (nonfake) spoilers.
All I can say is there's really no plan for anything to end up like it does in Winning Pony.
The Butterfly Effect is in full force. Possibly with actual butterflies.
6195665
I mean 'Triumph' in this form. A military parade for a conquering hero.
But thanks for the corrections, I very much appreciate it! I'll make them tomorrow, when I have ample time!
Well, what other Princess would Cloud daydream about saving as a filly? It couldn't have been Luna.
I'll try to phrase it more clearly.
I love Study. But I have trouble when thinking of Twilight as innately prudish.
But more than that, and what I think is the greater cause of the difference, is that they had a very different meeting in this one.
In Study, Twilight learned about what she would consider Cloudy's negative traits before anything else. She went in with an innately dim view, that Cloud had to struggle hard to overcome. Here, Twilight saw the other side of Cloud, that's more compatible with her own personality, before she saw the freewheeling part she'd have issues with.
This also started far later on than Study. So I have the benefit of hindsight in knowing the depths of Twilight's general benevolence.
6196835
One tiny change in a conversation can certainly snowball. But its power cannot redact history. The changeling stuff was already going on in the background at the start of Winning Pony. So it's still going on now.
I guess I could have Cloudy take a trip to the Clopagos Islands to see the turtles with Fluttershy. But... I don't wanna.
There will be changelings, if I continue. No plans for great sorrow, however. There will be no 'sad' or 'tragedy' tag edited in.
This was always meant as a 'What if Cloud had lucked out, instead of getting kicked down?' sorta story.
6196363
It might be because I published and quickly unpublished. I misclicked something while trying to nail a gdocs import error that was eating large portions of random bits of the chapter.
Luna is always one of my favorite ponies to write. And the comics, at least, bore out my favorite way to characterize her. Passionate. Over the top. Mildly nuts.
6196146
Heya Chen. Long time no speak!
T'would be a bit of a jerk move to leave it here. But I'm not sure how many people would even be care if I continued. It's been so very long. And I've fallen off the planet, fiction-wise. Even in the Winningverse.
Did read your continuation the other day though.
Poor Cloudy. She is ears-deep in denial.
6197469
She does tend to prefer avoiding her problems rather than confronting them.
And yes, I definitely want to see this continue. It's fun to read.
6197469 The changelings are obviously coming, but nothing you said there really addresses my concern. To be perfectly blunt, Chen did some exceptionally stupid things with the changelings which took the story from something I heartily recommended to everyone to a thumbs down. He completely ignored the way the changelings were presented in canon and did so in a way that absolutely wrecked the real psychological interest that could have been generated from that plot arc. We already knew everyone important was going to be fine and how the fight would end thanks to the show, and making the changelings mindless monsters eliminates the real psychological costs of war so there is no real concern about that either. It was just a dumb action scene with no value whatsoever and the only reason I didn't completely dump the story there was that I had absolutely nothing to do when it updated so I powered through it to kill the boredom.
Now, if you are going to be doing the same stupid shit he did then I would honestly prefer it if the story stayed dead so I do not have to watch it crash and burn like the first story did, but if you are going to give it the thought and care it deserves then I will definitely be looking forwards to seeing where it goes.
You're not going to get un-rusty if you don't engage in
sinmore writing. Also, this chapter may have only gotten 148 view so far, but that's over a hundred people. It might not be big numbers right now relative to some stories, but that's over a hundred people. (Just, most of them don't make any comments. You read me, anonymous readers? You're boring!) And I've seen lots of stories go longer without chapter updates that still manage to get the 1,000+ numbers come back. (Worst case, ask Chengar to plug you in a blogpost again.)Thanks for continuing this.
I can't really remember what happened, so I guess I'll just have to re read it. :)
FYI I probably won't be adding to your viewer count as I'll be downloading it for a nice offline read, but here is a comment so you know that there is yet another person enjoying your writing.
Stealth update! (I too didn't have my reading list note that there was a new chapter waiting for me.)
