Banishment.
Such a powerful word with such a simple meaning. A word most ponies never hear in their life...
"Twilight Sparkle,"
A simple word meaning to be sent away as a form of punishment...
"You have been proven guilty,"
But I haven't done anything wrong, have I? Anything to deserve to be punished? Being framed? Is that a crime?
"You are banished from Equestria,"
Why would they all just give up on me? I know the truth, but they refuse to hear it. Why won't they just listen?
"You are required to leave at once."
Just listen.
Before war overtakes us all.
Featured-- 3/5/14
Give cover art respect where it is due, meaning this guy.
Chapters (2)
4038935
Yes, well, sometimes answers leave you with more questions than before. Like the next chapter, for example, you'll get some answers, but a hell of a lot more questions.
Hmm, promising start, and I look forward to learning your take on the Griffons. Love those things.
Anyway, a like and a fave for you sir.
So, Pinkie is murdered and the evidence points towards Twilight so strongly that it can't be anything but an intentional framing. And Twilight gets a banishment order so strong that any Equestrian citizen who even contacts her commits treason.
Is Twilight going to get revenge in the End? I'll have to find out in the future.
4039386
Vengeful Twilight sounds awesome but... [INFORMATION REDACTED DUE TO SPOILERS, SORRY] Does that help?
4039394 Well you have my attention.
Gonna have to opt out. My jimmies simply cannot handle another fanfic justice system, especially one that allows life in prison for talking to somebody and apparently has no appellate or court system in place--again.
4039810
It'll be explained, trust me.
LOVE IT
-Mr. Discord
4039859
I LOVE you!!
this jumped out at me, i don't know why. but it seems pretty good so far, so I'll wait for the next chapter
I despise these Fics because their whole premise is based on not knowing the true key parts of the plot.
I just don't like it.
Also, Twilight is so sincere talking to Celestia it is really hard to imagine what has convinced Celestia that Twilight committed whatever crime happened.
I'll watch and see where it goes because at least it is written well.
4039925
Well the premise is based on YOU not knowing the key parts. I, however, have already gotten the whole story planned out.
4039959
Hm... Fics starting out like this... leave a bad taste in my mouth, for good reason in my experience... Usually because I've seen the set up in Deadman Wonderland -hated it- and in Naruto fanfiction -hated it there, too- and so... I don't know what to make of this. At all.
I'm gonna guess that Twiley tried to debunk Celestia as the Sun's master, and thereby invoked a religious mob.
4040151
I LOVE you, too!
4040055
4039925
Oh no! The author isn't giving us the entire plot in the first chapter! He's actually leaving the reader with a mystery! Clearly he is shit, and his story is shit for not telling us everything right off the bat.
4040205 Don't get me wrong, i'm intrigued as to where this will go, it's just that previous experience has been... disappointing for me, or relies on massive plot holes. I'm genuinely curious where this will go, I'm just not optimistic.
4040205
Dude, I'm going to hug you now.
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As others have said, not a new concept. However, I -really- like this. You have good immersion. Looking forward to more.
So is the the new flavor of the month? Last month it was dressed up and evil and now exile? Not bad, somewhat of a new idea every month and I kind of like it. Now if only we could get 'terror of the high seas' for next month; I'd sell my left leg to see it.
Kind of got off topic, whatever said topic was... I need my outlets.
twilight killed pinkie
please sir i want some more!
Awesome story! I love the banished twilight ones!
Must... read... moar...!
Well, color me intrigued.
It might be easier to swallow if the whole story was posted for us to read so we didn't have to wait indefinitely to see exactly what got Twi banished, but I suppose easy is overrated.
Interesting look at the griffon society and Twi's reaction thereof (for that matter, interesting to see her nearly clueless about a subject). Is this some sort of scouting party?
4040659
And that is how Equestria became No-wheres-ville!!!
4040765
I wanted to make the griffons a military-based society. (I know what the other creatures government types are, too) So this is a griffon squad. (not to be confused with squadron) I've been using up a lot of time by just researching the subjects and making it factually (and aesthetically) pleasing.
Hmm. I think that had too many big words...
I think I like banishment stories too much.
Another start to a good story.
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4041238
Yes, you do that.
They have technologically advanced medicine, but in the Equestrian world brews and potions have great healing capabilities too.
SPOILER BELOW!!!
SPOILER BELOW!!!
(Spoiler Alert: Medi had pre-packed healing brews and potions, but the unrest in Cimmerii (s sound) had injured a good amount of their squad. But, a medi always comes through. She had to use them healing the injured, and still lost [redacted] griffon(s) due to fatal magical attacks for which she wasn't prepared.)
