Evading Consequences
“Ow... Ow... Ow...” Luna grumbled as Shining Armor and Cadance applied a dressing to one of the many burns on her fur. “Remind me not to step in front of anything like that ever again...”
“You know,” Cadance frowned as she wove some healing magic in with her ministrations. “I think that was kind of the point.”
“I don't recall points needing to be demonstrated by explosions,” the Princess of the night grouched. “It was uncalled for.”
“Well,” Celestia, an ice pack levitated to her cheek by Twilight, commented idly. “You did try to strike him down yourself.”
“But he struck you!” Luna protested. “What else would I have done?!”
“Evaluate the situation, sister,” Celestia replied. “Even with the rough treatment, it was clear what his test was, and I failed it spectacularly.”
“Test?” this came from Twilight. “What kind of test involves punching a princess of Equestria into next week?!”
“A reflex test,” Cadance answered, putting the finishing touches on her tending. “And as much as I hate to admit it, aunty is right. It's just like the drills Shiny puts the troops through. She put a hoof forward, and made herself the first target. Isn't that right dear?”
“Yeah, that's about the size of it,” Shining replied. “Never be first. Never be last. Never volunteer for anything. Break those, and you get... Special, attention.”
Twilight stared at her brother and sister-in-law with a look of pure shock.
“But,” she began. “But that's insane! And how does it justify-”
“Be at ease, Twilight,” Princess Celestia placed a wing over her former student. “I think Piccolo means well. And we will need to learn to be stronger and faster if we are to hope to improve.”
“Yeah but,” Twilight paused, taking a moment to regulated her breathing. “But did you see how he moved? That wasn't a teleport, but I'm pretty certain it was fast enough for one. What even WAS that?”
“That,” came Piccolo's gruff voice. “Was Zanzoken.”
The green-armored changeling settled into the group silently, resting once more on his hind legs as his cape billowed in the breeze.
“And as you saw,” he continued. “It is quite effective at hitting unsuspecting fools in the face.”
“How does it work?” Twilight asked. Piccolo only gave her a brief condescending glance.
“Not saying,” he groused. “You're not ready for it. Not until you pass my lesson.”
“But-”
“AFTER,” Piccolo glared. “You pass.”
With that, the changeling turned to address the group as a whole.
“Now, if you're quite done kissing your owies and crying about how the big bad Namekian hit you-”
“Nameh-what?” Twilight interrupted.
“...” Piccolo stated, his glare intensifying. Twilight's ears folded as she ducked further under Celestia's wing.
“I'll just be quiet now,” she mumbled.
“Good,” Piccolo grunted. “You're learning. Now, as I was saying. If you're through being a bunch of brats about this, we can get started with your intense training by your's truly. I'm not going to sugarcoat this or lie. One or more of you might be killed.”
Cadance gasped in horror, a wing covering her mouth.
“Yeah, don't worry about that,” Piccolo waved it off. “If that does happen, we've got Dragon Balls on my side of the portal. You die, I wish you back, we keep training. Easy as a kick in the teeth. Just be prepared to experience cardiac arrest. It's a shock the first few times.”
Allowing a moment for that to sink in and ignoring looks of confusion, Piccolo then tossed a small bag on the ground in the middle of the group.
“Those are Senzu Beans,” he stated curtly as a few spilled past the drawstring. “They're magical. You get magical, right? You get seriously hurt, break a dozen bones, run out of stamina, or otherwise get punched through a mountain, eat a Senzu, you'll be right back in top form. No problem. However, we've only got a limited supply, so if I catch you eating any for anything else, I'll make sure you need a second one immediately.”
Piccolo spared a moment of his explanation to cast a slow look around the group. Cadance visually swallowed, and Twilight continued to hide under her mentor's wing while Luna just shot him a stern look. After a few pregnant seconds of silence, Fizzle, silent to this point stepped forward, sweeping the bag up.
“I'll hold them,” She stated.
[Removing Embed. Youtube Deleted it. Was Karaoke Version of 'Be a Man' from Mulan]
Piccolo spared Fizzle a momentary glance, nodding almost imperceptibly in approval before turning back to his four new proteges. A quick sweep assigned them in order of power and their body language shuffled that order in terms of who would need to be given the highest priority.
“Right,” he stated after a moment. “So, first thing we're going to do is-”
And then he paused, his ears twitching at the distant sound of a snare drum.
“What's that sound?” he asked. Princess Celestia responded, her ears going up as she noticed it too.
“Oh,” the elder princess replied, an almost imperceptible bob of her head. “That's just the Guard DNC Marching Company starting their afternoon practice. Don't worry, they won't interfere.”
