Explosions solve everything.
“Flee! Young Sparkle! He hath spotted thee!”
Even things they shouldn't solve.
“GAAAH!!!”
“DOOOOOOOOODGE!”
Especially things they shouldn't solve.
BOOM!
As well as problems they themselves create...
“I'd give you an A for effort if you actually showed some effort, NERD! Now pick your ass up and DODGE like a real fighter! If I catch you trying that teleport again, I'm going to teleport my currently transformed fist so far up your ass they'll have to re brand you the princess of colonoscopy!”
“Twilight! Magic takes too long! Don't try-”
“AND WHO SAID YOU COULD STOP MOVING, CANDY HAIR?! DODGE!”
“YIPE!”
BOOM!
Though, honestly? They're just fun to watch.
The... 'Game' ...had been going on for a mere forty-five seconds at this point. And so far, the score was Piccolo: 'All the points'; And Princesses: -13. Fizzlepop was barely keeping count.
The violent commotion was already attracting a small crowd consisting of guards, castle cleaning staff, and a few shocked weather pegasi. Many were confused, unsure if this was yet another invasion of the changeling nature, a revenge scheme gone mad, or a publicity stunt. However, aside from a castle tower missing a spire, the carnage seemed to be confined to the practice field. Of the three times one of the princesses had made it to the edge, Piccolo blurred into place and greeted them with a gentle tap, blasting at least one of them into a spontaneously appearing divot fifteen meters long.
“No going out of bounds. Also dodge.”
Of the four princesses currently competing in this painful new blood sport, Cadance was probably doing the best. After the initial blast from the orb Piccolo threw had blown them half-way across the field, she'd jumped to her hooves and taken to a mad sprint in an effort to spread herself out from the others.
This was both good and bad. Good in that it did spread Piccolo's attention out. Bad, because she singled herself out by accident. The resulting zanzoken caught her without her brain even firing a synapse in response before a leg interrupted her sprint, sending her tumbling head over tail.
Princess Celestia, who'd been the first to get her head about her in realization that Piccolo was serious with his death orbs, hadn't fared nearly as well. Despite being the first to bolt, she was the closest to the center of the blast and had landed in a none-too-respectable position. Taking advantage of what she thought would be a moment to recover was a huge mistake as she got up, trotted in place to shake the dust off, and greeted a certain changeling's incoming hoof.
“DODGE! Also, combat doesn't pause so you can fix your hair.”
If Celestia had heard the second part between the ringing of her concussion and the whistling of the air as she catapulted through it, Piccolo didn't know. What he did know, is that the point could further be made as he zipped into place behind her, kicked her skyward, popped up to the apex of her flight, and did the best double-axe-handle he could pull off without fingers.
Unfortunately, as flawless as his form was, the princess couldn't appreciate it, having been smashed into the ground with enough force to crater it.
“Fizzle,” Piccolo intoned as he suddenly appeared next to the shocked unicorn. “Senzu bean.”
“S-” she blinked. “Senzu bean?”
Piccolo eyed her, then eyed the crater where one disjointed white wing was twitching above the rim.
“Senzu bean,” he rumbled.
Nodding, the former commander began to trot forward, suddenly very happy this guy had been nowhere NEAR the Storm King's invasion. Piccolo returned to his work.
Twilight, with a little practice from her fight with Tirek, managed to ride the blast out before face planting against one of the guard's victory-challenge climbing towers (No wings or horns allowed). She'd bore witness as she peeled herself off to both Cadance and Celestia's folly, and watched in mute horror as her mentor was subjected to more G-forces in five seconds than she was certain Celestia had ever experienced over her entire substantial lifetime.
Concern for her near-mother-figure overwhelming her common sense, she shook off the impact and darted towards Celestia's fallen form even as Fizz began trotting in the same direction.
It was only by virtue of Luna's frantic call that Twilight realized she was under attack. The wall of green and white bearing down on her like a locomotive almost connected even as she reflexively calculated the best location a teleport would place her to be out of the changeling's trajectory for at least six seconds.