4040699 DO you know of any other good ones you could point me towards?
4041592
Try here. That's where everyone (entering the competition so far) has put 'em.
4041592 try Banished it has a pic of twilight with white runes on her with glowing white eyes! It's one of my favs but the author doesn't update much
4041624
4041605
Thanks
Well now, the premise seems quite interesting and you are doing a pretty good job at setting up the atmosphere of confusion and uncertainty, but I must admit I am sort of wary about following this.
Mainly because the premise (or what I surmise as the premise) feels like it's going to be pretty forced - I am talking about the bit where Twilight isn't allowed to contact Equestria or anyone related to Equestria in any way, shape or form. From the story's description it sounds like Twilight is going to uncover a conspiracy leveled against the state, but the contrived ruling will pretty much prevent her from informing anyone about it, even as much as send a message, which could prevent the whole mess.
Secondly, because ... what the hell Celestia, Luna? Your idea of an "exile" constitutes her being dropped off chained and magicless and malnourished in the diamond dog territory? "Exile" my rear end, that's more like Execution and not a particularly pleasant one, because from the sounds of it Twilight was close to dying from dehydration. Never mind that Twilight killing Pinkie is a completely incredulous accusation in the first place, no matter what some "evidence" might say, the execution of said "exile" was completely off the rails.
So either the two Princesses are completely bonkers (possible, seeing the sentence actually went through), or the zealous guards that were supposed to drop Twilight off took matters in their own hands to crank up her sentence (in which case they are blind and incompetent flankholes who don't pay attention to what's happening under their noses). Though I don't know - Twilight didn't seem particularly surprised about her bound state, so for now the impression is that this was expected.
Alright, I can stomach all that and the Princesses being *censored*, but what truly leaves a bad aftertaste in my mouth is that Twilight still, apparently, considers them and the rest of the element bearers as her "friends" (she refers to them as much in this chapter in her thoughts post banishment), despite how colossally and thoroughly they have betrayed her and spat on their supposed friendship. It sounds like Twilight would be willing to forgive them at the drop of the hat should the opportunity present itself, and that simply doesn't feel right.
Because if this doesn't have real and lasting consequences for all of those who bought in to the sham and almost put Twilight to death over it ... then I probably won't be able to derive any enjoyment from this. It's kinda boggling that Twilight doesn't seem to feel the least bit resentful at this point, which leads me to feel she won't demand any real repercussions in the end.
A fitting crime demands a fitting punishment after all, and especially Celestia and Luna have committed a screw-up on a national level here (Literally, as they dethroned and exiled a fellow head of state) - they should face real consequences for this and be forced to answer for their incompetence and gullibility, something way beyond a simple stern talking to and a few apologies. They have fallen for a sham that destabilizes the government, the populace and, if the story's description is anything to go by, sets Equestria up for war. In one fell swoop they have proven to be unfit to rule (not that Luna was fit to rule in the first place after her little Nightmare stunt), and this isn't the first time Celestia puts Equestria in danger thanks to her personal shortcomings and shortsightedness (see: Changelings). They should damn well bear consequences for their actions for a change.
But since Twilight doesn't seem to be in a particularly accusatory mood, it gives the early impression that all the wrongdoings and incompetence of the Princesses will be swept under a rug, and that her friends will earn easy forgiveness and reconciliation, when neither group is particularly deserving of it.
Of course I might be completely wrong here (and my rant will probably look quite foolish then, heh) and Twilight may well develop some justly directed resentment as the story goes on, but so far it doesn't necessarily feel like Twilight would drag either party over the coals for what they have done to her, if/when given the chance, and that just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I hope I am simply being paranoid and that there will be real repercussions and not a simple "kiss and make up" before this is all said and done, otherwise I feel the story runs the risk of being emotionally unsatisfying, based on what little can be deducted from Twilight in this chapter.
4041692
WHY THE BUCK IS EVERYONE SAYING TWILIGHT KILLED PINKIE PIE?! AIN'T NOPONY SAYING THAT ANYPONY KILLED ANYPONY IN THIS CHAPTER!!!
Ahem. Now that that's out of the way, I may address your concerns.
But first-- THANK YOU!! for giving me an in-depth review. That helps me so much.
First--
A message wouldn't exactly stop all of it from happening. I could explain more in depth, but there runs the risk of TONS of spoilers. I'll just say that there isn't a conspiracy against anyone. And she isn't allowed contact with Equestria because of the crimes she was framed for. Yes, CRIMESSSSSSSSSSSSS.
