Drugs, Gimme Drugs, Gimme Drugs, I Don't Need it But I'll Sell What You Got, Take the Cash and I'll Keep it
“Alright, class,” Ms. Cheerliee told her students. It’s time for the only unicorn in class to attempt to do magic in front of the rest of you in a highly embarrassing display of failure!”
Sweetie Belle raised her hoof. Ms. Cheerilee turned to her and said “Yes, Sweetie, you may talk.”
“Who is the only unicorn in this class?” she asked innocently.
Ms. Cheerliee gave her a small, slightly surprised look. “Why, Apple Bloom of course!”
Sweetie Belle looked over at her earth pony friend, who was inserting crayons into her nose. I knew it!
“I’m just kidding, Sweetie Belle, that would be you. Unicorns are the ones with horns,” Cheerilee confessed. Sweetie Belle drooped slightly.
“Stupid head protrusion,” she mumbled as Ms. Cheerliee beckoned for her to walk in front of the class. Sweetie Belle hopped to her small white hooves, and sashayed her way to the front of the classroom to perform the task needed of her.
“Alright, Sweetie Belle, we’re going to need you to do a simple levitation spell,” Ms. Cheerilee told her student. Sweetie Belle sighed in relief. She had been practicing levitation on Opalescence! She was sure that any day now the cat would get unstuck from the ceiling.
“I’m going to need you to levitate this pencil,” her teacher said, and with a grunt, she lifted an anvil from beneath her desk and dropped it on the floor in front of Sweetie Belle.
“That’s not a pencil!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed with a trademark voice crack. “That’s an anvil!”
“Hey, who’s the one with the teaching license?” Ms. Cheerilee asked sternly.
“Um, Ms. Cheerilee?” a fat colt in the back of the room wearing a fez piped up. “Wasn’t your teaching license revoked for abusing students?”
Ms. Cheerilee blushed. “I did no such thing! The next time I hear you speak, that’s going to be twenty spankings with Mr. Cheeks!”
The plump colt squeaked, and Rumble leaned over, holding up a hoof. “Dude, score.”
“Anyway, continue, Sweetie Belle,” Cheerilee told her sweating student. Sweetie Belle stared at her evil, dense opponent before her. It stared back, unblinking, unthinking, and slowly sinking into the floor. Her legs shook, and her knees quivered. She had to do this.
Grunting and groaning, she summoned a spark of magic from deep within the bowels of her unicorn mind. Her horn began to hum, and slowly vibrate. She grit her teeth, and bit her tongue. Sparks of static electricity and stale magic shot up and down it, slowly causing it to heat up. The faintest of magical auras began to appear around the anvil as she struggled on forward.
“Um, Ms. Cheerilee?” Scootaloo asked. “I don’t think Sweetie’s doing too well.”
Ms. Cheerilee, who had been waxing Mr. Cheeks down with ACME brand paddle wax, looked up. “What? Oh, I suppose you’re right. Here, let me get the magical aid.”
Ms. Cheerilee opened up her drawer, and pulled out a tub of “Slappy Pete’s Magical Slather Grease”. Applying an ample amount to her hooves, she started to rub Sweetie Belle up and down vigorously and sensually, twisting her face into horrid grimaces as she lubed the filly up. Twist, overcome by strange feelings she had never felt before upon seeing this erotic sight, fainted.
“IT’S TIME, SWEETIE BELLE,” Ms. Cheerilee roared, her eyes throbbing and her veins popping. “USE THE FORCE THAT’S BUILT UP INSIDE YOU! RELEASE IT!”
Sweetie Belle’s eyes popped open as well. She felt as though there was a massive pressure being exerted on her upper abdomen and inside her skull. Her mouth fell open, a low moan escaping from her overstrained body as her teacher rubbed her down with the most likely fake magical grease.
With a final grimace, Sweetie Belle exploded into a torrent of purple and white powder. Slowly, the dust that was once an innocent young, greased up unicorn, settled to the floor in a pile. Everypony in the room stared on in awe.
However, one pony was not staring at this spectacle in a dumbfounded manor. Diamond Tiara, in fact, seemed very pleased by this turn of events. She had donned her hat and mustache, and was looking very fancy. Why, she had even put on her coke monocle!
“Yes, this is very fine grade Unicorn Powder,” Diamond Tiara said, observing the delicious pile of cocaine on the floor. “This will get me quit a heft stack of bits on the Canterlot Black Market!”
Cheerilee looked down at her student. “Diamond Tiara! Are you conspiring to sell an illegal drug, right in front of me?” Diamond Tiara looked at the ground, hints of shame upon her face.
Cheerilee bent down, and whispered to Diamond Tiara “Go halfsies with me and I won’t rat you out to the clops.”
