Before leaving on a two-year tour of duty in Zebrabwe, Flash Sentry pens a letter to Twilight Sparkle, telling her of his failure.
Featured on Equestria Daily!
Hear the dramatic reading by Scribbler.
Chapters (2)
- Member Since 29th Apr, 2012
- offline last seen Jan 12th, 2019
D G D Davidson
D. G. D. is a science fiction writer and archaeologist. He blogs on occasion at www.deusexmagicalgirl.com.
D G D Davidson
Joined 29th Apr, 2012 ·
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D G D Davidson · 9.8k words · 76 10 · 2.5k views
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Damn.
Just... Damn.
I always find it amazing how writers can just put so much emotion into their writing. Amazing and beautiful.
Long and drawn out but detailed and boy I am drinking too much red bull. It was Okay.
2977064
Sure is getting vote-hammered, though. Perhaps I shouldn't have revealed that Flash Sentry is in it.
Welcome to Equestria, no smoking, no drinking.
Also: I hate to shatter the world building, but sails on a flying ship are pretty much worthless. They can neither increase its speed or change its direction.
And, man, I love how everything you write is closely integrated into canon, but does't Celestia seem, I don't know, a little too high-and-mighty here?
"Serene, towering, and frightening' do not sound very down to earth.
Y'know Tia, if you want your Ponies to stop treating you like a goddess, maybe you should get off the damn carriage and walk. You'd feel less guilty about the cake.
All I can say to this is..... Awwwwww...... ^^
Pretty enjoyable read. Shame that it's getting downvoted so hard because it includes Flash Sentry.
2977382
I hate people who just downvote a story because of a character. I think Knighty should put it where we can see who favorited it and disliked it so we can ask the people who disliked it why they did. I doubt it would happen, but just a thought.
2977540
I would not support that myself. It sounds too much like another opportunity for abuse. Whatever reasons people have had for downvoting the story are their own, whether good or bad, and they ought not to be harassed by authors for them. The buttons are there to be used, after all.
Some readers think the story rambles too much (that is partly by design, as the letter is an outpouring, but I may have overdone it); perhaps those who have downvoted have done so for that reason, rather than because Flash Sentry is on the character list.
2977595
You got a fair point. I have to agree with you on it.
2977166
I admit I like high-and-mighty Celestia, but in this story the Celestia you see is Flash Sentry's opinion. Readers may decide whether it is accurate or not.
Also, on the flying ship, I call Rule of Cool. Flying sailing ships are a staple of some brands of fantasy. They are no more unrealistic than flying winged horses.
Could have done with a bit more stress on the comparisons between the Smoochers ability to only love and the guards lovelorn attitude towards their princesses, and the letter framing was a bit jarring, as has been mentioned. Otherwise, a nice story: the contrast of "Wuvvy Duvvy Smoochy land" & "the grim horrors we met there" got a chuckle from me and the action was well paced and described (though the letter framing has me muttering complaints again: it's too good for someone writing a letter hurriedly, too polished).
I almost want to see a followup to this, with a Twilight Sparkle pacing agitatedly by the dockside thinking over comparisons to the human!Flash in combination with the received letter. Cadence would be situated a little way off, urging her on. Then the ship would finally dock in, mainsails flopping as the ropes grow slack, and through the leaving crowd she'd spot him, an orange unicorn with hair like fire nuzzling at his side.
Because, y'know, SunSentry rules & FlashLight drools
2978111
Ooh, I might have to write a sequel something like this.
Your idea of comparison there between the story's two loves is interesting to me, and it did not actually cross my mind. I will consider how I might incorporate it and possibly revise.
"Wuvvy Duvvy Smoochy Land" is possibly not the real name of the place; it is what the CMC call it when Chrysalis does her evil villain monologue in the comic, explaining what happened after the wedding.
2978119
I've been wanting to write a SunSentry story for a while now, though that only one of them's in Equestria keeps on getting in the way. That the other turned into a giant demon thingy after admitting to secretly being a horse keeps on dissuading the other.
So by all means, write it. I want to see.
And really? I figured the framing of the two was intentional. In particular, I guessed that the combination of guards loving Celestia almost for what she represented rather than who she was -- hinted at, I think, by your reply of "in this story the Celestia you see is Flash Sentry's opinion" -- and the Smoochies' boundless acceptance were linked in towards a concept of mindless devotion that Flash was bucking through choosing to serve Twilight.