Second--
This... I'm going to have to answer with a few spoilers. In the next few chapters, you'll find that Twilight was NOT supposed to be exiled in that manner. She was supposed to be escorted to a boat which would float her safely overseas into FRIENDLY griffon territory. There, she would have her chains and inhibitor removed. Remember that the Princesses do what is best for their kingdom. They are NOT cruel. Out of anger and grief, Celestia teleported Twilight as far away as she possibly could. Well out of griffon territory. In the story, the griffon squad is not even in griffon territory, their in Mutt-ville, so to speak. I want to reveal more, but SPOILERS.
TWILIGHT DIDN'T KILL PINKIE PIE!!! I'm glad that I completely threw you off, but I'm getting complaints that Twilight killed Pinkie Pie with an axe and that is just not the case!!! Twilight wouldn't have used an axe, she's too smart for that! She probably would've used anti-freeze, since its sweet, undetectable (unless your looking for it), and effective.
Third--
Twilight also didn't know that the Princesses still did banishments.
Fourth--
She's still clinging to a shred of hope that they still stand by her. And some do, like Spike and (other two ponies are a surprise). And she's only been out of Equestria (and conscious) for a day. It will take some getting used to. You'll see in future chapters she'll start referring to Celestia as 'Celestia' instead of 'Princess Celestia' as she does currently. And she probably would forgive the other elements. All she wants is for things to go back to normal. She wants to believe that they're still standing with her. She also doesn't have any proof that they aren't. But the princesses? She probably would ignore them. Forgive them...? Maybe. In a thousand years or so. She's angry that they wouldn't listen to her, so she'd stay in Ponyville, never again visiting the Princesses. If it were to be that she goes back, she probably wouldn't resume her normal royal duties, being as she's already been de-crowned.
Fifth--?
Oh, there will be... *giggles eerily*
I'm done counting--
Well, [INFORMATION REDACTED COME BACK IN A FUTURE CHAPTER] Does that help any?
--
Nope, nope, nope, nope. Trust me, the mistrust will build up over time. She'll realize that her friends aren't standing beside her as she thought they were, and the reconciliation will take time-- and lots of it. I don't want to reveal too much about what I'm going to do with the princesses, but there aren't any rugs where they're going.
Umm what number?--
Eeyup. I love that you so get me.
I never like leaving people with a complete understanding of wtf just happened. There will be more questions in the future, just know that I will NOT answer them! Why? Because it's more fun that way!!! And also, I gave out a lot of spoilers in this particular Q/A. So... once again--
I love ya dude.
Thanks for the review. (Psst. Just in case ya didn't know, I'm a girl!!)
4040205 Perhaps the language I used was a little harsh but I certainly didn't say that I thought the author was shit.
The reasoning for my statement is that a little more information at the start could produce a lot more feeling for the character.
Obviously I'm not an author, and I'd love to be proven wrong (which is why I am still reading the story) but too many times have I read a stories like this and not really cared for the characters, which is why I wrote my comment as heated as it was. I want to care for Twilight, but don't.
Also I suppose that saying what I said in the first chapter may have been a little hasty.
Also, I certainly wouldn't comment if I didn't care for the story.
EDIT:
4041840 Reading this was pretty helpful to alleviate some of my fears I suppose.
This got me way more interested than I should be.
4041840 Don't be silly. Girls don't exist on the internet.
4041840
*Blinks*
*Points at your avatar*
Well, she clearly is about to ...
On a more serious note, I thought the implication was pretty clear that Pinkie was dead, given Twilight's reaction when she ate the flowers and snippets of her thoughts and conversations, though I guess you never explicitly said she has perished, so ... I imagine that means something else really bad happened to her? It's just easy to assume death because of how torn up over Pinkie Twilight is, and considering she is getting exiled ...
Though since you mentioned "crimes", I guess there are other things she is framed for, not limited to whatever happened to Pinkie. I look towards finding out about those and who could be behind the whole ordeal ... the nobles scrambling to dethrone the new princess while they have chance because they feel their position threatened? Changelings getting revenge? Hm ...
I see, this answers some of my concerns. Granted, this doesn't make it any less of royal screw-up: accidentally almost killing Twilight because she couldn't keep her head on straight isn't exactly going to earn Celestia any brownie points ... come to think of it, do they even know for sure that Twilight actually survived to knee-jerk teleport? I mean, if her only criteria was "far away as possible", she may have appeared half a mile in the air or underwater or in a volcano or something, and I kinda doubt anyone bothered to check, or even knew where to check. For all they know, Celestia's little stunt might have killed Twilight right then and there.
