• Member Since 25th Oct, 2011
  • offline last seen Apr 5th, 2022


[center]I have no idea what I'm doing.[/center]


It is the day of the Summer Sun Celebration, and Princess Celestia is coming to Ponyville. Twilight Sparkle is overseeing preparations yet again, and has meticulously planned every last detail to ensure that everything is perfect for her mentor's arrival. Nothing is going to go wrong.

Except when the big day comes, Twilight has gotten four hours of sleep and Fluttershy is nowhere to be found. Pinkie Pie sets off after her with nothing but a dark coat and the voice of a chain-smoking stallion, and the Apples and the Carrots are at each other's throats while Rainbow Dash is attempting to fill in for Fluttershy.

As her plans collapse around her and Ponyville descends into chaos, Twilight Sparkle must focus on obtaining the one thing that can set everything right: the all-powerful, awe-inspiring magic of caffeine.

Six Star Equestria Daily Feature

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 183 )

This was a lot of fun to write. Let me know what you guys think, and which genre you want me to attempt to write next time I decide to take a break from Ponies Make War.

You are a writing god.

#3 · Nov 25th, 2011 · · ·

Sir can you write me some babies

#4 · Nov 26th, 2011 · · ·

I am Commander Sheperd and this is the greatest fucking thing ever written. I want to bear your children. I will find a way.

My god that was awesome. Send it to Equestria Daily.

Ok, time to read some ponnnnNNNNUOH MY GOD THAT IS LONG. :twilightoops:

welp, better get started

Hopefully you find it worth your time! :pinkiehappy:

I love you!!! /)^3^(\
The Apple Vs. Carrot feud was amazingly epic!

#9 · Nov 27th, 2011 · · ·

All of my YES!! The end is what made it for me.


Immense lulzity.:pinkiehappy:

Holy crap that was SO AWESOME

This made my week.

#13 · Nov 27th, 2011 · · ·

That was, without a doubt, the funniest, most excellently written story I have read in a very long time. Words cannot express my love for this fic. :rainbowkiss:

LOVED the Kanye West reference! I laughed at every turn of this story! Very nicely done!:pinkiehappy:

Oh, um :yay: yay

#16 · Nov 27th, 2011 · · ·

I want to say that this is one of the best things ever, but I don't want to limit myself to time and therefore space and universe.

So I'm forced to say this is one of the best things.

#17 · Nov 27th, 2011 · · ·

So painfully absurd... my smile muscles hurt. Aww man, that description of the slow-motion coffee cup fall. That was the highlight of the story. Still laughing. All of it was brilliant. I beseech you, whatever you may be, god or demon, I will pay in premium untainted human soul for something of this quality and comedic mastery again.

AestheticB, fantastic job, and here's to hoping lightning strikes twice in the future.

Detective Pinkie is best Pinkie.

This was amazing, and I want a sequel.

The end made my night. Very well-written comedic story. :)

That may be the best fic I've ever read. Top five at the least. :raritystarry:

#22 · Nov 27th, 2011 · · ·

Congratulations. You win fanfiction.

That is a five-star fanfic, right there.


“Ahm real happy for you, Carrot Top, and Ah’ma let you finish, but apples are the best food of all time. Y’all hear? Of all time.”

And that's when i lost it...

I f-in love ya


It started out fun enough, but when you came to the "who's on third?" thing with the Apple sisters I lost it. Not only was this fun in so many ways, it was also a surprisingly coherent story given the chaos that ensues through it.

:rainbowlaugh: OH MY CELESTIA THAT WAS AMAZING. Extremely well-written and effing hilarious. I haven't laughed so hard at a fanfic in my entire life! This made my morning. I'll be watching out for more of your work in the future. Fantastic job!

This... was awesome
Make it an episode!!!

#29 · Nov 27th, 2011 · · ·

This story made my laugh like a bucking lunatic :rainbowlaugh:.

Where to begin? Okay, first of all, it is well written (which is always a plus :raritystarry: )

The characterization of each and every pony is over the top, yet somehow still spot on. Pinkie Pie takes the cake, however, with her noir vibe and I imagine her detective voice is similar to that of Max Payne or Batman from The Dark Knight.

