The Rewards of Kicking Flank
“It was just a kiss! I didn’t ravish her!” I protested, desperately, to my apparently murderous boss. “And I was going to apologize and everything. You don’t have to freak out like this.”
Rainbow blinked in confusion. Her wings missed a beat, making her drop slightly in the air. “Huh?”
“What?”
She pressed a hoof between her eyes, groaning. “I get too much of this sort of craziness from Pinkie already. Don’t you start, too.”
“You have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about.” Hoof, meet mouth. “You’re not even mad, are you?”
Her tone filled with suspicion. “Kinda getting there. What am I getting mad about?”
“Nothing!” I chirped, far too quickly. Smooth, Cloudy. She can’t help but buy that.
“Maybe you’d better just tell me, Cloud.” She was clearly trying her best at being the authoritarian mother figure. It was almost funny. Dash is actually a pretty good leader, in an inspirational way. Aside from a secret desire to mushily cuddle that we all pretended not to know about, ‘motherly’ wasn’t the way you’d describe her.
“Don’t worry your colourful little head about it, Boss. It’ll be handled.” I casually stood up and tried to scrape off some mud without making too much of a spectacle of myself. Turning people’s heads with a mud-covered Cloud would probably be okay, on most days—sowing the seeds of future fantasies, and all—but I really wasn’t feeling up to it at that moment. “So, what am I packing my bags for?”
After a few seconds of willful staring, Dash sighed and waved a hoof. “Whatever. I have enough to deal with. Twilight’s locked herself in her library, for some reason. I’m going to see if Spike’s outside the book bubble. He’ll know what’s going on, and he can call Celestia, if Twi’s lost it again. Anyway—”
A chill went down my spine. My wings quivered. In a moment of insanity, I considered telling Dash everything, just to avoid the possibility of Princess Celestia showing up to hear this one.
“—what I wanted to tell you was that I need somepony to stand in for me at the weather conference.”
My brain changed tracks so quickly that it almost jumped the rails entirely. I slapped on a confident smile. “Need me to work my charms on the administrators, huh? You sure you want to do that, Boss? A bunch of stuffy, sheltered bureaucrats? Seems almost unfair. They won’t know what hit them.”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. I’m so unappreciated in my time. “Sure, whatever. I’d do it myself, but with the dragon migration coming up, I don’t want to leave. Flu—err—the town’ll need a pony with some backbone to protect it. Naturally, that should be me.”
Smoothness all around, today. Even so, I admit I felt my hackles rising at that nearly spoken name. You’d think it would get easier, over the years. I kept my voice casual, at least. “Don’t sweat it. Eepy’ll need somepony around who she can trust.” I motioned with my wing in the direction I’d been headed. “Tell you what, why don’t you go ask Pinkie if she knows what the deal with Twilight is? We can catch each other for some dinner, and you can fill me in on the conference.”
The dopey grin that appeared on Dash’s face at the mention of Pinkie was as funny as it was predictable. Sending Pinkie on the trail of an unhappy pony was a gamble. If anyone could get through that shield, it was her. But I was banking that the two love-blind ponies would spend at least an hour staring longingly into each other’s eyes... or going for a quick bang, at least.
“Yeah, great idea. I’ve got an awesome plan for the conference,” Dash agreed, unsurprisingly. “I’ll catch you around sunset.”
I waited for Dash to zip out of sight around the corner, then galloped off toward the library. I had hope, sure, but I wasn’t going to be banking on Miss Ten-Seconds-Flat keeping Pinkie occupied for long in the bedroom.
+++++
It turned out I had some important poking-at-the-shield-with-my-hoof to do.
I took a page from Lyra’s book on door-knocking etiquette and started to cycle through every irritating march I could remember from West Hoof. The shield made a strange, wobbling reverberation with every prod. I was lucky that Twilight wasn’t the type to make her shield sting to the touch. It even had some give. I tried to pick a beat that made the rippling build with each poke.
I was having some pretty good luck with Sunrise over Equestria when the front door suddenly burst open. Twilight Sparkle practically stalked over to the edge of the force field. She was cute even when she was all but snorting with anger.
“Will you stop that!?” Twilight said. “It’s like having somepony tap me on the back of the head for an hour!”
“Sorry. I heard you were avoiding everypony.” I inclined my head toward the open door. “Can we talk?”
Twilight gave me a look that could melt lead. I’m sure I survived only by virtue of the shield spell. I couldn’t help but squirm and look away. “Why would I want to talk to such a… a…” She couldn’t find the right word, which only seemed to make things worse. She stomped her hoof a few times.
“A nag? A bitch? A liar? A creep?” I offered.
“Yes! All of those!” She jabbed a hoof toward me, almost hitting the shield herself. “So why would I let you in?”
“First, because if you don’t, you’ll miss out on some really satisfying grovelling and hoof-kissing. Second, otherwise I’ll keep poking.” I motioned behind me with my wing. “Third, everypony in town is watching.”
I didn’t even have to look. I knew that the second Twilight looked past me, two dozen ponies suddenly found other things around the street very interesting.
The events of the following seconds will forever be a jumble to me. All I can remember is a sudden yanking sensation, and the next thing I knew, I was skidding forward on my face, my rump in the air.
Unicorn magic and panic don’t mix too well; unicorn magic, panic, and a hangover are even worse, as an interesting factoid. She hadn’t intended to be so rough, judging by the surprised, embarrassed look on her face.
At least I was inside the bubble.
I groaned as I tried to get my bearings. I was so messed up that I couldn’t even enjoy her little trot back toward the library. That alone made me suspect serious brain damage.
Getting up took a few tries. As it turns out, being yanked across the ground by telekinesis really sucked dock when you still had a hangover. I coughed, wincing from the pain lancing through my head each time, and wiped the dust from my face. I stumbled towards the door, very pointedly trying not to catch sight of myself in the reflection of the windows. I imagine I looked more charming than usual, with my face and chest covered in dust, and my rump and tail all muddy.
Maybe I’d look just wretched and pathetic enough that she couldn’t help but forgive me. Just to prevent me from becoming even more wretched.
Twilight sat down by the stump-table at the center of the library, pinning me with a sullen glare. Maybe my shameless play at pity worked, because after a few seconds, she looked away. “Do you even know what you did?”
I didn’t really need to think about it; I’d been beating myself up about it since yesterday. “I stole your first kiss.”
Twilight looked back up with a start. One of her ears folded back as she gave a little nod of her head. “Yeah. It’s supposed to be something special. Something on my terms. Not—”
“—some player doing it without asking,” I finished for her.
Her brow furrowed, and she sat up straighter. “So if you know what you did wrong so well, why did you do it to begin with?!” she snapped.
