• Published 5th Aug 2013
  • 2,048 Views, 51 Comments

Love on the Acers of Sweet Aplles - bookplayer

From BronyCon 2013, the second worst fic submitted for Hoof of Argon. Cheerilee and Big Mac fall in love among rocks, muscles, and eyes.

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CHaptre !1

Within the Acres of Sweed Apples there lived a mighty stallion, and a large and muscled stallion was he. For this story of a stallion or largeness and muscles refers to a pony of great might. A pony maned Big Macintosh.

Upon a sunnish morning on the acres of Sweet Apples, this stallion, Big Macintosh of the largeness and muscles, was pulling a plo, thought fields of soil the deep brown colors of dark chocolate. The plow pluued easily, because Big macintosh was a strong stallion, and the strength with which he pulled easily moved it.

When there cane a scream:


The scream came with a sound as if a pony was tarpped by a large objects, but not as large a Big macintoshs muscles. Big Macinsish knew that if there was a pony to be saved, his muscles must same them, and he would have to be there.

So he wnet there fast, galloping with a swiftness of speed like a fast movine river down a steep mountian of rocks where it picked up speed until it was moving with altricity. And thus is Macintosh go, with that speed, to where the pony has screamed.

Upon arriving at a place where a pony was trapped, he could see this pony, beneath a piel of rocks was Cheerilee. He loved cherriell with the love of a big heart, because a heart is a muscle and all of Big macintosh muscles was large. So when he saw the po ny her came to save, he knew he had to work quickly to rescue her and aid in her escape.

“I came to rescue you.” Macintoshe said with a deep voice like a rubble of thunder on a summer day when there’s a storm. “I was plowing a feld with I heard a scream and I thought you might need my muscles to save you, so I came. I’ll save you now.”

“Good.” Chreerilee answers happyly because even if she was under a gargantuan pile of rocks she was happy to have a stallion with many muscles come to save her from being trapped beneth it forever.

He, Big Macintsoh, put his large hooves against one of the rocks, a big one that was somehere near the middle of the pile, and pushed as his muscles pushed agaist his skin.

The orcks left when they exploded violently away because that was how strong big Macintosh was with his muscles psuhing them.

“I’m saved. Thak you, Big Macintosh.” Cheeriles aid.

“You’re welcome.” Big Macintosh said. “I love you.”

“Oh, well I love you, that way, also I think we should be Special somepoies.” Cheerilee said. Cherilee smiled with happiness and was in love with Big Macintosh and because he saved her and she liked his muscles that got rocks off of her.

“I don’t know.” Big Macintosh said. He really did want to be her special somepony, but for some reason he said he didn’t. It was like something inside him couldn’t decide even though he would decide he wanted to love Cheerilee. So he said that he didn’t know.

Then more rocks tumbled down pon Chrreilee, with a loud crash like a bunch of drums falling down a big flight of stairs, if drums were wrocks. She screamed and felt a ache in her heart because she didn’t know if Macintosh was her special somepony, and also how she’d get out from under these rocks.

“I wish I’d said I’d be her special somepony.” Big Macintosh said in his head so Cheerilee couldn’t hear. But his muscles heard his deep voice that didn’t say anything, and they got to pushing the rocks again, because if Big Macintosh wanted to be cheerilee’s special somepony he was going to rescue for her from all the rocks that fell on her.

When Cherrilee was free again, she smiled and Macintosh said “I rescues you becUSE i want you to be my special somplony.”

“Good.” Cheerilee said.

Cherrilee kissed Macintosh, and Macintosh kissed Cheerilee and they pressed together like tow boards that were nailed togehter with no space between them because they nailed them really good.

They stopped kissing.

“LI like your muscles, and your deep voice.” Cheerilee said.

“Good.” Macintosh said. And he was glad because Cheerilee loved him and loved his muscles which he had a lot of. That meant she loved him a lot. “I like your pretty face and the eye of color you have.”

“Good.” Cheerilee said. She had eyes of a color all the time, so she knew he would love her forever.

They loved each other because big macintosh moved rocks and saved her, and there was love in that that was deeper than a hole in the ground that lead to the core of the earth which is the deepest thing and they loved deeper then that.

They got married, and it was beauitufl becase it was a lovely day on the spring with the apples on the trees of the acres of Sewwt Apples where the sun shone with a glow like a giant candle that was bring enough to make it daytime. Other ponies where there, such as: Applejack, Applebloom, Grannysmith, and Applejacks friends and Apple Blooms friends and other ponies from town. There were many ponies on that brightly day, and Cheriinglee and Macintosh got married then. All the ponies were so happy because they could see the love that Big Macintsh and Cheeriell had and showed in their eye.

The goodness of the day was increased when no rocks fell on Cheerilee and Big Macintosh could not use his massive muscles for saving her, but for marrining her. This made the day better then any day before when they weren’t married yet and sometimes rocks fell, because they liked getting marries and they got to get married to each other, which was good.
At the end of the day they were married and liked together forever.

Comments ( 51 )

Mussles R teh betsest!

I'd print it, but I'm out of ink:fluttercry:
Shit's expensive these days, am I right?

Please tell me the reading was recorded:duck:.

Oooo! CheeriMac. Niiiiice.

~Skeeter The Lurker

More expensive than human blood, actually. :twilightsmile:


Nevermind. Took a moment to process that.

Got nothing.

~Skeeter The Lurker

we are running out of ways to get ink, so it would be expensive
you can get human blood anywhere, ink is getting harder to get.

Meh. You have a ways to go in the art of trollfiction.

