Celestia invites Twilight over for tea and chess. Things don't quite go as planned.

"...Present Perfect unironically uses the term Chineighse here and I don't actually know if I can forgive him for that." -Obselescence!

"-- oh, no..." -Estee

This story is a sequel to Beer and a Knife Fight 2: Celestia Discovers Iced Tea

Twilight and Celestia have endured quite a lot in the course of their relationship. Now, poised on the cusp of matrimony, a sudden revelation threatens to tear their love asunder. By the end of the day, life as they know it will end. The South will rise. The fabric of space-time will be rent asunder. Words will be said that cannot be unsaid. And one thing's for sure:

There will be beer and knife fights.

tw: epic offscreen sword fights, Southernisms, super-double secret incest, convoluted plots, more than enough mind-control, and considerable amounts of trolling.

Cover by iisaw!

"Shades of Man of Steel... before everything turned into everything." -Icy Shake

Sonata Dusk isn't one to let a bad time get her down. She survived the Crusades, after all; what's one lost Battle of the Bands in comparison? Sure, she'll never sing again, but there's something freeing about not having to bend others to her will in order to siphon their power. She may have to work washing dishes at a restaurant, but at least she has her friends and her comic books.

Meanwhile, at Crystal Prep, the return of a former principal to fill Abacus Cinch's shoes brings with it strange goings-on, including students going missing and others acting strangely. And Sunset Shimmer and her friends investigate the appearance of strange energies linked to portals that pass between worlds.

Something decidedly strange is happening in Canterlot, and it's all about to come together into one big problem: the kind of problem that can only be solved by a masked warrior who wears a taco on her belt.

A parody of and crossover with the Kamen Rider series, especially Kamen Rider Decade. Takes place sometime after Friendship Games. EQG shorts may not be canon. If taco lasts for more than four hours, please consult your physician.

Rider Card template by Tri-Edge-Arts. Taco by Dachosta.

Every foal knows the legend.

You write a letter for help.

You set it on fire.

And she will appear to right all of your wrongs.

With her violence. Sweet, sweet violence.

These are her stories.

Thanks to EGStudios93 for the perfect artwork!

"...a short series of vignettes....that hit just that balanced sweet spot right between "Oh my god that's so dumb" and riotous laughter." -TCC56

This story is a sequel to Starlight Glimmer Fixes Everything

(Not an Equestria Girls story. That's literally the only relevant image I could find.)

Starlight Glimmer has gotten her hooves on Twilight Sparkle's Friendship Journal. And a time travel spell. And a Driver. And a bunch of Ridewatches. And she realizes that she could fix everything with time travel and Rider kicks.

So she does.

A parody of my entries in Starlight Fixes Everything, as well as Kamen Rider Zi-O, started before the latter ever aired. The reader is encouraged to read this and watch this (start around 1:50), and they will have as much information as they need to grok this pile of stupid. Oh my god, it's so dumb.

These losers are having so much nookie and I’m just sitting by myself reading an extremely niche and even more extremely dumb crossover.

Queen Chrysalis planned for months to finally take Canterlot for herself. Months of reconnaissance, bribery, and maneuvering to finally lower the defenses of the Equestrian capital at just the right moment. But while her stated goal was always to have enough love to feed the desperate Swarm, the reality of the invasion was something else.

The queen spawned thousands of drones, filling the sky with untrained warriors in order to marshal the greatest forces when the day of battle arrived. But then that day came, and they won. Now what? Most of those drones didn't even matter enough to earn a name, and so they will probably die unremembered. But at least one is determined to make something of herself in her queen's new world. She's determined to understand these strange creatures called ponies, and to survive the invasion no matter what.

Begins during a reimagined Canterlot Wedding. Updates every Wednesday.

Sponsored by TyrannisUmbra on my Patreon. Edited by Two Bit and Sparktail. Cover by Zutcha.

This story is a sequel to Convergence

Equestria was just a game, one of an endless number of semi-illicit online games created to take advantage of the ubiquity of cheap augmented reality hardware. But that changed, when for no reason anyone knows, the virtual population of Equestria woke up.