I had to review the previous chapters to refresh myself on all that is happening, but I enjoyed it all again so I didn't mind at all. The Luna relationship is definitely and interesting twist in things... They're a lot of fun together, truthfully. I'm a bit surprised at the lack of drama that wrinkle caused though. Not that the lack was in any way unbelievable, but who would expect characters in a story like this to sit down and talk things out rationally?
Hope this continues!
6197777
*looks at Winning Pony*
3227/172
God. We could all be so lucky to 'Crash and burn' like that.
It crashed and burned so hard that it got dozens of popular and enjoyable spinoffs. I guess that was the due to the explosive impact with the ground, scattering stories everywhere.
When it comes down to it, I'm going to write changelings how I want them to be written. In the end, that may end up quite different from Chen's version, because the circumstances we'll end up seeing them in is very different too. In fact, that difference is ultimately the whole end goal of the story. But that'll just be my take. I'm not going to worry overmuch if you hate it. There will always be at least one person who dislikes any choice you make, no matter what you do.
And the super-bitter and angry folks are the ones I'm least interested in compromising my storytelling for. Who needs to deal with that every chapter? What a downer! By far the lamest part of writing this story was people coming here to dump on Winning Pony. I didn't write this to snub Chen. I continue to love his stuff. Said love is expressed by the fact that I'm writing this. I never would have written in anyone else's 'verse. AU or not.
In the mean time, I prescribe this:
and possibly this blog by a resident super-smart literary prof.
6198028
Twenty of those are probably me making corrections or answering comments.
'Tis true, I suppose, however.
I doubt I'll be asking Chen though. Blatant advertising-whoring makes me distinctly uncomfortable.
I have to admit, the lure of continuing is getting much stronger. I'm already daydreaming about getting some writing time after a business meeting this morning.
6198319
A person after my own heart.
Except better'n me, since I always forget to comment after reading things on my e-reader.
I always feel terrible about it. But I never seem to have access to a computer when the guilt hits.
Thanks!
6199055
I couldn't resist.
I had access to Twilight Sparkle, so I had to do at least one scene utterly destroying any of the usual plotting of a romance story's usual parade of miscommunication and petty arguing.
But in deference to the classics, I made sure the rational solution was utterly unsatisfying compared to the fury of thrown dishes and the resulting angry make-up sex, and made sure Cloud's subconscious at least screamed at her to cheatcheatcheeeeeeat as normal.
But more than that, the whole point of the fic was about making tiny change that hilariously and rapidly spirals into something utterly unlike Winning Pony, sidestepping all of the previous trials for entirely different sets of problems. And one of the trials before was Cloudy grappling with people wanting monogamy from her, and her surreptitiously sleeping around anyway, with all the troubles therein.
6197690
Who can blame her? Problems are... problematic. Especially when you're in a perfect groove.
Sorry for not commenting though. See my above reply to FFNEnd.
I am worst Lumie.
6199909
Actually, if you can crank out some more updates I can probably justify including this in the "Ship Cloud with Everyone" event we have running right now.
6199909
Do note that basically all of that happened during the first section of the story when it was still great. I have noticed a distinct trend for stories that start out good and go downhill to retain very high ratings because even if people stop reading, they rarely switch to a thumbs down. We would probably see a more pronounced decline if we had the ability to remove a thumb when a story gets questionable, but even so a lot of people will leave the thumbs up in memory of the good part of the story. As such, a much better indication is the performance of the sequel at 348/60 with 833 users tracking the story which gives a clear indication that several thousand people who enjoyed the start of the first one (3227/172 with 3908 users tracking) either did not care enough to read the second one or did not trust chen enough to give it a thumbs up. That is rather damning right there given that every single reader tracking the first one got the blog post announcing the second in their feed, it was added to the group for the AU which has 1148 members who were notified there, and it spent a while in the popular stories box for anyone who missed the stuff in their feeds. It is also noteworthy that while there were a flood of side stories early on, they dropped off rather hard as time went on and many of the running ones either drastically slowed their updates or died completely.
