• Member Since 3rd Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Yesterday

protractror


I write stories, I hope I'm getting better as I go. Watch out for unfortunate go time and Home Alone, not my best works.

T

Ponyville, has been such a safe place for so long a time that the residents have forgotten what danger truly is. But the dangers of the world haven't forgotten Ponyville. With Celestia away on royal business, an ancient evil decides to strike. Can Pinkie stop it before it attacks Ponyville? Can she even function? A two parter in defense of Pinkie Pie, with a dramatic conclusion!

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 9 )

Hmmm, a little... odd, but also interesting. I'm tracking!

This is really good and well written. I'm tracking :pinkiehappy:

PFT

hmmm... potential for a high rating, but we'll see with part 2...

Poor Discord, that bush really must of been a boring entertainment system.

Okay! Here I am to leave that long-winded review I promised.

First, I think this story's great strength is its originality. It just feels very unique, both in terms of plot and atmosphere. This version of Equestria feels an extra bit mystical and mysterious to me, which I liked. I really liked the little prologue to the story, too, how it set us up for the events ahead and the little overview on Pinkie. I liked how we just got glimpses and fragments of information about the Demon and much was left unexplained. I think that added nicely to the mysterious atmosphere.

To get more specific, I liked the very first sentence and very last sentence of Chapter 1. Always good to go in and go out with a bang. :pinkiehappy:

In chapter 2, I really liked Rainbow Dash. I liked how she couldn't stop watching as Pinkie ran and kept shouting commands and encouragements at the viewing screen. And I LOVED Rainbow's faith in her: "I don't want to see her get captured. I want to see her beat him" That's just some great Rainbow Dash right there. Angry, defiant, loyal to a fault. LOVE. Similar feelings when Twilight and Dash discussed how Pinkie kept looking up at the sky, looking for Rainbow to save her. That was such a bittersweet moment.

This entire paragraph was a love letter to every Pinkie Pie fan:

"Looking around, she decided that if she was going to go out, she was going out in style. Her smile came back to her, and she was suddenly back in her element. She looked at the black smoke cloud coming her way, and her whole body changed. Her back straightened, her hair poofed and her smile was one of sly confidence. With a subtle humming she waited for her greatest fear."

Awww, yeah. Pinkamena Diane Pie is 'bout to MESS you UP.

And she does it with a song and dance number. Because she's Pinkie Pie, and she's amazing. LOVE the climax. It's brilliant and perfect, and it makes me love PInkie even more than I already did, which is kinda impossible and yet, there you have it. Also, I liked the Pinkie and Discord relationship here--well, "relationship" is probably too strong a word, but you know what I mean--that Pinkie sympathizes with Discord, and Discord seems to get a genuine kick out of Pinkie Pie.

Okay, now for critique: I think two main plot points could have used some revision. First, I wasn't sure about Pinkie waiting so long to go to Twilight about her twitchy senses. It just felt like she'd go sooner. Second, I'd wished we'd had more foreshadowing about Discord before he entered the story--it just felt like he came out of NOWHERE. The foreshadowing wouldn't necessarily have had to have mentioned his name, but maybe just a bit about Pinkie having a plan to beat the Demon and a vague outline of what the plan might be.

Beyond that, I think the ending could have been expanded a bit--in particular, actually including the dialogue between the reuinted bearers of the Elements of Harmony instead of just summarizing in a paragraph. The ending felt kind of abrupt, overall. But I did like Pinkie's sympathy for Discord--that felt in-character, and it was nice. Other than these things, there was just some of the same stuff I mentioned in my most recent review on "Rainbow and Clyde," which, again, is nothing that a solid editor couldn't take care of, no problem.

But overall, I really, really liked this story. The plot was original, the pacing was good, the characters were well-written, and Pinkie got to save the day. What more could a Pinkie Pie fan desire? :pinkiehappy: You do some really interesting things with Pinkie, and I always enjoy reading your Pinkie stories. Thanks for writing and sharing this.

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Sorry I took a while to reply to this, I guess when I first read it I was so glad I just sort of forgot to reply. This story was actually my first real attempt at fanfiction until I shelved it to move onto belated birthday, and it's nice to see people reading the idea that made me first want to write this type of stuff.

I totally agree about the ending needing expanding, I have a terrible habit of wanting instant validation for my writing and doing an entire chapter in a night. This leads to endings that are just there so I can publish them. If I ever rewrite an old story, it would be this ending.

I also see what you're saying about Twilight and Discord, especially the Twilight issue. Anyway, Thanks for the review and now for the plug!

This was very entertaining to read, it kept me hooked until the end. I loved it :pinkiesmile:

A sweet thing, at least at the beginning :rainbowkiss:! Definitely felt warmth!..

Things could have been better: the writing feels immature, and the finale is executed... uh, somewhat poorly. But I do also feel a devoted fan behind this fiction! And that's sweet!

Randomness... Randomness saves the day!.. That's weak. But the build-up! Good!..

Well, we've been entertained. Let us proceed!

Oh, but bookshelf-adds must be performed first!

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