Two decades have gone by since then, and the world has been transformed. The former game network has grown to encompass the backbone of trade, infrastructure, and research the western world over. Its vast computational resources have given rise to an infinitely subdivided world of overlays and sublayers, coterminous with the various cities and towns within Equestria. Every person in the modern world is assigned a Synth, a pony personal assistant that adapts to their needs and helps them access those parts of the world governed by Equestria's systems.

It is a world Dakota barely remembers, thanks to an automobile accident that turned most of her body to mush. But thanks to the medical miracles created by joint equestrian-human research, her life is saved by a remarkably new series of implants.

But Dakota isn't content to sit around while her body slowly knits itself together. There are unanswered questions to answer, questions that will ultimately lead her to the oldest mystery of both worlds.

Updates every Saturday.

Sponsored on Patreon by the Illustrious Canary in a Coal Mine. Editing by Two Bit and Sparktail. Cover by Zutcha.

This isn't part of the Optimalverse, or any other established fan-universe.

This story is a sequel to The Last Migration

Accipio was once the largest and mightiest empire in all the world, with ten birds to every pony in Equestria. They swept from one side of Equus to the other, conquering and enslaving all that they found. But Equestria held, held even when Mons Ignis rose from its ancient slumber and drowned Accipio in ash. A terrible war was nearly the result, as ponies and griffons struggled for what little resources they could. Were it not for the desperate struggles of a few brave souls, surely civilization itself would've ended.

But the next generation of both nations rise with no knowledge of the past, and that's something that Equestria's Princess Twilight Sparkle cannot abide. The Migration War is transforming into myth right before her eyes. She can't stop the flow of time, but she can send a historian, to take down an accurate record of what happened while the players still live.

But as Contrail will soon discover, history isn't just in the past. Whether he likes it or not, he's about to be part of the story.

Updates daily for the first week while it catches up to my Patreon, then on Mondays thereafter.

This story was commissioned by Vilken666, feel free to PM me if you'd like one of your own. Editing by Two Bit and Sparktail, my enablers. Cover by Zutcha.

Sunset Shimmer isn't like the other Freshman in Canterlot High School. While so many others explain away the strange things that happen in their town, she knows better. There's an entire world out there, a world of magic and incredible creatures, one that she's determined to reach.

Careful study and preparation brings her to the portal in front of her school, at the last moment of its opening. Sunset doesn't have a clue what might be waiting on the other side, but she's sure it will lead her to the magic she's always wanted.

No matter what it costs.

Updates Tuesdays.

This story was sponsored by my glorious enablers Bitera and Sparktail, who also did the editing. I know I don't deserve it. Want one of your own? Drop me a PM. Cover by Zutcha.

Levi Williamson, Esq. barely even noticed as the program called CelestAI expanded its reach from a child's video game to every significant industry in the world. He probably would've continued to ignore her, were it not for a single gag gift at his firm's charity raffle. Now he's the not-so proud owner of a brand new PonyNav, the latest in vehicle navigation software for people who don't want to use their smartphones. His new AI copilot might be cute, but she's clearly more than she seems...

He's not the only one. PonyNav devices are available in all sizes, from the simple dashboard models to commercial vehicle upgrades. Every commercial PonyNav includes intelligent routing for bridges, weigh stations, and truck stops. And if you're having trouble lining up contracts, CelestAI probably has some deliveries in mind...

Updates Tuesdays.

Part of the Optimalverse universe of stories. If you've never seen a story in this universe before, you might want to try out the original first, or at least my first. None of my previous work is required to understand this one, however.

Every time I think I'm done with Optimalverse, some new idea appears. This one began as a commission for Goodluckfox, who gave me the tremendous opportunity to write a new idea in a universe I love.

As usual, particular thanks go to my editors Two Bit and Sparktail. And gratitude to Zutcha as well for the cover, in case anypony hasn't seen my stories before.