Oh for the love of-DODGE!
“-cess -ighlight...”
“Princess Twilight?”
The taste of lima jolted Twilight's mind from the dark recesses of the abyss back to something more or less like a fuzzy interpretation of reality.
“Come on Princess Twilight, shake it off.”
“Yeah,” the snark of an unknown voice piped in. “Just shake off being dead.”
“Not helping.”
“I'm a guard. We haven't even gotten to PRACTICE doing that...”
“So I've noticed. Where even WERE you when I launched my attack in the name of the Storm King?”
“Badlands training. Didn't you read the opening narrative?”
“You're not related to the Pie family are you?”
“Not that I know of. Why?”
“Never mind, just help me get her on her hooves...”
Twilight's eyes shot open as she gasped for air. In a flash of warmth, all her aches and the sensation of seared skin were gone. Standing around her were Fizzlepop, a guard, and Piccolo.
“What...” she coughed. “What happened? I remember trying to figure out that energy sense and the next, fire.”
“Well,” Piccolo started. “I know you didn't dodge, considering my Ki-blast pretty much Yamcha'd you on the spot-”
“You died,” the guard interrupted helpfully.
“I'm pretty certain she was only ninety-NINE percent dead,” Piccolo glared irritably at the armored stallion. “Otherwise the Senzu wouldn't have worked.”
“Hey,” the guard shrugged. “Her heart stopped. That's clinically dead in most Equestrian medical circles.”
Piccolo raised a brow-plate.
“Most?”
The guard paused, glancing at Twilight, who was still trying to piece the situation together.
“We don't talk about the necromancer's guild.”
Even Fizz gave the guard an uncertain look.
Shaking her head, Twilight cracked her neck, glancing over her shoulder to make sure both of her wings and her tail were still there. Nothing seemed out of place.
“So what did I miss?” she asked, turning back to the three.
“Well,” Piccolo began. “Aside from thirty seconds of DODGE! Practice- hold on a second...”
Piccolo turned, casting his foreleg out and launching over a dozen bright death spheres into the air.
“DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODGE!!!!!” he screamed, then turned back Twilight.
“...Not much.”
“That's another thing!” Twilight snapped. “Ever since you got here, you haven't done anything except hit us, yell at us, and blow us up! How is that supposed to be TRAINING?!”
Piccolo frowned, casting sidelong glances at Fizzlepop and the unnamed guard. They returned the glance with a shrug and eye-roll respectively.
“Well,” the changeling finally returned. “It's worked out so far...”
Eyes turned back to where explosions began rocking the training field and yelps of the other three princesses could be heard as they all danced around. A particularly pained scream announced Celestia missing a step and getting blasted through the air.
“...Mostly.”
Twilight gaped incredulously at the carnage in the distance, her eyes slowly wrenching themselves back to Piccolo.
“H-HOW IS THIS WORKING OUT?!”
“LISTEN UP, NERD!” Piccolo suddenly boomed in a tone that would have given Princess Luna's royal equestrian a run for its bits. “MY JOB IS TO TRAIN YOU HOW TO AVOID BEING HIT! AND SO FAR! YOU'RE FAILING!”
The sudden burst of volume from the strange changeling caused Twilight to take a step back, her ears folding back in trepidation. Piccolo just continued to glare at her for several seconds. Then, without any warning, he threw his foreleg out, hoof aimed at her face.
Twilight cringed and turned her head away, eyes closed.
“What,” Piccolo's voice began in slow, segmented growls. “The hell.”
One of the princess's eyes opened as she noted that explosions had yet to come this time.
“Dodge,” Piccolo stated flatly. Twilight cringed again, but didn't move.
“DODGE!” the changeling shouted this time. Twilight still didn't move.
“DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODGE!” he bellowed in her face.
“Princess Twilight,” Fizzplepop chimed in. “He means MOVE!”
“Move, avoid, get out of the way...” the guard commented helpfully.
“It's DODGE!” Piccolo snapped angrily. “Not brace for impact! The whole point of this exercise is for you to recognize and avoid overwhelming power! To ingrain the reflex to try and avoid any and all attacks that you can so that you don't get caught off guard when some IDIOT with an axe to grind comes along and Yamcha's you!”
“And how does blowing us up and kicking us through walls HELP with that?!” Twilight snapped back, gaining some confidence. “Didn't you just say you literally nearly killed me?! I could have DIED!”
“Because it WORKS!” Piccolo growled. Then his eyes glanced to the side. “Mostly... What other way would I use?”
Twilight's confidence gained traction.
“I don't know! Throw tennis balls at us? Something that doesn't come with years of therapy and a Pavhoovian fear of a word for the rest of our life?!”
Silence reigned for several seconds as changeling and princess squared off at each other. Then, after an indeterminate amount of time, Piccolo spoke.