I went around the table, nearer to her, and settled onto my haunches. Only as close as I could get before she started to seem uncomfortable, a little out of foreleg’s reach. “Because as it turns out, I like you. I think you’re clever, cute, just the right sort of naive, and surprisingly forceful, despite that.” She didn’t seem to know how to take all that, so I just carried right along. “And it doesn’t help that you’re really, really pretty. That part kind of makes fools of all of us.”
She blushed. Of course she blushed. Because life apparently knew my weaknesses and was going for blood. Still, just because she was embarrassed didn’t mean she was any less angry. “So me being pretty or attractive justifies you doing whatever you want?”
I cringed. I didn’t think I could actually come out of this seeming like even more of a mule, but there we were. I had to really bite back the urge to get defensive. Who could blame me? Even with my best efforts, I’m sure my tone was strained.
“Look, I’m not justifying anything,” I said. “I like you. I’m far too used to being really forward with ponies I like. It’s usually the best approach. In this situation, it was stupid, and I don’t have any excuse for that.”
“Well, ‘forward’ won’t get you anything. I’m not interested in mating.”
From those little sounds she was making when I kissed her, I had my doubts. “I’m not all about banging, you know? We spent enough time together for you to see that.”
Twilight scrunched up her muzzle in adorable distaste. “Don’t call it ‘banging’. That sounds incredibly immature.”
I shrugged. “It’s all the same. Sex. Mating. Fornicating. The horizontal mambo. The beast with four wings. The Pony Pokey—”
I stopped when that last one caused a little twitch in her eye.
“Please don’t ruin foal’s songs for me.”
“But it’s so perfect!” I said in protest. I cleared my throat. “You stick your right hoof in, you pull your right hoof out. You stick your right hoof in…” I pantomimed the actions with the most suggestive motions of my leg that I could manage. “... and you shake it all about.”
Before I could indirectly instruct Twilight Sparkle in some very valuable techniques, her horn lit up. My hoof promptly froze in place.
“No! No shaking,” she said, with a note of desperation.
Maybe Twilight was rubbing off on me (though not in the fun way, unfortunately), because I couldn’t help but experiment. I quickly ran through a whole suite of magic resistance exercises. Everything from mental exercises picturing the magic flowing off of me, to acting as if I was about to hit a cloud, which was supposed to focus my own magic in the proper area to ward off hers. Nothing. My hoof might as well have been encased in stone. Sort of tingly stone.
Alpha-level unicorns like Twilight were downright intimidating. Assuming she was even still on the scale. There were rumors. Not that a constant flow of wild rumors was unusual; a little town like Ponyville runs on them.
My thoughts on sort-of intimidating little librarian mares must have crept into my expression. Twilight made a frustrated sound and let go of me.
“Is there anything that doesn’t get you riled up?"
“Sure, but nothing I can see you doing,” I replied.
The venom in the look she gave me was not promising. Teasing probably wasn’t the best approach, either. Talk about taking away a girl’s options. Luckily, I still had a few others. What did it say about my situation that I was about to take advice on tricky emotional situations from a little kid?
Behold, Cloud Kicker, the most charming pony in Ponyville.
“Sorry. Let’s just start again?” I didn’t wait for her to nod, or to reject the thought, which was probably more likely. “I really enjoyed the time we spent together these last few days. And I think you did too, right?”
She nodded her head reluctantly. “Yeah. At first.”
“That I was a mule isn’t in dispute.” I took a quick glance around to make sure one of them wasn’t around, and was spared the need to add ‘no offense’, this time. “All I’m saying is that I learned we can get along really well. And if you don’t want to take it further, then… I’d be happy to have another great friend.”
Spike was good. The second I said the word, those icy eyes thawed considerably. I wish I could say ‘all the way’, but that was asking a bit much.
It took her a few moments to gather her thoughts. I let her have them; she seemed like the sort of pony who was at her best when she had time to work through things. “You aren’t the pony I thought you’d be, after what Dash told me,” she said, eventually. “Well, you are, in a way.” She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t understand the obsession with sex. What’s the point? It’s all so shallow and greedy.”
Aww, aren’t virgins cute?
“I’m surprised you think of Pinkie that way.” I cringed the second I said it. Okay, maybe I still wasn’t at my best. That sort of thing was exactly how I ended up in this situation to begin with, with my Celestia comment at the party.
Predictably, Twilight freaked. I swear, I started to see smoke rising from her. Maybe it was my impending sense of doom making me hallucinate. “Pinkie doesn’t act like that!”
I raised my hoof in a calming gesture. I could salvage this, I just had to stay calm. “Sure she does. Ask her and she’ll tell you, flat-out. You know Pinkie.” I shook my head quickly, when her muzzle scrunched up in distaste or anger again. “But that isn’t really what I meant. Pinkie is happy when other ponies are happy. It’s why she gets up in the morning. And it’s just about the most beautiful thing in the world.”
“So, you’re saying you do it for the same reason that Pinkie does it?” she asked, skeptically.
I shook my hoof in a wishy-washy gesture. “Well, that’s part of it. It’s fun for me. It’s fun for them. Everypony ends up happy and having a great time. And if you’re careful, there’s no harm done for anypony. There’s more to it, of course. It’s the best stress relief. The closeness and intimacy. But for the most part, yeah, it’s just something positive for all parties.”
A frown creased Twilight’s lips, but it wasn’t an angry one. She was puzzling things out intently. I almost wanted to close my eyes. She couldn’t do anything without being cute. One of her ears twitched back to the tune of the cogs spinning in her head. Again, I gave that mental machinery time to do its thing.
After a while, she slowly nodded her head. “I see. That’s…” She bit her lip, searching for the proper word. “... fine. But it doesn’t mean you can just kiss ponies.”
Well, at least a great deal of the fire was gone from her voice. “Nope. But it does mean that I wasn’t out to do it for horrible reasons.” I reached out a hoof and placed it delicately against her chest. “Just to make us both happy. And because I like you, and want to be closer.”
She didn’t retreat. Somehow, I didn’t think that was because she was sold on the idea. She shook her head. “I can’t. Even if I wanted to—which I don’t!” I almost snickered at how quickly she corrected herself. “I have my family to think of.”
“The more the merrier. They can join in too,” I answered with a grin. “S’too bad that I hear from minty sources that Shining Armor proposed to Princess Cadance recently. But maybe she’ll spare him. Princess of Love and all. Never know, right?”
“P-proposed!?”
