• Member Since 11th Dec, 2012
  • offline last seen Tuesday

beatbox9988


There are two types of people in this world: Perverts, and people who won't admit that they're a pervert too. Unless you're an alien. If you are, then GTFO.

Comments ( 41 )

Not bad. Granted, there's not much posted yet, but so far I like the style. The only big error I can see for far is that you occasionally slip into present tense here and there, so when you do the clean up, make sure to watch for that in particular.

You always see a human male with a female pony.

This right here...this is good.

(Clicks watch button)

you have my interest good sir
:leans in:
do try not to lose it

I like this concept and I really like your style. I look forward to more!

It's a change from the usual.

Ponies don't have that much trouble with cups... :pinkiehappy: i20.photobucket.com/albums/b217/strangething/ponies/Lyra/lyra-cup.png

My, my you have my interest good sir please proceed. :moustache:

Not bad. Not bad at all

I'm curious where you're going with this. I'll keep an eye on it.

It's a nice change of pace from (often unlikeable) male human with female pony. I like your style so far.

I am wary of the sex tag, but intrigued by the concept.

Interesting. I hope the next chapter provides more, but I shall definitely track

Link to the GTA IV mod in the cover?

3772606 ........ its not a videogame.......

3772606 That's real life it's a new GTA DLC

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I'll try my best to write more soon! But real life is slowly catching up on me and I'm going to have to start college next week, so my free time will be cut down quite a bit...:fluttershbad:

And, um... I'm not good with schedules so please expect sporadic updates :twilightblush:

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Right, sorry! I'm not exactly the most talented writer by any means, but I'll try my best!

Also, feel free to point out on any errors that you can find and PM/comment on it. It would mean a lot!

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Uh... no pressure... right?:applecry:

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ikr?

Although it's been done before, I'd like to explore this concept.

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Thank you!

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Well... uh... Sorry but there's definitely going to bed some mature scenes sometime in the future because like the main character in the story, I am also a HUGE pervert...:eeyup:


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:rainbowlaugh:

Also, I just want to thank everyone who has taken the time to look at my story, despite how poorly it's written. I'm not AP, but I try my best.
Lastly, I'm sorry I haven't said anything. I'm terrible like that. But trust me when I say that I read all of your comments.

Once again, thank you!:heart:

3774836 A shame but its quite all right RL comes first. :twilightsmile:

I don't always like romance stories, but when I do it's because they're good ones.:moustache:

s1

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You sir got my fav and I will be watching.
dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/12875849/reactions/disgonbgud.gif

After you're done with this story maybe could write a spin-off featuring a male griffon x female human couple we don't see much of that here.:trixieshiftright:

That's something we don't see enough of, stallion-on-woman clop. Written or drawn.

That needs rectifying.

The clop was fine, but yeah, there was little to no progression on terms of story. But you can just make up for it with the next chapter.:raritywink:

On a side note, I find it weird that females in clop would sometimes gladly have spunk running down their faces, yet the males who produce them is icky about even touching their own sperm. :unsuresweetie:

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Because the writter is usually male?

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Yeah and nearly every males' fine with licking blood and swapping drool with their lovers, but not reproductive fluids? (Sorry about my technical speak)

Sorry if I sound mean, I'm just looking at this logically :)

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Well, I think many people consider disgusting drinking your own sex fluids.

There doesn't seem to be any purpose to making the main character a pony. If you switched him out with a human male the story would be roughly the same so far. It is excellently written and I do like that he is in a relationship with a woman, which is unusual, but he feels more like a human in a pony body than the product of a separate culture.

3802015 the premise of the story is that he's been living in the human world for a few years now, and he's gotten used to the lifestyle (though he will still have his quirks). So much so that he has a human girlfriend.

The story is about him returning to Equestria after all this time to meet his friends and family.

I know that there has been no plot progression in the latest chapters, and for that, I apologize. I just get all these weird ideas that I just have to write down.

I should probably consider putting a slice of life tag as well... hmm...

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I see, so a sort of reverse culture shock.

I apologize, in retrospect my original comment seems rude.

3802067 Perhaps a good way to deal with what MrZ is proposing is to show how different Number Crunch is when he returns to Equestria?

He says and does things that are unusual to those who have never left Equestria and that way it also presents some opportunities since his parents will be abit shocked at how different he is since leaving to go to Earth.

3802165 It's alright, dude! In fact, I encourage comments like yours. Maybe they would even help me find plot holes that I didn't even know existed, and enable me to flesh out the story a little better.

I find it odd that no person seems to mind this guy walking around naked with his schlong hanging out. Otherwise its okay. The sex felt un-needed.

“It tastes weird. Huh. Maybe it’s because it’s not warm anymore. What do you think?”
“How would I know?!” I asked incredulously. I’ve never tasted sperm before!

Tch men :ajsmug:

3808083 He has a sheath and with his tail properly covering his sack I'm pretty sure you wont see anything unless your trying to see something xD
I would imagine any kind of pants or shorts like cloths to be very uncomfortable with that anatomy :P

3801427 I know right?

3801416 Agreed

3815442 That's because it's human clothes you are thinking he would be wearing. And he's a pervert. So that means he looks at girls asses all day. And trust me when I say a tail does not really cover anything! Also these Equestrians are NOT regular horses here. So they have a much more vivid imagination,intelligence and capability to position themselves in ways normal horses cannot. Standing, sitting, their forelegs able to move like our arms do. Clothing IMO would be something he would very much want to have! And since he's from Equestria anyway it should be rather easy for him to have equestrian pony specifically designed clothing for him. I find it weird that he will wear a shirt but no pants. That's silly honestly when you think about it.

Reading sex scenes by people who haven't had sex before is always an entertaining experience. There were a couple hiccups here and there, but nothing too major, so all in all I'd say it's was a success. Good job. The only thing that really stood out to me was this line right here:

He continued to wriggle inside her with newfound enthusiasm, and he brushed against her cervix.

Either Crunchy has a really, really long tongue, like, long enough that when they're kissing he can taste her tonsils, or she wasn't very aroused while he was showing her his oral dexterity.

P.S. Please disregard the fact that Elizabeth had to taste her own ejaculate and Number Crunch didn't. I've never had sex before so I wouldn't know.

........

wow.. really.. no shit :ajbemused:

Hahahah I lost my shit at Crunch's reaction.

Suffer pony! Suffer for our enjoyment :trollestia:

Crunch, you poor, poor bastard. This is gonna end with some major embarrassment.:trollestia:

Putting it in a new group is good stuff beatbox but you're still going to have to give us moar :pinkiehappy:

Shame this story is dead, seemed like it could've been good.

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