Diamond Tiara nodded. The rest of the class was petrified at all that was happening. That fat colt had even peed himself a little bit. The only two functioning ponies suddenly froze up as they heard the arrival of their destruction.
Loud hip-hop beats, Lil’ Mayne blasting at full volume, the smell of weed and hookers... Diamond Tiara and Cheerilee stared at each other in horror as they realized what was happening.
“Zebras!” they both screamed in horror.
“They must have been attracted by the smell of the freshly made cocaine!” Cheerliee screamed.
“We gotta do something!” Diamon Tiara screeched frantically. “Let’s bolt out the back door and leave these suckers here as a distraction!”
“You do know we can hear you, right?” Scootaloo reminded her.
It was too late, though; the zebras had pulled up their tricked out car past Ponyville Elementary and were unloading their guns into the building. The wooden wall was torn to bits, and bullets rained on all of the poor ponies inside.
“No! Not my precious! Damn zigger’s ain’t gonna get my precious!” Cheerilee screamed, trying to gather the Sweetie Dust. She was shot thirty-seven times before she even hit the ground, her body falling in front of the desk that Scootaloo and Apple Bloom were using to shield themselves from the bullets with.
“We’re gonna die unless we do something quick, Apple Bloom!” Scootaloo yelled over the sound of constant gunfire.
“I think this crayon is touching my brain!” Apple Bloom lamented, pressing on her snout. Her leg convulsed wildly, kicking Twists’s desk away from her, allowing the bullets to riddle the poor jew pony’s body.
“We can deal with that oddly arousing scenario later, we need to rescue Sweetie Belle and get outta here!”
“She’s just a pile of powder now,” Apple Bloom reminded her friend.
“Yes, but she’s a pile of powder who’s our friend!” Scootaloo announced. “It’s gonna be tricky, but if I can dash out there and grab her, we can make a run for the back door!”
Scootaloo jumped out to grab Sweetie Belle, and was immediately peppered by the bullets that were shooting through the air. Apple Bloom looked at her dead friend for a moment, then slowly, dragged her desk as a shield behind her as the earth pony crept for the back door.
After a few more minutes, the gunfire stopped. Ponyville Elementary was now just a husk, and the lead Pimp Zebra stepped into said husk to retrieve his prize. Smiling, he scooped up the Sweetie Blow into his special Blow Sack. With that, he and his posse left.
Diamond Tiara lifted the bullet riddled body of Silver Spoon that she had used as a shield off of her body. She watched the zebras drive away, triumphant. She narrowed her eyes, wiped Silver Spoon’s phlegm from her forehead, and grit her teeth.
“You haven’t seen the last of me, punk.”
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The moral of the story is: Don't do drugs, for black men will shoot up your school.
[2023 edit]
Now, some of you may be concerned about the liberal use of the z-word, but allow me to remind you that similar to mark twain i was merely capturing the way we all talked at the time (of course by "we" i mean racist teenagers on a mlp website)
3043523
Truer words have never been said.
~Skeeter The Lurker
And here I am, thinking I had a vivid imagination. Nope.
the ziggers brought out the choppas, this is why I left the life.
3043523 Just the idea of that makes me want to read this.
Also, I DEMAND A SEQUEL!
w-what in the name of Celestia's dandruff did I just read? xD
3043793 a winrar is you
3043804
3043523 Didn't we already cover this with the CMC smoking?
3043899 no, that was how to become cooler
It all makes sense now
3043936 I'm glad you enjoyed it
Honestly? Why me?
Also, this does not go into the "Comedy/Random" folder of my group. I've moved it to the HorriBelle section. This certainly falls under "bad stuff happens to me".
--Sweetie Belle
3043523 as a black man, I should find this racist ... but it is one hundred percent true factual shit, we will shoot up your school when you mess with our money.
3043915 Ah. Sorry about that.
Regidar, I think you earned this...
3043947 b-but it is presented in a hilarious fashion
You fuckin' animal! (NA na na na, na na na, na na na na na na NA, na na na, na na na, etc.)
3043999And shouldn't this have an Alternate Universe tag?
3044014 Absolutely not, this story is completely canon; takes place between seasons 3 and 4.
3044024Huh.
Seems l(ie)eget.
WHERE'S YOUR CONTEST ENTRY REGGIE
3043999
I'm pretty sure my being lubed up, then killed, turned into powder, and distributed as a drug qualifies as something horrible happening to me. You may also want to remember for the future that Dinky, Snips, and Snails are all unicorns, and are in my class.
And, no, this does not happen between season three and four. I've already been shown in season four previews.