+++++
“... Signed, Shiny.” Spike finished his recitation of a thorough apology. Honestly, I think my annoy-then-flail-through-an-explanation approach was better, considering…
“Don’t you ‘Shiny’ me!” Twilight shrieked, jabbing her hoof at the letter Spike had disturbingly coughed up a few moments before. She was so focused on the letter that I don’t think she saw Spike roll his eyes.
I had to give Twilight points for restraint. She’d been working up to a pretty impressive head of frothing rage in the half-hour since she’d sent her scathing letter to her brother. I’ll admit to feeling a certain dark satisfaction. Maybe Dad would get the job he deserved after Twilight turned Shining Armor into a potted petunia.
After the first five or ten minutes of ranting, weirdly unburning fire had started to lick around her mane and tail. That was about when I relocated to the other side of her, away from the doomed dragony messenger, and placed the table between us, in anticipation of her destroying the returning letter and whatever unfortunate half of Ponyville happened to be behind it. Her reaction to my kiss was downright subdued, in comparison. I’m not sure if I should be insulted by that.
Instead of the cataclysm, all we got was the accusing hoofpoke.
“Busy?! You write him back and tell him that I’ll be too ‘busy’ to speak to him again!” Spike lifted a claw, and started to speak. Twilight stomped right up to his face and shouted, making him backpedal and fall onto his rump. “Ever!”
Considering Spike’s advice had helped me out, I magnanimously winged over to save his life and/or sanity. I settled back down on the floor a close but non-confrontational distance away, hopefully far enough to avoid getting gored if things went badly. Not that her horn was dreadfully impressive, considering. All the pictures of old archmagi and such always have a horn three hooves long and sharpened to a killing point. Twi’s was all cute, stubby, and just the perfect size to…
Actually, yeah, bad time to be going there.
“Twilight, relax and take a breath, okay?” She spun around to face me, teeth gritted. I’d have cowered, but I was actually marvelling at the fact that she could make a face that wasn’t heart-meltingly adorkable. “Shining Armor was probably waiting for a better time to tell you, in person. You probably would have gotten some invitation over the next few days. Cue the big surprising reveal. And all the hugging. The only reason I heard is because the Heartstrings family is close to Princess Cadance.”
And thus Ponyville and all her citizenry were saved. And nopony would ever know of my selfless deed, or give me a proper reward. There was no justice. Twilight took that breath, and the rage drained out of her. It wasn’t hard to see it happen, with the creepy fire going out.
“He still should have told me,” she grumped. In the next few seconds, her expression brightened into a huge, beaming grin. I was worried she would hurt her face. She did a little hoof-stepping potty-dance. My heart seized up. Mark my words, Equestria, she would be mine. Oh yes, she would be mine. “Shiny is marrying Cadance!”
+++++
It was a few hours (and one bath) later, and I think I was still in shock about the little hopping unicorn, and the prancing that had followed when she realized her brother was marrying the mare who was apparently her childhood foalsitter.
Things had progressed more or less in the direction of a celebration after that, with the addition of a few other ponies. It was really just a lot of swapping stories, getting hyped up over the eventual wedding, and more than a little giggling at Shining Armor’s panicked letters.
But it was quiet now. Peaceful.
Rarity had left a few minutes earlier, begging off with talk of an early morning. It spared me her knowing glances whenever she spotted me and Twilight chatting. To say nothing of that one practically killing glare she gave me when she caught me admiring the sight of her trying to teach Pinkie to waltz.
It was totally unfair, since Spike was practically drooling over the same sight. But I guess that in her mind, Twilight and I were hitched. That would need to be sorted out some other evening. There’s a world of difference between ‘crush’ and ‘committed, monogamous relationship’.
The other ponies (and dragon) in attendance had all left the party in their own way. Spike was cuddled up around an ice cream carton, spoon still clutched in his claw, a bit of melted chocolate cream escaping to puddle on the floor by his cheek. Pinkie, in her usual fashion, had found that source of dragony warmth to squeeze after her own sugar crash. And, so as not to be left out, Rainbow Dash’s muzzle was buried in the pink fluff on the back of Pinkie’s neck.
I might have made a joke about it all, but it was actually very… homey. There was something very sweet and comfortable about the whole thing. Twilight’s shoulder bumped against mine as she leaned into me. The contented expression she wore made me conscious of the sappy twist to my own lips.
“It’s not so bad just being a friend, is it?” She gestured toward the pony-pile with her muzzle. “This is why I stayed in Ponyville. And why I never regret it.”
It was all too easy, looking at the affection in her eyes, to think of Blossom, Lyra, Bons, or even those ponies happily sleeping across the room. She must have seen the same thing in mine, because there wasn’t any hint of skepticism from her when I smiled serenely and nodded my head.
My wing unfurled practically of its own accord, and curled around the wondrously soft little mare beside me. She stiffened, for a moment. To my eternal delight, she eventually loosened up and even leaned more heavily against me. Maybe the scene had made her just as hungry for closeness as me. Hay, maybe she was even warming up to the Kicker charm.
“You’re not allowed to kiss me,” she murmured.
Or maybe not.
“So paranoid.” Internally, I was sulking, of course. She was so intensely kissable, at that moment… like every other moment, honestly. But I had already made one featherbrained mistake, and I least prided myself on trying to learn from my blunders. Still, it was good to be near her. She was right about one thing: being a friend was still great. If significantly less great than the alternative. It was probably my fate to be ‘just friends’ with mares who shared Blossom’s manecut.
I dipped my muzzle to brush my nose against that ruler-straight mane. “Yeah. We’re going to the spa to get you a new style.” Take that, fate. You’ve met your match with Cloud Kicker.
“Hmm?”
“Nothing.” I shook my head. “So, you never did get around to telling me why you had a foalsitter who just so happened to be a princess.” That topic of conversation had abruptly come to an end with Rarity’s breezy arrival, hours before.
“I was just lucky. Really, really lucky. Cadance loves children. And Princess Celestia thought it was a good idea for her to have responsibilities.” The corner of Twilight’s mouth curled upward. “Maybe having a big crush on Shiny had something to do with it, too. But either way, she was the best. We’d read, or explore Canterlot, or play. We even had a secret greeting.”
My ear twitched. “Lyra mentioned that too. Like a secret hoofshake. It’s got me curious now. C’mon, Lyra gets all self-conscious and won’t let me see. Show me?” I offered up my best puppy-dog eyes. No mere socially inexperienced librarian could stand against it.
+++++
Lyra was in heaven. You could tell from her far-away gaze and lidded eyes. I was surprised her tongue wasn’t lolling out. Bons was on top of her—always a good start to any evening—working her hooves into Lyra’s back. Normally, I’d waste time being disappointed that I didn’t crash anything more racy. This time, however, I was on a mission. I flung open their living room window and plowed inside.