I think you need to seriously rethink your attitude towards accepting criticism. When people provide detailed explanations of what is wrong and why, it is not because they hate the story. They do it because they love the story and want to see it be better and know that a frank, honest analysis of what is wrong, why it is wrong, and how to fix it is the only way that will happen. If I truly did not like what you were doing so far and did not think it was salvageable, I would give the story a thumbs down with a brief explanation of why I did it more for the benefit of other readers than the author and wash my hands of the matter. The fact that we are having this conversation in the first place is proof enough that I care about what you are writing and want to help you avoid the pitfalls that brought down the first story. You should be far more afraid of silence than criticism because silence means people do not care and there is absolutely nothing you can do to fix that because no one will see your attempts to fix it.
6199970
Truly, that is the theme. All the ponies, Chen. Nobody has ever shipped Cloud Kicker with Sassaflash. But by Celestia, I'll do it.
We'll see!
6199997
Any sequel will have less people reading it. By definition you're working with a smaller audience, since instead of 'everyone', you're now dealing with 'people who have read the first, and are still around, and are still interested, and who are paying attention'. 'Sides, Winning Pony has been around for ages, accumulating upvotes and views, and getting featured over and over and over, while the sequel has not been.
You didn't provide any criticism.
You gave a lengthy bitter rant about Winning Pony, followed by telling me to stop writing if I wasn't going to use your headcanon for changelings.
That is not criticism. It's saying 'Unless it's what I want or imagine, you fail', which is covered by that blog I linked you to. A story's premise not being for you isn't criticism. It's just an opinion. One I cannot do anything with. Nor should I, or any writer.
If you would like to critique my work, I will happily listen and consider. Make it negative and vitriolic. Tell me my sentence structure sucks for this and that reason, and my narrative is boring, for some other reason, and I should get to a point quick, or that my characterization sucks. That's criticism. And it's gold, even if I don't always agree with it.
6195665
Made changes.
Thanks again for the heads up on all those!
Luna can be a trial. Especially since there's always pressure to write the transition to more normal speech, that happened between Luna Eclipsed, and Season 3 and onward. It is tempting to try to add moments where it's more normalized. Even if she's waaaay more fun to write anachronistically. So thanks for grabbing it when I went too fair off the rails.
A few things weren't changed:
Shining and Cloud are both dating princesses, previous chapters covered Cloudy finding out. And even breaking it to Twi, accidentally. Cloudy doesn't know she broke Dash in any permanent fashion at this point in the story, for the judging-Dash's-sexual-attitudes bit. And when Cloud was talking to Twi about former mistakes, she was talking about their previous meeting where she tried to kiss Twi, not about Flight Camp.
6200249 I can't speak for your entire audience, nor will I attempt to, but I personally fav'd this because I wanted an alternate path for Cloudy than the bloody one she ended up on after her poor mom died. I still hope for that, even if I have rumblings of unease. While Cloudy somehow came through the Wedding relatively unscathed, I won't say I enjoyed the death and destruction in the silly shipfic I wanted.
But enough about Winning Pony, I enjoyed this chapter, despite the wait, and hope the next one comes a little sooner.
6200687
I hope so too!
Right now I'm trying to reconstruct the minutiae of the next few chapters in my noggin. Only the framework was left.
I fully intend to continue (if I continue) this as a silly shipfic.
People are so worried that it'll turn into a super-heavy drama piece, just because changelings arrived, and that's when the tone changed in WP.
Changelings were always the plan. Heavy emotional drama and angst, however, never was. Lumie will give a promise that if anyone bursts into grief-ridden tears at any point, it will be dissipated by a totally groan-worthy one-liner by the end of the next paragraph.
6200733 I'll look forward to it.
6200249 If you want to see what the sequel to a story that does not go down the drain at the end looks like, follow this link:
http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=category&user=45831
While Mente Materia does have about half the thumbs up of Stardust due to normal attrition, the ratio of thumbs up to thumbs down is fairly similar. The sequel to life and times on the other hand has approximately five times the thumbs down per thumb up along with approximately a tenth of the total thumbs up which is a huge difference and clearly indicates a lot of dissatisfaction with the first story. The numbers make it very clear that something went significantly wrong with life and times which drove away a lot of readers.
