• Member Since 19th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen June 9th

chrumsum


the wankstain formerly known as Chromosome

E

At Ponyville's school it's time for work-placements, a practical assignment where the pupils learn what life in the real world is like, and the citizens of Ponyville get free labour.

Part of the pre-reader Secret Santa Fanfic project. Each participant submitted their own prompt for a story, and they were then anonymously redistributed. We had five days, and under 10k words to tell our story. I cranked this out while juggling exams and haven't proofread at all, so don't expect too much.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 19 )

At Fluttershy's day job, i broke down in laughter and decided to celebrate Friday night and this excellent fic with a drink!

Soooo fluttershy runs a gang of pan handling street urchins :rainbowhuh:

That said, I lol'd

LMFAOROFL :rainbowlaugh:at fluttershy's day job it is always the quiet ones that you have to watch out for. nopony would expect her to run an underworld type operation

I'm actually glad it's not that long. I could use more bite-sized reads. But, it'll have to wait. It's 3am and I should really get to sleep.

Fav'd for later

"“And remember, there will be a test on our sexual education unit at the end of this week!” said Cheerilee with her trademark smile to her class."
i39.photobucket.com/albums/e181/Author-Man/sweetieeyebrows.gif

Excellent idea, beautiful execution. Got the thumb, needs the feature. Naow!

Yes. Fluttershy leads a group of panhandlers?

I can totally imagine her going postal on ponies who don't give her her cut.

Well done, though I can't help but feel bad for Scootaloo. :fluttershysad:

Wait, that's entirely the emoticon. It's all your fault, vile exploiter of the parentless!

Hah, I love what you did with my prompt! I can't help feeling sorry for Scootaloo and Featherweight though...

Did you know that this isn't the first time (depending one when the story is set) that Applebloom has... done the job that she does in your story? Go take another look at [youtube=Ea6oosWVG0U] :D

754235
But that was grape juice. This is "grape juice". :ajsmug:

Madness. Delicious madness.

Fluttershy's job is being drop-dead adorable 4 moneys.:yay: You have chosen wisely, young Scootaloo.:scootangel:

Very nice. I got a kick out of it, especially the "grape juice" bit and Sweetie Belle yelling a bunch.

And it opens with sexual education. How snazzy.

You called Featherweight an "anemic colt." I actually laughed out loud at that.

I feel as though I'm reading some implications between the lines of this fic already, and many of them are sinister.

Somebody needs to fix his em dashes.

I like your tendency to cast Sweetie Belle like she is: a fluffy bag of dumb bricks.

Oh god. Cell phones in Equestria? Really?

A lot of these scenes are hingeing on playful revelations of the pony cameos. Not sure what you're aiming with that, but it's s'all good.

lulz... Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash: Best conversation ever.

Okay. Fluttershy's "day job gag" officially broke the fanfic. It's hilarious and all, but the rest of the story had damn well better be even more kaizo or that bit is gonna stick out like a sore thumb.

Oh shit, son. The hoof-rest. Lulz.




Alright. So, uhm. Yeah.

This is by no means a bad fic, but it does feel a tad bit disjointed. Like, the first half of it is very subtle, and then the Fluttershy part and beyond is really ridiculous. It's not a stupid thing by any stretch, but I feel as though the story could have been just as goofy as the last part all throughout and thus made us better prepared for the final scene's tone.

I suppose, in a lot of ways, it shows that this was written rather spontaneously and with little time. There were more than a few typos, and several words were repeated in subsequent sentences. Also, I have a hard time detecting a legitimately provocative message or point to the whole story. Yes, "The Real World Sucks," and as such you could write about potentially anything. But the plot amounted to three half-finished vignettes, only one of which really made me guffaw both inside and out (Scootaloo's).

Still, I enjoyed this immensely, and would like to see more dark humor from you. I'm still reeling from the Fluttershy "day job" thing with Scootaloo. That was horrible and brilliant all at once. I feel like it deserves a comic or something.

Thanks for writing
-SS&E

Fluttershy is Fagin! :pinkiegasp:

Oh yeah... and that bit with Featherweight was hilarious, too.

:rainbowlaugh:

This is highly amusing. Scoots approves. :scootangel:

I have to agree with SS&E. A good fic but Fluttershy's part crashed the subtle humor with a force of a wrecking train. :rainbowlaugh: It got kinda ridiculous from there.

Poor Featherweight.

Otherwise, hilarious!

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

That was marvelous. :D

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!