In shock, Lyra shot up, at least until she met the resistance of her marefriend and collapsed back down, unable to dislodge her. Bon Bon was a sturdy mare. Lyra… well… I worried about her when we had a particularly strong breeze scheduled.
“Lyra, did she touch you!?” I was pissed. Sue me for being a bit less than informative.
“W-what?” Golden eyes blinked in puzzlement. “Yes? Bons is giving me a massage. Right now. In plain view. To reward me for working with Rarity today. It went gre—”
I made a slashing motion with a hoof. “No, not her. I meant that… that… that thing. That princess who doesn’t deserve her title at all.”
“Luna?” Bons asked.
“Cadance,” I hissed.
“Hey!” Lyra unsuccessfully tried to get up again. She glared at Bons, who smiled sweetly in return and stayed right where she was. Lyra, being Lyra, surrendered the point instantly, and turned to glare at me instead. “Cadance is amazing! She’s basically the greatest princess. Ever.”
“Sunshine, sunshine,” I growled. “Ladybugs awake.”
“Clap your hooves and do a little shake?” Lyra responded, uncertainly. Incriminatingly, she give her minty hindquarters a wiggle under Bon Bon.
“I knew it!” I stomped a hoof. “Teaching little fillies to do that is sick! If I ever see that weirdo, I’m going to buck her creepy face in!”
I spun around and took to the air. I didn’t hear Bons climbing off the couch, or really notice her at all, until a hoof tapped against the underside of my wing on a downstroke. I plowed face-first into the carpet in short order. Teeth took hold of my tail and dragged me away from the window, toward the couch.
“I get one mare fixed and the other goes nutsh,” Bons slurred around a mouthful of my tail. She let go of me once she’d dragged me beside Lyra.
“I don’t have time for this, I’ve got to figure out who to tell ab—” I began, rubbing at my carpet-burned muzzle and preparing to get up. The words faded into a groan of ecstasy as strong hooves found knots in my shoulders. My noble fight to keep from completely melting under Bons lasted for maybe five seconds.
Earth ponies are such cheaters.
With Bons working my muscles like her taffy, and Lyra delicately peppering my muzzle with kisses, I was in no position to avoid spilling everything about how my day went, when they asked. Every mistake, every secret disappointment about being stuck as a friend, everything. Maybe it was devious earth pony magic. Maybe it was relief that I hadn’t irreparably bucked everything up. Maybe it was friendship. Or even love.
Maybe I was just ready to talk.
Either way, by the time I was getting ready to head to Cloudsdale the next day, I felt a lot lighter, and far readier for it.
+++++
As it turned out, while I swept the Weather Conference in Cloudsdale, impressing bureaucrats with intelligence, verve, and natural animal allure—to say nothing of boundless modesty—I was less ready for the nightlife.
Well, that’s not exactly true. After having beautiful archmagus librarians dancing around in my head for days, I couldn’t have been any more ready for a fillyfooler bar.
I was even ready for the annoyance on my path to an excellent evening, in the form of three moronic blasts from my past who were dumb enough to crash a fillyfooler bar and insult Derpy. It was practically a ticket for the conquering hero to choose whatever pretty colour of tail caught my fancy that night—purple, probably—after I took out the trash.
What I wasn’t prepared for was cashing that ticket in for the flowing starscape tail of a rowdy alicorn.
“A most excellent vintage!” Princess Luna happily declared, slamming her mug down on the table with a puff of cloud. “Another!”
I had just finished gulping down my mug in her honor when she was already calling out for the next. If she was buying, after she found out I was from Ponyville, who was I to say no? It was actually a shame to guzzle it back. It was really good stuff. Apple Family aged cider. It was expensive enough that you could barely find it in Ponyville, a stone’s throw from the source. There wasn’t enough of a market.
Honestly, I’m of the opinion that when a princess buys you cider, you drink the cider. With the memory of my last hangover pretty firmly in mind, I decided that nopony actually said how fast you need to drink it. When the next round arrived, I took a moment to try and slow things down to a more sane speed. When that mug was lifting up toward deliciously divine, dusky lips, I lifted mine as well, but for a different reason. “To adorkable hero librarians,” I toasted. Hay, maybe toasting wasn’t a tradition in olden pony times, but I was wagering that proper drinking was at least as old as Equestria. It probably came into practice shortly after the invention of beating other ponies about the head and stealing their mares.
Luna’s hoof paused, thank… well… Luna, I guess.
She actually nodded solemnly. “A most excellent vintage is indeed a match for an even more excellent mare.” She tapped her mug against mine. “Thou knowest Twilight Sparkle?”
I grinned. I figured playing up the Ponyville connection would help to break the ice, and get mouths used for something other than drinking. Even princesses aren’t immune to my devious cunning. “More and more,” I said. “I had the dubious privilege of being the one to inform her that her brother is getting married. Apparently, nopony else saw fit to.”
Luna made a face like she’d bitten into something sour. It was a very natural look, really, muzzle scrunching up and everything. It just wasn’t the sort of expression you normally associated with an alicorn. Maybe we were all too accustomed to the serene face of Celestia looking out at us from coins and murals. “We can imagine it was the fault of that nag, Cadance,” she said. “Our sister speaks of her as if she were the pinnacle of virtue, but we have found her to be a trial beyond bearing, in recent months.”
“I knew it. Princess of Love, my pretty flank.” She looked. I so knew she would. Fair enough, I had spent more than a little time admiring that sleek, doe-like, uniquely alicorn form. Just not as much as I’d like. “Have you ever seen what she teaches foals to do? I did, and let me tell you…”
And so it went. Trading bits of gossip. Giggling like school fillies. Flirting and moony eyes (pun intended). Coy little ‘casual’ brushes of hoof on leg. A date, probably the most normal date I’ve had in ages.
With an alicorn.
Buck you, Mom. Did your oh-so-loyal service to the Guard ever net you an alicorn daintily nuzzling at the base of your ear, while pretending to actually give enough of a flying feather about the secrecy of her fillyhood nickname for Celestia to whisper it?
I was enjoying that thought when she paused. “We see that thou hast barely touched thy drink,” she accused in a playful whisper, her breath hot against my ear. “Have we distracted thee so, Cloud Kicker?”
I kept my voice from quivering, even when Luna somehow managed to make my name sound like a lover whispering sweet nothings. “It’s incredible cider.” Keep standing strong, Cloudy. And hay, go for broke. “The company is better.”
Luna laughed, I felt soft feathers stroke across my back as a wing tugged at me. “Then come, escort thy Princess, and bask in said company.”
+++++
I was having a moonlit walk through Cloudsdale with the bucking Princess of the Moon.