Moving on to criticism, I do not analyze mechanics in stories I read for fun because that destroys the flow of the story and sucks all the joy out of it. I may occasionally take note of obvious typos, but mechanics are the job of an editor and issues there are generally something I try to gloss over unless it significantly detracts from the story. I also do not worry too much about these because I know full well that everyone makes mistakes sometimes (that is what editors are for after all) and the basics of writing tend to improve naturally with experience so there is not a whole lot of value in focusing on it.
What I do criticize stories on is bigger things like plot holes and the large scale handling of situations and issues because those are the things that do not improve without help. That is why I wrote this explanation of what the issues with life and times were to help you avoid them in your own work.
Now since you obviously failed to process this the first time, I will recap it in a clear list of points which you need to seriously consider and ask for clarification on if you do not understand what the issue is or why it is a problem.
1.) The way the changelings are presented in that story contradicts canon.
2.) The way the changelings were used in that story damages the psychological interest of that section of the story.
3.) We knew the characters were going to be fine and how the fight would end.
4.) The way the changelings were presented removed the psychological costs of war.
5.) The above issues produced a meaningless action scene that did not engage the readers.
Now I am perfectly capable of elaborating on all of these points and explaining what the problems are, I just did not want to waste time writing paragraphs on things you already understand, especially because I have explained my position in a number of other places including the comments section of life and times and you have not yet shown any of the problems that chen had.
Hnngngng your Luna is so frickin' delightful in this.
Seriously how do you make her so perfect
Wh- PARAMOUR?!
Don't you dare stop writing ponewords ever again you wonderful buffoon. I was going to take this chapter in chunks until I hit that line, then I was committed to finishing it in one go. Enjoyed it quite a bit.
I'm still iffy on Cloud Kicker as a character, since she's so freaking manipulative all the time. That said, it's a pretty good sign that it's still very enjoyable reading this from her perspective:
Oh my god Lum >:|
I enjoyed Cloud and Twi's scene more than I expected, considering it was bound to be a negative one. Particularly, Twi absolutely crushing Cloud at chess at the start of their talk, then softening to only a generous draw by the end. Nice way to show how she genuinely was coming around without outright saying it.
Honestly, though, as bad as I feel for Twi, at this point I kinda want Cloud to get with Mrs. Thou, since it would mean more Luna. Their date was really fun to read.
Skeptical about the changelings coming in, since the story hasn't really needed a villain up until this point, but I'm also thinking it might make for an exciting date and good Luna, so
Okay that is adorable.
derpicdn.net/img/2014/8/20/703987/thumb.gif
6202503
It is more than distinctly possible I was thinking of the playboy doughnuteer when I was thinking of that 'both' line, yus. If I can't subtly call out my favorite fics when I write, there is truly no point to writing!
And it's nice to see you around Wade!
'Tis fair. It seems to be a common complaint. And I think you offered the very best reason for it.
The only thing I can say in defense is that it was always required for the planned direction of the story. It cannot, in any way, be removed, and still be the silly story I want to tell.
Uwah! Now that is something I'll have to watch out for.
I guess Cloud was always sort of like that. Even in the original work, she spent a lot of time in her own head, puzzling at things. The only difference between this and Winning Pony, I think, is that Cloud made really, really really poor choices in the original. Usually as a result of poor self-control. And here fate has conspired to take some of those choices away. With a nasty hangover and drunken misbehavior in recent memory, she doesn't get plastered and make a fool of herself with Luna at the Weather Conference. Cheating on a princess would bring so much shame and filial ruination that she can't sleep around with Twi like she cheated on Derpy with Blossom and Fluttershy.
So instead of going in intending to be cool and smart and rational, and then utterly failing, she has to actually act smart, and carry through.
I can see how that could come off as deeply manipulative.
So thanks! That's a useful bit of feedback. Now I know to keep an eye on how nefarious Cloudy looks.
6202048
Stardust/Mente Materia isn't nearly so controversial as the Winningverse.
On a totally side note, Stardust is amazing~!
I'm not sure about how the author paired 'deadly psychic aliens wiping out humanity and turning them into monsters' with 'Twilight Sparkle Being the Most Adorable Thing Ever'. But he managed with flying adorkable colours.
I'm actually not enjoying the sequel nearly as much. Though it's still one of the few I still follow.
