The Hard Goodbye
The funeral’s a beautiful one. It’s exactly the way I would’ve wanted it. Not too flashy, only the most intimate of friends and family present. No pretense, no orchestras... just silence under a mournful gray sky.
I’m almost jealous that it isn’t mine.
Would’ve been too easy to let me just keel over like that, I guess. Somewhere I’m not surprised that I can’t even die correctly without something going wrong. It’s been almost a week of transfusions and tubes and doctors poking and prodding me. I’ve got stitches in places I’m not too proud of. They stuck Doc with the worst job: telling me that my left hind and forelegs would probably be wonky for the rest of my life. Odds are I’ll never really walk right again.
Hurts to stand on them for too long, so I lean against the old cedar hanging over the Ponyville graveyard and watch.
I guess it was worth it. Just to be standing here.
The congregation is smaller than I would’ve expected, even for a private event. The Princesses aside, I count about twenty ponies. The remaining Bearers have all come to see their friend off. The Cakes have come as well. Mrs. Cake sniffles, wiping her eyes. Her husband murmurs in her ear and she nods. A bunch of other ponies I don’t recognize make up the rest of the mourners. One of the them, a mare grayer than an old photograph, with radiant indigo eyes, stands closest to the grave along with the bearers. She hasn’t said a word.
The Princesses finish their speech. I can’t make it out from here. Standing on either side of the tombstone, they nod to each other and spread their wings. I close my eyes. A monumental magic rushes through the air like a wind. My hair stands on end.
An incandescent glow forms around the tombstone, swirling and humming. The ache in my bones evaporates as it climbs upwards into the sky. Like a tower built by rainbows, it ascends, piercing and scattering the clouds. Higher it goes until it vanishes into the stratosphere.
There’s a brief glimmer. A new constellation is born.
Magic’s the damndest thing.
With that, the ceremony comes to an end. Taking Twilight under her wing, Princess Celestia whispers a few words to her. Twilight wipes her eyes and manages to crack a weak smile. Princess Luna’s glance catches mine out of the corner of her eye. How she knew I was there I’ll never know. I look away and close my eyes.
I wait. Not sure how long. Maybe an hour, maybe more. But I stand there under that old cedar tree until Fluttershy finally pulls Rainbow Dash away from the tombstone. They leave together, and the graveyard is empty.
A cold wind whispers through the trees, and I limp towards the grave. Hurts like a mother, and the cold air makes my muscles ache something fierce. My ragged trench coat cuts most of the bite from the breeze, at least. It smells like fall. Season of the cold and dead.
I stop in front of the grave, and I’m finally alone with her.
Here Lies Pinkamena Diane Pie, Element of Laughter. Her smile warmed the hearts of all.
There’s nothing but silence. And I just don’t know how to start.
“Hi there, Pinkie,” I finally croak. I stare down at my hooves. “Sorry it’s... uh... taken me this long to get back to you. I’ve been meaning to talk to you, I swear. I’ve just been busy. As usual.
“You’ve got some... some swell friends, Pinkie. They’re going to miss you. I’m sure you know that. But man... all that black. You must hate it. Maybe if they’d been in pink. That was always your color, wasn’t it?”
I pull a piece of hard candy from the inside of my coat pocket and play with the wrapper. “Yeah... Yeah, I know Pinkie,” I mutter, as if hearing her voice. “I’m dodging the issue. Sorry about that. I’m still... I thought I’d accepted it. But I guess I’m still having trouble believing that you’re gone. This time for good.” I kneel down and place the piece of candy beside the flowers and bouquets lying on the marble slab.
“It’s just that... I never really got a chance to say thank you. For everything. Without even knowing me you gave me a chance. You talked and smiled and asked me how my day was whenever you saw me. Even when I only gave you a grunt as an answer. You never gave up on me. And... when I told you what I’d done. You still didn’t quit on me. You told me it wasn’t my fault and that I didn’t need to blame myself. Anypony else would’ve run away as far as they could. But you stayed. You...”
My voice trails off. I choke up and have to swallow before I can speak again.
“You made me, for the first time in my life, not hate Sideways. For the first time in my life you gave me a reason to go on, because even if I was rotten and pathetic I still had just one pony who cared about me without ever asking themselves why. I never asked for more than that, I never needed more than that. And then you...
“And then you were gone. All the things I never thanked you for, Pinkie. All the things you’d done for me. When you were alive, you gave me something to live for for. When you died, you gave me something else. You gave me something to die for. I never realized it until now. It’s why I was so scared, Pinkie.
“Maybe that makes me a coward. Maybe you’ll hate me for it, and you’d deserve to. I’ve always tried to act like nothing ever bothered me, because then I could tell myself that it didn’t. And the truth is I could never have survived without you. I wouldn’t have lasted one more day. Now you’re gone and I...”
My legs go out from underneath me. I fall to my haunches. I won’t cry. There’s nothing left to cry over except me. And I’m not worth it.