Ah well. Fic has sailed and you are dead. My interpretation is just as valid now, dawg.
Wow, that was great! The only thing that threw me off was the fact that the name "Wuvvy Duvvy Smoochy Land" was entirely conflicting with the serious tempo of this stroy, and a little bit weird in context.
But it just added a little bit of comedy to the whole situation, especially when all the characters could say "Wuvvy Duvvy Smoochy Land" with a straight face. 
very good overall.
I like it.
Was the two year tour of duty intended as an explanation of where Flash will be in S4?
...first fanfiction ever I find about the luvcats, and they end up as snacks.
Damn, that's grim...
However, I think Flash in your story is sorely mistaken: the luvcats are excellent carpenters, masons, artists and bakers (hey, their village pre-chrysalis was a little jewel...), so they probably could eke a living with little or no problem. Heck, I can imagine a bunch of them scurrying around in Joe's place or sugarcube corner, doing what they do best (they'd have to learn what the "get paid" concept means, though)
Beautful story. I wonder what Twilight's response would be.
2979462
Luvcats! Is that name canon? I shall change their designation in the story if it is.
I agree. Perhaps the story is a bit ambiguous; what Flash is saying is that the Smoochers (luvcats?) cannot function with non-luvcats around.
2979039
Yes.
2979605
Nah, "luvcats" is just a name they used on TVTropes for the little ones. You must admit that it's kinda more dignified and less "babyish" than "smoochians".
2979629
Hm, yes. I will consider adopting it. I wasn't really happy with my designation, but couldn't come up with anything else.
The beginning is ridiculously posh. Even though he only gets 2 lines as a pony, I cannot imagine Flash Sentry communicating in such an unnecessarily elaborate way. Nor would Twilight Sparkle, which Flash himself points out. If he knows she doesn't put much stock in ceremony, and admits to being short on time, why is the first quarter filled with so much unnecessary pomp and tangents? This rambled for so long without a clear mood or direction I paused for a moment to click off and ignore it. It was only through sheer faith in you that I held on for the pay off.
2984647
Most of the details in the first quarter are referred to by the end, but I will consider how to trim them and arrange them better. I doubt I'll alter Flash's tone, though; he is writing to a princess, and it wouldn't be appropriate to be colloquial or flip.
I liked this story. The best part was how Wuvy-Dovey Smoochy Land was discussed in a completely serious tone. :)
I'm a huge fan of your writing, but I have to admit I think this is your weakest story by far. The letter framing doesn't work well. The content of the letter does not fit the purpose of the letter. It's also too rambling and unfocused. Part of the problem is the letter is both a declaration of love and a job application. Those two things don't really go well together. A job application is necessarily far to focused on the writer to make a good love declaration. Consider narrowing the focus to the job application and making the love aspect implicit. Or change the recipient of the letter.
I think the story could be improved with the least rewriting by changing the letter to an explanation for why Flash Sentry is taking service with Princess Twilight rather than a letter to Twilight. That would allow you to keep all the backstory and would make the love declaration combined with dark and heroic story of the Trail of Blood much less awkward.
If you don't change the recipient, the early life backstory is too long and rambling. Consider cutting everything after the introduction up to the Trail of Blood replacing it with something much more concise. The description of airship service, while cool, feels unnecessary and out of place in the letter. Consider cutting the airship part entirely.
The Trail of Blood part was awesome and excellent and lived up to what I've come to expect from you. I'm looking forward to your next story, or if I'm lucky, another chapter of one you've already started.
"Wuvy-Dovey Smoochy Land?"
Man, this would movie Twilight to tears.
2995015
I think you make excellent points. I will have to revisit the story. I might contend, however, that is it not a job application per se. In Flash's view, his love for Twilight and his desire to be her guard are not distinct.
2995285 Keep into account the fact that the little luvcats don't speak Equestrian - they understand and write it all too well, but probably their throats can't form the necessary sounds (in the comic, when Chrysalis plummets from the sky, you see them pointing at her and talking to each other - but no balloon is visible); so Celestia had to use the only name available - the one Sweetie Belle gave to the land. And Sweetie Belle is just a little filly.
Probably Wuvy-Dovey Smoochy Land's real name is a mix of high frequency sounds and kitten-like noises, pretty much impossible to say in Equestrian...
3013419
Oh. I didn't know that.
You're a wizard, DGD.