The jokes, oh my god, the jokes. Kanye West would be proud, I guess :coolphoto: . And Shakespearean-level of feuding families? In my MLP: FIM fanfic? AWESOME!!!!! :pinkiehappy: . And yes, the slow motion sequence at the end is pure comedy gold :pinkiecrazy:

All in all, a very good fanfic, one that I'll be reading over and over again in the future whenever I need a good laugh.

Oh, btw, English is not my first language, so I just hope you could understand what I'm trying to say :scootangel:

This fic...
It was amaz...
I mean, it was...
I’ve got nothin’.

Oh man, this was golden. Excellently written (I spotted a few misplaced italics, but nothing major), great plot, the characters were over-the-top while still holding to in-universe personalities, and the *humor*. I can't even pick out a favorite part. My god, it's full of win!

5/5 and free gold stars for life.

Im just in love with that moment where even discord would think "that's too much chaos"

Very good story

#33 · Nov 27th, 2011 · · ·

Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that coffee is amazing. That, and all of my friends are lunatics. I recommend they all be sent into a mental institution, and that I be placed on a heavy prescription of medications to prevent me from burning down everything in sight.

Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle

That was really great. I was expecting Celestia to be the one to catch the coffee at the end, though.

i loved this!! You need to wright about what fluttershy did! Even tho it would take away some of the humor on that part, i just think it would be epic! :heart::scootangel:

Celestia has been dethroned. With this story, you now rule all of Equestria.

I humbly bow myself down to the superior writer.

That was the most constructive waste of time every. Congrats on a great story. :twilightsmile:

And then Twilight was sent to the moon :trollestia:

normally i hate it when writers take a break like this, but i must say. this is very, very good

now i find myself wishing that the other writers i follow would write a comedy everynow and then.

thank you.

No, I don't know's on third, who's on first!

This is great. I mean, MY GODS, the pacing of this story is excellent, both in the way that individual scenes are set and how it all fits together into one climactic trainwreck. The evolution from various subtle amusements to outright hilarity is most effective.

By the way, that scene of Applejack going "To me! To me!"... Is that a reference to something? I am vaguely reminded of a similar scene in A Song of Ice and Fire, but I'm not sure whether I'm misremembering.

I liked this a lot. Applejack's parts were especially good. Dramatic battle scenes with fruit and pastries make me giggle.


At least it was not Magic Kindergarten .

Your smile muscles hurt? That's good to hear, I wrote this fic mainly to cause others physical pain. I feel I should mention that there is no such thing as an untainted human soul, and that I suppose I can make lightning strike again wherever I tell it to. Right now, I'm thinking Canterlot.
That said, don't expect something along the lines of Applejack's Axiom or Pinkamena's Corollary for another month and a half at least. This fic was the result of me writing down every funny idea I had for the mane six in a notepad over the course of about three weeks before I ever started writing. Then I took the bits that I felt would fit best together and pounded this out in about a week.
First thanks for the extremely flattering praise. Second, I feel I should say that your comment is perfectly understandable. Everything about it says that you have a strong grasp of the English language.
I loved writing this story; It let me do things I could never get away with in Ponies Make War, where comedic relief has to be sparse, I can't exaggerate characters so much, and every event must follow logically from the next.
When I wrote this I very much intended to start off, well, [Normal] or [Slice of Life] in a way that mimicked the actual show. I figured slowly jacking up the comedy would let me do some ridiculous things without breaking the suspense of disbelief. Thus, the fic slowly descends into audacious preposterousness, much like this sentence.
While I wasn't aiming for a direct reference with the "To me!" like I did with batman and Kanye, Song of Ice and Fire is still bang on. I was definitely thinking of the secene in Dance where Asha Greyjoy is ambushed in the forest by some of (Either Stannis's or Bolton's men, I can't remember.)

I think I will forever worship you as the god of fanfics.


Uh, yeah- you need replace Meriweather Williams.

I didn't catch the Kanye reference. Can someone point it out to me?

This is just wonderful! What a fun hour-long special episode this would make!! If there's a way to submit story ideas/scripts, find it and do it!

Nice fic, one of the best I've ever read, and was that a powerthirst reference that RD made about the birds? Very nice.:eeyup:

My God! It's full of stars! :twilightsmile:

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