Unfortunately for Twilight. Piccolo felt the magic, felt it project to the destination, and shot a bolt of energy in that direction even as he shouted his now familiar command.
Twilight popped out of existence, and popped into her new spot just in time to see the bolt of energy growing larger in her vision, and only had enough time to shout in surprise before she was blown out of the sky.
Tumbling across the ground, Twilight just barely comprehended the berating their new instructor was giving her. A moment later, Cadance shouted something about not using magic, and it was likewise followed by berating, 'DODGE!', and another explosion.
Luna was still trying to pull herself out of her own divot. She'd only just barely not gotten her fur burned off by the initial blast, and had been flung clear of the field. However, even as she managed to correct her tumble, Piccolo was there with a snide remark and a casual backhoof that dug her in so deep into a wagon-rut of her own making, she was certain she'd be wearing a dress to hide the patches of missing fur for months.
Her vantage had allowed her to see Piccolo's charge on Sparkle just in time to shout a warning, and get front row seats to brilliance.
While Twilight picked herself up off the ground in a dizzy manner, and Cadance dove and tumbled with another small blast, Luna hauled herself out and took to the air. Clearly the ground wasn't the best place to be. If Piccolo could fly, they'd better be doing so too.
The elbow to the spine disputed that claim with a vengeance.
“AWH!” Luna gasped as her body went rigid in shock. She went down in a heap but managed to kick herself into a roll that barely avoided a stomp that would have smashed her rib cage.
“Why?!” she gasped out as Piccolo paused for a moment. “PRAY-tell doth thee strike our blind spots, THEN warn us?!”
“Because if I take it easy on you, you won't learn,” Piccolo retorted condescendingly. “Train as you fight.”
“But,” Luna gasped, coughing up a small spat of blood, blinking at it, and then continuing. “But how can we learn if we cannot even SEE thine attacks?! Thine movements thus far are so fast that the warnings of evasion cease to have valid meaning!”
Piccolo stepped back, crossing his forelegs in that same evaluating look they'd quickly learned to be wary of.
“Then why bother using your eyes?” he asked. “I'm not exactly hiding my energy at the moment.”
Luna blinked, confusion written over her otherwise pained expression.
“Hiding thine energy?” she asked.
“Time's up! Lesson over-DODGE!” was the only response she got before a hind leg folded her midsection around it.
Half a second later, her head emerged violently from the inside of the crater rim Celestia recently made. Fizzlepop looked up from where she was just administering a Senzu to the sun princess, grimacing at the shape the younger sister was now in.
“Senzu bean?” she asked.
“Please...” Luna twitched. “We're afraid we can no longer feel our tail.”
Meanwhile, several dozen meters away, Twilight and Cadance were in a huddle just behind the Victory-challenge tower.
“Okay,” Cadance began. “So he's stronger than us, faster than us, and apparently has loads more combat experience than even Shiny could pull from half the guard. But I'm sure we've got something over him...”
“Like what?” Twilight hissed. “You saw it as well as I felt it. I couldn't even teleport without him picking me out of the air just now. We haven't even been doing this for two minutes and he's practically breaking us like twigs during the running of the leaves. What is this guy MADE of?”
Before Cadance could respond, Piccolo's voice once more interrupted their musings.
“I dunno,” he began from above them. “For the longest time I thought I was a demon king... Then it turns out I'm more like an alien slug man. Though, I've fused with God if that means anything to you. That last part might be a little bit of what's causing you trouble, but then again, you ladies are really, REALLY slow.”
“GAH!” Twilight snapped in frustration. “And how do you keep DOING that?”
“What?” Piccolo asked, looking around. “This? You're just not looking up. Meanwhile, I explicitly recall saying the name of the game was DODGE!ball... Not Hide and Seek.”
He then smirked.
“So what should you ladies do right about now?”
Gulping, Cadance looked around before laughing uneasily up at the changeling.
“Eheh... Dodge?”
Victory Tower suffered brutal defeat as it was blown to splinters.