I was thinking a table with restraints, a few scalpels and a saw for two. For, errr, science. Extensive mapping of pony anatomy and all that.
Yeah, I imagine she wouldn't take up her royal duties when all is said and done. Even without all the dethroning business, I kinda imagine Twilight wouldn't want to have anything to do with the crown after all this.
Regarding Twilight's friends, the snippets of her conversations with them did leave the impression they weren't exactly eager to side with her (given how pleading she came across), though I guess we didn't hear her addressing all of them ... interesting to hear some still believed her (There was also that interrupted "Fl-" part. Flash included there as well, I wonder? That must have cut deep as well, if he turned on her), though I wonder if they spoke up for her.
I get being in denial, though seeing she already spent some time in the dungeons, I figured she would have had the time to come to grips with the fact her friends aren't as willing to believe her as she would have liked. Regardless ...
Thank you for reassuring that Twilight is going to develop some well deserved bitterness bitterness towards her (former?) friends as the story goes on, as that's by far the more appropriate reaction in these circumstances, and that the Princesses are about to actually get some just deserts.
Because if we want to be fair, it's thanks to Twilight that Equestria is even standing at this point, despite the missteps of the elder Princesses. At some point it damn well should be one time too many to mess up, and it's incredibly reassuring to hear they will apparently have to answer for it. Too many stories have Celestia and/or Luna messing up bigtime (again) and simply getting to walk it off like it never happened in the end, and that tends to be irksome.
---
On another note, Twilight in the Diamond Dog lands with a squad of Griffon troops, probably there for a mission if I were to guess? I'm looking towards where that part of the plot is going ... I just noticed this is featured in the "badass Twilight" group, so I imagine there will be plenty of chance for Twilight and her new 'friends' to get in to all sorts of not so nice mishaps and leave her with plenty of chance to grow and "toughen up", so to speak. I can hardly wait ...
4041924 But of course! I forget that sometimes. From now on you may refer to me as 'he' and I will not take offense. (Though you may wake up and find that your house has mysteriously burned down overnight...)
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Ellipses...ellipses everywhere.
Have yourself a fave and another like
Looking forwards to the next chapter, this looks like it could very quickly become something much more psychologically written.
In short I loved this chapter, I can't wait for the next one and keep up the good work!
So twilight is set up, exiled for a crime she didn't commit, and no one will ever prove her innocence? So this story is just Twilight's new life in exile, and not Celestia or Luna investigating anything further? What a rip off...
My curiosity is piqued.
For trying to overthrow Celestia's rule, Nightmare Moon was sentenced to 1,000 years on the moon.
For turning the world to chaos Discord was sentenced to eternity in a stone prison. When he escaped and tried it again he was returned to his stone prison, and then he was released and sentenced to be reformed.
I do wonder what Twilight could possibly have done that was so bad, so unforgivable, that she is sentenced to an eternity in exile with death potentially awaiting her should she even try to return. What did she do that was so unforgivable?
I'm looking forwards to finding out.
Well, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, since you have banished Twilight Sparkle, I pray that a revolution will come to you and I will be extremely happy
to see your head being guillotined
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Vive la république
P.S: Man, I hate to say this but somehow after watching cupcake and smile HD I'm glad that Pinkie is dead
4041969
Well then, war shall commence
4039820
Well, I hope so. Murder is one thing, but the punishment is downright Orwellian. Not only it Twilight banished, but anyone who talks to her (or probably even mentions her) will themselves be arrested and maybe banished/executed.
4042268
What she supposedly did was kill Pinkie Pie, the only problem is that Twilight was framed which means she was exiled despite the fact that she is innocent because everyone believes she is guilty except for Spike and two ponies.
This has to be alt-universe, because in canon there is no way any of them would act like this.
They would tend to give Twilight the benefit of the doubt, especially considering a little thing like MOTIVE. Not to mention... LUNA WAS FORGIVE FOR BEING NIGHTMARE MOON. Discord was forgiven for being... well, Discord...
Celestia and Luna act utterly out of character from the get-go.
What reason has Twilight supposedly for killing Pinkie? We're given no details about this murder, just sudden banishment of the main character. Is this supposed to elicit sympathy or something? It makes no sense.
We're just tossed into this situation which is totally at odds from all we know, given no introduction to the characters, and expected to swallow it?