It's over. She's been with Celestia for years. She's absolved Luna of her crimes. She's been instrumental in defeating Sombra, and has revealed a Changeling invasion. She's even helped in reforming Discord. And now, her time is over. In the time that she's had, she's tried to do her best. She's tried so hard to live up to what other ponies expect of her.
And they were happy with how she was shaping up.
They wanted her to succeed.
Now all they want is to see her dead.
Story has been pre-read or otherwise edited by these fantastic ponies people:
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Chapters (5)
i'm sorry but i can see discord standing for her, or possibly the crystal empire making various political threats even an embargo and war if celestia goes down this path, what she wants isn't justice it's vengence.
vengence makes for a bad ruler.
Holy shit balls.
3859741 I'm sorry, but what exactly do you mean? Vengeance implies that the subject is undeserving of the full brunt of the punishment. Besides which, Twilight is not an alicorn in this one; she holds no special political importance. And also, while I agree that Celestia's path is never one of vengeance, to deny Twilight's death implies atrocious favoritism, even corruption. The idea is to both portray Twilight's death as tragic, and to justify it.
I would say that I need to know why Twilight did what she did and to figure out whether or not she really killed princess Luna. before I decided on a punishment.
3859764 far greater atrocities have been swept under the rug because of what said actions prevented.
twilight essentialy magi-nuked ponyville i get that, but she did it to stop a mad alicorn, an alicorn with a history of madness. if the crown where to actualy consider the implications of such a creature it would easily be said that twilight should be banished or exiled not executed.
i realise this twilight isn't a princess, she is however the sister of prince shining armor and sister in law to princess mi amore cadenze of the soverign crystal empire. so she does have political standing.
the other thing to consider is how history well tke this, the people of ponyville well consider her a monster, canterlot may too.
historians and history books? not really she'll be looked as a martyr, the one who served celestia faithfully stopping threats to the county and the world, the first of these was princess luna, it well simply be written that fittingly stopping the same monster with whom catapulted her too fame was the beast that caused her to fall. celestia well be the monster, the traitor not twilight.
zebrica, gryphonia, whatever other countries there are well take history's view not celestias.
it's hard to judge the situation without the full picture, I'll definitely follow the next chapters!
Damn.
3859835 I suppose the picture itself is incomplete, but I meant for it to be so. Consider this: How do you actually know that Luna was actually turned/turning into a beast of darkness
?
Hm. That was an interesting one; I like that we don't really see what happened yet, only getting vague accounts. Like the jury, we have to make our minds up based on the evidence given. I rather liked it, I have to say.
3859781 Do you really need to know? I'm actually taking an unofficial poll to decide whether I reveal that or not.
3859910 I am going to ask you the same question I have been asking others: Do you need to know? An unofficial poll, to decide what comes next.
3859922 I would say ... no, I don't *have* to know; I would like to know, of course, but I also like a mystery, and getting to decide stuff for myself.
3859918 if I am to decide the fate of someone I would want to know everything about the situation and why and how it happened. otherwise I might as well be in the same seat as the person being convicted.
so simply yes I need to know.
3859918
I'd say just reveal what you think you need to reveal. If you think the readers will be angry at being "left in the dark" at the end, then it might be best to unveil what really happened. But if you think dropping hints and leaving some things open to interpretation would better suit the allure of your story, then go with that. Many times, leaving things open to interpretation is better, but go with your gut.
So long as the whole thing doesn't feel incomplete.
And great start, by the way. Looking forward to more.
~Arwhale
3859896 call it stupidly blatent trust in twilights morals.
no matter who she's faced killing has never been an option she's considered, her brother was a professional soilder and likely tught her that taking a life isn't something you do easily, also luna was her friend, ponyville was her home, maybe it's just my pinkie sense.
also how does the jury know she wasn't? likely none of them where there.
3859959
Considering that that's one of the most important criteria for being selected to a jury in the first place to avoid bias towards one side or the other... yeah.
Just saying.
3859985 yeah that didn't happen here, the most unbaised person was twilights gaurd. everyone else had deided this case when she walked in. it was in the atmosphere of your writing.
3859939 May we discuss this more in a private message?
3859999
Well, that is definitely true of the bystanders in this story. But if the jury had already decided the case beforehand, then that implies that its members had prior knowledge of the case. Which, in most court systems I know of, is not allowed.
It also was not the case in this story. Quote from the chapter:
Again, just saying.
3859999 But, I wrote this... I... I promise...
But anyways, yes the idea is not to remedy the subject in the eyes of the reader; my intention was to start a story that does not involve exonerating Twilight in the end. The 'crowd effect' is actually quite useful; it sets the tone and general feeling for the scene. Notice how I made sure that Twilight's jury was dispassionate, as a jury is supposed to be. My goal was to show the tragedy of Twilight's death. That is why the story is called 'The Hanging of Twilight Sparkle'.
3860053 sorry that was a mistype
i'm sorry how i come across i'm just making some notes to how i'd see this situation. but surly we can agree when celestia hangs twilight she is going to have a political shitstorm with the empire?
3860067 It's fine, I do that sometimes and I would be a terrible person if I just slandered you for not going along with the story. Yes, there would be very large political troubles, but one thing that I think has always been emphasized by Celestia is that she must be absolutely impartial, one cannot be ruler for over a thousand years if one is capable of blatant favoritism. And truthfully, this is the part I am having difficulty deciding on. I can write for either side, but it is difficult to know whether I should reveal what Twilight did or not. Doing so might explain some things, but it would come at the expense of some, perhaps, thinking that the reason(s) given were not satisfactory. That's really hard to do!
