• Member Since 19th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen 44 minutes ago

JaydexTheShadowKnight


I'm an avid brony that enjoys writing human x pony romance stories. If you like what you've read, then perhaps you'd Buy Me A Coffee?

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(2nd Person Story Starring You (a human) and Princess Luna)

After enjoying the Nightmare Night celebration, you and Luna decide to take a little break. Leaving the festivities, you both venture just outside of Ponyville, and share some cuddling and playful frolicking.

Author's Note:
This is just a little something I came up with in honor of Nightmare Night. I decided to write for a little over an hour using the prompt "Under the Full Moon" and see what I could come up with. This is the result. It's probably not that good, but I wanted to challenge myself with something new. Oh, and get this, there is no clop or love scene in this. But this story did warrant a Teen rating! ~_^ Enjoy!

- Dedicated to Princess Luna, the enchanting mare of the night! -

Cover art by Skyline19, check out his awesome work here.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 64 )

Awww! I love this story.:twilightsmile::heart:

Darn you, writing so many good stories.

I can't even write one :rainbowwild:

3427923
What do you have on mind for Christmas or Thanksgiving?

3427935
All it takes it practice and finding something your passionate about. I'm sure you've got what it takes to write a good story! :twilightsmile:

3427941
I'm not sure, but I could always work something in. Last December, I was considering a 2nd person story with Vinyl Scratch set around Hearth's Warming Eve. I'm sure I can figure out something, maybe even do a prompt for each. The sky is really the limit! :raritywink:

You! You! You! Jayyyyyy I love you so much for making this story :fluttercry: its so goood.

3427967 Well I am writing stuff, but I just lose interest half way through or I think my writing is crap so I scrap it.

To read very, very sad snippets, please check the latest two chapters of "Short Shorts." Warning: not safe for feels... :fluttercry:

Such beautiful story. :raritycry:

Fus Ro D'aaaaaaw :yay:

Loved it! :pinkiehappy:

Now I'm not at all a fan of second person, much more liking third or first person but I will say this: This was an exception.
I genuinely felt heart warmed at the interaction between Luna and the you-guy in the story and a small smile actually graced my lips while reading. Do I wish it was longer: Yeah... Do I think it should stay the way it is, unspoiled by opinion: Yes.
So I whole heartily give this a

4.999999999 Abides out of 5.

I'm Abiding it like a kiss under moonlight: A more enchanting connection of lovers joined by ethereal limps of the moon, caressing the cheeks of lovers over the world.

3428039
Awww, thank you! It was just a little something I came up with for Luna, to celebrate Nightmare Night. :twilightsmile:

3428095
You shouldn't scrap it. And if you lose interest, simply take a break. Try to find what inspired you to write in the first place and learn to use those inspirational tools to help you find your motivation. That's what I do. And even I sometimes fear my writing is crap, it's something all writers must deal with. But the only way we get better is by posting what we have and pressing forward. It can be difficult, but if you truly are passionate about writing, then it'll be so worth it in the end. :raritystarry::twilightsmile::eeyup:

3428114
I read them both and left comments, very moving and heavy on the feels...to say the least. :fluttercry:

3428181
Thank you! :twilightsmile:

3428351
Glad to hear it! :raritystarry:

3428371
I'll see what I can do then. :scootangel:

3428438
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it! And thanks for the picture. :twilightsmile: I've seen that one before, but I never get tired of seeing it! It sure helps that Luna's still one of my favorite ponies and always will be. :raritywink:

Awwww, c'mon please give us more, I could cry endlessly if i can't read more.

3430351
:pinkiegasp: You want more? But this isn't even that good, and it's just something I came up with based on a prompt and about 90 minutes of writing. Still, if you like it that much, I'll have to keep it in mind. :raritystarry::twilightsmile:

3429308
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! :scootangel:

3429237
Thank you, I'm glad to hear that even though 2nd person stories aren't your thing, that you enjoyed this story anyway. I know it's nothing special, just the results of writing from a prompt, but still it was fun to write, and I'm with you, it could be longer, but this was what roughly 90 minutes of writing got me.