There really is no way I can actually make that statement any better than it is on its own. Or at least, I would have thought so, until a beautifully long leg brushed against mine, and thick feathers touched my side.
I was having a moonlit walk through Cloudsdale with the bucking Princess of the Moon. Who was totally into me. And couldn’t keep her hooves off me.
And it wasn’t just that; the night was perfect. There was just enough of a cool bite in the breeze to be a relief after the heat and close confines of the bar. The clouds wisped underhoof, making no sound as we walked, giving the whole scene an atmosphere of mystic silence that you couldn’t get on the ground. The real important part, though? The moon seemed larger and brighter than it had been when I went inside the bar. It cast a silvery glow over everything, throwing the brightness of the city even more in contrast against the darkness of the surrounding sky. I took private pleasure in thinking she’d done that just for me.
I’m sure I could be forgiven for those flights of fancy. Just being there with her was pure magic. Her dark coat somehow seemed to catch the light from above, giving her an otherworldly cast. It was a sense that she was more beautifully real, more defined than anything else around her. In her domain, her natural element, she just… stood out from everything else, like a second, raised layer to a painting.
And to think, in the mundane confines of the bar, I’d only been admiring her legs and moon-adorned rump.
“Thou art very little like the others of thy clan that we have met,” Luna said, breaking me out of my revery.
“All the fun and charm that wasn’t being used had to go somewhere,” I explained, automatically. It wasn’t my first time tackling that observation. “My family has a well-deserved reputation for being… serious.” That’s about as nicely as I could dress up ‘boring’.
Luna clearly read between the lines, because she giggled. It was a far more light and fillyish sound than I’d expected, considering her usual volume. It was actually very sweet; I found myself grinning when I heard it.
“Then thou aren’t a warrior-mare, as thy kin?” She put on a thoughtful pout. I was no amateur at this game. She was about to goad and tease me. “‘Tis a shame. We were hoping to see if the legend of the Kickers—who stood alone ‘gainst those loyal to my shadow’s shadow—would prove true.”
Maybe it was the two mugs of cider bolstering my courage. Maybe it was some Cloud Kicker intuition kicking in, reminding me she was far more of a rough-and-tumble, playful mare than one would expect from a princess. Either way, I was more than willing to accept that challenge.
I glanced to the side, choosing a soaring column of dense structural cloud. It was the sort of cloud worked and processed to be difficult to readily alter. I shot out my right wing, pushing it right through the pillar with relative ease. I could feel the cloudstuff trying to resist, the result of the ingrained efforts of the pegasi who had built it to begin with. It didn’t really slow me as I swept my wing forward through it, yanking out a dense, wet hunk of that whiteness, keeping it scooped in my curled feathers.
There are occasions when having a special talent for cloud manipulation comes in handy.
Luna was curiously turning her head to see why I’d stopped, when she got a faceful of cloud. I’d loosened it enough that the dense vapor scattered in a thick, spreading fog as it puffed against her cute, building look of shock.
The guards were still trying to figure out what was going on when I kicked out my rear hooves. The base cloud layer of Cloudsdale is pretty stable, but it isn’t immutable. It had just enough of a lingering charge to do what I wanted. I closed my eyes just before the darkness of the night was replaced by a fierce flash and a roll of thunder.
I heard two shouts. One was a brief cry of alarm as the flash dazzled the far guard. The other was a drawn out wail as my kick loosened the cloud beneath the nearer guard’s hooves too much to support him, and he dropped below the city.
I beat my wings hard enough that it almost hurt, but my reward was to shoot into the air in a way that probably would have made Dash proud. “You can still find out, Princess!” I called back to her, shouting to be heard over the panicking guards and my own rapidly increasing distance.
I couldn’t make out Luna’s words as she tried to rally her disoriented guard. The important part was the note of joyful amusement and excitement in her voice. It would have been nice to hear, but really, I was facing two armored ponies and one goddess. Far odds rarely improve by lazily loafing around.
I plunged below the base layer, making a big, obvious bank to one side as I did. I immediately tilted my angle of flight into a far steeper dive. I found a bank of softer clouds and dove into it. Doing that without leaving an obvious hole, or dispersing the cloud, was no easy feat. But, yeah, cloud manipulation, try to keep up. My wings swept up the moisture of my passage and reshaped it into a pristine white cover over myself.
I peered up through a foggy, minimal shield of cloud I kept around at eye level. Luna and one of her guards winged past, heading in the direction I had turned before vanishing from their line of sight. Several seconds later, the second guard, the one who had fallen through the city, swooped by as well.
He was my target.
I broke free from my hiding place once I was confident that he wouldn’t see me. My wings propelled me upward with a strength I’ve barely used since West Hoof. I pride myself on being one of the best fliers in Ponyville, Rainbow Dash obviously excluded. It wasn’t even hard to catch up to him. He was armored and taking the time to scan through the streets.
I came at him from above, like a bird of prey, slamming into him with enough force to make him drop a few ponylengths, but not enough to knock him out of the air. I wrapped my hind legs around his middle, and a foreleg around his neck. I trapped his muzzle in the elbow of the other. My wings shot out to stabilize the flight that he couldn’t continue with me twined around him.
He squirmed and thrashed under me in a way that was both pleasant and familiar. But it was all business with Cloudy. Okay, at some point, I might have nibbled on his ear flirtily, but that’s really my word against his. Either way, most of my attention was on doing exactly what I learned not to do when playing rough with my banging buddies: I squeezed down against the sides of his neck and tightened my covering of his muzzle. The former was the hard part. I had to half pull off the overlapping criniere guarding the side of his neck before I could get a good enough grip. Who needs martial arts like Krav Pega when you have Drunken Groping style?
Bruises were exchanged. My belly, chest, and parts unmentionable got pinched far more than I’d like by his armor. But in the end, I glided down to the street with an unconscious Night Guard in a sleeper hold. I was feeling pretty proud of myself, too.
A few ponies looked on, aghast. I waved at them, once the groaning and rapidly waking guard was securely deposited face-first in a nearby cloud bank. “Just playing with Princess Luna!” I called out in explanation, thereby cementing my reputation around town tomorrow.
Or adding a lot of witnesses to really solidify that jail time. I was sort of hoping Luna would be a good sport about things.
Luckily, I didn’t spend a lot of time worrying. Unluckily, that was mostly due to the fact that the other Night Guard barrelled into me in a way embarrassingly like how I took down the first guard. He even wrapped his legs around me, albeit not in nearly so dangerous a way, or as tight. He was probably worried about hurting a civilian, when it really was just a game.
Probably a game, anyway.
Please-oh-please be a game.