I didn't fail to process anything.
It's a criticism of Chengar. I'm not Chengar. You can tell by how I have a far cuter avatar. Look! Little fangs!
The part relevant to me, with your headcanon being incompatible with Chen's headcanon is not actually something I can do a damned thing about. I don't even disagree with your headcanon, I'd like to point out. I think changelings show enough distinct emotions to rule out a strict singular unifying hivemind. Though, I can see the appeal of fighting against an implacable foe. But there's always going to be incompatibilities of interpretation.
If a person is vehemently disgusted by the 'Dash is a Lesbian' trope, it doesn't mean people everyone should only write fics where Dash is straight. If you don't like 'Changeling Hiveminds', then don't read fics with 'em. That's fair enough. I fully support your refusal to read. There's plenty of things I don't want to read too.
If I go to the end with this fic, it will lead to a very different view of changelings than we are left with, with Chen. But for the while, insofar as we focus on them instead of love octagons or whatever, it's bog-standard Winning Zerg-changelings. I won't begrudge it or have hard feelings if you stop reading as a result.
6203832
I guess that's what makes her seem manipulative, rather than impulsive, in my eyes. Here, she's very calculating, always making sure to do the exact thing that gets her what she wants without losing what she already has. She's very rarely driven by any emotion but "I want that."
She already has Twilight's interest, and especially after the chess game, seems to have her figured out as inexperienced and innocent. Twi doesn't ever do anything that surprises Cloud, or puts her off her plans, so she has the whole situation in her hands, playing it however she chooses. That's kinda why Cloud getting with Luna afterwards is so crappy of her, since she's just seeing what she can get away with at this point.
I thought maybe it was going to be a situation where Cloud couldn't break it off with Luna, since she was terrified of what might happen, but she didn't seem that way once they flew off together. She was very interested the whole time, and was enjoying it as a date.
But! Like you said, that's how she was set up in the original story. Her dating two people at the same time probably doesn't seem like cheating to her, it seems like her "pulling it off."
6204210
I'm starting to think a minor concern is actually a terrifyingly botched bit of characterization.
She isn't impulsive. We expected that from free-wheeling, free-sex sorts, but she was never that, so much. She has a list of written rules for how to comport herself to minimize anyone getting hurt, for heavens sakes. She is the Twilight Sparkle of sex.
This is the bit I'm worried about. In some ways, I'm not sure how to avoid it. Cloudy goes in with good intentions. But her self control is... well... total crap. That was intentionally less of an issue here. But it might be giving a strange view of her.
I'm not sure how much of that is just poor planning on my part, and how much is because I went in assuming everyone reading this will have read the source material and be able to 'fill in the blanks'.
Thiiiiis I'm going to have to disagree with. Cloud is certainly a rather more hedonistic pony than the general. She was always the 'playboy' type. But generally a pretty well-meaning sort. I did try to stay true to that. In the course of a few chapters she's: Done nice things for Spike just 'cause (comics. Making sure he ends up at a reasonable household). She's gotten a struggling friend a job, and helped Rarity by consequence. Set herself up to help out Pinkie and Dash (even if she outright tried to flummox Dash to do it, as you noted). And she'd set out on a holy crusade to stop the eeeeevil foal-molesting Cadance.
Yes. Cloud has fun with Luna. Cloud will continue to have fun with Luna, if I have any say in the matter. Intellectually, she might be more interested in purple librarians, but Twilight, at best, would be more 'engrossing' than 'fun'. She likes both, but for very different reasons. Her talk of not knowing where it's going with Luna is really more her self-consciousness talking.
Ahh, it's really more than she usually avoids any situation where someone would even consider it cheating. If someone is looking for a relationship, she usually avoids it like the plague.
But... Luna!
6204316
Yeah, true, I haven't read the original, so I don't really understand her motivations like I ought. I definitely saw the Spike comic book thing as Cloud trying to worm her way back onto Twi's good side, through her brother. The Pinkie/Dash thing felt very genuine of her, though.
