• Member Since 19th Mar, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 16th, 2023


the wankstain formerly known as Chromosome


For so long I've been living life like a marionette on its last string. Only one thing kept me from falling into emptiness. That one thing that kept me going. It gave me a reason to pretend that life still mattered.

Only one pony in the world ever showed me a speck of kindness when I never deserved it. And now she's gone.

I'm falling, and the only thing that scares me is what I'll find when I hit the ground.

(Comments contain spoilers.)

A big thank you to PresentPerfect for his tireless help in editing this fic.

Chapters (14)
Comments ( 193 )

Oh lord that's some big text at the end.

Something epic begins.........

This is feeling nice and noir-y.

Aw man, here we go! Liked and faved before I even start! :pinkiehappy:

Edit: Wow...Just...Wow... Masterfully done. Please don't waste anytime making the next chapter! I MUST KNOW WHO DID THIS!!!

Cheers, mate! Fixed it up.

Associated art makes it look like a companion piece to Sparkle's Law. I'll have to read this later.

Oh my god, I want to narrate this in a gravely voice badly.

Oh my god, I want to narrate this in a gravely voice badly.

When in doubt, have a man come through a door with a gun in his hand.
- Raymond Chandler


Looks good. Some odd clues about things and other things. I can't say I like the premise, but I do enjoy the style and writing. As is usual with your stories.

Well, Rarity is an obvious suspect, given the dressmaking materials and them gems. Narrator also suggests that it might be intentionally messy (implying that it would be an otherwise tidy crime)

I’m going to find this bastard and see him burn.

The narrator assumes the perp is male? I mean, the fact that she died legs splayed out kind of implies a rape situation (which I'm honestly hoping not, cause that's one flavour of Dark that I hesitate to touch with a ten foot pole), but even then it wouldn't necessarily be limited to a specific gender. Can't say that's too professional on the inspector's part.

Sideways, huh? Weird name, but it works quite well. I suppose that he or she has a sideways approach to investigating? Also, again, are males more likely than females to commit crimes in Noir Equestria? That's twice now that Sideways has referred to the perp as "him" without any prior evidence.

momma threatened to cut of everything


2693606 I'm pretty sure that has no meaning, people do that all the time, woman would use the word 'her', guy would say 'him', but that doesn't mean they think it's a guy or a girl. It aint good to assume either way, especially when you're a detective. It's just something that everyone does.

2694417 It's possible that it could be gender projection, but we don't even know the gender of the detective/inspector yet, so we can't conclude it's a personal-perspective bias. More investigation is required :twilightsheepish:

2695897 Gender projecting, that's what it's called, thanks. Always wondered what doing that was called.

2695973 I actually have no idea what it's called, but if the glove fits...

Pretty awesome so far, man. Buckled in and waiting for more.

It's not fair that this isn't being recognized. Where is everyone? This story is awesome! :scootangel:

I think this would make for some fitting noir music:

Well, for one, it's not something everyone would like, and for another, it's not yet been sent to EqD. Hopefully once this is all wrapped up I'll make that happen. That being said, thanks!

I liked how you balanced the interactions between Sideways, Luna, and Celestia. You gave each a chance to show their steel, without putting any of them firmly in the wrong or tossing the idiot ball around.

As a plus, we have Luna vouching Sideways as being male. (was wondering how long that hook was going to last)

Chromosome is one of the top bestests writers on this site. It's a real shame he's not known more.
Hell, I still come back to read Anno Domini every other week.

Well, Sideways, let's hope you didn't bite more than you can chew (Celestia's flank is known for its generousness).

And Chromosome's back with a vengeance! Gripping as usual and tracking as usual.

Aha, so it was indeed one of the Cakes' knives. Interesting. At least we have a lead, now.

Hmm, it's not often that you hear someone get called a psychopath in serious, non-derogatory manner. Proper use. I like it.

She desperately felt she needed to make something, huh? I can understand and respect that level of focus and dedication.

If she ran straight upstairs, then she probably didn't pick up the knife herself. I'm kind of wondering why windows haven't been addressed yet (I mean they did pull back the blinds in ch1, but no mention of whether there were broken or undisturbed locks), because that'd be a primary entrance point for pegasi, or for unicorns that could teleport.

Bakers need knives to cut the cake. Or the... Pie.

Gummy gives me a few more friendly chomps, chirrups, and ambles away. He does a little circle around the carpet in the foyer, and takes a seat in front of the door. It hits me why he seems so chipper. Ignorance is sweet. And so he sits and stares.

Waiting for Pinkie to come home.

Oh god that's just sad...:pinkiesad2:

Woah. Coming into this chapter I had it figured that Sideways was going to (officially) get off the job but continue the investigation off the books. This is probably better in the long run, though, the scenario I was expecting might be a little cliched.

Oh my god. Poor little Gummy...

The atmosphere of this story is making me try to see how everyone could possibly be a suspect. Which is the point of the genre, I suppose.