His grip was loose enough that I could spin around in his grasp. It’s not an easy thing to do when you’re in the air and being held restrictively, but let’s just say I was prepared by prior experience. Bons gets… creative when she gets it in her mind to be all head-mareish.
I wrapped my forelegs around him in turn. The surprised look on his face was pretty precious. Doubly so once we began to drop rapidly, with my hooves interfering with his wingbeats. I hadn’t gained much altitude before he hit me, so we didn’t have far to fall. The plan was to try to get him under me for the impact.
The plan didn’t exactly take into account the fact that he was twice my weight and still had at least some use of his wings.
Clouds are soft. That’s something you learn to appreciate when you first start to fly. And today I just kept right on appreciating it. Even so, the sudden stop and the stallion on top of me drove the air from my lungs pretty effectively.
I spent a few ungraceful moments gasping and choking and refilling my lungs. The guard was kind enough to give me some space to do it, even as he stood overtop me, victoriously.
Once I had my breathing under control again, he dipped his head to gloat. “Really, you didn’t do so ba—”
The gloating was cut off by my lips and a positively scandalous application of tongue. I kind of hoped he wasn’t a coltcuddler, because that would be extra creepy for him. It bought me my moment of shock either way.
Doubly banking on this all being for fun, after his gentle treatment, I didn’t kick him in between the rear legs, even though I could have. Instead, I rewarded his light touch with a firm hoof in the stomach. It was cheap, and excessive, but I was sure I could explain it as teaching him a valuable lesson about assuming somepony is beaten or harmless. It’s one of those things that a guard should really know.
I shoved him off me and took back to the air with a beat of my wings and a hop. A hop which just so happened to end with my hooves on the back of the first woozy guard, who was drunkenly lurching to his feet. It didn’t really hurt him, it just drove him back down to the clouds.
Sure, it was more dirty pool, but I needed all the time I could get to recover from that fall. My flying was still a bit slower and more uneven than I would have liked. And there was an ache in my back with every wingbeat.
“Ah-ha! We have found thee!”
Oh, and there was a rapidly approaching shadow against the white of distant cloud-homes. Presumably the over-loud immortal I was trying to impress.
I kept my cool, of course, fluttering my wings in a way that was sure to make me look absolutely pathetic, ironically to avoid looking pathetic. A mare does strange things when they have the second most powerful pony in the world barrelling down on them.
Bolting seemed to be the thing to do. I flew until my unsteady wings felt like they would tear out of their sockets, and the pain in my back become a dull roar. I didn’t even look back. The buildings whipped past. I focused only on making the wind scream by all the louder, on getting enough distance from the chasing alicorn. My destination loomed ahead in the form of a dainty little cloud park. I slammed into a welcoming cumulus like a plummeting boulder, penetrating deep into its damp softness. I was too relieved to ponder the metaphor.
I groaned in delicious bliss as my body basked in the stillness. Sweat dripped from me, well-earned in my minute of reckless flight. The cloud sidled up around me like an overeager pup, silently following my whim. It cooled my skin and helped to close the entrance tunnel behind me. My wings burned, and they ached even worse as I shaped the cloud, but the moment of peaceful rest was too euphoric for me to worry about it. I breathed in the chilly, damp air, letting it fill my chest with—
My cloud exploded.
I fell only a few hoof-spans through the scattering mist, landing on the harder stratus-stratum underlying the ornamental cloudbank. The suddenly clear air around me was jarring enough on its own; the dark alicorn looming over me with a delighted grin on her lips, her eyes glowing with moonlight, was little better comfort. I shot a look around, but the very night itself swirled around me like a whirlpool, penning me in with a flow of stars billowing out from her mane and tail.
That starstuff spiraled in on me as she walked closer, her posture telling me she had me right where she wanted me, and the confidence of a pony who thought she owned the world. Which, I suppose, she sort of did.
“We are impressed,” she purred. A shiver went through me from withers to dock. “It seems thy ancestral blood burns strong in thy breast. But e’en the fiercest mare in Pegasopolis could never best us.”
In the face of an ancient power beyond comprehension, I did the only thing I could: I grinned, gathered my legs under me, and pounced at her.
I barely left the ground before I was surrounded in pale blue light. It effortlessly tossed me back into the softness of the clouds. The blue nightscape around me spread to eclipse any other sight. It was just me, her, the soft white clouds, and the stars in her mane.
She put her shod hoof to my chest—as if I was going to run!—and lowered her head to claim my lips for the kiss that was her due by right of conquest.
Most ponies would say life is a game you can never really ‘win’. It’s funny how wrong some ponies can be, isn’t it?
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The idea of Luna hanging out at filly-fooler bars to pick up the most physically impressive and charming mares present puts a smile on my face.
Talk about winning...
Ah, the foretold chapter arrives!
…So what exactly happened in the library after Twilight demonstrated the questionable greeting?
Also, have you perchance read this? In addition to being, in my opinion, quite good, it brings up the same issue.
Cloud's night with Luna is certainly more interesting is this AU. I can't yet tell whether that means its going much better or will result in much more time locked up. :D
Well, that answers that. I suspect that tomorrow's gossip tabloids are going to be so hot that they actually spontaneously burst into flames.
edit: Oh, and, of course, it sounds like a certain holey black queen might already be wearing pink around Canterlot...
Yay! Potential Incest!
wait? That's not right.
In all seriousness, Yay! Its Back!
So about that deleted scene...
That was great. I really liked how Rainbow was clueless because she didn't bother asking around for details, the reconciliation with Twilight was great, and I especially liked how you dealt with Luna. That is a very interesting and very believable divergence which is going to cause some major ripples down the line given how well they are getting along, and I have no idea what they will be which makes it even more fun. All in all this is looking even better than it was before and I am really looking forwards to more chapters in the future.
This story is horrifically under-appreciated.
Winning Pony ended in a Derpy (eventually) - Fluttershy - Blossomforth orgy. Why not a Luna - Twilight - Fluttershy - Blossomforth this ti-
Oh. Because she gets arrested for this in the morning.
Huh.
Well.
Damn.
I think it really is interesting, though, how much Kicker changed over the course of her relationship with Derpy. This story is like a time capsule for that personality.
See, now this is the way to woo the princess of the night. Seems Cloudy learned some tact from Twilight, too. Also, this whole thing is far less problematic with Cloudy not being involved with Derpy.
Yet another great chapter to this story. It's so much fun to see Kicky roll the dice time & time again and see them always coming up CK.
I love this--and Kicky herself--for the easygoing fun and the near total lack of heavy drama; please keep this wonderful story going. As MrNumbers said before me, this story is like a time capsule for that lovable scamp version of Kicky; I find myself completely hooked on it and I can hardly wait for my next hit of hilarity and sexual hijinks.