Thn they had twenty1 betiful childroon.

We've reached peak ink! :raritycry:

'Tis a badfic, not a trollfic.

You know, like peak oil, but for ink.

Look at all the clucks I give, ya chicken.

Someone should really record a dramatic reading of this...

2996356 Called it.

Worst thing is... that I've read worse and more terribly written stories that were for real. Oh Luna those memories were buried deep in the back of my mind to never come back, why have you awaken them!?

I lvoe this. Ihope this wil be featurrred.
Pleas make a seqel to this, because I loev this realy with all of ym hert, and I have a hart as big ass Big Macs mussels!

This was the greetest story. I liked it a lot. I liked the part where you described BigMAcs' muscles and how bit they were. I liked the bit where Mac resques cheelilee. That was good. I thort it was good dama. I was glued to the edge of my seet by how nice the dama was. I also liked the bit with the aliens. They were in the ending I made up cos reading more than 500 words is hard even thow there is nice dama and ev... evokative descriptions of how many muscles Big Macintosh has. Most of all I like the part where you say that Big Macintoshs heart is big because it is a muscle and Big Machintosh has big muscles even his heart. It is nice. I cry man tears.

I will give you a reverse thumbs up because they are 180 degrees cooler than normal thumbs up and it was you deserve for writing this!!!1!

Life without the common comma, how do people live like that?

Copy and pasted comment from before, because it basically sums up my feelings on this masterpiece. :derpytongue2:

This. This was beautiful. :fluttercry:
I must weep, because I know I'll never have a relationship as eloquent, as passionate, or as musclebound as Big Mac and Cheerilee enjoy! I mean -

He loved cherriell with the love of a big heart, because a heart is a muscle and all of Big macintosh muscles was large.

Cherrilee kissed Macintosh, and Macintosh kissed Cheerilee and they pressed together like tow boards that were nailed togehter with no space between them because they nailed them really good.

How can anyone hope to mimic that chemistry?
But seriously: :rainbowlaugh:

In other news, you seem to avoid the pesky changeling "teh" that always tries to take the place of my "the"s if I don't edit.

I read this out loud to myself, obviously, and the cat bit me twice before I kicked him out of the room.

This story drew blood.

Goddamn rocks always falling on Cheerilie.


I don't understand... is the story DELIBERATELY bad? :derpyderp1:

Yes. Making fun of bad stories written by people who were trying to write good stories would be mean, so Applejinx asked me to write a bad story on purpose. I wrote this to be really hard to read out loud, and have lots of weird descriptions, because a lot of people fun it funny to pretend to take something like that seriously.

They had to read all the words exactly as they're written and spelled, as seriously as they could.

I was laughing almost immediately, this is beautiful.

I am seized with a sudden urge to try a dramatic reading of this...

Chicks digs muscle ponies!

I read this out loud to my brother. I guess I am a brave brony now.

I had to pause in the middle to remark how impressive it is that Cheerilee somehow got crushed under tons of rocks twice without so much as a scratch.

I couldn't keep a straight face throughout it all, though.

It's okay because Big Macinsish can alwysa get her rocks off :ajsmug:

We do have to say that she did not, quite, win.

Now I can reveal the real winner (though it may never see open publication on FIMfiction, even now, and the 'writer' is long gone). But here it is…


It can't be harder to read aloud than "Irish wristwatches". You should do it!

Oh. Mah. Lawrd. That was the single greatest masterpiece you have ever produced.

It's hilarious because it's almost as bad as some of the attempts I've edited that weren't meant to be that way. Why am I laughing so ha-a-a-aaaard? *ermagerdicerntbrerthe*

htis is great writing! me loves the great writing fo word that you have wrote her and I will say to every pone and prson who I meet "Reaf that storie, because I have love for that much good wridden words."
I click now the red thumb down because it makes poepls stop and read this words.

Also: Arrrgh! The pain, the pain! Why is there no more brain bleach? I have to wash my eyeballs now, I think they are dirty! :pinkiecrazy:

Author Interviewer

Excellent. I particularly like when they kissed. Yet, much to learn have you still, young Padawan. Much to learn indeed...

I'm gonna cry, that was so beautiful. :fluttercry:

I was one of the people fortunate enough to attempt reading this at the panel last week. I just want to say thank you for this travesty of the English language. Many lolz were had at the Hoof of Argon.

"(...) and she liked his muscles that got rocks off of her."

Personally I'm a fan of negating the "of" in "off of", though I understand the latter is becoming more common and accepted now. Either way, I'd prefer it if you fixed this most terrible of problems in this otherwise flawless work, thank you.

3011407 ...

Marry me. I swear I didn't think I could laugh any harder at this stuff and then I read your comment and feel as though I almost had an aneurysm :rainbowlaugh:

I just read this aloud, and well it was very hard to read... after I finished I stopped confirmed victory and laughed

3061775 Listened. Nice. Very nice. Very very nice indeed.

Wow. Wow. That was absolutely hideous.

Well done. I'm impressed.

Heh. I was one of the readers at the panel (the one who managed more than half a page at the end). It’s nice to see this travesty preserved for posterity. (Or something…)

i deyed f lafftr!

Is very goodly jus not as goodly as past sins, jus sayin :rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh:

Honestly hope I wasn't the only one to read it in my head in Twist's Celestia-cursed sorry excuse for a voice.

My heart muscle is hapy beecuz Cherrrlee and Mcintsh got married and like each other. When I reed this story no rocks fall on me! I am hpppy!!!

(*rocks fall on Jordan*)

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