3860117 her 'impartiality' would be called by shining armor she is impartial to her subjects but luna has always been a sensitive area with her.
3860142 Which is actually what this story plays on.
3859854 Thanks, I appreciate it
Hmm, I will watch and see where this goes. You have done an excellent job of setting up the atmosphere of your story, very emotionally driven. Excellently done.
Damn. This was really good. Is there any possibility that we may see a prequel? Maybe see what Luna did to cause Twilight to kill her?
3860253 At this point I am uncertain if I will weave what happened between them into the story or not. I think I could make it work, but sometimes I feel like there's something special in the moments unspoken. As for a prequel, well, I may do one if there is enough demand but I will also do one if (and only if!) I can conjure up something with enough force to actually drive another story. Creating an endless chain of zombie-stories to explain little details has never been a favorite tactic of mine, so if I devise something that powerful then of course it'll happen, but I may just end up adding a story after the ending, detailing what exactly happened between them. We'll see
.
3860191 Thank you!
3860339
You should do a prequel. I'm very curious as to why Twilight murdered Luna along with all those other ponies.
3859741
How exactly is punishing those who commit atrocities make you a bad ruler? And vengeance can be justified if it's for a good reason, and in this fic, it was. What would make Celestia a bad ruler would be if she defended Twilight for what she did.
It's well written, but I don't think I should get into a sad story with such a slim timeline. Unless I'm informed that there really is more to this story than just the hanging I think I should steer clear for my own emotional stability.
3861251 Sorry to hear that
.
Yeah, when I wrote this I wasn't so much thinking 'one-shot' as 'something that I want done because no one else seems to have done it', because there are surprisingly few stories, I've found, where the goal is to simply establish the death of a character. Very short-sighted, I admit, but I have never liked doing or reading very long, winding stories that I feel do way too much explaining. But anyways, thanks for at least giving the first chapter a read!
3861251 I mean I am planning to add more than just the hanging in terms of character interactions and such (a lot can happen in a jail cell before an execution), but if you're looking for a two-year, expansive storyline, I am sorry to say you will have to look elsewhere.
3861294
I'm not looking for anything like that, but the idea that we're just thrown in with little to no warning, and then everything just keeps going down hill like this. Like I said it's very well written, and it's mainly my own fault for not looking at the tags. I don't normally read these kinds of stories. I can't read knowing that there's no way it will turn around to something I would enjoy, and that's just me. I actually know someone else that might enjoy it more, so I'll be sure to tell him about it.
3861351 Thanks, sorry you can't read it yourself. But i do plan to make other stuff in the future, and that's all I have to say on the subject.
Holy sweet crap i am just...wow this interesting
Left my jaw hanging the entire time... Amazing. I look forward to reading more!
3861563 Thank you!
What the fuck is going on XD
Wow. That was... I really have a hard time saying just what that was. I don't think I've had a story hold me like that for a while, but it wasn't out of excitement or enjoyment of the story, but out of morbid curiosity. This was like watching a car crash unfold from before your eyes, or reading Cupcakes. You want to look away and ignore it completely, but it has your attention ensnared and you have to see what happens. This was a deliciously painful story.
I had no problems with being dropped into the middle of the story, it is a style of story telling to drop the reader in the middle and build the events of the past and future as the story goes. So it was refreshing to get something like that instead of having the past already known and building up the future. (That made more sense in my head). I wonder how Twilight managed to survive that explosion when an Alicorn couldn't and I'm assuming the other Elements were with her as well.
I wonder if this will have a happy ending, or if this will be the ending of Twilight. I know of course you can't answer that. But the possibilities~
3861838 Glad you liked it! Yeah, I'm really thinking on the minute details of this story, I know exactly where I want to go in the grand scene, but the small details are killing me. Writing crowd emotions and general atmosphere I'm okay with, but I am not sure if I am doing personal interactions right, an integral part of the next chapter. And I'm really scared of publishing the next chapter as a test run without having anyone tell me what they think first...
Since you seemed to be interested and willing to provide detailed feedback, would you like an offer?
3861951
Sure. I do quite a bit of freelance work like that.
nuuu Luna!!
(good story story
)
Me by End of story: KILL HER!!! SHE MURDERED LUNA!!!!!! SHE MUST DIE!!!
Interesting, But the Judiciary system in a Monarchy in fics always ticked me off.
I like to reserve judgment on chaptered stories until I've seen a few chapters. But this, it grabbed me and it just didn't let go. It has been a long, long time since I got sucked into a story as fully as I did this one.
The atmosphere was heavy, the plot was intriguing and the characters alive and vibrant. I don't much care about what comes from the future, but I can say without a doubt I do care about what came from the past. Even if you never reveal it, I think imagining what could have happened that fit into all of the clues you left is a lot of fun.
Luna betrayed the principles on which Equestria was founded. The resulting incident decimated Ponyville and shattered the Elements of Harmony.
We may never know what transpired there, but I know one thing.
You earned this.
24.media.tumblr.com/a257ad5165644b1f79354634dfdee284/tumblr_mqo61uYbwk1rj6vd5o1_400.png
Wear it with pride;
-Lumino
3861251
Yeah, same thing here. Well written, but... god, so depressing. I don't think I want to read anymore.
i think it would be deliciously evil if they kill her then later learn of her innocence
3862469
Thank you very much! That is very much appreciated!!
I disagree with what Lumno said.
I feel there isn't enough to give a true verdict.
Still, might as well take the chance and see where this goes.
Don't disappoint, man.
~Skeeter The Lurker