It was in the bedroom, with the knife, that much we know....(shameless Clue (or Cluedo, depending on where you live) reference).... but who did the deed? Who was behind it? Did the Ponyville PD pull a log from the train station of any out-of-towners who might have arrived in time for the murder? Or, for that matter, the Royal Guard once they took control of the investigation (for the most part)? And how did the Cakes not notice someone going into their kitchen and taking one of their knives? Considering that they were working on a "big order", they must have been spending 90% of their time in that kitchen. It's hard not to notice someone coming into a work space if you're working on something important, because in the instant that they walk through the door they become a distraction.... so maybe it was one of the Cakes themselves? But... why? And the door had to be forced open, so unless the perpetrator was allowed in and locked the door behind them, they must have had an alternate route of entry.. the window? So a Pegasus, or a Unicorn, or an Earth Pony with a knack for climbing... So this was almost definitely premeditated, looking at how it's estimated that the murder took place "just a bit past midnight" and the nature of the wound on her neck.

Damn, okay, that's a lot of speculation up there. I'll just wrap it all up now and say that I am so eagerly awaiting the next chapter. This story is like none other, it's just amazing.

Absolutely loving it so far, at least as much as one can love a story about Pinkie Pie being murdered. The tone and pacing are excellent, and it also works as a homage to the detective genre, but what I liked the most was how you deal with the protagonist. His voice is very sharp, and there is a sense of realism to him. It is very commendable how you managed to strike a perfect balance between a character that is unrelatable and unlikable, but still very sympathetic – It is certainly a gamble for a story so dependent on the narrator, but you hit the jackpot, and it certainly paid off. Furthermore, you do it all with essentially no descriptions, integrating it all very organically in the story. It has certainly been a while since I read your other stories, but I get the feeling your style got a lot more dense and compact – at least on this one.

There is also, in a way, a strong sense of "color" during the whole thing. Of course, it is all text, but during the whole fic I have a very striking image of a world in grey, broken by the occasional splotches of color (The blood, Pinkie's coat, the guards armor, etc.). Maybe it is just me being overly analytical, but I get the sense that the things in "color" are those that break the monotony of his world.

I'd rather not comment on the (still nascent) mystery, but I am getting good vibes about the whole thing. Despite the overall quality, I believe that the ultimate test of whether the story fails or succeeds as a whole depends on that, so I am waiting with great anticipation to see how this will develop.

I'm glad you do enjoy the protagonist, because he was easily one of the harder parts to this story. It was super easy for him to go off and turn into something else, and so his character was the hardest bit to get right. The most important part was, as you mentioned it, striking a balance between unlikable and sympathetic. He's a rough guy, out of his element, and he's on a one-way street, which leaves him as harsher than he'd like to be.

As for the condensed writing, that came from the fact that a lot of noir comes from what isn't said rather than what is said, so it's super important to have some punchy phrases and metaphors to leave an image even after the period. I think writing noir is going to help me trim the fat from my fics in the long run, which is always great.

The mystery... well, I can't spoil it, but I can tell you that many of you guys are going to HATE me for it. A lot. I'm going out on a limb, and I'll just have to see what happens.

I've got to get ice to stop the swelling reading 'Pinkie Pie is Dead' left on my head. Very shocking, had to ignore it while reading the rest of the story that lead up to it. Will continue to read.

2712164 And some nice flavours of it, too. Mmmm, Lemonade.

“I... uh... Princesses. Sorry about the uh... I didn’t know you were here,” I say, lowering my head in an uncomfortable bow. The Chief sighs, surprised I’m smart enough to humble myself. Princess Luna is less than amused. She pushes back a lock of her glittering mane in disgust.

I read so many story where the antagonist, or if not the antagonist, that one character nobody likes, acts like a jackass before being put into place.

I found it interesting, unique, and even a bit ironic that you make the protagonist the one who is put into that position instead.

Really like this story, thought the chapters were pretty short at first, but I think it's good enough honestly.

Damn, this is heavy. Seeing grief through the eyes of someone so world weary is always hard...

I love the little details you throw in. It makes it feel almost real.

I know how you feel Fluttershy.

Man, Fluttershy's a bit creepy. Loving the regular updating.

No...No! Rarity?! There's got to be something else....someone who knew she was mad at Pinkie? Made her a scapegoat? Rarity would never kill Pinkie Pie!

....Would she?

Shit, this story keeps me on edge!

Well that's just damn odd, and seems unlikely.

But surely she'd be picky enough to actually clean the knife if it was her?

Plot hole Alert! (as in plot hole, not a** hole)

Like the person/pony beneath me said,

But surely she'd be picky enough to actually clean the knife if it was her?

I don't think Rarity would be that stupid to randomly leave the bloodied knife as it is. :unsuresweetie:
She'd clean it.
"She didn't have time" you say?
Well then wouldn't she put it where it's hard to find. I mean, seriously, if you know a detective is PROBABLY going to come to your house since you're her friend, AND you're the only dressmaker in Ponyville.:twilightoops:

It all connected and made sense until this point, so maybe you should change the chapter a little to make more sense, but keep up the good work!

this seems too clear cut :unsuresweetie: something more must be afoot

Max Payne inspired?

Maybe she dropped it in ketchup...:unsuresweetie:

Up until now I was thinking Pinkie killed herself, accidental or on purpose. That may change...

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