Piccolo glanced across the field, noticing the group of ponies marching in gleaming armor. A quick power assessment measured them as non-entities even if they did interfere. At best, an extra training obstacle. Something he could make use of to throw the- His eyes caught synchronized movement in front of him and he returned his focus to the four princesses. Their tails were all swaying together like a metronome, previously imperceptible swaying now very much displayed in uncharacteristically lockstep fashion as their bodies seemed to rock forward with the distant beat the marching band was playing.
Confusion gave way to horror as he realized what was going on, even as distant brass started a crescendo.
“Oh we are SO not-”
Shining armor landed between him and the princesses, his voice snapping out melodically, and with great force.
“LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS!”
He was definitely a former commanding officer, if the pipes on him were any indication. Even Nail and Kami agreed he didn't sound bad.
“TO PROTECT! OUR WORLD!”
All four princesses were now all but dancing in place, heads clearly bobbing to the beat. Piccolo's eyes narrowed.
“Yeah, no.”
Before shining could start the next line, a brilliant beam of energy leapt from Piccolo's now outstretched hoof. It shot over the band, crashing into a castle tower in the distance and exploding with a force that made what he did to Luna look like a firecracker. The thundering blast had the effect of both drowning out the band, scattering them in terror, and making sure that he had the undivided attention of every princess there.
“Nope!” he stated with a bark. “I'm not doing that again. We are NOT going to have a musical training montage here. We're going to do this the RIGHT way. MY WAY.”
With the echo of the blast still bouncing around the mountain side, the green changeling leaned forward, glaring at his trainees.
“Any questions?”
There was no response, only stupefied gapes.
“Good,” he continued with look of satisfaction. “Now, a question from me...”
Piccolo returned to the vertical, floating up and and backwards silently.
“Which one of you wants to go first?”
Silence reigned as the princesses glanced at each other, it slowly dawning on them just what they were actually in for. Even without words, it was clear from the glances that an argument was taking place. None of them wanted to be first, and were hoping someone else would volunteer. Piccolo's frown became a smirk.
“All of you at once then,” he stated. The shocked looks he immediately received were highly satisfying.
“EEEYEEEAHH!!!!” his voice suddenly thundered with a volume that could be heard all around Canterlot. The changeling exploded into a terrifying display of fire and lightning that threw everyone near him off their hooves and backwards several meters.
“What sorcery-?!” Luna shouted into the din of rushing air and crackling static. Her shock was mirrored on the features of her fellow princesses as they gazed at the maelstrom now surrounding their new instructor.
“We're going to play a game,” Piccolo thundered from the heart of the storm. “It's called Namekian Dodge Ball. The rules are simple. If you get hit, you're out. There are two teams. The chumps, and those who are 'It'. Spoiler alert: I'm 'It'.”
“I'm suddenly very apprehensive about this!” Twilight shouted, some of her color having drained from her features. “That's... EASILY Tirek levels of power with Discord thrown in for good measure.”
“It's just training!” Cadance shouted back. “Just play the game!”
Piccolo held up a hoof, a sphere of light forming on it.
“We think he plays a bit rough!” Luna chimed in. “It occurs now that easing in is not something he understands!”
“Then perhaps we should take his advice!” Celestia shouted, turning tail and bolting as fast as she could. “Make like the wind and-”
Piccolo hurled the sphere of blazing doom towards them, a familiar shout leaving his lungs.
“DODGE!”
Buckle up.
It's time for Namekian Dodge Ball.
It's like 'smear the queer', but in Soviet Russia.
Because in Soviet Russia, Queer Smears YOU.
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Is it wrong that I want Piccolo to start chucking wrenches at them?
For those who don't get the reference
You know, the princesses are lucky that it is Piccolo training them...
If it was a certain genie with a renown peaking order, well there will be no Equestria anymore.
And so the
torturesI mean training begins!!WHY CAN I ONLY VOTE ONCE!?
*evil Cackle* YES! Whip those princesses into shape my good Demon king! YES!!
8705407
I feel your pain my friend.
Okay, so a couple of things.
First, this story is funny. Of course, I'm a sucker for DBZA. But, this actually feels like Piccolo for the most part, so props to you for knowing the source material. The situation is believable; that scene in the movie... yeah, not the princesses best showing. Piccolo teaching them how to dodge makes for a funny and interesting story.
That said, this needs a little bit of work. Primarily, a pre-reader to catch all the typos I'm seeing. Also, cut back on the Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. It was less apparent in the second chapter than in the first, but just calling characters by their names is fine.
Finally, I recommend not putting videos in the middle of the story. It breaks immersion. Technical issues aside, I'm enjoying this and hope to see it continue.
8705453
Denied
8705456
Pardon?
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODGE!
...
That is all.
I AM THE INVINCIBLE REGIS MK. V---...
Whoops, wrong show. Sorry. 😅
A second chapter in the same day!? Most excellent!
I was laughing out the whole time, too.
This is the best thing out of all the things.
Does this mean Piccolo is gay? I guess if a species is asexual the only thing you CAN be is homosexual.
