• Member Since 15th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago


Twilight floated a second fritter up to her mouth when she realized the first was gone. “What is in these things?” “Mostly love. Love ‘n about three sticks of butter.”


This is a story about Big Macintosh saving Cheerilee from falling rocks.

It was written for the BronyCon panel "Hoof of Argon," where intentionally bad fanfic was read out loud by some very brave bronies. Now you can enjoy it at home, whenever you want (or print it out and burn it.)

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 54 )

Mussles R teh betsest!

I'd print it, but I'm out of ink:fluttercry:
Shit's expensive these days, am I right?

Please tell me the reading was recorded:duck:.

Oooo! CheeriMac. Niiiiice.

~Skeeter The Lurker

More expensive than human blood, actually. :twilightsmile:


Nevermind. Took a moment to process that.

Got nothing.

~Skeeter The Lurker

we are running out of ways to get ink, so it would be expensive
you can get human blood anywhere, ink is getting harder to get.

Thn they had twenty1 betiful childroon.

We've reached peak ink! :raritycry:

'Tis a badfic, not a trollfic.

You know, like peak oil, but for ink.

Someone should really record a dramatic reading of this...

Worst thing is... that I've read worse and more terribly written stories that were for real. Oh Luna those memories were buried deep in the back of my mind to never come back, why have you awaken them!?

I lvoe this. Ihope this wil be featurrred.
Pleas make a seqel to this, because I loev this realy with all of ym hert, and I have a hart as big ass Big Macs mussels!

This was the greetest story. I liked it a lot. I liked the part where you described BigMAcs' muscles and how bit they were. I liked the bit where Mac resques cheelilee. That was good. I thort it was good dama. I was glued to the edge of my seet by how nice the dama was. I also liked the bit with the aliens. They were in the ending I made up cos reading more than 500 words is hard even thow there is nice dama and ev... evokative descriptions of how many muscles Big Macintosh has. Most of all I like the part where you say that Big Macintoshs heart is big because it is a muscle and Big Machintosh has big muscles even his heart. It is nice. I cry man tears.

I will give you a reverse thumbs up because they are 180 degrees cooler than normal thumbs up and it was you deserve for writing this!!!1!

Life without the common comma, how do people live like that?

Copy and pasted comment from before, because it basically sums up my feelings on this masterpiece. :derpytongue2:

This. This was beautiful. :fluttercry:
I must weep, because I know I'll never have a relationship as eloquent, as passionate, or as musclebound as Big Mac and Cheerilee enjoy! I mean -

He loved cherriell with the love of a big heart, because a heart is a muscle and all of Big macintosh muscles was large.

Cherrilee kissed Macintosh, and Macintosh kissed Cheerilee and they pressed together like tow boards that were nailed togehter with no space between them because they nailed them really good.

How can anyone hope to mimic that chemistry?
But seriously: :rainbowlaugh:

In other news, you seem to avoid the pesky changeling "teh" that always tries to take the place of my "the"s if I don't edit.

I read this out loud to myself, obviously, and the cat bit me twice before I kicked him out of the room.

This story drew blood.

Goddamn rocks always falling on Cheerilie.


I don't understand... is the story DELIBERATELY bad? :derpyderp1:

Yes. Making fun of bad stories written by people who were trying to write good stories would be mean, so Applejinx asked me to write a bad story on purpose. I wrote this to be really hard to read out loud, and have lots of weird descriptions, because a lot of people fun it funny to pretend to take something like that seriously.

They had to read all the words exactly as they're written and spelled, as seriously as they could.

I was laughing almost immediately, this is beautiful.

I am seized with a sudden urge to try a dramatic reading of this...

Chicks digs muscle ponies!

I read this out loud to my brother. I guess I am a brave brony now.

I had to pause in the middle to remark how impressive it is that Cheerilee somehow got crushed under tons of rocks twice without so much as a scratch.

I couldn't keep a straight face throughout it all, though.

It's okay because Big Macinsish can alwysa get her rocks off :ajsmug:

We do have to say that she did not, quite, win.

Now I can reveal the real winner (though it may never see open publication on FIMfiction, even now, and the 'writer' is long gone). But here it is…


It can't be harder to read aloud than "Irish wristwatches". You should do it!

Oh. Mah. Lawrd. That was the single greatest masterpiece you have ever produced.

It's hilarious because it's almost as bad as some of the attempts I've edited that weren't meant to be that way. Why am I laughing so ha-a-a-aaaard? *ermagerdicerntbrerthe*

htis is great writing! me loves the great writing fo word that you have wrote her and I will say to every pone and prson who I meet "Reaf that storie, because I have love for that much good wridden words."
I click now the red thumb down because it makes poepls stop and read this words.

Also: Arrrgh! The pain, the pain! Why is there no more brain bleach? I have to wash my eyeballs now, I think they are dirty! :pinkiecrazy:

Author Interviewer

Excellent. I particularly like when they kissed. Yet, much to learn have you still, young Padawan. Much to learn indeed...

I'm gonna cry, that was so beautiful. :fluttercry:

I was one of the people fortunate enough to attempt reading this at the panel last week. I just want to say thank you for this travesty of the English language. Many lolz were had at the Hoof of Argon.

"(...) and she liked his muscles that got rocks off of her."

Personally I'm a fan of negating the "of" in "off of", though I understand the latter is becoming more common and accepted now. Either way, I'd prefer it if you fixed this most terrible of problems in this otherwise flawless work, thank you.

3011407 ...

Marry me. I swear I didn't think I could laugh any harder at this stuff and then I read your comment and feel as though I almost had an aneurysm :rainbowlaugh:

I just read this aloud, and well it was very hard to read... after I finished I stopped confirmed victory and laughed

3061775 Listened. Nice. Very nice. Very very nice indeed.

Wow. Wow. That was absolutely hideous.

Well done. I'm impressed.

Heh. I was one of the readers at the panel (the one who managed more than half a page at the end). It’s nice to see this travesty preserved for posterity. (Or something…)

i deyed f lafftr!

Is very goodly jus not as goodly as past sins, jus sayin :rainbowhuh::rainbowhuh:

Honestly hope I wasn't the only one to read it in my head in Twist's Celestia-cursed sorry excuse for a voice.

My heart muscle is hapy beecuz Cherrrlee and Mcintsh got married and like each other. When I reed this story no rocks fall on me! I am hpppy!!!

(*rocks fall on Jordan*)


However Macintosh gets rocks off Cheerilee, she's fine with it.:rainbowlaugh:

I've reviewed your story HERE!

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