It's good to see you back on your game after the medical stuff, and I think I speak for everyone when I say we're all glad to have you.
4285313
Not to worry, assuming the connection doesn't go even further back (I'm not assuming that it doesn't) it was Celestia that was rumored to have possibly had a relationship with Shadow Kicker, so Luna is still fair game.
4285299
Cloudy storming off to commit a breaking and entering, clearly.
Never heard about it, but if it's indeed good/funny, I'll take a look.
4285313
Pfft. Celestia totally didn't sleep with Shadow. Even if she did, it's been a bajillion generations.
Cloudy's probably more closely related to Derpy, Flutters and Blossom than Luna.
4285398
Maybe after I'm done.
Especially now that you guys have fed Pale, he'll just keep coming back.
4285490
Dash is likely easy as heck to distract when she's doing things she really doesn't want to do anyway.
And yus, the divergences will continue to build rapidly.
Thanks for the kind words!
4286005
Alas, only going to be more Luna/Cloud.
4286628
) than any other story I've written. I shall be quite content with what I have. 
It's gotten more appreciation (and 10x the downvotes
4286661
It rather helps to not be drunk out of her little pony mind.
All that talk of drinking and hangovers, unplanned Cloud/Twi, so much more LyraBon, all just to set her up for getting cider-shy there. I think a great deal of the fun with writing this one has been the unexpected places it has led me.
4287394
Aww, thanks Dashie.
I most certainly am planning to continue. And as much as there might be action and such later on, we won't be dipping deeply into angst. I'm too busy reveling in the absurdity of Cloud.
4288244 Keep it up, please. I... I've had a love/hate relationship with the winningverse for quite a while now. It's refreshing to have a series that features the same characters but doesn't... I won't go so far as to call what Chengar did mistakes, but I personally wish he'd gone a different way at a number of points, and so far your deviations are really improving things. Thank you for that.
Cute, funny, naughty, and Luna. Rise's best chapter yet.
Whelp, there's certainly no question as to what happened that night in this alternate universe.
Also nice bait and switch on Rainbow's reaction. You portrayed Cloud's guilty conscious well from the previous chapter.
And oh the divergence caused by the slightest of differences, I like. I certainly look forward to where this is going now.
EDIT: I am curious as to how you will handle Blossomforth's infatuation though.
Flash-forward a year, and they'll be calling her Princess-Consort Cloud Kicker.
The only question is if she'll be hitched to Luna, Twilight, or both.
The end of the sentence appears to have been absconded with.
Luna: 1, Cloud: Winning?
4288743 I wouldn't get too excited about that tag. Unless Luminary makes major structural changes we are going to be stuck with the same non-canon hive mind stupidity that Chengar used in the main story.
4290306 I almost did as well, but he updated when I had literally nothing to do so I read it to kill time. Long story short, it was just as stupid as it looked on the way in and it has now become my go-to example of why using the total hive mind is always a bad thing for a story.
4288244
:)
I hope that you enjoy it.
4290406 Ah, my bad. I usually associate loosing interest with giving up on reading the story because that is what I do which is why I assumed you gave up on it, although skimming also makes a lot of sense.
Another entertaining chapter to this story. I look forward to seeing where this goes next.
Some interesting things afoot... I didn't notice any mention of Fluttershy (or Applejack, admittedly, but that's less important to the story) at the post-engagement announcement party. That historic mess between them will still need to be dealt with if Cloud is going to hang around with Twilight. And while Derpy is easily enough removed from the equation by taking the triggering moment of their relationship away, I'm at least a bit curious to know how Blossomforth's part in things plays out... Especially with how little she's been in the story. I suppose she could just keep quiet and it will remain a "what might have been" thing. I really wouldn't mind that, as I have no strong desire to retread that whole relationship.
Kudos for the new approach on the events, and also for smoothing out some of the early roughness of Cloud's personality and take on things. I recall not-fully-liking Cloud Kicker through these earlier parts of the original story, and part of that was the harshness of her observations of other characters, especially the mane cast that were the whole reason I was reading a Pony story to begin with. Dash, Rarity and others came off as somehow meant to be inferior to Cloud which made me side against her. Here, the two casts (show and background-pony story characters) exist much more harmoniously. Cloud also isn't a personality that can just bowl over anything in her path here. Twilight has already proven formidable physically (or magically) and emotionally, leaving Cloud the underdog in a way that she never was in the original tale. It gives her much more appeal, to me anyway.
Nicely done, and I'm glad to see it continue!
4288244
*Evil Cackling Intensifies!*
th01.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/107/9/9/corrupt_nightmare_moon_by_invaderpoe-d4wioo7.png
The deleted scenes shall last FOREVER!!!
4293769
Blossom is the first thing we see next chapter. Unless I change my mind.
There has been a mention of Flutters, at the start of this chapter. But none of the events in Winning Pony have happened here to bring them close again. So they're still in avoidance-mode. As for Applejack, I think the problem there is I have trouble thinking that Applejack would really willingly associate with Cloud, beyond the business of weather work. I can't see her liking Cloud's lifestyle and flightiness, and she's too bluntly honest to lie about it.
It's not really anything that new to have Cloudy be less self-righteous (which personally I never much believed she was. Look at how quickly she gets into self-doubt and self-depreciation in Winning Pony. Seems like her confidence is mostly smoke and mirrors). Heck, look at 4293394 and their Study of a Winning Pony. There Cloud is very much at a disadvantage in her dealing with Twilight the whole time. She is very much forced to dance to the tune of Twilight Sparkle's judgement of her life. First by flirtily, and uncomfortably dealing with Twi's disdain. Then in grovelling apology, as a microcosm of the main conflict in Winning Pony, where Cloud feels like she has to apologize for who she is.
Obviously, this is a far less serious story than Study. Compared to that, Cloudy is a bulldozer here, plowing over the opposition. Twi starts off with a Twi with far fewer negative preconceived notions, and Cloud gets more of a chance to engage with her on a normal level before Twi gets in disapproval-mode. So Cloud's not on the defensive the entire time, and can seem a bit less morally reprehensible.
I'm glad I got around to reading this, it is really entertaining so far. It's funny, as much as I disapprove of the potential for Twilight and Cloud having a one night stand in Study, in this story I am firmly rooting for TwiCloud.
One question, though. Is this going to stick with canon events in the same way that the main Winningverse does, or will it branch off and chart its own course? Rarity picking up Lyra as an assistant seems like it might make things play out differently (especially once she ends up a brainwashed bridesmaid), not to mention how different the latter half of season two might be if Twilight ends up in a relationship with Cloud. I could see Hurricane Fluttershy and It's About Time being a bit different in particular (threesome jokes with Twilight and Future Twilight everywhere). I don't mind either way, just curious, really.