Still, I thank you for reading and commenting and that elegant remark at the end. :twilightsmile:

Dang it! Had to go to work last night, just now read this.

A nice playful and sweet piece.

It's complete?

...

WHERE'S THE SEX! IT PROMISES SEX!

Good little short story buddy :derpytongue2:

3430651
Glad you enjoyed it. Like I mentioned in the summary notes, it was just something I did using a prompt.

3430826
Yeah, it's complete. This was just a prompt exercise. I threw in the sex tag because of the passionate kissing and moaning that went with the first one. But who's to say I won't try another prompt based off this and make it a bit naughtier. :rainbowwild:

Glad you liked it. :pinkiehappy:

"you’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?”

Or you blog something about this some week ago.:facehoof::twilightsheepish:

I love this type of story its so loving and sweet.:eeyup: and fun
And yet I can't find stories just like this.:fluttershysad::raritycry:

How is your day or night?:pinkiehappy:

That was a nice short story

I really liked this.

lovely just lovely and heartwarming :pinkiesmile:

Love for Luna: Stronger than ever

Good simply good :twilightsmile::pinkiehappy::rainbowkiss::derpytongue2::eeyup::raritywink:

This was a sweet story it was a joy to read. :rainbowdetermined2:

yep, i always want to do this with luna, she's the hottest pony ever!!:rainbowwild:

jaydex as usual this story is filled with so much Dawwww. keep up the good work.

I quite enjoyed this.

I just read the description and It's a DAWWWWW moment

*Teeth begin falling out* God damn it. This story's too damn sweet.:pinkiehappy:

Wes

Bucking Beautiful :fluttercry:

They see you Rollin, they hatin something something something something something. The point I'm trying to say is your on a roll my good sir :moustache::moustache::moustache:

I don't like this fic. :ajbemused: I :heart: it! :pinkiehappy: Great work, man.

4809849
Thank you, I really enjoyed writing this one. But then, Luna is one of my favorite ponies. :yay:

Nice story ! Keep up the good work ! :eeyup:

4850731
Thank you, I will. Glad you enjoyed it! :twilightsmile:

Simple and cute, love it! A nice break from all the Clop I have been reading.

All hail Luna, Goddess of Awws and Dawws! Her almighty cuteness is supreme! :heart:

That was pretty good :)

Absolutely beautiful. A few lines that "I" said sounded a tad off, but it is just your writing style.

I almost couldn't find anything wrong with it...almost.

After the short introduction it went straight to romance, and was almost an instant switch. I recommend transitioning your past and present tense with a bit more description.

Also, I believe that the nightmare night in your fiction isn't the FIRST celebration, as it seems to take place after Luna's return. I noticed that Luna's archaic grammar was entirely missing, and it seemed odd for her to be using slang. There isn't anything wrong with her speaking normally. Usually it takes many years to break old speaking habits, and many more to adjust to the new slang/grammar.

These are just small tips that could greatly improve this story, as it is amazing as it is now. With the tweaks that I mentioned it could become a platinum plated brick of gold.

All in all it was a great read, and wish to see a sequel if you ever right one, or even just another chapter. Please supply us all with these great works of literary art.

5392183
I appreciate the feedback, but I'll level with you. I will openly admit that this story is totally lacking. It was just something I whipped together after writing to a prompt I chose. I had seen other writers doing similar stories based on a simple prompt and a limited amount of time. I wanted to see what I could do. In all, I spent less than three hours working on this, including, writing, editing and posting it here. To be honest, this story has done far better than I ever expected it to.

The main things that fueled this were A. my readers wanted me to put together something like this with Luna and a Human, that was short and sweet, and B. a feeling I got from a song I was playing as I wrote helped to spur me along. I must have listened to that song a good 30 to 40+ times when I worked on this.

As for a sequel or another chapter, I'm not sure if I'll be continuing with this specifically or not, it was meant just to be a one-shot. As far as more stories, I will do my very best to keep bringing enjoyable works for you and others to read on here.

Thank you for the feedback. Have a good one! :yay:

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