- Member Since 17th Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Wednesday
overlord-flinx
I'm 40% jokes, 30% serious, and 20% romance. The Last 10%? You tell me. Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/overlord_flinx
overlord-flinx
Joined 17th Apr, 2012 ·
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overlord-flinx · 2.1k words · 373 19 · 11k views
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I'll be the first to say that this is a pretty good read.
I Love Humanized Applejack But In The Nude Not In Clothes I See Pictures Of Humanized Nude Applejack All The Time? Did I Forgot To Mention I Want My Very Own Humanized Nude Applejack One Day It Will Be A Brony's Dream Come True!
Damn. That was a good'un.
Nice job, mate.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3002413
Good morning to you too, run-on sentences
Second person wai you do dis to me?
Second person is for game narration, not fiction. Learn to use first or limited third, and you will be much closer to being a reasonably competent writer.
Some of the comments on stories on this site lately seem really catty and cruel. This was a nice clopfic. Great job!
3002820 Oh, yes. Of course. I should be more like you. Thank you so very much. I should join your double digit following and read work like yours.
Ignoring the rudeness of Whiteout...
It was very good, save for all the talking was from AJ. I didn't really like that as it felt like something was missing from the whole thing. But other than that, it was very good
5/5 Mustaches
3002862 I'm glad you said that. I tried a new way of doing a story here. A story where you can fit in what YOU would say. I left the dialogue rather ambiguous so you can try to immerse yourself a little more into the atmosphere. More or less it's a test of trial and error that I felt worked pretty well. I suppose it's not for everyone, but why do anything if you're going to stick to the same old trials? Take a little chance and make a few risks.
3002873
The whole unique perspective was great. My mind wasn't thinking fast enough to create dialogue. But really, it was a VERY well done clop fic and I was supremely impressed with your skills
You have gained a fav, like and watcher
So I said I was talking to the duck.
3002888 All three I accept with a grateful heart.
Well, that was actually much better written than I was expecting. Nice work
Well, That escalated quickly.
3002857 W... What's wrong with double digit followers?
3003022 ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! It's just that if you're going to spout that you're superior to someone when you don't have a blip in relation to their status, you shouldn't say anything in such a high-and-mighty way. Now look at yourself... You just came in sometime this year, no? Budding... Yet I look at your page, and you already show GREAT potential. Your numbers are earned and respectable. My numbers, on the other hand, are gained by a fluke. I'm a guy who got lucky once.
Well, that was different, and in a damn good way.
3003049
Well thanks, but it obviously wasn't a fluke. Tens of thousands of views don't happen by accident!
I don't normally read from-the-reader's-perspective stories, but I'm glad I found this one
!
Great work mate! Better than I could have done.
3003603 Poppycock! If I can do it, so can you. All you need is one thing... Belief. If you believe you can do something crazy, you have a chance to make it happen.
3003618
And if you can't believe in yourself, then believe in your readers who believe in you!
3003931 Actually, you said "whatever helps you sleep at night". And I sleep just fine as it is. I have a great many followers, a lot of good stories, and I'm never too stressed to write. Sure I post only 1k chapters, sure some people complain. But you know what? I built myself on that and it's worked out so far. I have stories that go a bit longer than that anyway. Enough people enjoy them. Well over 500 as it were. Now you're welcome to keep hating me and fighting me, but you've already lost this fight. Granted, there never really was a fight to begin with.
Take some solace though... At least your stories are longer. They're not better, but they sure are longer.
3003931 By the way, after six weeks, all your stories STILL haven't broken 10k words. Nice little tell there, kiddo. Anyway, blocked. I don't have time to waste on you... I have fans and followers to please.
3004105 Dayum...
Interesting... I like your style....
"The story of how I lost my eye is a very short yet very descriptive one. Lets just say it started out fifty thousand feet in the air, and it enclosed two jet airplanes, a helicopter, an RPG, and lets not forget the broken parachute. In the end...I really wish I didn't step on that rake."
-Principle Primer
Sup? Came for the humanized. Have a thumb and fave, bro.
3004895
Merc...it's been forever. How ya doing?
3004927
Fine and dandy. Just plugging away at my fics on here and workin' RL. yourself?
"Applejack occupied and held a monopoly on your face"
Damn it AJ! Stop playing board game on that guy's face!
3002413
Why Do You Keep Talking Like This It's Not Funny Or Clever It's Just Annoying.
3004930
Trying to write a clopfic...but it's based more on story then sex....
And what's worse, I seem to have a habit of having the main character's parents die in the beginning of most of my stories.
M-Tails-P? Do You Really Have To Post That Comment Just To Hurt My Feelings? I'm Sorry But Nice Try I Have The Right To Say Whatever I Want And I Have My Own Opinions And By The The Way That Comment Was Hilarious
Humanized clop? and in second person? Two if my biggest warning signs against reading a story, but I'll give it a shot since you're the one writing this.