4304053
Sold.
I love comments.
Sometimes they give the best ideas.
But yes, things will begin to diverge very heavily, starting in the next chapter or two. Sufficed to say, by A Canterlot Wedding we'll be in a situation that's entirely different from both canon and the Winningverse.
4304086 Ahh, I'll be very interested in seeing where it goes, then.
Eeeeeh...I don't know. Changing the canon is, at least for me, unnecesary.
And by 'canon' I mean both Cloud telling Twilight about the wedding and the shenigans with Luna.
Was it bad? No, but...Was it really necessary to change that? Would the relationship with Twilight be very different if it wasn't for that?
4306509
Yes.
If I left things unchanged, then I'd be... what? Retelling Winning Pony with slightly different wording?
There is a broader story to be served. Not just Cloud/AllTheMares shipping.
As much fun as I might be having with that.
4306533 The story spinning aroind Twilight and Cloud is not a SLIGHT change. It's way more than that.
Anyways, I suppose I will have to wait 'till the next chapter to see if my points stands or not.
I am having a blast with this re-imagining of Winning Pony. You have a great grasp of each of the character's voices. Your writing is crisp and efficient as well. I think all of the scenes and dialogue have great pacing and there isn't really a lull at all!
As for changing "cannon", I think it's well served. You have a very different story than the original. If I wanted to read the original, then I'd go read that.
I am quite interested to see where this is going to go. I don't think Cloud was so crass this time to get locked up, but she DID assault some guardponies, so it's possible she ends up in jail again. Then again, I liked how in the original you never knew if the night with Luna was a dream or reality. However, given the title of the fic, I suspect you are aiming for "reality" with your work. I do like the chain of events, like other people have commented, where one little careless comment leads to different shenanigans. Keep up the good work!.
4306563
If I somehow deluded you into thinking this was a work of deft touches and subtle alteration, then I apologize. In actuality this is me taking the most overtly absurd version of a character and slaloming down a waterslide of bright pink Kool-aid on her back while laughing my head off.
The Winningverse proper has you covered for srs business.
In any case, it's not supposed to be a slight change. It was a slight change that quickly leads to increasingly drastic results, butterfly-style.
It will get worse, and never get better.
But that's the story I want to tell, and am enjoying telling. I don't expect it to work for everyone. Just look at those downvotes.
4307012
If Cloud ends up in jail at this point, I think the person who will be most surprised is her.
Admittedly, even if she did, she'd probably be wearing a big goofy grin the whole time.
Don't know if I'm enough of a jerk to have made it all a drunken dream at this point, and having Cloud wake up, blitzed off her plot, in the alley behind the fillyfooler bar.
4310032 The downvotes are because this is a winningverse story.
I fail to understand what is so wrong about Cloud Kicker.
I think I may leave...
4310032 Is Luna a big enough of a jerk to ditch her behind a bar with a hangover? And then Blossom finds her like that? Because that'd be amusing, would make for a hilarious Blossom/Cloud scene, and would make for more wacky shenanigans if Cloud ever sees Luna again in the future.
A neat thought, but its kind of a one-line joke. You probably have an idea of how things progress from here anyways.
4310032 Please, if Cloud winds up in jail, it is going to be to add some authenticity to the bondage. Bedding royalty does have some definite advantages.
4313049
I admit I do. And there's no dark raincloud alleyways involved, alas. Would require me balling up the story and tossing it in the trash.
4313283
Royal bondage is more of a third date thing.
4315878 ...if that's the third, what's the eighth?
4564392
"It was really fun, but I think it's time for us to see other ponies. I don't want to lose our friendship!"
4564405 3=
But... But I love you. T^T
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
--arcum42
4650585
I-It was there?
I guess it totally works to do... favors for the boss.
4650601
We had this folder of fanfics that at one point or another had been recommended by contributors that had been shuffled aside and ignored for way too long. We dumped the whole thing into the incoming folder and deleted it to take care of them. That's one reason it's been taking so long this time. This was one of the ones in there. (Submitted by Chengar Qordath, I believe.)
Now that I've read it, I'm enjoying this take on the Winningverse, anyways. I'm just pretty behind, because I lost track of all the offshoots...
I am wondering why there isn't a comedy tag on this, though.
-arcum42
4650632
S'an AU take right after the start.
Doesn't require anything beyond, like, Chapter 2.
It's a sign of my own meager self-esteem where my humor is concerned.
4650650
Apparently that's enough to rule out SirTruffles or twilight-the-pony reviewing it.
(And if that isn't a sign that I need to revise the staff list, I don't know what is. Why do I have a million admins and contributors again?)
But yeah, I'm not even sure it needs reading that much. This story was just published after I started losing track of new Winningverse stories...
--arcum42
4650668
For just that reason, silly thing.
Because it's a volunteer effort. So presumably a certain amount of enjoyment should be had, or it won't last. And with more people, you're more likely to get someone who will willingly read everything and judge it from the view of someone that can enjoy it.
If you're part of the Winningverse hatedom (or revile shipping, say. Or can't stand sadfics), you're never going to have anything but a negative view if you're forced to slog through those fics. So what's the use?
Better to let people read what they might dig.
4650696
Yeah. The trouble is I've got a lot of people on the list that haven't done anything in more than six months. Not reviewing certain types of fanfics is one thing, but not reviewing any is another...
--arcum42
Sobs I keep noticing more and more interesting Winningverse stories and I've only just started reading the first fic in the "series"
R.I.P. fimfiction.net user Kochamara
4650712
Need more staff. And to kick out the people like me who have never done anything. =D
I'd volunteer. But already been having trouble of late with my existing pre-reading entanglements as is. Nevermind writing or taking on more. Long stretches of insomnia are a bitch.
4650725
Already planned, I'm afraid. And yes, that's a huge list.
You might note that I have a very easygoing policy on letting people off that list, though. Basically, I'm removing anyone that reviews fanfics for the week after the incoming folder opens.
I can understand what you mean, though. I have enough problems writing due to similar things. I really should have worked on Magical Filly Apple B this weekend...
--arcum42
4650717
We hardly knew ye.
4650745
Ever consider poking some of the guys who make site posts?
Twilight's Library is a fixture around here. And if you made a call for more reviewers that way, you'd probably be drowning in them.
Or could make a post somewhere like TWG, at least. I totally have an in with their single active admin.
I desperately need to read that. It sounds hilariously adorable. Magical girls are the best.