“Tennis balls...” he all but hummed, eyes narrowing.
“Tennis balls,” Twilight replied with a nod.
More silence, tense as a bungee cord at full extension. Then, suddenly, piccolo stood up on his hind legs, reaching for the turban on his head.
“Right.,” he rumbled. “I didn't think I was going to have to do this...”
Pulling, he removed the turban as well as his cape, thrusting them out towards Fizzle and the guard.
“Hold these for me,” he stated.
Nodding, the two stepped forward take take the articles. Piccolo let them go, and both ponies unceremoniously hit the dirt.
“Oh...” the changeling glanced to the side. “I probably should mention those are heavy.”
“Heavy?!” Fizzlepop gasped in shock.
Ignoring any further comments, the changeling turned back to Twilight. With his full physique revealed, the princess couldn't help but fight back a blush as he rolled his head around, popping his neck and cracking his... How was he cracking his hooves?
“So...” Piccolo stated in a disturbingly calm tone. “Here's how this is going to work. I'm going to start throwing my most powerful blasts at you. And you're going to dodge.”
Twilight's attention instantly went to the changeling's face.
“What?!” she gaped. “I just said it would be better to-”
“If you don't dodge,” Piccolo continued as a faint flaming aura started to build around him. “You will be annihilated. Completely.“
“But-” Twilight tried to get in.
“COMPLETELY!” Piccolo snarled, his aura exploding into a self-contained thunderstorm with energy rolling off him in spades. “And then you can sit in the afterlife for a few days to contemplate your F-minus-minus grade in combat evasion!”
“That's not even a grade!” Twilight shouted, indignation warring with raw fear. Piccolo didn't bother to argue, however, as he raised a hoof into the air and began to form a sphere of raw power that blazed with the heat of a million suns. Twilight glanced around, certain the changeling wouldn't take a shot like that with noncombatants still around her. Except the guard was nowhere to be found, and Fizzlepop was sprinting away like her tail had caught fire.
“You better dodge this!” Piccolo snarled. His leg came down, and Twilight locked up, her mind astounded by the amount of power she was looking at.
“PICCOLOOOOO!!!!!”
The new voice distracted the changeling for a moment and his swing went slightly wide. The blazing ball of doom shoot past, singing Twilight's ear before it zipped off towards the horizon. Then, with a flash that rivaled the sun for brightness, it annihilated a mountain. Twilight Sparkle let out a frigid breath as she tracked her eyes along the projectile's path.
“I... really hope nopony lived there,” she breathed in horror.
“Yeah,” Piccolo replied in almost conversational tone. “Like I said, we have dragon balls. If anyone's dead, we'll just wish them back.”
Then, he turned, looking up.
“What do you want, Bulma?!”
A large, spherical machine of some kind descended from the sky with a whine, settling onto the ground in the middle of the field. Down a ramp that snapped open with no fanfare whatsoever trotted an earth pony with a cyan mane, a purple-haired foal giggling on her back.
“Well,” she cast a glance around the field, noting the many craters and smoldering grass. “I guess in any dimension, boys will be boys. Or... I guess here that's: colts will be colts. Explosions certainly aren't any different.”
She trotted up to the changeling, glancing at Twilight for a moment before addressing the former.
“So yeah, I hate to interrupt your cathartic abuse of adorable sapient equines, but Vegeta's at it again.”
Piccolo snorted, dropping to all fours and glaring.
“And now is that my problem?” he asked.
“It probably isn't” the cyan-maned mare shrugged. “But he skipped off to some place called New Vegeta like the arrogant ass he is and took half the reception with him, including Gohan.”
“And there's a point here?” Piccolo asked. Bulma took a moment to coo over her shoulder at her foal before continuing.
“Yeah... Well, not long after, Goku popped in asking me if I knew anything about a south galaxy being destroyed. I put two and two together and realized this could get real nasty, really quick. Then I remembered you were off through a magic portal and it would probably be a good idea to let you know. Some girl named Sunset pointed me in the right direction and here I am.”
Bulma glanced down at her hooves for a moment, then looked back up to give Piccolo the once-over.
“I have to say, I'm impressed. We did seem to turn into more or less appropriate equine versions of ourselves. I could have gone for the magic horn, though. If it weren't for voice command, I wouldn't be able to control my vehicle with this level of manual dexterity.”
“Yeah,” Piccolo grumbled. “I can't use some of my techniques without fingers. So what's this about Gohan?”
“Like I said,” Bulma shrugged. “He's off with Vegeta to some planet named New Vegeta, and there's apparently something that kills galaxies going around, and I can't help but feel that with our luck, all actors are going to meet on the same stage.”
“Which means?”
“Which means,” the earth pony rolled her eyes. “Gohan is in mortal danger, and you should probably hop to it.”
