- Member Since 27th Dec, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 6th, 2019
Higherbeach
I write pony fiction and I love it! Tell me what you think and you never know, I may use it!
Higherbeach
Joined 27th Dec, 2012 ·
Offline
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Higherbeach · 14k words · 157 19 · 7k views
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effen Awsome dude
Absolutely love it.
Amazing story dude!
There's only one problem with it that I can tell... the Complete tag.
Have a green thumb, a favorite, and a stalk. (Meaning a follow.
)
Is this a humanized story? The cover image makes it seems so.
2390735 to quote the foreword:
I noticed there a couple of instances where it goes into 1st person a couple times but besides that lovely story
2390735
Can't believe you missed that. Idiot...
2390755
Did not read the chapter. Just clicked on the title so that I could leave a comment.
That should also be included in the description.
2390896
Next time don't insult others when you don't know the situation, you ass.
2391013Let me switch from badass to diplomat; My apologies for repeating a comment and insulting you. I should have made sure what went down before jumping to conclusions. In the immortal words of Patrick Star: "It's one of those *dolphin clicks* sentence enhancers I hear from bikers."
2391074
Apology accepted, and I apologize for insulting you back.
2391095It's cool.
You can't see it, but I'm clapping right now. Well done
)
(and I hope you didn't read clopping by reflex
A very beautiful story, romantic and intimate. Very well done.
Just a few errors in consistency that confuse a bit
is very closely followed by
.
One small shift into first person
here disrupts the flow a little. Very minor issues, they don't take away from the overall story's effect but they do create small bumps.
Second person stories suck.
After read.
I stick with my original statement.
2391139 thank you for pointing out these errors. I was told there were shifts, but didn't see any more after I fixed them. I have made the corrections you have stated. Again, thank you for pointing this out!
2391120 glad to see you enjoyed it good sir!
2391095>>2391100
Oh just fuck already you two, the sexual tension is killing me.
Oh, celestia...
Humanized ponies.
I'll pass, but I'd imagine it's good, according to the likes to dislikes ratio, and the comments.
Which means you did something right.
2391208
Regi... you replied to the same person twice.
2391348 Ohmai.
Lemme fix dat.
5'10? Did I shrink seven inches?
Beautifully written story.
Well this was...actually pretty good
Humanized? In my featured box?
This is what I like to see. Congrats, dude, and good story.
2392225>>2392103>>2391840>>2390468>>2390398>>2390356
Thank you for the support! I wrote this over two months ago and I am glad that it has finally seen the light of day (err, night).
2391208 Since I can finally have the time to find a proper response: Omg! A Regidar comment! That is slightly more awesome then this guy:
macromeme.com/cat/like-a-boss-funny-action.gif
Has a lot of extra potential, in my opinion. But nice job
This is just fantastic. I love reading a good Luna romance, humanized or pony.
Luna is best princess. Great job.
Exemplary work.
Very beautiful story, and feels very real.
There are a couple of points in the narrative where you use 'we' to describe 'Diana' and the narrator/character/'player' that throws off the second person perspective, but they can be overlooked. Might want to take another look and correct them. Ctrl+F for 'we' and context should make that easy.
The psychological analysis of Luna v Nightmare Moon was also quite moving, and also felt accurate.
I give this five of five cheers.
Great Story my friend. Very good job indeed.
My dear sister. I love her with all my heart.
2392296
2392950 Thanks for pointing this out, I though I found them all but I guess a few slipped through. As for the Nightmare Moon vs. Luna discussion, that was a large amount of the reason I wrote this story, as that is how I view Luna vs. Nightmare Moon.
2391100 That was bro.
Sees human: "Meh."
Looks at rating: "This could be interesting."
Notices characters: Instant favorite!
There isn't enough of these.
*Derping about on the homepage*
Oh, hey, this story looks interesting.
*Sees it's by higherbeach*
SHIT, when was this posted?! Not important, read, man, READ!
Later...
Well done, my friend. Defanitly worthy of being featured.
Not much else to say. Great job.
I just thought of this, why do I read stories about my daughter before seeing the 'mature' tag. But It was well done all I had to was remember that this is not the universe that I created with the cosmic matriarch. Then I think about some stories having different origin stories like them creating the world (yet in all origins stories according to equestrian history I am unsung as the cosmic patriarch) just like in all the history books. But all you need to know as the author is; well done.
Akwardly,
The cosmic patriarch
King Lazaro Sol of Ziolia
dude you win
there are no questions, you just win
I have to say I was a little skeptical at first after reading the last mature second person Luna ship fic that made it into the feature box, which was basically just a porno in words. But, after I started reading this my opinion quickly changed. Really great story good job
Also I'm happy to finally read a good second person ship fic with Luna
2393783 Yeah, I wrote this on the premises of not really seeing this one too often and not usually well done. I did the same thing for 'So I Heard...', only with Octavia.
It was very nice I like it
2391208 Jerks. Fuck you Regidar!
2394020 It's spelled "fuck", darling.
Also, it was just a lighthearted jab. Come off it.
Why do all the main character in every story I read are picture perfect.
I can't be the one who think this?
But I will give his or her credit for putting the story out for the world to read.
This was amazing and wonderful beyond words... but now I feel depressed after thinking about that last sentence. Dudes gonna die, Luna's gonna live.
Oh well, life's a bitch unless your immortal. Then it's awfully boring.
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Good work dude. Really well damn done ; d
Ho hum. Not a very bad story, but not a particularly good one either. The first paragraph reeks of "Purple Prose". Too overly descriptive; this is a story written in the second-person perspective, yet you insist on giving the protagonist exact body measurements and a definite appearance. If you want to write in the second-person, you need to describe the protagonist as vaguely as possible; this makes it easier for the reader to imagine themselves as the protagonist, making the story much more personal.
As for the sexual scenes... Well, they're pretty average. They aren't bad by any means, but they still need some work. The best clop writers tend not to focus on the physical acts (although you have to give the reader some idea what's going on), and place greater emphasis on the thoughts and feelings of sex. Think about how your protagonist feels. Is he (or she) enjoying the experience? Is he worried that he might not be able to satisfy his partner? Maybe he's having second thoughts?
I'm sorry if my comment comes across as being too harsh, but please remember this; I'm only trying to help.
2396193 It is constructive criticism, that is something that can help me improve to the point that I can write truly decent if not great works. I know I am not the best at writing, but this will help me in the future, so I won't complain.
D'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!