Well, this is certainly something new. I've never read a story, where you can put your own dialogue in like that and I always approve of trying new things. On the first read it kinda pulled me out of the experience, which is something you don't really want in a 2nd person story. But the fun here is more in the rereading than in the initial reading, I think, since you can image different personalities for the guy. Coupled with the shortness it really makes for a fun experience.
One thing I did notice was that you kept switching between past and present tense in the narration, which always throws me off. Personally I think one should decide on one and then stick to it.
But overall I really enjoyed it. Keep up the good work
.
Amazing.I have no words except,great job.
8/10 mustaches
3006462
It's either you die using capitals, or live long enough to be like me
3007246 An honor to hear from you of all people. And a thought I shall take to heart.
Gosh, Sluttyjack... when will I see you again?
Short and sweet little fic, huh? Alright, time to read, proofread, and review! For the record, to find any errors I might point out, use ctrl+F, then correct them through editing!
… “party goers sauntering” – ‘party’ and ‘goers’ should be one word: ‘partygoers’.
… “All of these party goers” – See above.
… “From they way” – ‘they’ should be ‘the’.
… “plans're nothin'.” – Consider what ‘’re’ would be the shortened form of: ‘or’. There isn’t an ‘e’ in ‘or’, so make it ‘plans’r nothin’.’
… “on your redden face” – ‘redden’ should be ‘reddened’, or ‘reddening’. Author’s choice.
… “breast tease to your” – Swap ‘tease’ and ‘to’.
… “kicking a chair with a great skill” – Place ‘deal of’ between ‘great’ and ‘skill’.
… “with a small aggression.” – ‘a small aggression’ should be ‘a small amount of aggression’.
… “given a jaw dropping” – Place a hyphen between ‘jaw’ and ‘dropping’.
… “with how well tended” – Place a hyphen between ‘well’ and ‘tended’.
… “and slicked her tongues for” – Did you mean ‘licked her lips’?
… “every which crevices of” – ‘crevices’ should be ‘crevice’.
… “of your your” – Remove a ‘your’.
… “Wide eyed, Applejack” – Place a hyphen between ‘wide’ and ‘eyed’.
… “Hold ya' there” – You either meant “Hold yer horses” or “Hold it there”, but “Hold ya’ there” doesn’t make sense.
… “weren't crotch deep” – Place a hyphen between ‘crotch’ and ‘deep’.
… “in Applejack womanhood” – This makes sense, but perhaps ‘Applejack’s’ would be better.
… “with a great reluctance” – Remove ‘a’.
… “tongue lulling out” – ‘lulling’ should be ‘lolling’. Really. Look it up.
Okay, time to review. This was short, and sweet. I suppose it did what it was intended to, but the clop seemed to barely ‘shine’ compared to the rest of the story. It was only 2k words, true, but it didn’t seem to really leave any kind of impact.
Is it the characters? Well, kind of. The protagonist seemed submissive, which wasn’t too bad, and also a little bit disgruntled in an upper-class setting, which, again, wasn’t so bad. The problem with the protagonist was the choice to give the reader more “creative space” by making their lines essentially “universal”. It works great for most of the chapter, but…
For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out what could be said to justify that response from HER.
I don’t exactly know what about asking to give someone a facial, qualifies as “so dang cute”. 
Applejack had some great lines, though you seemed to sort of… bat her accent around casually. You didn’t overuse it, but it also didn’t seem too consistent. And “Till you on mEEEE!"” Just made me twist my brow into a most curious and confused stare.
But at the end of the day, while I’m more a fan of sensual clop (romantic build-up, a look into their minds to understand how they feel during the act, etc.), this just seemed to go WAY too quickly. I mean, I honestly imagined that Applejack probably pounded onto the protagonist’s pelvis, like, six times maximum. That section was given LESS than a full paragraph, and considering how little we did to Applejack for HER to enjoy the experience… I felt a little discouraged by it.
All in all, you had a great story made here, but it was just… a flash in the pan. And the sad thing is, I don’t think: I KNOW, it could have been so much more.
3052550 Normally I would say "Good points, yes." And move on without paying much mind... But, seeing as you are indeed Phoenix Wright in a hoodie, I am in a position to believe and listen to you.
3052662 Th-Thank you.
I-I just want the authors with amazing potential to realize what they have and be able to fully showcase it in their stories, that's all. 
3053972 Calm yourself. I'm just jostling you.
3053995 My jimmies.
They have been rustled.
It was a good read. Really nice work on making it a self-insert story in a second person perspective, adding periods to his dialogue allow the readers to fill in the gap with their imagination, which turns out well compared to other story that I had read. Funny with how you worked with the humanized AJ with the silk dress, like as if she took one of Rarity's dresses for the party, which is quite the unusual combination, but great look nonetheless.
Keep up the good work man
And I was hoping for this...
"...."
i.imgur.com/gsBJgXg.jpg
Whatever. Still good.
3148351 Funny enough, I was going to have that exact line. But, the vote was for the "..." person to be sweet.
3148401
i.imgur.com/nz3y5gc.gif
When she told him to lay down...
i.imgur.com/s91AL2t.jpg
Hot and awesome.
Loved every word of it.
~Skeeter The Lurker