Like a switch being flipped, Piccolo suddenly turned, plucking his cape and turban off the ground and donning them as before.
“Right,” he stated, his voice much more brisk than before. “New Vegeta?”
“Yeah,” Bulma nodded. “I left a capsule with Sunset, the coordinates are already plugged in. There's food for Goku and an extra shirt for Vegeta. Plus some books for Gohan. Chi Chi would kill me otherwise.”
“Got it,” Piccolo took to the air. “Bacon Bits, Capsule, New Vegeta, food, shirt, books. Got it!”
“WAIT!”
All eyes snapped to Twilight.
“That's IT?!” she asked in shock. “You come here, blow us up for five minutes, and then you just LEAVE?!”
“Oh,” Bulma stepped in. “Don't take it personally. Piccolo's just got more pressing concerns now. I'm sure he'll be back to train you more later...”
Then she turned her eyes up to the changeling, her voice becoming dangerous.
“It IS training, right?”
“You know Vegeta would be the one beating on these creatures for the sake of beating on them. Not me.”
“Right,” Bulma nodded, rolling her eyes. “Because that would totally be Vegeta. He's also not allowed anywhere NEAR the portal.”
With a curt nod, Bulma turned back to Twilight as Piccolo rocketed away with an 'I'm Coming Gohan!” shouted into the distance.
“So yeah,” the earth pony smiled disarmingly. “Sorry about that. Saving the world is kind of their thing at this point, and I keep getting put on janitor duty.”
“Oh,” Twilight lowered her head sheepishly. “Don't worry about it. It's just that-”
“Yeah,” Bulma nodded. “I know. Piccolo's idea of training is a little on the extreme side. Just ask Gohan. Speaking of which, I had a quick chat with Sunset and she said she'd get a hold of someone to take over for Piccolo in the mean time. If I remember what she told me correctly, he should have beaten me here. Something about the guy knowing all kinds of shortcuts.”
“Really?” Twilight asked. “I hope he's not crazy violent like Piccolo...”
Then the princess shuddered.
“I'm not familiar with this guy,” Bulma tilted her head to the side. “I couldn't tell you. Though it is hard to-”
Bulma trailed off, her eyes going wide as she stared at something behind Twilight. The princess noticed the look as the mare in front of her visibly lost some color. Then, a hollow metallic 'thunk' resounded behind her.
Twilight spun around, noting the guard helmet on the ground and the gu-
-the skull staring back at her.
“GAH!” Twilight jumped back.
“Hello again, Princess.” The skull grinned back at her. Twilight's face quickly matched Bulma's as she took a step back.
“Sk-” she stuttered. “Skeleton...?”
“Really?” what appeared to be a former guard looked down. “I didn't think I weighed that much.”
With a flourish, Bulma spun about and trotted back up the ramp into her vehicle.
“Yeah, I'm done here...” she snapped, leaving Twilight alone with the... Thing. It spoke again.
“Huh... Her loss. Now...”
Despite not having any visible flesh to speak of, the eyes were very much visible as it settled into an un-guardspony-like slouch.
“I noticed you have a tough time dodging,” it continued. “I'd like to think I'm pretty good at that. And if you don't mind...”
One of its eyes glinted a pale blue. Twilight felt her fur stand on end as the energy sense she was still trying to wrap her mind around started picking up several unsettling signatures.
“I'd like to give you a free lesson.”
Several more skulls suddenly faded in around the undead thing, magic brimming in their mouths.
“As a friend. For another friend.”
“TWILIGHT!” the princess heard her sister in law shout. “DON'T JUST STAND THERE!”
DODGE!
Advanced Basic Combat Training for Pathetically Passive Pretty Pony Princesses
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Wait... EQUESTRIA HAS A NECROMANCER'S GUILD?! Where can I sign up?
Also, I would consider Mr. "Get Dunked" one step down, ten steps up from DBZA Piccolo in terms of harshness.
Excellent chapter! And the new trainer was not one I was expecting!
I'm saving this story now that it is completed!
"We're gonna die....We're all gonna die.
He's the legendary Super Saiyan!"
...Son of a bitch, you put this during Broly.
*meglovaina intensifies*
8725703
Dodge Skull.
... Now I really want a prequel on Sunset meeting and interacting with all these characters. She’s friends with DBZA Piccolo, has at least interacted with Bulma, and knows Sans. Anyways, loving this story so far, it’s great to see fics inspired by that face palm inducing scene from the movie (made worse by Twilight actually starting to develop some combat skills since the season 5 finale).
This also leads into a very important question, does Sunset know how to dodge?
.....this is Sunset's buried wish for revenge isn't it.
aww, it's over. and there was so much potential left. dammit. Oh well. It was a great story.
It's over? I am most displeased.
