• Member Since 29th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 25 minutes ago

SoonToBeWriterBrony


A writer who can't decide which he loves the most. Writing, Equestria, Kamen Rider or Apple Tea.

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Source

This story is a sequel to Equestria & the Heroes of Ether: Titan Landing


Magic. Ether. What-ch-ma-call-it. It has many names yet in each world, even in worlds where magic doesn't exist, there is always a Titan of Ether. And each of these Titans had their own heroes to save their world if it was needed to be saved. However, Equestria which had no Titan of Ether was in danger from a very real and dangerous threat, the Earth's Titan of Ether could not stand by and watch a world so close to his own be destroyed. So choosing a few heroes and imbuing them with powers, gear and magic similar to a Pen & Paper RPG, he sent them out to save Equestria.

Terry was the first of these Heroes to be sent out. More was soon to follow. Can Terry unite these heroes, both from Earth and Equestria to combat this threat? Well if you want to know, turn the page and read on.

For this is their story.

* * * * *

This Story contains mild Gore, Lots of swearing and is a crossover. You have been warned.

The Story was originally New Life for an Old Golem which had gone may revisions and re-imaginations. This one was the one I stuck with and started to write on. This story is taking over the New Life for an Old Golem.

The story is based on the idea that since Equestria is a land of magic and myth. Thus raiding the Pathfinder Bestiary Books and Races books would provide the nice setting for the stories.

And yes. Before you all point it out, there is a bit of Ultima in it.

Credit to Holy for helping me edit and shape the story even though now he is not the editor anymore. Still some props to you mate!
Thank you all for reading it. Even if you don't like the new direction for it.

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 10 )

New life for an old golem was written a whole lot better....

You should've just left this here and started this as a new story.

You need editors was what I meant by your old fic was written better. this needs more time in the oven.

3268413
I can see it from your point of view. Currently the previous editor tarynsgate from deviant art is to busy with a lot of other things to help me out with the editing the story. And truth be told that story also went though a english teacher as well who is also to busy. I have yet to find a new editor for the story and wanted to publish the story without an editor first.

While you are not wrong and I can definitely see it from your point of view I still appreciate your comment and for pointing that out.

Also other than the editing and more time in the oven how was my old fic better than this current one?

3269588 Nothing else really.

I absolutely adore foxes and it rent my heart to tell you this was bad.

Because the amount of fox related fiction on fimfiction.net is.... near zilch.

Hi, as you asked me to, few days ago. Here I am to give you my point of view on your story. I’ll try not to spoil your story in my comment.

First, I want to say that the intro caught my eyes as I am a long-living player of paper RPG (since 2005) and I am currently a GM in an association close to where I live. I’m managing five reckless player on Pathfinder, within a homemade universe.

I really liked the first chapter, it looks a lot like a common beginning of a [ADVENTURE], [HiE] story. Yet, you don’t seem to bother hiding it and even think that you and the readers should get rid of the “post-traumatic Equestria teleportation syndrome” as fast as possible. That’s good, really good.

If I had to compare this story to another one, it would be with Griffin the Griffin by BlackWing. And somehow, I’d say that if I compare both stories, your beginning is better (not so many mistakes, the main character doesn't sound like a big psycho, etc...). There is not so many mistakes, but still a few like this one:

He was the kind of guy where you would like after meeting up with him for the first time.

I don’t understand why there is a ‘where’ here.

"Eh?" said one of the guards," Oh no, some of them will make you want to strange them. Even we feel that."

“Strangle” not “strange”, there is a small typo here ^^.

Luna sexy flank.

“Luna’s sexy flank” looks better.

By the way, don’t use ‘(…)’. Go for a comma.


So, you go straight to the point in those chapters. It’s good but it can also be a weakness of your story. You should elaborate good descriptions and maybe explore a bit the universe of Pathfinder within your story for the readers who are not familiar with D&D Pathfinder, especially the Titans of Ether. You give some hints, but it shall deserve better.

Conclusion: Your choice to rewrite the story is a good choice I think. Now this story has a lot of potential. Use the “group and folder system” to get it known and try to balance your story between action and description and everything will be more than fine.


If you appreciated my comment, would you be so kind as to take a look at my story Beneath an Endless Dusk which need some feedback.

3277225

Thanks mate. I'm actually working on editing the chapters with Overthepacific.

Much better, not perfect- The only way to improve is to write and learn. I could look this over and point out obvious errors, and the weird sounding scentence or two- then PM it to you if you'd like.

Seems interesting, I'd also like to give some suggestions if you'd let me. It'd entirely be my opinion. I won't try to force it on you or anything.

this reminds me of my tri-keen ranger. he was fun to play i made him about using multi weapons. tri-keen have 4 arms so 4 swords, 2 short bow or one really big siege bow. i miss that game lol.

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