For the impulsive bit, I guess that's where my skittishness with Cloud comes from, since she always seems so in-control that I assume her impulsive decisions are calculated ones. I don't really want to say "make her less self-aware," since her self-commentary is where most of the wit of the writing comes from, but I could stand to see her get carried away every now and then without realizing it.
Also, serious question: how do you actually go about writing Luna's dialogue?
6204385
Crank the volume up to 11. Figure out the most blindly blithe and campy way to say something. Add Olde English.
6203832
Controversy has nothing to do with it. If that was all it was, the second story would have about half the number of thumbs up and roughly the same number of thumbs down because you would have similar general attrition in the ups and almost no change in the downs because they are largely from the controversy which is unchanged. What we actually have is an enormous fall in the thumbs up and a significant drop in the thumbs down which means there is a lot less interest in the story overall and that the controversy is not very significant. No matter what you may want to believe, the numbers are very clear on this subject.
On another note, Stardust is awesome, although I am really liking what Firecracker is doing in the sequel even if it did loose a bit of the fish out of water fun and stark contrast between Twilight and the humans from the original.
You are working in his AU which means the problems he created in that AU are assumed to carry over unless stated otherwise which is something you have not yet done. If you acknowledge the problems with what he did and plan to ignore them then all I needed to hear was a quick line saying you had it covered and I would have been fine, but your posts are leading me to believe you plan on making the same mistakes he did which is why we are having this conversation. If this is not the case you just have to say so and I will be fine, but unless that happens I have to assume that you think his mess was a good thing and act accordingly.
I did not say headcanon, I said canon. They are two different things and must be treated differently. I have no problem with different headcanons, but what he did very clearly defies canon in a way that is detrimental to the story which is why I am bringing it up. The single strongest piece of proof is the appearance of a single changeling in the wedding in Slice of Life which irrefutably proves that changelings are individuals because that specific changeling clearly had a personal reason to go, but I will ignore that because it came out long after the story was finished so there is no reasonable way chen could have known about it. The next piece of evidence that very clearly locks out what he did is the IDW comics which had disagreements and conversations between the various changelings including Chrysalis which clearly rules out what he did, but some people ignore or have not read the comics because their canon status is a bit debatable so we can also ignore that to make this discussion of canon as solid as possible.
While those two piece of information are important and either one of them clearly proves my point, we really do not need anything beyond the first episode they appeared in to irrefutably prove that what he did violates canon. There are several instances throughout the fight where the changelings are tricked into fighting each other by a number of different ponies which makes it very clear that they are individuals with independent minds. Any kind of mental link would make it easy for them to reliably differentiate a disguised changeling from the pony they are disguised as, and that is even more true of chen's single entity in multiple bodies because it would have perfect knowledge of what is a changeling and make something like what we saw in the show absolutely impossible. This obviously makes what chen did a direct contradiction of canon and renders his stupidity non-canon.
I also wrote a more detailed discussion of all of this a while back which I will dump a link to here if you want to read it.
So the stupid is going to infect this story too. Great. Well, I'll stick with it for now, but be aware that I am going to have to give you a thumbs down if you ever get around to making that happen because the site will not let me remove the thumbs up and I cannot leave it there in good conscience if you dive into the same mess of stupidity he did so a thumbs down will be my only option.
6205869 wait... Are you bitching about chen's interpretation of changelings not matching what you believe to be justification of your own headcanon from a scene in Slice of Life, and are angry about it, despite Chen writing Winning Pony when SoL didn't even exist as a storyboard draft?!
Jesus H Fucking Christ, do you even understand how the flow of time works?!
(As for calling it canon. When the show directly says "Changelings aren't a hive mind" I will consider it canon. Yes there was the drone talking to Chrysalis in fiendship but I don't count the comics as there a few canon conflicts in certain stories compared to the show.)
6205869
Blarg. More of this. Yey. I get it. You hate the Winningverse. I'm not sure why you're hanging around in Winningverse stories and expecting them to not follow its lore. This AU obviously doesn't change that. Are people having fun with something you don't like so offensive to you? Do you go to Little League games and shout down the kids because you don't like underhand pitching?
As for the (numerous) downthumb threats:
You seem to think I'll wither before your righteous vengeance... but.. I don't care.