Also, this version of the song is better:
8725758
That version doesn't have the right build. Nor does it have the hit on the bar that matches cutting to end credits.
8725716
MOAR!...please?...
So... was the reason Twilight was struggling to dodge... that she didn't know what the word "dodge" meant and froze up every time Piccolo screamed because she was confused?
That is...
Not at all the ending I was expecting.
8725877
Bye Vegeta.
But let's face it. He would NOT cope well with Equestria.
(Or rather, Equestria would not cope well with Vegeta.)
8725908 Just like I wouldn't with the Undertale world.
Well at least it isn’t Mr. Popo as several chapters would be redacted.
Short, odd, and enjoyable. I'll take it!
...wait, that's it?
8725923
“That's IT?!” she asked in shock. “You come here, blow us up for five minutes, and then you just LEAVE?!”
Preach it.
I have to agree with Twilight here. The training seems largely useless. It's just the princesses getting beat up by someone who it seems totally outclasses them. At the end of the story, the Princesses aren't any better fighters (except maybe Cadance slightly) and Piccolo isn't any less of an arrogant jerk, which is a pity, because I was pretty interested at the start of the story. Maybe this was just supposed to be a silly piece, but if there was humor here, I didn't see much of it.
Crossovers should involve more give and take than just concussions.
8725949
He... He have rhem Senzu beans.
What more do you want?
8725937
Well, you got me there.
8725949
I disagree with Twilight. Basic survival puts up the ideals of Fight or Flight. Throughout the entire fight Twilight either attempted to fight back (which is good) or stand her ground (which in this case is bad). It worked out well for the other three princesses actually realizing that you need to keep moving and not stand still. Make yourself a harder target. Anything to survive. Throughout the entire story she preferred to try and puzzle out what was going on instead of learn the lesson she needed to learn first to make all of it worth it. Dodge. It's a simple concept of not standing in front of something that could kill you.
Also the fact that at any time any of them could have said 'I don't want to do this.' at any time would have ended this story a long time ago.
8725990
Well, since your asking, another chapter of Change is Good would be great...
... is this a fucking Semper Pie reference?
... Niceee
8725998
And Piccolo would have listened?
8726013
He doesn't like quitters and more than likely would not have wasted his time with her then.
8725949
Instincts can't be taught by other people. You either have them, or you develop them. I doubt Piccolo intended to stick around for a full year to train the princesses like he did Gohan, and all he needed to do was teach them how to dodge an attack. And it was working, as we saw with Cadence. Celestia and Luna were slow learners, and Twilight was clearly bad at it.
Mmm, wish the story was longer. Didn't expect it to end so soon, and suddenly too. Any chance for a sequel?
While funny, Twilight actually has some dodge experience versus Tirek, I would have thought she'd pick this up faster. Having Cadance the quickest on the uptake though is a fun touch.
8725949
Actually, the training was shockingly effective all things considered. Even if he is trying to train them rather than kill them, Piccolo is hardly a slouch and substantially exceeds anything in the MLP setting with the possible exception of Discord. Considering all the princesses (except Twilight) can now dodge him with moderate to solid success, even Celestia can probably evade just about anything that gets thrown at her and Cadence in particular is probably about as close to untouchable as it is possible to be in the MLP setting (Luna is roughly between them).
Are you planning to create a sequel with sans? Please tell me you are going to do that. XD
8725949
dude trust me it like boxing best way to learn how to doge it to get hit. Which when will have brain tell your body that feels bad, meaning the body will now try to avoid it aka learn to fucking doge. I'm not kidding you just ask any combative contact sports teacher expect wrestling and you will probably get the same answer
Could be worse, the new trainer could have been mr popo.
Good story, trying to figure out who the new guy is though who will be teaching them.
Cannot wait for more.
Sad to see this story end.
Hey, as long as the one training the Pony Princesses ain’t Mr. Popo. NO ONE can stand him or his training methods.
Oh man, you should make one with Goku and Vegeta training the ponies next!
8726190
Sans
Somehow this leads me to wanting to read what happens after Goku comes home, decides to drag horse princesses to the Hyperbolic Time Chamber, and they finally have a teacher they would probably work well with for the first time ever.
...Mostly because badass kungfu Princesses is fun
8726230
From Undertale?
8726252
the very one
8726158
I'd like to think I dodged it
While the ending felt abrupt, I get that was part of the joke for this story. That being said a sequel to this would be very welcomed.
8725748
Are you kidding? Sunny is the dodgiest dodger this side of dodgeland. How else do you think she met so many teachers of the art of dodging?
huh, no one died... just almost died. Guess Piccolo was holding back for them.
But the big question is why didn't Twilight DOOOOOOOOOOOODGE
Nice finish. Twilight... I AM DISAPOINT.