“I’m just not strong enough. I’m not strong enough to go on without someone, Pinkie. I’m not strong enough to face the next morning, or the morning after that. I just can’t look myself in the mirror and go on pretending like nothing’s wrong and that I’m happy with myself. I... I wish they hadn’t saved me. Look at me, for pony’s sake. I’ll never walk straight again. I wish they’d let me bleed to death and I hate myself for it.”
I was careful, at least. I didn’t waste any bullets. I pull my revolver from its holster and wipe off some of my blood that’s crusted on it. Managed to save just one. I weigh it in my hoof. Feels good. Feels right.
“I’ll probably hate myself for this too, Pinkie. I’ll probably regret it forever. But...”
I pull back the hammer. It clicks and I like the sound. I stare at the trigger for a long time. I feel calm for some reason. I grip it with my magic and give it a swing, tracing the tip of the barrel with my eyes. It’s a familiar motion. Comfortable. Something tingles in the back of my skull.
I raise my revolver one more time.
So I guess there’s only one last thing to say.
“Pinkie... thank you. Thank you for teaching me... to not give up on myself. Goodbye.”
With that, I take my revolver and slip it back into its holster.
A load lifts itself from my shoulders. I breathe deeply, and for the first time in ages I don’t despise reminding myself that I’m alive. I open my eyes. The gray autumn light is refreshing. For a moment, I stand there and listen to the silence. Then I speak out loud.
“Plan on watching me for much longer?” I ask over my shoulder. There’s a jitter of surprise as hooves step back on leaves.
“How did you–”
“I’m not as dumb as I look, Miss Sparkle,” I say wearily, pulling a cigarette from my inside coat pocket. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Why? Did I see something I shouldn’t have?”
“I guess not,” I answer vaguely. I light up and turn to face the mare. She walks up to me, cautious, but entirely unafraid.
“I’m sorry for spying on you,” she says apologetically.
“No need for that, ma’am. Just giving a few parting words to a friend.”
Twilight nods, looking past me to the tombstone. “I’m going to miss her.”
“So am I, Miss Sparkle. You should be getting home, though. It’s nippy out here. I’d offer you my coat but... well, I don’t think you’d want it,” I say dryly, brushing at a blood stain and taking a drag.
“I think I’ll be fine, thanks.” She turns around, then looks back when I don’t follow. “You coming?”
“‘Scuse me?”
“You’re not going to let a mare walk home all by herself, are you?”
I can’t help but smile. It’s a strange feeling. I think I like it. I fall in beside her, and we head out of the graveyard.
“How’s the leg?” Twilight asks, glancing at my left foreleg.
“Doesn’t hurt much anymore,” I lie. “I’ll get used to it.”
We walk in silence for a while, and then I ask her something that’s been bugging me.
“Miss Sparkle, may I ask you a question?”
She gives me a coy smile. “Only if you remember to keep up our deal, Sideways.”
“Sorry. Twilight, may I ask you a question?”
“Shoot.”
“Why did you come back?”
The question stops her in her tracks. Twilight gives me a meek look. “You looked... distant at the funeral. I saw you staying behind and... well, I wanted to make sure you were alright.”
Making sure I’m alright. It’s strange how sometimes it doesn’t take a big speech to swing your life in another direction. Sometimes it’s just a few small words from the right person.
“Thanks, Twilight,” I say simply.
She stops and cocks her head. “Hold on a minute. Was that a smile I saw just then?”
“No it wasn’t.”
“Maybe,” she clucks, pulling the cigarette out of my mouth, “I didn’t see it with this in the way. You really should quit. It smells.”
“Sorry. Nervous habit. And I guess it fits with the image, doesn’t it?”
“Oh, the dark and brooding type. I think you’ve got that down to a ‘T’ without needing the tobacco, mister.”
“Is that so?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.
“What is this, another interrogation? You just can’t keep from asking questions, can you Sideways?”
“I guess not. I can’t really help it, though. It’s in my blood.”
I take off my hat and tuck it inside my coat. I feel the wind on my face. Storm’s over. I think we’re due for some sunshine. I feel a tickle at the back of my throat, and a smile. I do something I was pretty sure I’d never do again. Pinkie Pie gives me one last gift. I laugh.
Twilight raises an eyebrow in surprise. “What’s so funny?”
“Nothing. Wel... I wish Pinkie Pie was here to make the joke for me.”
“Hmm?”
“Well,” I say with a smile, “she’d probably make a pretty lousy pun.”
“Humor me,” says Twilight, giving me a sideways glance.
“She’d tell me that I’m a darn good investi-gator.”
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That pun was bad. You are a bad person and you should feel bad.
2745766
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2644_small.jpg
2745777 Zombie!!
Chromosome for worst pone. :V
Can't help but croc up at that pun
2746181
Can we dile down the puns, please?
2746243 NEVER!
Well, this story turned out to be ridiculous and amazing.
I'm not sure which of those two is stronger than the other. The ratio just keeps going back and forth.
And of course you keep things ambiguous.
Ah well. At least it doesn't burn swirling down the pipe to that archive n my head.
Heh, Twilight gives a sideways glance. At Sideways.
2745777
Gah! She can see us from the grave!