Like, at all.
I want people to read my stuff, but I don't want it so badly that I'll grovel and kowtow and drastically alter or abandon my story for one angry guy who probably can't be pleased by anything I do. Thumb up. Thumb down. Invent a sideways thumb and stick it to your monitor with masking tape. Do whatever you want. I promise I won't notice. I honestly don't bother to keep track. The number of upvotes and downvotes is categorized in my mind as 'lots'/'four times my other stories'. Another 'I hate the Winningverse' downvote will just disappear into the roar.
This back and forth is far more distressing than any downvote could ever be. And if every chapter will have you commenting "Grumblegrumble. You haven't changed the changelings yet. You have one more chapter before I downvote." I would much rather you just gave the red thumb.
Oh hei, this got back! As luck would have it, a few winningverse fics got updated close to each other.
A fun chapter all around!
That ending though... well... all we can say is, poor Cloud. She really had no idea.
6207848
Nonsense.
Right now Cloudy is quite sure her mother is a soulless, love-sucking monster.
She's just not quite correct about the type.
6207859 .... point taken
6207491
Lumie I am downthumbing your comment because you are a bad poni and also your changelings are dumb.
6208635
I knew it.
6206894 Read the post again. I specifically stated that I was ignoring both of those data points for exactly those reasons. I then proceeded to blow it out of the water with their original appearance in the invasion of Canterlot where they were tricked into fighting each other several times
6207491
Have you even been reading my comments? I love Cloud and the rest of the characters in the winningverse which is why I am reading this and trying to help you improve it. What I hate is the mess chen made with his changelings and how it ruined the story which is why I am trying to bring it to your attention. This story is great so far, but if you follow his lead you will flush all that down the toilet which is why I am bringing it to your attention. If I didn't like the story I would have given it a thumbs down along with a quick comment explaining why and that would have been the end of it because I don't waste time on things I don't like.
No, that was just me stating a fact. The site limits my options so I will have to take what I see as the less inappropriate action. I would much rather remove my thumb entirely because the start is great and does not deserve a thumbs down, but that is not possible so I have to pick between two options I am not particularity thrilled with.
6209171
Yes. I have read what you've been saying.
Your problem is not in communication. It's in the thought process. You seem to think it naturally applies to all others, but it does not.
You like the character. You hate the 'verse. Something major in the established story universe is so inimical to you that just the hint of it appearing makes you flee in disgust. Well, sorry, but that makes you hate the 'verse.
This is not a 'Cloud Kicker' fic. This is a Winningverse fic. That means it is based on the Winningverse. Which makes you flee.
This is not a passive-aggressive 'fix fic'. It's a fic that exists purely because this is the path that earns me the greatest fun, and the most giggles. And I do not agree with your definition of 'down the toilet'. Nor your definition of 'helping'. It is a difference of opinion which cannot be bridged to begin with, nevermind repaired. I don't want to fix what you see as broken because I don't see it as broken. That I may fix it is entirely incidental. I have no idea if my conclusion would repair your image. And really, I'm not going to sweat it. Because, again, not broken to me. To me it's a tiny bit of lore of no resounding consequence. I read for the characters. The disposition of antagonist-woobie-bugs is just flavor.
If you like it, fine. If you lump it, fine. If you leave it, fine.
You seem to think you have some grand principle or stand you have to make. But it won't be to me. 'Cause, again. I don't much care. And there's enough votes either way that I doubt anyone else will either. So do whatever makes you happy.
But for now, Lumie is done with this line of conversation. If you want the last word, it's all yours.
Nice, thanks for updating.
(For some reason it didn't show up in my Tracking list...)
6213255
That was my fault.
I accidentally clicked 'publish' before I was ready, when I was trying to fix a problem, and had to unpublish for a few minutes.
It probably pulls it from people's feeds to prevent people from gaming the system with multiple notifications.
It's great to see this update.
I really hope you continue, this story was always a lot of fun.
Wow... I didn't think it was possible, but I believe we've found a Changeling infiltrator that's even worse than Chrysalis. A perfect disguise and they still somehow manage to fuck it up.