8705458
Their story, their choices. You are here to enjoy the ride, not critique it. You're taking this way too seriously when it's just meant for shits and giggles. So sit back, relax, and DOOODDDGGGEEEEE!!!!!
Betting pool. Which one is going to die first?
My money's on best princess.
Um, isn't that what's going on now? Piccolo is the Queen, and he's about to smear them.
8705640
Sorry, love, but putting it on the internet means it's open for criticism.
Resisting only makes it harder.
Roll credits. *ding*
8705592
I... really want to refute this, but it's technically true...
This is glorious XD
8705666
Depends on "Best Princess".
At the moment, it would seem to be Twilight-- but a thought occurs to me.
Imagine Twilight at King Kai's. Imagine her haveing to wait a month or three before being resurrected. Imagine that said King Kai happens to have scrolls and books.
Scrolls and books about Martial Arts, Chi Training, and stuff like that which he never gets to share because for the most part all he ever gets is a bunch of lumps who can't be bothered to actually read anything, oh, no, they're all "King Kai, teach me an awesome thingy that it's pointless for me to even start to learn because I'm not Goku but I'm meant to fail anyway since I'll probably die anyhow the next time a baddie arrives on Earth!"
Thank you for your input, Yamcha. Anyhow... think about all that. And then think about Twilight with things actually explained.
When she gets back from that, she's likely to be wearing a set of Sayain armor (because Vegita won't let a fellow royal go home without proper attire), a few Capsule Corp toys (and the knowhow to fix them), and on the verge of finding the link needed to get that Super-Alicorn thing that Goku keeps insisting she can do even if everyone else including Twilight herself says that it's preposterous.
Nah... ?
8705666
put me down for a boot to the head for pinky dies first. Never liked her
Well it could be worse they could be training with this guy
They should feel lucky that they didn't get Mr Popo to train them.
Afterimage Technique for those confused.
We are.
8705458
Sorry about that. Admiral was planning on replying to you in more detail when he got home and had more time (plus a decent keyboard because fuck typing long posts on a smartphone), but he wound up going to bed instead. Fortunately, since I was talking with him, I can give you the brief version in a less diplomatic way and he can add to this later (or smooth ruffled feathers) if he feels the need to do so.
First, this is very much not a serious story, both in content and execution. He is posting these basically as he is writing, so there is minimal editing unlike his legitimately good stories (e.g. Arrow 18 here or Sleeping With the Girls off-site), and he actually didn't bother including one structural improvement I suggested in chapter 1 because this story is more of a humorous rant about the mountain of stupidity that is that appallingly bad movie than anything else (although there's no denying that DBZA makes just about anything better
). That is the fundamental reason for the technical issues like the lack of editing, and he similarly tossed in the videos because it was fun and fit in with the silly nature of this story.
Incidentally, this is also the reason this story is likely to be relatively short and simple. We were actually discussing some more complex possible plot points like having Chrysalis trying to take over again and instantly being seduced by Piccolo (who would apparently be the epitome of changeling sexuality) for the obvious shenanigans that would cause, but decided not to go down that route because it would take too much thinking for this story.
Second, drop it on the Lavender Unicorn Syndrome comment. That is the single most common piece of bad advice on this site because it fundamentally ignores the value of detailed descriptions, varied word choice, and other linguistic tricks to make a story more interesting and enjoyable. My standard advice to people who make the claim you do here is that you should really broaden your horizons with literature that uses descriptions well, and the best person I know for that is the late James A. Michener (if you want a specific novel, The Source is my personal favorite) who was a master of descriptive language and will give you plenty of fantastic examples of what a talented author can do.
8705640
Yeah, no. This attitude right here is the single worst possible thing anyone can express on a fiction site like this one, and Admiral and I both criticized you for expressing it when we were talking earlier. Criticism is essential to improve, and there is no one in the world who does not have room to improve at literally everything they do even if they are the best in the world at that particular thing. What you are doing is trying to shut down someone with valid points about the quality of the story and prevent people from improving their craft which is extraordinarily destructive because even in the case where The Albinocorn was wrong with the criticism, it still generated a useful discussion which he can learn from and improve his own understanding of writing, as can anyone else on this site who reads this exchange which you tried to prevent from happening with your comment.
8705879
Pecking order!
8705866
At the very least, they rate above a Raditz. That's, well, sort of a good thing, right?
Right?
Piccolo is so quiet and demure he dont blow his own trumpet, but he certainly Putin on the Blitz?
Being in the cartoon realms though. On the range of reality breaker to Eldritch God, where does Pinkie be, and what would be the effect of Piccolo using her as the Dodge Ball, where if every time she bounces off someone, she feeds them Fruitcake?
Be honest, you're on Team Four Star's writing staff, aren't you?
I am going to enjoy this far more than I should.