Must say, I do prefer Twilight's response over the original letter
Amazing, once again. I hope there's more correspondence between the two after this.^_^
It's good to know that Twilight understand...
Amazing story, and I am of the belief that whoever was responsible for dreaming up luvcats for the comic is the most sadistic motherhumper in all of humankind. At least, (s)he was until you wrote this. Good Lord.
My only complaint is more of a personal opinion than anything you did: I just find the whole "love at first sight" and worshipping of a female, even IF she is a demigoddess, to be rather creepy and unhealthy.
I really liked it. I felt it flowed and was thematically consistent.
After reading this, all I can think about is this song.
I think you nailed a good sentimental fic while fully embracing the cartoonishness of WuvyDoveySmoocheyLand. Plus, you redeemed Brad. I like your style. you really "get" it.
Who's inexplicably downvoting all the positive comments?
Judging from the comments at EqD, I'd say some hardcore Flash-hater...
Seeing all these comments downvoted is hilarious.
Anyway, I love this. First Flashlight fic I've read, and I hope any future fics I read do Flash justice. You get a thumbs-up from me.
NPCs that literally try to run up and hug the drooling monster while it tears them in half? That's like, the third worst escort mission I've ever seen.
In all seriousness, it was pretty unfocused. You write a story summary saying this is a love letter, you start off writing a love letter, then you spend 2/3 of it talking about dead cats. And the love-at-first-sight stuff came off kinda creepy and obsessive, especially for as little rapport as they've had up till then (at least on Flash's side -- obviously he doesn't know about multiverse shenanigans).
WHO THE BUCK IS DOWNVOTING THE COMMENTS?!?!
this is a great story!
I nearly cried, but I didn't. 
This was my expression
It's the best flashlight fic ever..... literaly. I mean it.
looks lime someone has read the friendship is magic comics lol
Downvotes simply because he's Flash Sentry? Where have I seen that before?
Oh, right...
Anyways, congrats on getting featured on Equestria Daily with a Flash Sentry story! It's damn hard to do that.
Wait, what.
That's it?
I WAS TOTALLY EXPECTING MORE CHAPTERS
Please continue this.
2990434
And you know, the darndest thing is I was just getting to writing them into a story, too. And it just neatly slotted itself into headcanon (the luvcats bit), even if I'm not planning on having them eaten by wild beasts.
Even IF nature is so fascinating...
NO! This can't be the end!
Could we see a continuation where letters to each other over the course of the two years he's on tour make it back and forth? A long-distance romance via postal service? Maybe powered through Derpy?
May the Grace of the Valar Protect You
Shire Folk
Hmm. I really like the first chapter. The second...I feel detracts from the first. It's tempting to blame that on the reveal that it's Flash Sentry writing the letter, but I think that's really not the problem. The problem is Twilight babbling about his human counterpart.
The letter that is chapter one is moving. It relates some common experience between himself and twilight, and it welds it together plausibly enough to think that he might someday become her personal guard and that romance might bloom between them. It totally stands on its own. But then you have Twilight clearly being emotionally moved not by the letter, not by the pony writing it... but instead by her past experiences with somebody totally else in another universe that she's associated with him.
That totally kills the effect of the letter. Suddenly instead of common experience, or even destiny...it's more like romance by proxy. Imagine if you rescued a damsel from a burning building and she swooned over you for it. Now imagine instead that somebody totally else rescued her from a burning building, and that person happened to be wearing a red shirt, and she saw you the following day and you were wearing a red shirt too so she swooned over you because you reminded her of the guy her rescued her.
That's not romantic. And that's what Twilight is doing.
Oh that's so sad. I love it.....
Wow!
I like how this is based on the first arc of the My Little Pony comic book. I really like the comics since they remind me of the glory days of Seasons 1 and 2. Some parts of this story are just insane! 
With the carnivorous plants eating and decapitating luvcats! (That's a nice name for them. I might use that too.) And the image of Celestia covered in blood! Then again in the comic, Chrysalis kills a luvcat by smashing it against a wall. In front of the CMC! 
You get props for matching the tone of the comic and going the extra mile. And that little bombshell at the end was a nice touch. I wonder how Twilight will react. 
3136703
Thank you. I much appreciate it. The EqD pre-reader who took it says not a lot of fanfic writers are using the comics, so I'm happy to be ahead of the curve on that one.
I think I'm pleased with the way it turned out, but it took a lot of reader input to get it to this point.