I have to say that while I quite enjoyed this story, I was all set for a relatively serious mystery (I really wanted to try solving things logically) and that Gummy revelation gave me huge mood whiplash. It was wonderfully written, and I guess it's my fault as a reader for making presumptions on the way the story would unfold but I can't help but feel a little disappointed with the way things turned out. Still, definitely worth the thumbs and fav.
Hurray! Loved it. From start to finish! Can't wait to see what you work on next!
I'm not sure whether to call you a genius or a madman.
I'll have to stick with genius for now.
Well, this is definitely a good story.
Wonderful. Exciting, tear jerking, amazing. I've already given you a greenthumb, so I think I'll keep this story in my favourites. Excellent work.
Oh good lord. That was a roller coaster right there. And of course, everything closes on the worst possible pun.
Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus.
That is all.
I must know. Now. Was this entire story created just to make that pun?
2754341
No.
Maybe.
well this was something, I'll be sure to suggest this story to my friends and others
2781978 I know that it could be gender projection, but given that the protagonist lives in a world for which we've see mainly females, it wouldn't be necessarily natural to assume that the inspector was male. I'm just saying that entertaining preconceived notions as to the traits of the criminal is a bit unprofessional.
2745766 you laughed...
Wow. Well done
That was the biggest emotional rollercoaster I've ever read.
Thank you for being awesome.
I have no idea what to say. I know I liked it, that you managed to hit all the emotional highs very well, that the characters are still well fleshed out, the story is still moody and well written, and all other things that are completely accessory to the fact that you made Gummy a believable axe murderer (or knife, whatever).
It wasn't bad. It wasn't good. I know that when you hit the revelation I was feeling a desperate need to laugh, but was completely unable to. Also that as ridiculous as the idea was, I don't think it could have been written better than this, without betraying the general vision of the story. In the end, I guess this is the best Noir Cop Drama With A Toothless Alligator As The Murderer that could be written.
What I am trying to say is that this is the kind of story that ends with a terrible pun right after a scene with a pony contemplating suicide.
2785557
I guess that's about as honest as you can get! It was always intended to be a bit wacky in terms of concept, but my goal always was to treat it as seriously as possible. Guess that cognitive dissonance was a bit weird, eh?
2784960>>2784915
Thanks!
Wow. They say with a good mystery, you don't know who it was until the end, despite having all the clues. You win. At writing and life. GG, people, GG
I'm starting a reading on your story, from reading it I already love it. Hope you don't mind.
WOAHKAY
I GO THROUGH THIS WHOLE EPIC NOIR MURDER MYSTERY
AND WHO IS THE KILLER?
GUMMY.
I JUST
MY BRAIN
THEN THAT PUN
I salute you, good sir.
I'm still not sure if I should laugh or cry. Or scream. All I know is that I'm never looking at Gummy the same again.
Puns are awesome.
Hey, got another one in you about this guy? I'd like to see more of him.
2817790
2822009
...
Cool.
Don't force it, though. I like this guy too much.
Unless you want to shamelessly clop him up in a trollfic.
...
Maybe not.
This story is easily one of my top 10. I cannot fathom why this isn't more popular. I've seen stories with over a 750 favorites, yet they are complete garbage compared to this. Lol, at the pun at the end, that is something I imagined Pinkie saying :D
I know I'm a bit late to the punch, but holy shit!
This is one of the greatest pony things I have ever read, and I can't even imagine being able to pull something like this off. It's gritty, suspenseful, and has absolute perfect pacing. The protagonist is relatable and sympathetic to the audience, the characterization of other ponies tied up in the investigation is detailed and exciting, and your ability to pull the wool over the eyes of the reader is astounding--done in all the right places, and, though the twist is completely ridiculous, you manage to keep the story from devolving into mindless, comedic drivel.
Gore, Noir/Mystery, Drama, Comedy, Suspense, Tragedy: all perfectly in balance.
You monster
Noooot entirely sure how to feel about it. It's still a damn good story, but with that twist, uh... By that point things seemed too surreal for me to get any real satisfaction out of it.
But "Gummy. You son of a bitch." needs to be a meme or something. Seriously.
gotta say, i loved this story. some parts seemed a bit odd and it felt a bit slow at times, but it didn't stop from the wholeness of the story.
still though, seriously? all of those words and great storytelling just to end it with a bad pun? shame on you...though i think pinkie wouldn't mind it.
Aligators cannot grasp things with their claws.
Later they find out Gummy was actually a changeling all along!
(And so, another 'X is actually a changeling' happens)
Although, in this case it actually would have made sense. Target the Bearers.... assume a shape no one would suspect... That would have worked. Huh.
This story needs another tag or something to indicate it's not actually taking the premise seriously. As it is, with naught but a Dark tag and the promise of noir, it should have ended with Rarity being sentenced. I suggest the Random tag.
Right in the feels
This is.. I don't hate you, but let's just say you're not invited to my next birthday party.
I don't wanna give a favorite, but your first eleven chapters were so good that I must.
That pun was horrible. Horrible. Nauseous.
... I'm giving your a favourite in spite of it.
5154673
Ooh, I've read that series!