The Cakes have received a special commission: making some of the desserts for a global conference which will be hosted by the Diarchy themselves. As such, they're a little nervous about creating the right dish. And so after consulting a very old book, they're going to make something which nopony has seen (or smelled) for a very long time, a cake which requires one extremely special filling.

A very old book, the Princess, and a certain fruit.

Combine, then bake recipe for disaster for one day on low simmer.

(Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.)

This story is a sequel to Cart-ography

Every Barnyard Bargains comes with its own set of paperwork: this includes business licensing, sales tax certificates, and employee records. And every franchise separately files and renews the appropriate documents in their own jurisdiction, as needed -- until this year, when some unknown genius decided it would be more efficient to have just about everything done in one place. Mr. Rich, who would never ask anypony to go through something he wouldn't deal with himself, will need to hang onto several things in order to get this accomplished.

His documents.
His identification.
And, as much as it can be hoped for, his sanity.

(While this story takes place after Barnyard Barge-Ins and Cart-ography, no knowledge of those events is necessary: it can be read as a stand-alone.)

Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.

Twilight Sparkle has led a good life. She's become a princess, been on lots of adventures, made a lot of friends, and read a lot of books. A pity the books don't love her nearly as much as Twilight loves them, or she might not have been killed by one. But it's alright, this skeleton fellow talking to her seems nice.

Twilight Sparkle has led a good life.

Her death may be even better.

At least she has books.

A crossover with the Discworld series.

Pre-read by RTStephens, The Albinocorn, and FanOfMostEverything

While trying to run an annoying intergalactic pest out of Ponyville, Derpy and the Doctor end up in a whole other universe. Strange, but not unheard of. The weird part is the new bodies that came with the trip. The even weirder part comes when the Doctor meets the locals.

He always did wonder whatever happened to Sunset Shimmer.

There's a crime wave gripping the sleepy town of Apple-Morepone, and nopony on the City Watch seems to care. Corporal "Rainbow" M. Dash naps through her patrols, her partner Dobby is an infamous kleptomaniac, Captain Rhymes is a drunkard, and the entire Watch is a group of burnt-out misfits.

They're about to meet a batpony (adopted) by the name of Carrot, visiting town to return an overdue library book.

And none of their lives will ever be the same.

A crossover/homage to the "City Watch" books of Terry Pratchett's Discworld, written to be readable without any familiarity with the series (though they're excellent, and if you do read them you'll catch my Pratchett in-jokes).

Winner of Aragon's "Comedy Is Serious Business" Contest! "I was quoting this offline for days, forgetting where I was remembering the lines from. … This story made me legitimately jealous, both of its cleverness and of its funniness." –Contest judge MrNumbers

Rated ★★★★★ by Louder Yay! "The best comedy I've read in a long time."

"Highly Recommended" by Super Trampoline! (Video review here @ 09:17) "It's 13,000 words long, but it doesn't feel long, because so much fun stuff is happening."

Reviewed by Ghost Mike! "It features meticulously laboured-over prose, rhyming with actual metre for Zecora, perfectly-timed jokes and reveals that are often outrageous, a sneakily clever plot and character investment that works its magic throughout ... This is a phenomenally executed piece of work."

Other reviews: Present Perfect | City of Doors

Thank you to Themaskedferret and Caliaponia for prereading, and GaPJaxie for motivation/inspiration!

After the debacle of the Storm King's short-lived invasion and the fall of Canterlot, the former attacker, Fizzlepop Berrytwist (Commander Tempest Shadow), muses that the princesses' ability to fight was sorely lacking. Considering that she pretty much took them all down in seconds.

In order to prevent such an abysmal display in the future she has, through a few contacts around Princess Twilight, recruited the aid of a combat master who should be able to teach four princesses avoid such embarrassments in the future...

...Or kill them trying.

The last thing Applejack remembers, she was going out to tend to the south fields one day. She had just left the house and then... a blur. She found herself someplace else entirely. Loud, spattering noises surrounded her. Strange people were trying to hurt her. Her very body was twisted and wrong.

When she awakes from what should have been a nightmare, she discovers it was all too real. She's been trapped in another world, in a body that she can't even recognize, let alone control. To make matters worse, her natural Earth Pony magic is reacting to her new environment in strange and disquieting ways, intensifying to truly dangerous levels causing her to break nearly everything and everyone she touches.

Thankfully she's been offered help. A group of remarkable people is offering to take her in... assuming she can aid them in return. There's a man in a suit of armor. Another who carries a shield. One who carries a hammer. One a bow and arrow. One is a woman who lies just a little too much for Applejack's taste. And one of them is very, very angry.

Applejack will have to come to not only understand her new body and abilities, but also come to try and understand the meaning and value of honesty itself as she's put to the test in ways she's never anticipated. In this world of endless conflict and threats beyond any she could have ever imagined, does Applejack even stand a chance of finding her way back home?

Teen rating for mild blood, some death, and occasional mild nudity and lewd jokes.
Character and genre tags may be altered as necessary as the story progresses.

Nopony has heard from Fluttershy for three months. Not Rainbow Dash, not Rarity, not even Pinkie Pie. Her friends have been tending to the cottage and her animals, keeping it clean and organized, but even with Twilight's constant magic scans and a semi-constant guard search Equestria-wide, no hint has been found of where she went, how she vanished, or why she didn't tell anyone. Some ponies even think, in their darkest nightmares, that she might be dead.

Then she shows up one day, very definitely not dead, but just as definitely not the same as she was.

And does she have a story to tell. Boy, does she ever...

Coverart by Paladin.

Spike was the strangest of dragons, living his charmed life so far removed from his heritage. Knowing so much. How to be a good friend. How to be a hero.

How to have fun.

But actually being a dragon? Not so much. Barely at all, really.

Ember didn't know what to make of her friendship with the little drake, but she did know two things. Spike needed a teacher, a proper dragon teacher, to show him the way.

And second, that this was going to be fun.

The sirens are defeated and Sunset Shimmer has restored her magic. All's well and good, right?

Of course not. What begins with Sunset's friends wanting to have a very important talk with her will escalate until the fate of at least one world hangs in the balance.

Rated Teen for cosmic calamities, trace amounts of waifu theft, and a bit more skin than Hasbro is likely to show. Cover by iisaw.

The Story Shuffle short stories "Aftershock" and "Rock On" take place in the same continuity as this story. The background details of "Fish Out of Water" apply, but the story itself does not.