Well the princesses are going to end up with a serious case of PTSD after this is all over. I can picture them losing it when they hear the word DODGE!
Question: Are you planning on doing another story crossover with DBZA? Cause I can see Perfect Cell trying to get someone from MLP to resurrect him only to meet with failure after hilarious failure. Heck maybe he gets stuck with the Dazzlings.
8705994
We've seen Tirek's fight, which far outstrips everything Raditz did. Also, in terms of personality richness, he's a Raditz.
So, assuming the princess power levels are equal (they probably aren't), and you divide Super Twilight overall power by 4 (tirek's equal in power), they're still better than Raditz. This is not accounting for the personality quotient, which automatically ensures they're stronger even if their power level is equivalent to a sickly snail.
So, the princesses are good.
8706191
In the famous words from DBA "POWER LEVELS ARE BULL SHIT" (( I forgot who said this))
8706207
That would be Vegeta.
8705397
I believe the term is 'Pecking order', not peaking order. Peaking order sounds like something involving Master Roshi
8706191 Let's not forget that rating between Krillin and Tien, coming from AT LEAST the Cell saga arc in the DBZ timeline, means that the princesses are sitting pretty at 'stronger than any human on earth in DBZ canon' even if DBZA Krillin is weaker as a fighter than he is in canon.
This is glorious, never in a million years would I have thought that I could enjoy a MLP/DBZ crossover, but here we are. Rock on, you crazy person, and don't forget to DODGE!
How much you want to bet Ponies can easily cultivate Senzu Beans and mass produce them? Then Piccolo would have a monopoly on importing the things to Earth and be rich as fucking shit!
Yeah, something no one EVER talks about is that DEATH has NO MEANING in Dragon Ball.
First off, the Dragon Balls themselves exist, therefore making any character's death meaningless as then that literally just sets up the premise for the next ark.
Secondly, we've seen them PHYSICALLY ENTER THE AFTERLIFE! The entire reason we fear Death and Dying isn't just because it's painful, it's because we perceive it as THE ABSOLUTE END. We fear it because it's UNKOWN. Everyone in the ENTIRE SERIES has died at least once already, except for the main cast, who have been BROUGHT BACK at a minimum of twice as of the end of Z. Hell, there are characters in the filler of the Buu Saga that say that since their deaths, they've been just training non-stop for 10,000 years! The differences between a character that is alive and one that's dead in Dragon Ball has nothing to do with state of being at all. In fact, the differences the characters mention in the show (mainly the fight with Kid Buu) is that when you're dead like Goku, your energy regenerates much faster than a mortal body would, and for Vegeta, your "Soul Body" is FAR more durable in comparison. In fact, I'm surprised that everyone in Super doesn't just off themselves and just stay on Earth. It's not like Babba or Yemma can force them back into Otherworld, since Jiren's existence proves that if your number's high enough you don't need to obey the fundamental laws of the universe.
8706562
This is great. If I wasn't on my bed while I read those to chapters, I would be rolling around on the floor a couple of times. Thanks for the good laugh.
I read the comments, and I would love to see that part with Chrysalis getting seduced by big green alien. If it won't happen, well, noone will die from that.
And I have one small question: how often chapters will show up? It doesn't have to be exact amount of days, even rough estimate will be good.
8706577
Not too long. I plan to kick the remainder of this thing out over the next few days and be done with it. Last thing I want to do with a short parody is get bogged down. So One, maybe two more chapters of fun, and the ride will be over.
As a followup to D48 response to Albinocorn's nitpickery. I'm just going to endorse what he said. The story is a short, silly, parody of a parody and I'm not going to concern myself with trying to hunt down typos and other things unless I stumble into something. The videos are staying put as well.
As for 'lavender unicorn syndrome'. Like D48 said, 'no'. Linguistic diversity is actually very important in keeping narrative fresh. It's part of avoiding the repetitive use of words and keeping your brain from getting hung up on something. Imagine skimming a random narrative, and you run into a whole lot of pronoun and name use. He,he,he,he,she,it,she,she,she,she,he,he,he,he,he,it,it,its,they,they're... Do the same with commonly repeating names. This linguistic repetition turns into a mental jackhammer after a while and can actually become terribly distracting. Using synonyms, referring to characters by description, by title, or by ranks, callsigns, and nicknames breaks up the repetition.
Likewise, it's important to switch up sentence structure so as not to have a linguistic jackhammer start up in the form of sentences that have the same patterns occurring. I often find that if I have too many rows of sentence structure that are effectively the same, I try to move the 'behavior' of the narrative around to account for it. This is however, time-consuming and requires at lot more thought than just having the noun verb the adjective noun.
8706581
That's kind of sad. But even then I will enjoy it. I assume that chapters will be about the same length as the published two?
And thanks for the fast response
Amazing!!!!!!!!