--Sweetie Belle
3044038 NOT DUE FOR ANOTHER DAY AND TWENTY HOURS MOTHERFUCKER
3044051
They're just faking it
3044065 DIDN'T YOU SEE THIS
I CAN GIVE YOU AN EXTENSION FOR A DAY OR SO BUT ONLY THAT MUCH
3044082 b-but the rule was until the 15th last time I checked
you gotta stop changing the rules around like that, be more concrete so that you don't go screwing people over
WE NEED MORE STORIES LIKE THIS
3044143 It was the fifteenth for the first fic, then everypony else got a week from when the first fic got in. That's also in the rules.
BOOMSTICK!
You know, if you had said Cheerilee was shot thirty-ELEVEN times, it'd a been a lot more random, and fit in just perfectly funny. What? Earth Ponies and Zebras can't count over 39, so it'd make a lot of sense... right?
The use of the word cocaine and kids being shot up, and even wiping the phlegm that came outta her friend's chest cavities somehow didn't get this story a mature rating, shows either your mastery of staying within bounds, or that approver simply wished his chain leash was an inch longer to catch that leg of yours you keep sticking over the line on the ground and slapping him with a news paper every time he comes within biting reach as you tauntingly pull back that leg as the chain reaches full tautness around his neck.
Yes, yes I did just pull a Tom and Jerry reference.
This is truly an example of how a story paints you a picture, but purposely leaves out some critical details that are left to the imagination. And the imagination is exactly what this story banks on. Your brain is left to fill in the blanks or simply accept the befuddling situation in from of you. Yes, I'm referring to Sweetie Belle's rub down. We have no idea what Cheerilee was lubing up and why it was labeled erotic. You used some other pony to play out the reaction. Well played.
Somehow it looked to me like a scene from an old and yet awesome comic series from the late 90's early 2k called Coyote Ville. Where one comic had the main character discover the awesomeness of vaseline that turned his body to look like some greased up superman, his fox friend merely facepawed and sighed. But enough of that awesome yet lost forever series.
Dude, I started seeing this story play out in South Park fashion. It might be wrong, but it was all South Park in my mind. It was glorious, and I feel nothing but shame. I'll have to move this however due to mentions of real world drugs to Mature folder. I'm sure you can understand why: Kids selling drugs, shooting up school children, but mainly due to the final scene with mentions of bodily fluids. I'd go into more detail on why that scene warrants a gore tag to your teen fic but that's not my job. (I'm one of 4 mods so it's up to them to decide what to do with the fic. Could be tossed into Black Diamonds too.)
You get a like from me for the sheer ability to not just walk those tightropes, but your ability to do flips and handstands and possibly a few cartwheels over the onlooking pre-readers below you.Getting this passed as teen without requiring any sub tags was an achievement of how to show and not tell without being too vague. You sly fox you. And using the phlegm that dripped out of Silver's bullet laden body as her mucus dripped over DT from her punctured and ripped apart lungs. Though it's never actually mentioned.
You do what you do well. You had me at pimp stache and monocle.
fbcdn-sphotos-d-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/s261x260/1000576_415697098534676_2042445236_n.jpg
We need a sequel, in which DT and Apple Bloom ally and save Sweetie Belle from the zebras... only to sell her or do her
Also, have a mustache
3044477
Soylent Green is made from Sweetie Belle.
>“She’s just a pile of power now,” Apple Bloom reminded her friend.
i bulev it powder
oh man i wish i was as edgy as you
3043523 What about alcohol? Is that an exception?
Regidar... only someone whose mind as fuckedup as yours can produce something so good...
Have a stache for this. As soon as i find out how to produce one on my mobile.
3045013 silly boy, alcohol isn't a drug, it's a necessity.
3044914 7edgy13u
3044263 Dear christ that was the best comment I have ever received, hands down.
what the fuck did i just read
Scoots and AB did nothing wrong, lol
Beautiful! Fucking beautiful :) I lol'd the entire way through!
3044051
What are you talking about? It would be horrible if someone gave Sweetie Belle a hug. The events in this fic are the nicest thing to happen to Sweetie belle in the history of MLP! It's almost as nice as getting a surprise visit from Molag Bal.
th06.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/079/6/b/art_by_wripple-d5yqpq5.png
what the fuck did i just read
What? Were were all thinking it!
Very interesting premise.
That's how far I got before I broke into the laughter and gave it a thumbs up. I'll finish reading it now.
After finishing this story... I really wish I could take back that thumbs up. Oh well. You got me... you got me good. No I'm not going to thumbs down just because I jumped the gun.
3044051
She isn't dead. She is probably still completely aware of everything going on. Remember the movie troll? They turn people into vegetables then eat them? Same concept. She's just waiting to be consumed.